Hunny1607307342 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Hey, I was just reading a post about "are men expected to pay for dates" and a lot of people said after a while it becomes 50/50. But, most females also stated men usually insist on paying, if not always, certainly on the first date. BUT: What if he doesn't!? Date one (he asked me out): Milkshake bar, he is short of change, I end up paying for most of the bill. Date two: The bill was pretty much split in half. I could go on and on mentioning other dates too, but the most shocking ones were recently: it was HIS idea to go on a boat ride the other day, I PAID FOR BOTH OF US (because he said he'll pay for the drinks, which i must add were substantially cheaper than a boat!) Additionally, its our one month anniversary dinner on tomorrow and he asked me out to an italian restuarant, and shortly afterwards stating, "but I'm not sure what your price range is, how much are you willing to spend". It really frustrates me, because all my ex's wouldn't let me pay for a single thing. My last ex paid for me from the moment I met him, and i can confidently say would still pay for me now despite us not being on great terms. I love nearly everything about my current boyfriend, but this one thing really puts me off. I want to feel like I'm worth it, and I don't like the stingyness. We're both students, but I know for a fact he has money, I've seen his house, cars and lifestyle. It's too much of a sensitive issue to touch on, I can't exactly tell him to pay for me, and not offering to is rude in my opinion. I have only ever not offered once, and on that occasion he asked me if I had a fiver on me. It might have something to do with the fact that we were already great friends before he asked me out. But I still can't understand how he can come to our FIRST date short of money. What shall I do? When the bill comes tomorrow do you suggest I say something? Advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks xXx Link to comment
Cute Band Rat Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 EEEEWWWWWWWW you're dating a rich tightwad!!!!! Ick....sorry. Stinginess is SUCH a complete TURNOFF to me!!!!!! Honey if he isn't paying now..it isn't gonna get better!!!! Link to comment
Cute Band Rat Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 LOL tomorrow right before the bill comes...say you have to go pee...and take your purse with you!!!! LOL Link to comment
Managor Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 He may be afraid of someone falling into a relationship with him who only wants his money, and may be overcompensating for that paranoia. Just a thought. Link to comment
Dako Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Ask him how much he can lift. He may not be able to pick up a check. Take turns. Say "No, you got the last one, let me pay." Even though he didn't. Forget your wallet sometime. Or just tell him you see how he got so rich, and dump his weathy butt. Link to comment
PRSOV Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Ask him how much he can lift. He may not be able to pick up a check. Take turns. Say "No, you got the last one, let me pay." Even though he didn't. Forget your wallet sometime. Or just tell him you see how he got so rich. Dako's on the money Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 This guy sounds like he wants to use you. Some people can be like that. My friend that I just broke off the friendship with, is like that. I dated him for a while before we became friends again and he was always like that. Never wanted to pay for things. Always wanted me to pay for his food and he was also picky about stuff. Pretty much wanted me to pay for everything (food, stuff we did, buy him things, etc). He got even to the point that when we hung out and went somewhere, he would rather I drive or else he would rather drive but use MY car, because he was so cheap about gas and using his car. BTW, he ISNT poor at all. He is making twice what I used to make and he also has A LOT of money saved up and rental income. He just likes to use people. It DOES get tiring after a while. Link to comment
Cute Band Rat Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Usually if soemone is stingy with money, they are going to be stingy with OTHER things. Like giving love, or affection. Yuck. Stinginess is such an ugly trait. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I happen to think guys that ask you out should pay for that date (or if the girl asks she pays). After that everything is 50/50. I don't think someone going on a date and not having money is a responsible person. Forgetting a wallet one time is fine, but always asking for $ is not right, there are ATMs everywhere and credit cards are even accepted at McD's now, there is no reason for him not to pay his own way. If I was with a guy that did that all the time I'd start asking for separate checks and indirect way of saying "I'm only paying for me, buddy". Link to comment
Hope75 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Perhaps you need to sit down with this guy and have a talk. Explain that you are a student (as he well understands) and that you can't afford to go someplace fancy and treat every time you go out. Tell him the boat trip was a bit over your price range. Tell him that you are happy to go Dutch Treat (each pays his own way) and treat him sometimes, but that you really need to downscale the places you are going to your price range. This way, you explain your financial situation, and allow him a chance to explain his. Perhaps he is in over his head with his car payments or mortgage, and what seems to appear as wealth, really isnt. Even if he is wealthy, he still should not be expected to treat you every time. If he doesn't step up and seem willing to at least talk about it, you have to decide if you can afford to continue seeing this guy. I'm not one to think a guy should ALWAYS treat. As CB mentioned, I think whomever does the inviting would be nice to treat, unless it was expressly discussed beforehand that the other would treat, or that it would be dutch treat. But I do think that inviting you out to fancy places and then expecting you to pay is bad manners- and warrents a talk. What do you think? Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 It would be one thing if he wanted to split expenses evenly, but in many instances you are carrying his weight. but the most shocking ones were recently: it was HIS idea to go on a boat ride the other day, I PAID FOR BOTH OF US It's even more socially weird that he wants you to pay for dates which he picked the activity/location. Maybe he's "rich" because he never pays for himself? -Now that's a way to build a nice savings account! I see nothing wrong with paying for yourself, splitting the bill, etc. I don't think anyone should be expected to pay for another person on a date- however he's expecting YOU to pay for him, and he is apparently more finacially "well-off" so to speak- so that is very strange. I know for a fact he has money, I've seen his house, cars and lifestyle. The only other thing I can suggest is that maybe that's all a front. Maybe he lives above his means, and he's put himself into debt with a luxurious lifestyle that he can't truly afford. He could have huge credit card balances, collection agencies chasing him, and nothing in the bank..... BellaDonna Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I tend to be the type who likes to split things 50/50, where I pay one time and the other person pays the other time, and so on. I dont like to take advantage of a guy and I dont like guys to take advantage of me. This way it keeps the playing field even. Link to comment
