Things CAN get worse...

[BornToResist]

You dont need to put up with these games. If the apartment is in your name, as in you are on the lease, contact your landlord and tell him you want to end the lease. Pay whatever penalties you need to break the lease early if required. Explain to the landlord that your now EX is still there but you want no responsibility for the bills or for him from this point on. Your landlord can move him out.

 

I'm already out of the apartment. They came to me and told me that I could stay, but he had to go because people were concerned for me. He yelled all the time. So I chose just to give my 30 days and go live wiht my mom. That entire month was extremely hard...that's when everything turned terrible. He had his exgf calling at like 2am all the time and when I had a problem with it, he told me to leave. I did because I didn't want to be there. While I was gone, all that stuff with the internet happened. Now we're completely done with the apartment and he lives an hour away. But he still calls every day and says the nicest things to me and wants to live together again. I already separated all our stuff, and he went out and got us a storage and I told him I wasn't using it and I took all my stuff with me. You'd think that'd get the message? But no, it didn't. And I'm a sucker for him so I can't just say it....

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

Glad you are back!

 

Listen, what he's dangling in front of your face now are WORDS. Nothing more. These are the same words he gives you EVERY time he wants to try and manipulate you into coming back. Then, when he doesn't get his way, his ACTIONS come out- the terrible way he treats you.

 

Hon, you KNOW this guy is no good. Way back in your posts from before you talked about his drug use and how you could NEVER trust him with the baby, his temper and switch quick moods that are so unpredictable. He's been abusive towards you for a long time now. Your landlord was afraid for you. He attacked and assaulted someone for honking at him in traffic- that's how volitile he is. He was seeking out casual unprotected sex with strangers online this week. Do those sound like the actions of a man who loves you and wants to work it out and raise the baby as a family?

 

No, honey, they don't. I am sure you see this too. You've done awesome- he's out of the apt and you are free of it. You really need to look for an attorney now specializing in family law. Get this ball rolling and get ready.

 

You have your baby to protect.

[BornToResist]

I know. I really do have to quit all this for good. But it's still so hard, I don't know how to explain it. It is like I'm addicted. It never gets easier with him. Here's the latest...

 

His exgf was leaving messages on my phone for him since finding out that I'm pregnant. I changed my greeting (it was just the standard one without a name) and now it says my name. I had a message from her today. Here's what it said basically, in a smug, matter-of-fact tone:

"Hey this is (her name). I was calling for (my ex) but since you changed your message, I see this is your phone. I just wanted to let you know that he has been fu**ing me this entire time you two were together and he told me he doesn't want this baby with you. He tells me all the time he wants to be with me and he wants to marry me, so I don't know where your relationship stands. You know what? I love him and we have something going on, and I had him first. I think there's something messed up with him that needs to be resolved and I don't know what to say to you or him. I just wanted to let you know that yes, we've been fu**ing this whole time so do what you want with that, and I would like you to call me back."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did call her back and this is what I said on her message.

"This is (ME) and I had changed my message to get the point accross to you that (my ex) cannot be reached at this number. Apparently you didn't get that, but please stop calling. I have no interest in what you have to say, so keep your comments to yourself and leave me alone. No need to call me back."

 

I called my ex and let him have it. I told him that I don't care what she has to say but the reason I'm being dragged into this is because he's still in my life. I told him that he obviously isn't doing anything to protect my feelings so now I have to do it myself. HE'S the reason she's calling me, so HE'S cut off. I was SO proud of myself. He got all quiet (completely new for him) and just said "okay." Then he ONCE AGAIN told me that she was crazy and he said he called her and left her a message saying she's nuts and all this did was show him that he wants nothing to do with her.

 

For some reason my gut is telling me he didn't cheat on me with her. She has at no time shown any rational behavior. I really think she's just trying to get to me, but I won't let her. I don't believe him though either.

 

I know he's all words. I feel stupid saying this but it's true...I still love him. I can feel my protective instincts kicking in and I have stopped letting him get to me for the sole reason that I'm pregnant. I feel so stupid that I'm going through this because I should have stopped it a long time ago. But I feel like I'm going to continue to let it happen. SO STUPID...............................

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

Cut yourself some slack OK?

 

You handled yourself pretty well, considering.

