crying..

[PinkRoses514]

i find myself crying every night, sometimes two times a night because of the fights me and my boyfriend have. if i cry on the phone with him he wont even care, he'll just hang up or sometimes tell me to shut up, and that i sound stupid. this is when im most vulnerable, i never cried alot until we started dating. sometimes i feel like he doesnt care about me... does this happen to anyone else but me?

[DN]

Well, first of all you both need to stop fighting and resolve your disagreements in a more constructive way.

 

Second, crying during an argument can be seen as manipulative. It's as if you are saying "see, you have made me cry and that means I am in the right and even if I am not you have to comfort me and tell me that I am right anyway"

[ElektraHere]

Well first off if you find yourself crying all the time because of this b/f then yes something is really wrong. Secondly how old are you and how old is he? Thirdly take it from me guys I dont care how old they are get uncomfortable when a gal cries. They don't know how to react to it. They aren't sure if they should console or concede? So they run or get mad.

 

Oh yes how long have you been dating this guy?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Why stay with someone who makes you cry all the time? Is it an addiction, in a way?

[Relationship Coach]

i never cried alot until we started dating.

 

It sounds like you are better off without him. Why would you subject yourself to his verbal abuse? Don't you think you deserve to be with someone who treats you better? Crying every night is extreme in any relationship, are you always on the phone with him when you are crying? I can see where crying on the phone with him every night can get old but if this is more about you crying every night alone and sometimes when you are on the phone with him, that's a different story.

 

What are the fights about? There is a huge breakdown in communication here and it may be getting to the point where it is too far gone to save. He may be unwilling to work through problems because of your emotional outbreaks but then again this is also a "cause and effect" issue. You may have summed it up best when you said, "sometimes I feel like he just doesn't care about me."

 

RC

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

I am so sorry you guys have been having some trouble. A couple of points I like to make...some of it was already pointed out.

 

In my experience, many guys feel like dirt when a girl cries, they honestly do not know to do or say when it happens. So, they may act in a very cold and callous manner, it depends on the guy.

 

As DN pointed out, crying can be manipulative. And some guys feel that way as well and get angry when it happens. But you may be a sensitive person as well. The key is to try to stop having these arguments and try to work them out in a constructive and non-threatening manner.

 

But just to add...if this guy is constantly making you cry and making you feel bad about yourself, you are better off without him. I hope thngs work out. Take care.

[bebecole]

it doesnt happen to me because i dont let it happen to me.

you need to stand up for yourself. your boyfriend seems like a jerk. he oviously doesnt care about your feelings if hes hanging up on you and telling you to shut up. thats very immature. go with your gut feeling, if you think he doesnt care about you, chances are he doesnt. you should put yourself first and worry about how your feeling. Dont sit around thinking hes going to change and things will be different, because hes not gona change. if hes doing this now to you, you shud get out of the relationship.

You dont deserve to cry every night and be miserble. Their is someone out their who is going to treat you with the respect you deserve.

If you keep finding yourself crying every nite; heres my advioe get a notebook and before you go to sleep wrote how you feel in it. write whats going through your head and what you want to do. Like a journal. its a good way to get your emotions out

[Bethany]

Do you cry because he doesn't care about you or cry because you THINK that he doesn't care about you? Two different things.

 

Even a mother cannot stand her own child crying sometimes and it is right that it is seen as manipulation, even if they both love each other very much.

 

The trick is NOT to talk to him when youre feeling vulnerable, some emotions should be dealt with from within, especially feelings of worhtlessness and low self esteem. Neither of those things you can get from someone else.

[tylercdurden2004]

If you are fighting regularily then yes you need to figure out if its something that can be resolved in another manner. If it can then you need to decide if you are both willing to work at it.

 

As far as crying goes there really isnt a lot of info you have given us as to what is being fought about and what you are discussing so its difficult to determine if its him being nasty or you being too sensitive. His responses could indicate him being nasty but at the same time it could be his frustation because when something is being discussed you take it too personally and shut down at the same time crying.

 

There is a lot in the world to cry about however there is also alot in which some people will cry over which doesnt warrant it. For your own benefit it would be good to figure out why you cry. As others have seen yes it *generally* makes guys uncomfortable when GF cry. Guys *tend* to be more blunt and this can really come accross as being insensitive when its not at all.

 

Yes crying can be seen and often is a form of manipulation, the victim role is a source of power for some people. It is for some reason OK to cry its one emotion that is *socially acceptable* while anger is not but little true dialogue exists as to the dyanmics invovled with emotions.

 

Case in point, I have seen posters in some womens rooms that say: The Man Who Truly Loves You Will Never Make You Cry. I have always been amused and disturbed by this. Taken literally, what teh heck are guys supposed to do? Never argue, always agree, make sure their behaviours are what the girl wants, all to ensure the girl NEVER cries because of them.

 

Fine if we are talking about serious issues such as cheating, abuse etc. But this idea(of the poster) is not OK for the majority of situations. Just like extreme displays of anger are unacceptable so are extreme displays of sadness, depending of the situations of course.

 

The dynamic could be his exteme display of an emotion that is seen as more male (anger) and your display of an emotion that is seen as more female (crying). its creating an emotionally charged situation.