Members Sound Off - Should females have equal representation in proposing marriage?

[Scout]

Hi, fellow eNotaloners! Since we're right in the middle of wedding season, we want to know what you think about females proposing marriage. And we're not talking about a "Marry me or else!" ultimatum. We mean anything from a gal having a skywriting plane ask her beau "Will you marry me?" to hiring an orchestra to play as she gets down on one knee and pops the question!

 

After you take the survey, feel free to include your additional thoughts on the discussion thread.

 

Take Survey

 

Survey Results

[brando]

I think it is about time we see this. How cool would that be to have the woman i love get down on one knee and propose... just kidding the knee thing is optional.

 

But it would be a sign of the changing times we live in.

 

interesting survey Scout.

[melrich]

So if the girl proposed does she have to buy the engagement ring?

 

Otherwise it's like,

 

she: "Will you marry me?"

he: thinking...if I say yes to this question I gotta spend a few grand.?????

[Scout]

So if the girl proposed does she have to buy the engagement ring?

 

Otherwise it's like,

 

she: "Will you marry me?"

he: thinking...if I say yes to this question I gotta spend a few grand.?????

 

LOL, I knew that would come up. Well...maybe she has to provide his ring, too!

[Scout]

interesting survey Scout.

 

I thought this was a really cool topic, too - and DN is the one who suggested it!

[yeawutever]

True, it's about time things have changed, thought there are yet some people thinking that a girl should always be reserve, keep waiting to be ask out, just lay there and do nothing, don't ever call a guy.

 

But come to think of it, a guy does need compliments too, else How is he's gonna know the girl is interest in him, when she does nothing and doens't call him, guys aren't mind readers.

 

Nothing wrong with a her expressing about what she feels about the future of the relation. If she strongly wants to propose the marriage, then she can.

[Sputnik]

Oooh! Good survey, and a controversial question...

 

Being North American, I can think of a lot of men who would feel awkward and even embarrassed by being proposed to by a woman. I certainly don't mean to imply that those men are domineering pigs; far from it. Like the vast majority of people in the world, they've been raised in a society that thrived on sexist principles for centuries. (I don't say that meaning to sound like a feminazi, but it's true.) While lots of women feel strongly about their rights and would feel quite comfortable proposing, super-masculine boyfriends might feel insulted or intimidated. On the other hand, a lot of more liberal guys might love the idea of it and would find it very sweet and romantic. It all depends on the couple.

 

While society is changing rapidly with the massive progression of feminism, this is still one barrier it hasn't really overcome.

 

All of that said, to hell with religious marriage. Commonlaw all the way.

[charley]

It does not appear controversial at all when I last looked at the results.

 

They are unanimously in favor.

 

Why shouldn't women be able to propose?

 

As a matter of fact, they can. What's stopping them?

 

Each of the women I've ever dated asked me out, with one exception. So I see no reason why they can't ask other things.

 

The ring buying question is interesting. I have no idea. However, I do know that traditionally if one friend asks the other to lunch, the asker often pays, or they go dutch. So perhaps the same applies here?

[friscodj]

It's a great notion in theory. Sure, why shouldn't the woman have equal representation in anything in society?

 

But will this line of thinking and resulting action ever become mainstream? No freaking way...

[CarnelianButterfly]

I know several guys that wore engagement rings too.

 

I always thought engagement rings were a waste of money. Kind of like a dog peeing to mark his territory. The whole diamond engagement ring thing was actually started by DeBeers, a diamond mining company that all but directly enslaved its workers. There are millions of diamonds sitting in Swiss vaults so that they can control the market, only letting a few out every now and then.

 

Of course this veiw is due to the fact my Mom payed for most of my parents wedding and their rings, they saved the money for the engagement ring for their first house.

[annie24]

I think equal representation sounds good.

 

but I want to be proposed to!

[LostInMyThoughts]

I would feel awkward if my girlfriend proposed to me, especially in public.

[Sputnik]

...they saved the money for the engagement ring for their first house.

 

Great idea, good for them!

[Mr Mister1]

I actually find it anoying when certain females that the attitude that it should be the mans job to ask out or propose etc and then complain that they've never had a boyfriend.

 

I'd love to get proposed to!

 

Something I've always wondered about engagement rings, somewhere there was this idea that the male should pay something like a quarter of his salary on it (might have got the amount wrong there), is that before or after tax? And if the female has a well paying full time job then why doesn't she have to buy the man some kind of ring?