 

Truth be told, I'd believe his ex over him, knowing what kind of guy he is. She was calling your place and he would talk to her. He's shown that he doesn't respect or love you by the way he treats you (though I don't think he respects or loves her either), and he was looking to sleep with new people not too long ago...it wouldn't exactly be a surprise. BUT.... that's not really important anymore, seeing as he is gone.

 

It's not so terrible that you still have feelings for him. As bad as he has been to you, you've been used to watching out for him and taking care of him for a long time. While that is n no way a HEALTHY kind of love, I felt similar to my ex whom I lived with who was a drug addict (pot) and an alcoholic too. He was my responsibility for 5 years, and I cared what happened to him and felt like we needed each other. I know better now.

 

It's going to take some time for these feelings to fade, but the important thing is that you are strong and are able to recognize while it's OK to have these feelings, you must not act on them... knowing that he is not good for you and that he will not change, and that you now have alot more to think about here, your baby, and as his or her mother it is your job to protect this child and that means steering clear of the ex. This stress is not good for your body or the baby.

 

You did well, you said your piece, now I hope you can back off and not try and get in touch with either him nor his ex.

 

((HUGS))

 

How are you doing today?

[BornToResist]

I did call my ex to ask if he heard anything from her, and I am taking his daughter to my niece's birthday party. That's all....

I'm excited about today, I get to hang out with a million kids. I LOVE kids.

 

I haven't heard anything from his ex, which I was surprised about. I honestly don't think it's over between her and I. But I saved all the messages and I'm going to record anytime she tries to talk to me. I will get a restraining order if it continues. I have a new cell phone, this one I don't use and is being disconnected in a couple days. No more contact.

 

I'm ready for life to start getting easier. I'm really sick of surprises.

[arwen]

Hey girl, life WILL get easier. Now that you have a new phone, you don't have to be scared of her contacting and harassing you. You can also contact your phone provider to block a person or file harassment. I think it's important you try to relax and make your life as stress-free as possible for your little one. You'll be ok, and you know that there's a place where you can always come to talk

 

Ilse

[BornToResist]

I talked to my ex last night because she called him. It doesn't really matter at this point, but I thought I'd update...

She said she was sorry for everything she did, and he told her she was childish and all this did was make it so he will never have contact with her again. They set up a payment arrangement with a different family member so they never have to talk again. Then she wished the two of us luck. He told her to never even think or speak of the either of us again. That was it.

 

I told him that I was punished for being with him when all I did was want to love him. I let him know that I warned him that she wanted us to hate each other and would do anything to accomplish that, but he didn't listen to me. I told him that when we were together, he had no respect for me or my feelings, and he continually walked all over me and put people like her above me and I can't forgive him for that.

 

That's all for now. But it feels good to tell him how it really is, and he's listening. At least it feels like he is, which is good enough at this point.

[Beec]

He cannot do much more, right now, and even if he seems to want to, you cannot let him, because you cannot trust him. Keep on as yuo are doing, and if you ever think he has proven himself, you might think about it, but that won't happen this month.

[Hope75]

Hey BTR,

 

I'm glad if it makes you feel better to get your feelings out.

 

I just hope that you are being careful and not forgetting everything that has happened. I worry that you carrying his baby and feeling hormonal and lonely, wishing things were different, is making you forget everything that he has put you through, how volitile he is, and how dangerous and unsafe it would be for both you and your baby to get back with him.

 

How are you feeling about that right now, honestly?

[BornToResist]

I haven't forgotten about everything. I'm still dealing with the pain of it and I cry daily about it. I'm so hurt by his actions.

 

But there is that thought in the back of my mind that he will change. He's showing little signs of it, and that makes me hope, you know, but I know that he's all talk. I don't know, I have mixed emotions.

 

It is hard because I am having his baby and I'm so alone...my family is here but I can't stay at that house much longer. Everyone is making sacrifices because I'm there and they're letting me know how much of an inconvienience it is. I have nowhere to put my clothes or anything, I sleep on the couch, I get yelled at if I'm in the bathroom more than 5 minutes. There's no place for me. My mother and I fight all the time and she yells at me saying "I've done EVERYTHING for you, look at what I'm sacrificing for you to be here" and that just makes me feel awful. Like I'm the big problem.