Hunny1607307342 Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Thank you so much everyone for the advice, still a touchy issue to talk about though LOL although this is a good point: He may be afraid of someone falling into a relationship with him who only wants his money, and may be overcompensating for that paranoia. Just a thought. I do remember him mentioning one of his ex's only going out with him for his money. I even jokingly hinted it to him the other day, and he got pretty...'hot headed' LOL, he was like "excuse me, are you trying to say you spend more money than me" I got scared of it turning sinister so I said "chill I'm joking". I know stingyness is a turn-off but everything else about him is perfect! And I know for a fact he's not using me because I know him inside out since we were great friends for about 6 months beforehand, I know he genuinely really likes me... hmmm maybe I'll just have to let this go. Link to comment
Siriana Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Hm I suggest dumping him. I dumped my bf of two years because of his cheapness. And you know I bet that you woan't have to do that (he will dump you) if you do the following next time you get a chance: if he asks you to go to a restaurant and says what's your price range than the only thing you need to do is to give him a very simple answer: I tought that you will pay that italian restaurant for the two of us. So my advice is call him before you go to that restaurant and say to him: you know i am not happy about me participating in a bill tomorrow - I guess you should pay. Be honest, he's rude and he's not embarrassed why would you be? And if he complains just say to him: well, I guess you can start dating again, at least it is a cheap sport for you. And please remember to forget your wallet on the first date! Honey, when a guy is into you he will want to pay for you (I am not saying endlessly and I am against it, but the first month! Come on!) Don't let this one go! Link to comment
Managor Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I've started noticing that suggestions to break up the relationship are often the first thing people suggest, and suggest a lot. It's often the case that the two people aren't meant for each other, true, but to pack up and run as soon as there's a problem won't get people anywhere in life. That said, I think you should consider talking to him. Make your own mind on how you think he'll take it, and if he's just going to get insulted by it then try something else to solve the issue instead. Link to comment
fifregister Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 eeew...i'm having a similar problem and don't quite know how to deal with it. i'm casually seeing a MUCH older (he's in his 40s, i'm in my 20s), MUCH wealthier guy who is kind of business-like about money. i don't know if he's on the lookout for gold diggers or he's just kind of a tightwad. anyway, i usually offer to pay at least my share, but if i don't he slips in half-joking comments like "you think money grows on trees?" etc., which make me uncomfortable. i'd even paid for both of us the last time we went out. it just feels strange for me to be paying for someone who's so much older and more established. with his salary, what's a few bucks? is it right for an older man to let a younger girl pay for him? not sure if i should dump him. i'm also casually seeing a MUCH poorer younger guy who insists on paying for most things. again, i always attempt to pay for my share, but it just seems so much more gentlemanly and thoughtful. Link to comment
melrich Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 We're both students, but I know for a fact he has money, I've seen his house, cars and lifestyle. How does he afford all this as a student? Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Maybe his parents support him. When I was going to college, I lived pretty well. My parents never wanted me to work and wanted me to concentrate entirely on school so they gave me a generous monthly allowance along with paying my rent and school. I did work part time because working helped me balance my time, and I was able to live pretty well. Link to comment
Miss M Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I do remember him mentioning one of his ex's only going out with him for his money. I even jokingly hinted it to him the other day, and he got pretty...'hot headed' LOL, he was like "excuse me, are you trying to say you spend more money than me" I got scared of it turning sinister so I said "chill I'm joking". OMG, I cast my vote in the "dump him" crowd. The answer to his question seems like "yes, you do" spend more money than him, right? So really, if you're spending more than him, what does he have to get hot-headed about? Or does he just get mad about the truth??? Honestly, it seems he's "training" you, teaching you not to bring up the subject... and it seems it's working, right? He leeches off you, then you mention a true fact about it, and then he gets insulted and "sinister," and then you get "scared"??? I see a very bad pattern developing where he shortchanges you and then lets you know you'd better not complain about it.... and then your conclusion is "I know he genuinely really likes me... hmmm maybe I'll just have to let this go." ... huh??? ... I say run away as fast as you can from this loser. Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I think he has some strange issues with money, if he lives a lavish lifestyle, yet forgets to bring money to the first date. I'll bet you $5 he's in some massive debt over his head anyways, I agree with hope, tell him that you aren't so rich, and that you would prefer splitting the check, and going to hamburger and pizza joints and catching matinee movies. see what he says. I really do bet though, that he has a problem with money (or a very strange relationship with money), beyond that of your relationship. good luck Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now