How to get past conflict

[Bostich]

Hi,

 

I am hoping that some of you may have some advice as to where I go from here. Lately, my relationship with my boyfriend has not been ideal. It isn't horrible by anymeans but it seems there have just been times when we have not been connecting properly or misunderstanding one another. Couple this with us both being overworked and you can imagine that it finally hit a wall.

 

On Friday we were meant to go out together but both ended up falling asleep as soon as we got home from work. When we woke up we were both feeling a bit grumpy and in subtle ways took it out on one another. Interestingly enough, we both felt the other one was not being as responsive as we needed them to be. Skipping through all the details we ended up having a huge communication breakdown and I suggested that I go home altogether. I did end up staying but the next day my boyfriend was completely unhappy.

 

He explained that he felt I used "going home" as a bargaining tool and trying to get a reaction from him rather than discussing things openly. He may have been right because I was so exhausted I just did not have the mental energy to deal with things, I thought there was no other option at that point. He explained that he was not feeling great about our interactions as of late and did not want to be around me on Saturday (despite the fact that we had plans). I panicked thinking he wanted to break up and this made things worse. He said that it made him sad that I would think he would leave at the first sign of trouble. He explained that he needed some time to cool down and to think about what we could do to make our communication better, and that he was just so tired of the tension.

 

Later that night we chatted very briefly on AIM and made plans to see each other later tonight. I just feel extrenely apprehensive. I still have insecurities that he wil leave. But mostly I am womdering if any of you can offer advice on how rto ease the tension? I want to have a nice time with him and I don't want to get into some heavy, emotional talk about things (and neither does he!). What are things you have done or you would appreciate from your partner to get back on track?

 

Thanks!

[Relationship Coach]

Some breathing room after a little spat like this is sometimes the best band-aid. Keep in mind a band-aid is a short term fix and sitting down and talking about your expectations of each other and the relationship is the best medicine. Your insecurities only show how much you love him and want to be with him but you need not let him see them. Showing your insecurities only gives the other person the upper hand. Respect his need for space and use the down time as chance to work things out on your end first before seeing him again. Your talk doesn't have to be deep and heavy, it just has to be honest and to the point.

 

RC