 

When my brother needed a place to go because his now-wife got pregnant, I made space for them. When I moved out, I left my bed in my old room for them to use...I wanted to help them. It just doesn't seem too fair to me and that sucks. I'm not trying to sound like "oh this is so tough, my life sucks" because it is my decisions that have lead me here, and I understand that. I just wish things were different. I can't have a baby living there. I can't afford a place by myself until after the baby is born, and it makes me long for the days that I lived with him because at least I had a place to call home. I don't have any friends who are looking for a place to go. I can't find any old roommate because nobody wants to pay half the rent to come home hearing a baby scream all the time...

 

I'm just so lost. That would be why I would go back to him. Yeah it would suck for me, but I would have a place. He would help with the baby. I would have a place for my things and not have to go to storage everyday and dig my clothes out of plastic bags. I can't have a baby like this.

[Beec]

New issue: Mom and your family. Why don't you placate them for a little while. Walk up to your mother, tell her you are sorry to be putting her through so much worry and stuff, that you wished things were not the way they are, and then say thanks, thanks for letting me be here, just thanks. Do it sincerely, and she should be fine for a little while. Show her appreciation, and it should be fine, for a while.

 

You cannot go back to him right now, you jsut cannot. He needs to prove himself. Want to give him a chance, have him help you afford a place, soon, and then still keep him at a distance.

[BornToResist]

I know I can't. I know it. I reread this thing several times a day because I should never have been put through all of this. I told him that I don't trust him and everything. He just keeps on...he says he's saving up for a place and he's going to get a 2 bedroom, so there's room for me if I decide that I want to go there...

 

BUT I KNOW BETTER!!!!! I know in my head. He yells at me, he does drugs, he acts irrationally and I left my own apartment to get away from it. Staying on my mom's couch was better than dealing with him. I never would have put up with any of this if I wasn't pregnant. All my exboyfriends treated me like a queen...I wouldn't deal anything less. But now I'm letting him do all this to me.

 

But then.......ahhhhhh. Then I tell myself that I should just watch his actions. He's saying all these "words" right now(they are JUST words) about how he's getting older and has to settle down and get his life right. I told him he has to get his life straight before I will even see him or anything. But what if he starts acting grown up and stops the drugs and gets out of that town that brings him down? We have lived everywhere around here (about 5 different cities) and it only got bad when he started working in the town he grew up in...he treated me like a princess before. I didn't just stay with a psycho this whole time. This is a pretty new development. He never used to yell at me, he opened doors for me, he payed for everything. But then he switched careers (he was making AWESOME money in computers, he's realllllly good at it) and started working construction in this awful place where he has all this history and bad reputation and hanging out with his old friends...then the drugs came in. Then he started putting others before me. He started getting angry and thinking I was out to get him...mostly when he was on drugs...I used to be #1 to him...

 

But I can't go through this again!!!!!! One time is once too many! In the last month I got kicked out of my apartment, I was paying all the rent, I found all that crap on the internet, and his exgirlfriend started harassing me! I can't do this....I'm an AWESOME person and an excellent girlfriend. I did everything for that guy. All I wanted was to love him and love back, and he could come to me with anything. I never had a problem with anything as long as he didn't lie about it. There's no reason to lie...why did he have to change so much.

[Hope75]

Hey Girl

 

 

((HUGS))

 

I thought there was more to it than that. There is no way you would consider having this baby around him if you felt comfortable at home.

 

Have you talked to your brother about this?

 

How about your family. You said in the beginning they were so supportive... what has happened?

 

I'm going to be honest with you. I can't imagine being alone and pregnant. I'm sure it must be so tough and lonely. But you are not really alone. You have family and friends who love you, and you have us. You have your baby too, very soon.

 

I lived with a guy much like your ex, for 5 years. He was a drinker, and was addicted to pot as well (and used other drugs too). He had a volitile temper and he got fired from every job he ever had, usually after 6 months but sometimes up to a year, due to his temper and problem with authority. I supported him most of the time, like you. He was also in trouble with the law due to his violent and uncontrollable temper. (He hurt me too).

 

Your ex, very recently has been out of control. The probation, (and the reason), getting your kicked out of your apt again, yelling at you to kill the baby just a week or two ago...seeking other partners online..

 

Honey, he is NOT changing. You are looking for that, I can see, because it's hard to be where you are-- but it is BETTER than to be with someone who has proven to hurt you over and over in the past, and who will be hurtful to your baby too.

