Why do so many people strive to look their best?

[easyguy]

Why do so many of us humans try to look our best all the time? What are we trying to prove? Where is the line drawn between insecurity and confidence?

 

It's just something that I've noticed but never really talked about. Women put on make-up often, some all the time; either small amounts or a lot. What is the purpose of make-up? Why the need for a mask so to speak? Many women try to become an ideal -- height and weight proportionate, slender but not too thin. Why can't they just be a weight that feels right and not the weight that society pushes? Many men seem to fall into the same schema. Muscles, a nice body, appealing clothes. Why do so many people take the smallest details and make them into large tasks that need to be resolved? Why is so much attention paid to looks?

[Luck of the Irish]

I think it's because we are a society based on pleasure, vanity, and instant gratification. Power, money, lust, and attraction are all addicting. I'm a little guilty myself. I don't manicure my hair or anything, but I like to wear decent clothes and drive a nice car. Lately though, my wardrobe is limited to whatever isn't dirty, and my hygiene is at a minimum.

[Blured]

Because for alot of people their best is not good enough.

[Editing for spelling mistake]

[FoxLocke]

I am guilty of this. I grew up inside of a family where image was everything; moreover, I had extremely low self esteem as a teenager. I became preoccupied with the way that I looked. Now, it isn't to that extreme anymore; however, I am very self conscious about the way I appear in public. I just don't want people to see me look bad.

[Jennster]

Attractiveness is a human characteristic...we're attracted to the most appealing people...it's a fact. I don't see a problem with people wanting to feel and look their best...it's when those people become obsessed with it that it becomes a problem.

[Karol3000]

Personally I like to look my best when I go out,I think it shows people that you can love yourself in that respect.

[shes2smart]

Have ya watched any TV lately?

 

From the time we are very young the message is hammered home to us: If you want to be happy/loved/have everything you want, then you must look a certain way. Right now that cultural ideal for women is a very narrowly-defined look that is unrealistic and unattainable for all but a few who got the winning genetic hand. For men, it's a very buffed-out, trim look, that, again, is difficult (if not impossible) to attain for all but a few.

 

We accept these ideas because we're too young and too inexperienced to question them when they are first presented to us. Children as young as 5 years old have already learned being fat is socially undesirable/unacceptable. If we ever do get around to questioning them, there are enough people who won't (and don't want to) question them who will try to stop our questioning, or find other ways to try to keep us in line.

 

Nearly every product sold to women is sold with the idea that there is something "wrong" with the way they are. We are continually told that any excess weight on our bodies -- even if it's a just a few pounds -- is a death sentence. We are also told that we can change the shape and size of our bodies to meet the cultural ideal, and that it is desirable to do so. None of these ideas are true, but seeing as how they've been presented to us as "facts" as far back as we can remember, we rarely think to question them. If we do start to question them, we can feel like there's something horribly wrong with us for doing so.

 

Why? One very simple answer is this: There is very little (if any) money to be made in telling people they are already lovable, acceptable and fine the way they are. There is a ton of money to be made telling people everything's wrong with them, everyone's noticing, and they need to buy a certain product to fix it right now. According to one source I've recently read ("The Obesity Myth" by Paul Campos), the weight loss industry is a $5 billion dollar a year industry. You don't think they got people to part with their hard earned money by letting them think they were just fine the way they are, do you?

 

So, you've got this cultural ideal that's held up as attractive and desirable. Women are led to believe that "ideal woman" is what men want, and men are led to believe that "ideal man" is what men want. Meanwhile, in reality, people have all manner of varying tastes, preferences, and unique definitions of what's attractive. My husband sure doesn't think those rail-thin models are attractive....and that was good for me because that wasn't the genetic hand I was dealt. I don't find that buffed-out, cut, 6-pack abs look attractive on a guy.

 

In that Paul Campos book I mentioned, he cited a study where women were asked what they thought men found a desirable body shape/size. Men were asked what they thought was a desirable body shape/size for a woman. The women thought men would like a body shape/size that was much thinner (by about 20 pounds) than what men said they found attractive.

 

Finally, focusing on weight/body shape and appearance is a heck of a great distraction from dealing with the real issues in our lives. It is difficult to deal with unhealthy or difficult relationships with family/friends/significant others, uncomfortable feelings about things in our lives, our fears (of death, being alone, change...) because a lot of these things are out of our control. It is too overwhelming to tackle these things directly because there are no definite answers...and sometimes the options we do have all suck.

 

But, we are told, if we can control our weight and our appearance and if we can become that "ideal woman/man," then all those problems will cease to exist. What they don't tell us is the vast majority of us will NEVER be able to attain/maintain that "perfection," and that "perfection" will do nothing to address the real problems. You might be a size two, but you'll still be the same person inside, you'll still have to stare down death one day, and now you've got the added stress of trying to maintain "perfection."

 

What is truly important in this life is how we treat ourselves and each other. Kindness, respect, acceptance and dignity are not things we should withhold from ourselves because of perceived flaws. Nor are they things we should withhold from others because they're not that "ideal specimen." But the message that comes through loud and clear in our culture at this time is that only those who look "right" deserve those things.

