Can't Come :/

[InaneCathode]

I've decided to post on this after working on it myself with my girlfriend, but so far we've been out of luck.

I can't regularly orgasm with her. I can during sex but it takes a really long time, almost long enough to be physically exhausted. I can also orgasm when i'm masturbating with her (not masturbating her and me, just me). When she tries to finish me off with her hand granted it feels good, but i cant even seem to get close. Her arm/hand gets too tired after a long period of time and she can't continue.

I've tried focusing on how good it feels, zoning out in the feelings, focusing on having an orgasm, fantasizing/taking myself away from the present, none of this has worked.

I dont have a problem getting it up or keeping it up, it's just orgasming it seems.

 

Has anyone ever had any experiences with this? Is this a valid question to bring to a doctor, and are there any magic pills to fix it all for me? (probably not i know)

[PhilliesFan001]

Have you tried any kinds of, er..vibrating rings? I hear they work wonders.

[InaneCathode]

Have you tried any kinds of, er..vibrating rings? I hear they work wonders.

 

Uh, no lol. I'd like to try to fix something that might be wrong with me before using uh, toys lol.

[redrose85]

hey, vibrating things do work though. they're not just for chicks My bf is like u, takes a looong time for him to come. We're okay with that. As long a each of us get off at some point, it's all good. Sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Not to get to explicit, but my bf and I learned one drunken night that we can both get off using a vibrator. I just lay it the length of his penis and kinda hop on. It really is a lot of fun, and he came like never before. Good luck!

[Cardinal]

I really don't see what is wrong using a little assistance from toys if you need it at first. If you can do it fine when you are alone in a reasonable amount of time I don't see that you have a physical problem a doctor could help with. It would be a psychological issue if anything.

 

You could try masturbating less frequently, or if you are having daily sex, maybe aim for an orgasm once every 2-3 days or something like that. i.e. purposefully avoid having the orgasm and just enjoy pleasing her for a few days.

 

Boosting libido/testosterone levels should also lead to quicker/easier orgasms. For that you might want to get your hormone levels tested. There is a fairly direct corrolation between your levels of free testosterone floating around and how long it takes you to orgasm.

[InaneCathode]

I really don't see what is wrong using a little assistance from toys if you need it at first. If you can do it fine when you are alone in a reasonable amount of time I don't see that you have a physical problem a doctor could help with. It would be a psychological issue if anything.

 

You could try masturbating less frequently, or if you are having daily sex, maybe aim for an orgasm once every 2-3 days or something like that. i.e. purposefully avoid having the orgasm and just enjoy pleasing her for a few days.

 

Boosting libido/testosterone levels should also lead to quicker/easier orgasms. For that you might want to get your hormone levels tested. There is a fairly direct corrolation between your levels of free testosterone floating around and how long it takes you to orgasm.

 

Interesting

[itsallgrand]

Have you tried the opposite approach to more intense stimulation (toys)?

 

That would be not having sex for a while, and letting your girl drive you to near insanity sexing you up. There's all sorts of games that can be played - - -

[InaneCathode]

It's not that the sex is bad or anything, it's fantastic. It's just that i feel like i should be able to come alot quicker, or at all in some cases. It's really bugging me for some reason. Most things i can deal with or adapt to but this is really something i feel i cant just adapt to.

[Dako]

IIRC Sometimes a gentler treatment has more result. Banging away like a jackhammer can actually reduce stimulation, where a gentle caress brings some anticipation and heightened sensitivity.

 

Like a feather instead of a cuisinart.

[InaneCathode]

IIRC Sometimes a gentler treatment has more result. Banging away like a jackhammer can actually reduce stimulation, where a gentle caress brings some anticipation and heightened sensitivity.

 

Like a feather instead of a cuisinart.

 

I might try that, thanks dako!

[Ash]

Gotta go with Dako on this one. Those toys send me in the opposite direction. They feel good for a bit, then they actually have a numbing effect.

 

Some of it is likely in your head. Do you really HAVE to cum quickly? Is there anything actually wrong with enjoying the whole sexual act and not cumming every single time? I don't, and I still enjoy it.

 

It's not that you can't cum or keep it up, just that you don't cum all the time or as fast as you'd like sometimes. I don't think that's a particularly big problem, and I'd think there's nothing wrong. There have been times when I've been the same. I worried and that made it worse! It only got better when I stopped worrying and stopped thinking about it.

[fishrrshortae]

In this case I don't think it would hurt to see a doctor. Your doc may refer you to a urologist to rule out anything physical.

 

Has it always been this way for you, or is this a new problem that developed?

[InaneCathode]

She's my first everything, so i suppose it's always been this way.

[InaneCathode]

Wanna come over? lol

 

Lol sure

[cranbers]

You know I seem to have the opposite problem you do, minute man. I have never been able to orgasm doing anything other then sex. Hands feel good but no dice, same thing with oral. I like it but more as just foreplay. Anyway I would say use that to yoru advantage. Most guys can't go very long, so im sure your gf will appreciate your endurance. As for making you more senative, try some of that warming lube or foreplay for a lot longer before doing anything. Also watching dirty movies before may help as well.

[onmyownagain]

This is really funny. If a woman was here saying her man can't get her off, she would be told he needs to improve his technique, but reverse the roles and it is his fault. Maybe she just needs to learn how to do it better

[Spugly Fuglet]

This is really funny. If a woman was here saying her man can't get her off, she would be told he needs to improve his technique, but reverse the roles and it is his fault. Maybe she just needs to learn how to do it better

 

I would say that as well,

 

But most of sex is in the mind could be your heads in the wrong place?

[Majoraslayer]

Having your head in the wrong place can definitely have a negative effect on the sexual experience.

[InaneCathode]

Having your head in the wrong place can definitely have a negative effect on the sexual experience.

 

Rofl "I can't see a thing in here, hand me a flashlight!"

[princess81]

Well worrying about it to much can actually be a problem and why you are worrying about coming.

[InaneCathode]

Ok, clarification.

It's not just that i take a long time, like it's 20 minutes or so, and that i'll always get there. I dont and i can't.

It's HARD to get there, as in physically exhausting. Most the time i just have to stop because i cant move anymore.

It's not just that i want to come more quickly, it's that i want it to be easier. To be rather blunt it's a pain in the * * *.

[n83]

Inane

sorry I have nothing helpful to add to what others have helpfully posted already, but I just wanted to say, damn that is the largest smiley face I have ever seen.

 

Hope you find what you're looking for here

[InaneCathode]

I know! It's freakishly huge, and has the best expression ever

[Gator]

I would cut down on masturbating. Basically, you might be desensitizing yourself if you are doing it too frequently or too enthusiastically. The nerve endings basicaly take longer to deplolarize (fire) if they are constantly being stimulated. Yohimbe bark might help, but go easy on that. You might also want to do more cardio at the gym

[InaneCathode]

I'm getting plenty of cardio at work lol, i've lost 5 pounds without changing my diet.

I'm not too sure about the desensitizing thing. That might only apply to destroyed nerve endings