 

He is a drug abuser and he cannot control his temper.... almost every time you have seen him since the breakup it's ended in a fight... in him telling you what your choices are and to kill the baby. Most recently the ex and that whole mess.

 

A baby taxes even the most stable of couples. Lack of sleep and constant demand puts everyone on edge.... a guy who already has a hair-trigger temper like your ex is just going to hit his edge that much faster... I fear for your baby and for you. This is NOT a safe situation for you to be in. Not to mention that he cannot even support himself, and he is not going to be able to support you or the baby either. What happens when you give birth? No time to recover before you go back to work to support him? You are going to trust him at home with a baby? Using drugs and having his punk friends over? With that temper? I tell you what, there would be NO WAY I would risk my baby's safety like that.

 

The good news is you have taken the hardest step and moved out already, and broken up. You are away from him and, if not the most comfortable, at least safe.

 

I know I keep harping on the same points with you over and over. I, like you, hopefully looked for little changes in my ex that would justify my going back to him or staying with him. But these things are out of control. These are NOT little things that he can fix and improve on in a few short months (or weeks! since he has still been terrible to you up until the last week or so). These are serious things, many of them are criminal (the assault, the drugs... etc) NOT someone you should be wanting to share a home with and have a baby around.

 

For me, it was like I was in a coma and not paying attention to the BIG, RED, flags that were right there in front of me, screaming how UNSAFE AND DANGEROUS it was for me to even THINK about taking him back.

 

I can only hope that if we keep talking about this with you, you will see this too, and at least think about it and consider how important it is for both you and your baby NOT to go back to him.

 

This is alot to take in, and I know I sound harsh, but I am here because I am afraid for you and your baby. I don't know if you realize how much trouble you could be in if you take him back.. and you are dangerously close.

 

You are so right......... ACTIONS.

[Beec]

But what if he starts acting grown up and stops the drugs and gets out of that town that brings him down?

 

He needs to prove it and prove it over a decently long period of time. A one week fix is not the right thing. His saying the right thing for a week is also not right. He needs to go from being the way he is to the way he should be.

 

And he should be helping you get the two bedroom, not getting it for himself, in case you want to stop by. He needs to show that he can take care of you, which is the loving thing to do, and then when he has done it for a while, then and only then should you think about something more with him. You also should not put life on hodl waiting for him to get to it.

[BornToResist]

I have the option of moving into the two-bedroom with him immediately if that's what I wanted. He originally wanted it to be for us, but he knows I won't do it. I told him that he has to prove things to me because he only lets me down, and he said he realizes it and will do it for as long as it takes because he wants this family with me (NOW he says this, uh-huh, sure.) I'm not going to just move in with him after a week, but I feel that I shouldn't be considering moving in with him at all, ever again, because of what I went through. But I have a hard time actually carrying out that concept, if that makes sense. And as for putting my life on hold, it kind of is on hold. I don't know what else to do. I'm pregnant and have nowhere to go. I'm saving up to buy a reliable car for myself and I'm kind of in a standstill.

 

I'm glad that I have this site to go because I don't tell anyone what I really feel like...I just smooth over the surface of all these issues to make it look like I know what I'm doing and it's really no big deal. I don't tell anyone everything he's done, I just say he's working on it so they won't tell me I'm stupid. I want so badly to have what we had...even more now.

 

I would never consider going back to him if I wasn't pregnant, or if I had a stable place to live. I don't know what exactly changed at my mom's, I guess reality just sank in. My brother is a procrastinator. He says he's going to make the garage into a room, which would be awesome. He hasn't done anything for that, and he has another baby on the way so I know it's not possible. Technically they are in my room. My mom told them when they moved in that they could stay in there, but if I ever needed to come home, they would have to get out. She isn't enforcing it and feels helpless. She can't kick them out of there, and she's seeing her only daughter go through hell and she feels guilty. I know she does. I have seen my brothers come and go whenever they were in a bind or had nothing, but I'm the only one who doesn't have that. But she's taking it out on me, making me realize how hard all this is for her. But I'm stressed there so much...and at this point she encourages me to give it another shot with my ex if he's going to provide a place for me to go.

 

My brother hates him, but he's got his own stuff going on. His wife knows what I'm going through because she got pregnant and had nowhere to go. She's trying to move her stuff into the other room, but that's 2 adults, 3 kids and one new baby in one room? That won't work. If he would just work on that garage everything would be alright. They are planning on moving out of state but they have to wait until his job starts next year or so...so I could move back in after that probably.