[agent1607307371]

To attract a mate/secure a place in the social hierarchy.

 

Other animals do it all the time, we're no different.

[Beyondthesea]

I really believe it's a society-based thing. In each society there is a standard of what is beautiful and what isn't. In North America, it includes weighing a hundred pounds and wearing a size 0.

 

I went to a place I've never shopped before this past weekend and couldn't find any double digit sizes...I'm a 12 and felt so badly about myself I left there in near tears. Now I'm dieting again.

 

Unfortunately I don't see those ideals going away any time soon.

 

Way back when, a bigger person was attractive because it meant they were rich...they could afford to eat that much food. Now, restraint is what people are attracted to. The less you eat, the more you restraint yourself, the more attractive you are.

[Striker17]

Because people enjoy looking good. If you were guaranteed that your teeth wouldn't rot by a doctor, would you stop brushing them daily? The only difference would be that your teeth would be yellow, and your breath a little worse, but health wise, you would be fine. Of course you would still brush them, having a white smile and good breath is something that makes you feel more attractive, and when someone can feel good about what they look like, it helps them feel more confident as well. Have you ever seen those commercials for the acne medications, where the people with incredibly bad acne had their before and after photos? People, once again, enjoy looking good.

 

Just because someone wants to look good, doesn't mean something is wrong with them. Don't tell me you've never combed your hair in the morning after forgetting to properly dry your hair before going to bed.

[shes2smart]

I went to a place I've never shopped before this past weekend and couldn't find any double digit sizes...I'm a 12 and felt so badly about myself I left there in near tears.

 

Ugh. Clothes shopping. I hate it.

 

Listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a size 12. The average size of an American woman is 5'4", 140 lbs., and she wears a size 14. (Read that in one of Dr. Christianne Northrup's books) So, you are actually a size smaller than the average "real" woman.

 

That this particular store doesn't carry your size is not your fault. It has nothing to do with you at all. I can understand why you're feeling bad, but try not to let one store's clothing selection wreck your day. If you went to, say, a hardware store looking for a particular drill bit and they didn't have the right size drill bit, you wouldn't leave the store in tears, would you? No, you might even be a little annoyed at the store for not having a good selection of drill bits...you wouldn't blame yourself for needing a particular size drill bit. This is really no different -- I know it feels like it is, but that is only because not finding the rigtht size drill bit isn't as emotionally charged as not being able to find the right size clothing because everything they're offering is too small for you.

 

Further, I really urge you not to punish yourself with a diet. They're based on deprivation and subtlely tell you that you can't be trusted to feed yourself. No one was ever able to make permanent, positive changes in their lives by treating themselves poorly.

 

Kindness, acceptance, respect...how would you treat a child who was feeling like you do now? You wouldn't yell at her, berate her, or do anything to make her feel worse, would you? Of course not, you would let her know she was loved just as she is and you would comfort her.

 

You deserve no less.

[yeawutever]

Because we pay too much attention to social norms and conform to them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RelaxByWater84]

I try to look my best because I look young for my age and I want people to think of me as an adult, not a teenager. I also like to look my best because I've noticed you get treated better except at a jewelry store I go to. They treat everyone the same. And I like the looks I get from guys when I dress my best. Vanity I know.

[TheRedQueen]

Because people want to make babies, and in order to make babies people must have sex, and in order to have sex, people must attract their potential mates, and in order to attract their potential mates, people will stop at nothing to look and seem like attractive must-have catches.

[KIDD]

People do it for a variety of reasons. I mean I think it's healthy to try to look your best because you want to give people a good impression about yourself, & not only that but it makes you feel good also.

[RayKay]

For me it's a side effect of living a healthy lifestyle - for the inside of me as much as the outside.

 

I eat healthy and exercise because I am competitive in my preferred sports, because I love the feeling of exercising, because I feel better when I do, because I like feeling comfortable with my body. Because I want to be able to be BETTER at those things I do. I do it because I care about my short term and long term health and have enough risks as is in my family. In the same vein I slather on sunblock, get regular sleep, drink lots of water, exercise my brain as well as my body, and fuel myself with healthy food.

 

So, my appearance is a "side effect" of all that.

 

On the other hand, I maybe bother with makeup once a week (and at that pretty minimal....people have told me I have a great "natural beauty" (which to me is a compliment!), almost NEVER go clothes shopping (unless it's cycling or running gear!) and just get my sisters "hand me ups", I just make sure I am clean, tidy and have a smile on!

 

But as for why people do it? It's really all about pressure, and attraction. People want to attract a mate, to show their dominance over others in their "group", to be selected, to be chosen for their genetics basically.

[sophie274]

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look your best, whatever your best is. You shouldn't have to look like the latest girl on the cover of whatever fashion magazine is out, but I personally enjoy feeling put together and attractive. And I also want my boyfriend to like both my personality, sense of humor, kindness and the way I look, and that doesn't involve crash diets or starving, but just being well groomed.

 

I also think people tend to associate a well-put-together exterior (cleaned, dressed in properly fitting clothes, smelling nice, orderly hair etc) with qualities such as maturity and responsibility, which can be very important when meeting new people or interviewing. Again, this isn't about looking like a Barbie doll, but about looking "nice".