am in the wrong??

[davefromuk]

Heres the story, last night my girlfriend told me to ring her when i got in. I did she didnt answer. I text her just saying hope ur alright im going to bed, nothing nasty just i had to be up for work early. Anyway she always texts back but i didnt have a text this morning. Anyway im never one to get wound up about things like that. When i spoke to her she told me she syatyed round 'a boys house' again this is something that is common we have only been together 2 months and the environment we live in (the student life) it is common to stay round members of the opposite sex. When I asked her who though she didnt want to tell me and had a go at me for not trusting her. I never show jealousy and its rare i get jealous anyway i pushed her to tell me and she hung up on me saying i didnt trust her. I argued that there is a big difference between showing trust and respect, and that she in fact was not showing the relationship any respect. I said she would of got wound up if it was the other round and i was staying eith a girl and didnt tell her who. I just didnt see why she wouldnbt tell me. After a few mins she text me saying u just dont trust me. Then we had a few text exchanges and she ended up saying she was really sorry and would be worried if i wasnt worried about what she was doing and with who. I mean the relationship started off as a sex thing but we have really developed a close relationship in a 2 month period. We both find it comfortable introducing each other to our friendship groups and everyone says how good we are together. I took her away for the weekend last weekend and we had a couple of rows, which is only natural. Her last boyufriend used to really knock her about. But i just really cant work out wat this latest incident is all about. Why she should stay round a fellas house and be reluctant to tell me, and the fact she didnt text me back last night. I know for a fact she would of gone mad if i had been the same and i didnt even get bothered until she had told me she had tsyaed round another blokes. Do i really seem like the unreasonable party. Wat is she tryint to achieve??? Any help would bemost appreciated.

[LadyJayne]

You did nothing wrong in my view. But she has behaved in an unacceptable way. She should have come clean with who she was with - not out of checking up or a jealousy thing but a respect for you and the relationship you are sharing with her. If she is trying to play a game with you to mess with your head so early in the relationship this is wrong and should be nipped in the bud!

[rms8]

My experience with people who blow up about how you don't trust them when you ask legit questions is that they have something to hide. In my book you had every right to ask whose house she slept at but other people might think differently, i don't know. I would be skeptical of her reaction to all this. Since you said you rarely get jealous, it's not like she was just finally tired of it all. I would try to get more information from her but don't overreact. Accusing her of things will only make her keep her mouth shut more. Explain that you do trust her but you would just feel more comfortable knowing where she is when she's out at night. If she still seems uncomfortable and angry, then I would probably assume she was up to no good. Sorry and I hope this helps a little. Good luck!

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Her reaction to me is suspicious. In my experience, people whom get all bent out of shape over innocent and warrented questions, they have something to hide or feel guilty about something. Plus, you do not have a track record of being possessive and jealous. More reason to believe something is not adding up.

 

Now, if this were me, I would have given my boyfriend a call to let him know where I ended up so he would not worry. But I would not stay over other guys' houses when I am in a relationship anyway. I would just go home, but if I crashed over one of my girlfriends' houses, I would let him know. Or I would have answered my texts.

 

I would be warry of any sudden changes in her behavior. Always trust your gut instincts and act accordingly, even if it meant breaking up with her. You are in college, you are young, there are plenty of other girls out there whom will show you more respect.

[agent1607307371]

You were fine.

 

She sounds like she is either hiding something that happened with this guy or reacting out of guilt over something else that possibly is related to her previous relationship. Abusive relationships can really mess you up.

[davefromuk]

just spoke with her after we had sorted things out through text message. She said she wouldnt stay round a boys house again and she can understnad why i was pissed off and that she wont do it again. She also felt very guilty for hanging up on the phone. She never says sorry unless she really means it, so what would u make of this still reason to be a tad suspicious. Still hassnt really told me who the guys is....

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

Okay, the first phase has been done. She admitted she was wrong and apologized HOWEVER, actions speak louder than words. You need to FEEL her apologies. I hope she sticks by her word and not do it again. Good luck and take care.

[Scout]

You did nothing wrong in my view. But she has behaved in an unacceptable way. She should have come clean with who she was with - not out of checking up or a jealousy thing but a respect for you and the relationship you are sharing with her. If she is trying to play a game with you to mess with your head so early in the relationship this is wrong and should be nipped in the bud!

 

I agree with this. If you two are in an exclusive relationship, trust is essential, and she behaved a tad shady. Don't let her put you on the defensive about this.

[heloladies21]

This sounded like a test to me and she even admitted it. She wanted to make you jealous to see if you really cared about her. It's fine now, she apologized, she knows where the line is. You can drop it at this point.

[Scout]

This sounded like a test to me and she even admitted it. She wanted to make you jealous to see if you really cared about her. It's fine now, she apologized, she knows where the line is. You can drop it at this point.

 

Let's hope so.

[DN]

Personally, I don't do relationship tests. The person who imposes them has already failed a test of their own.