 

I keep thinking if my ex would just get out of that town, things would be okay. He changed when he's got on drugs...he knows he has a problem. It's one certain drug...a really bad one that swallows you up. Last weekend I found a packet of stuff for a rehab. I asked him about it and I told him that I encourage him to go and I would help him, and he said he wasn't sure if he needs it. I reminded him of everything that happens when he uses and he said it's the one thing he hasn't been able to kick and he always goes back to it when things seem rough. He said his friend brought it to him because he's going to go probably. (This is the guy he uses with mostly.) He admitted he had a problem. I don't really know what to think. I guess it just fuels that feeling of needing to help him. But I can't here. He has to do it for himself. I grew up in a house where I saw this stuff all the time. My parents split because my dad was a severe alcoholic and he bailed on me completely. I was daddy's little girl, and now I hear from him every couple of years. I watched my brother go from homeless heroin addict to clean and straight father. I'm not new to this and I know I can't do anything for him. Maybe that's why I was so tolerant...

 

Sorry for rambling. I just don't know what to do.

[Beec]

You know exactly what to do, as for the last week or so, when I have followed this, you have pretty much been doing that.

 

He needs to make the same transformation that your brother did and prove to you that it is going to stick. And until he does, you need to go on as if you don't expect it to happen.

 

I won't tell you not to hope for it, but you cannot rely on it. That's rely the whole problem, you cannot rely on him to do what he should do. When you can, and know it, things might change. Right now, you don't know it.

[Hope75]

I don't tell anyone everything he's done, I just say he's working on it so they won't tell me I'm stupid. I want so badly to have what we had...even more now.

 

Oh Girl,

 

This makes me really sad. You know that your friends love you and want what's best for you, and if they knew you wanted to get back with him after all that has really happened, they would tell it to you straight, just like we have.

 

Honey, for whatever reasons he got into this mess, this has been going on for awhile now. This is not just a phase, this is who he is. You are not safe to go back to him. Nothing has changed. He's just shelling out more words at you. You KNOW how easy words are to say, he's been saying them forever and it doesn't change. A WEEK AGO HE TOLD YOU TO KILL THE BABY. DO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD GO LIVE WITH HIM AND LET HIM NEAR THAT BABY HE WANTED KILLED??

 

I would never consider going back to him if I wasn't pregnant, or if I had a stable place to live.

 

This is even MORE reason why you should stay FAR away from him. This is not just about you and what you want to happen now. You are a mother, a parent, who is responsible for the life of this child growing inside of you. This baby isn't going to be able to protect herself or himself from harm. YOU, as the responsible adult and parent, are going to need to use GOOD JUDGEMENT to keep your baby away from situations that are potentially dangerous. You have to be responsible and do what your head tells you is the right thing- not what your lonely heart so desperately wants to believe.

[DN]

I think Hope75 has the best advice for you. Anyone who threatens things like that could very well carry them out. Is that a risk you are willing to take?

 

This isn't just about you anymore, even though that is very important because you are a valuable human being. But it is about a helpless baby who will have no chance to defend itself - and that is your job.

[BornToResist]

I know she has good advice. She constantly beats the truth into my brain and that's exactly what I need. She has obviously been in similar shoes.

 

He didn't mean actually kill it once it's born, he just was saying get an abortion. He was saying it very harsh so he would get me upset and give him a reaction.

 

Somehow that doesn't sound much better.

 

But then he counter-acted saying if I wanted adoption, I could just give it to him and he'd be an excellent father.

 

He comletely contradicts himself.

[Hope75]

I know she has good advice. She constantly beats the truth into my brain and that's exactly what I need. She has obviously been in similar shoes.

 

Hey Girl,

 

I'm sorry if I've been tough on you.

 

I remember what it was like for me and how much I wanted things to work, and how much I was willing to forget the bad things and let them go so I could take him back and justify that it was a good idea for me.

 

I just want you and your baby to make the right choices and be safe.image removed

[BornToResist]

No it's okay. Sometimes the truth is harsh. But it's just that...the truth.

 

I NEED someone to tell me like it is.