 

I've always seen myself as a feminist in that I believe there should always be equal opportunities, rights etc, but when I say equal I mean exactly that!

[annie24]

I wouldn't mind at all pitching in to pay for the ring I want. Or even paying for a good deal of it myself.

 

I just want to be proposed to though. And not with an ugly ring. I'm very particular with the jewlery I wear and would want a major say in it.

[OceanEyes]

I always thought engagement rings were a waste of money. Kind of like a dog peeing to mark his territory. The whole diamond engagement ring thing was actually started by DeBeers, a diamond mining company that all but directly enslaved its workers.

 

WOW - I feel pretty ignorant not knowing this, but is it true? lol

 

I've just never felt a need to look this up or actually understand its exact origins. It actually makes sense, but I'm pretty surprised to know it.

 

I agree with the fact that engagement rings are a waste of money. Unfortunately, I am with a guy who is fairly conservative/ traditional in that sense, so if I actually wanted to get married, I'd have to wait until he could afford to purchase the ring.

 

To be honest, I'd be just as happy with a ring that cost $500 as I would be with one that cost $5000. I'd be much less worried about losing the ring if it cost less (since I always lose jewelry).

 

Why is it the woman who has to wear the ring and the man who has to propose? If anything, I feel that it should be a mutual decision and both people should wear rings. If only the woman wears a ring, it seems as if she is some kind of property.

[annie24]

The diamond engagement ring, yes, that was started 100 years ago by de beers, when they found a ton of diamonds in south africa, had to figure out what to do with them, and instated the "traditional" engagement ring.

 

In actuality, the engagement ring was used as the "keeper ring" in history - the ring that kept the wedding ring in place. Obviously, the wedding ring is the actual important one! That is why you put on your wedding ring first, then your engagement ring on top of it.

 

I know in my family, NO ONE has an engagement ring, just a wedding ring. Actually, though, a lady who was like a grandmother to me, she had a ruby engagement ring. she died pretty recently in her 90s.

[Dako]

I stumbled on the question about feeling awkward being asked, because marriage repels me.

 

Hollywood film makers were paid to have diamonds pushed as wedding rings in films. Prior to that, many other stones or plain bands were customary.

Diamonds are't really rare, but controlled by monopolies headed by DeBeers. My brother works for the largest trade organization for gems in the US, and it's common knowledge that the prices are wildly inflated. To buy a diamond for investment is a sad joke.

[Meow18]

I think girls should be able to propose. I mean, if a couple is comfortable with the idea of the girl proposing, then I can't see anything wrong with it. Some people do find that romantic.

 

But of course, in my relationship, I want to be proposed to. To me, that is romantic.

 

Also, I don't want an engagement ring. So it has nothing to do with me wanting the guy to buy me a ring. My parents didn't have an engagement ring. Personally, I just don't see a point.. But that's just my opinion and my preference for me.

[itseuphoric]

I wouldn't mind at all pitching in to pay for the ring I want. Or even paying for a good deal of it myself.

 

I just want to be proposed to though. And not with an ugly ring. I'm very particular with the jewlery I wear and would want a major say in it.

 

 

i'm with you!!! lol

[CarnelianButterfly]

I've done some lapidary work and have become pretty familiar with stones, I'd rather set a piece of glass than touch a deBeers diamond, to me they're as bad as conflict diamonds. If I'm going to wear a stone that is special, it'd be a star sapphire set in platinum (I'm rough on settings, platinum is harder than gold or silver and I'm not allergic to it).

[ElektraHere]

I think if a woman wants to propose and feels comfortable then GO FOR IT!!

I personally want the proposal from my man. I want the element of surprise when I am proposed to. I am old school I want the memory of that moment to tell my kids and grandkids.

[Mr Mister1]

I like how most of the girls are saying "I think women should be allowed to propose but I want to be proposed to!"

[ElektraHere]

I like how most of the girls are saying "I think women should be allowed to propose but I want to be proposed to!"

 

Why not? IF she wants to then let her. I am not gonna say women should not propose. I am an old school gal I want the proposal.

[Meow18]

I like how most of the girls are saying "I think women should be allowed to propose but I want to be proposed to!"

 

Just because I would prefer to be proposed to doesn't mean I don't approve of women doing the proposing.

 

It all has to do with personal preference and that's what I prefer for me. But I also don't feel like I have a right to say that women shouldn't be allowed to if some girl some where wants to propose.