 

It is so easy to let yourself "forget" the bad times, especially when you're breaking up. Somehow all the good rolls in instread. I know I need to keep my guard up. I keep telling myself that now is not the time to trust him, and I WILL have constant contact for the next 18 years or so, and so he has a chance to change. If he wisens up, it's not like I'm going to lose him forever or he'll fall off the face of the earth, if that makes sense.

 

Little update: Talked to him briefly last night. It looks like he might be going back to the computer industry!!! He left that career because of a reallllllly bad experience (I probably would have switched) and went to construction. That's when everything went bad...working with friends who use drugs, working in the town he grew up in, etc. But computers? Yay. He wasn't around much because he got sucked into it because he's SO good at it, but the money is really good and the people? Well office work is a lot better. He made a lot of GOOD friends (and that's where he met me) and he's just better to be around, with the exception of him working too hard. But that's good right now! And he could work from home probably. When he did that he paid 2/3 of the rent and took me out all the time and life was grand. I hope it's something he's thinking hard about...he's going to talk to me later about it. (He wanted to take me out to dinner, but I'm not going, but it's SO weird because he hasn't done that for a loooooong while...)

 

BUT!!!! I keep telling myself that words are just words. Actions are what count. Don't get my head all caught up in this because nothing has ACTUALLY changed yet...I just think him going there would have such a positive effect on him.

[Beec]

BornToResist,

 

You know you are caught between a rock and a hard place, with few choices. But also know that in order for you to be with this man, he has to be able to be clean and not abusive, etc. You cannot settle for anything less, because it's not right for you or your child.

 

I don't know how much from him is enough proof of him sticking to his word, but you need proof.

 

Some may tell you to stay away from him forever, but I won't. Just make him prove himself.

 

One good thing to note is that if and when he puts his effort and work into you as a faimly, he is unlikely to want to blow that investment. But you need to decide how much that investment needs to be, how much proof you need.

 

I think it's too soon because, right now, it's just words. But you will need to make the call when and if it is enough.

[BornToResist]

I don't know when would actually be enough though. Because if I WAS to go back to him and move in with him anytime soon, things would be terrible. He caught me going through his wallet once (after he lied to me about his ex) and yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but I'll be the first to say I will do it again. I do not trust him. Not even a little bit. Have you ever lived with someone you don't trust?? It is absolute torture. Everytime he left the house I would obsess, I would question him, everything. I didn't like being that person, but he made me that way. He lied to me. How can you trust someone who lies? You can't. So that is impossible.

 

And on top of that, my hormones are all over the place. I know that he cannot handle it, even if he wanted to. I can be mean and hurtful too, and then overly sensitive. I am more on the "attack mode" than ever.

 

So no matter what, things would take a whole lot of time and proving himself consistently before I would even be able to do it, no matter what my heart is telling me. Even then it would probably be near impossible. Everytime he's on the computer, I would freak (which would be bad if he's working in the computer industry), if he got a cell phone? Forget it. I would be all over those phone records and call logs and everything. I am smart and can do it without him knowing, but I DO NOT want to live like that EVER.

[Beec]

Well, if you were to start over with him, then you need to back up several steps and start over. Just jumping back in won't work. You need to back up several steps, like you were beginning to date again.

 

And, you will need him to show he can be trusted, then you can begin to trust him more. But his is way in the future and a big WHAT IF.

[Hope75]

Before you even consider all of this, as Beec said, he needs to prove himself. Me, personally, I'd NEVER take him back. What he's done to you is just too much. Regardless of what environment and what job he was in, he cannot control himself- and he's proven that over and over. My bf works in computers too.. he makes good money and is a gentle, kind, stand up guy. I trust him. However, if he went into contruction, he would still be a gentle, stand up guy, who doesn't abuse drugs and assault people for no reason, and get us kicked out of our place. Because that is just who he is.

This isn't because of where he worked or who his friends are. He has control over what influences him and how he behaves...and he chose to act this way, regardless of that.... remember that.

 

I think Beec might be too forgiving in this situation, and I think over the course of your pregnancy you need to create some distance from your ex and watch him, see if he can start and continue to prove he should even be allowed near this baby, let alone you. Don't let your hormones get the better of your common sense. This is a dangerous man.

 

He needs some anger management, and he needs to get clean (I would go to detox if I were him)... he needs to own up to himself and his poor actions and make the changes to prove it... and even then I would be hesitant to trust him, again, because his ACTIONS have told you everything you need to know.