Red Flags to look for when dating

[cinderelly65]

hello, just wondering alot of you have alot of experience when it comes to dating. so I was wondering what are some signs to look for or red flags when it comes to dating someone new?

[Beyondthesea]

"Identifying losers in relationships.

 

Any matches? Run!

[ElektraHere]

I would say a newly divorced person or someone right out of a relationship.

Contradictions to what they have said prior.

Still lives at home.

No friends.

[TiredMan]

For me, there are a few.

 

1) If she has sex with me on first date, then I'm not gonna get serious about her.

 

2) If she "expects" me to pay and doesn't even really offer, I'm out of there.

 

3) If it's in the beginning and she is questioning me about other things too much, again I'm outta there.

 

4) If she is out with me and I step away for a bit (lets say in a restaurant) and some other guy is hitting on her and she doesn't like get away from him, that is a huge red flag for me in terms of trust.

 

There are more but those are a few off the top of my head.

[Iceman26]

Oh my, there are so many

 

1) Many friends of the opposite sex

2) Never offers to pay

3) Partying with friends all the time

4) Friends of questionable character

5) answering the cell phone constantly when together (especially late night calls)

6) Exes call all the time

7) Religion

8) No sense of humor

9) Manners

10) People addicted to reality TV shows

11) Drug/alchohol abuse

[chai714]

Body language never lies. If you're getting negative body language, chances are she's not attracted to you. You can try getting her to open up to you but if you are unsuccessful then it's generally not a good idea to ask her for a second date.

 

Watch how she treats the waitress. Even though I don't recommend dinner on a first date, it's common. I always take notice to how she treats the waitress. Any sign of disrespect or rudeness and she's probably not getting asked out again.

 

She thinks you have deep pockets. If you ask a woman out on a date, you ought to pay for it. If she goes ordering expensive drinks and expensive dinner, I find this to be inappropriate. She's taking advantage of you and she doesn't even know you. So, if she has no conscience and is not considerate then she's out.

 

She says more than one sentence about her ex. She's likely not over him yet, which means she needs more time to heal. Don't think for a minute you can accelerate her healing process by "sweeping her off her feet." It's probably a good idea to set her on the side and let her build herself back up until she's ready.

 

She answers her cell phone and has a full blown conversation. Again, this is disrespectful. Yes, cell phones are very common but when you're on a date she owes you at least some consideration. When I say "full blown conversation" I'm talking about her asking the caller where they are, what they are doing, etc. In other words, it's not important.

 

These are a few red flags I've learned over the past couple years. Good luck and remember you deserve nothing but the best.

[chai714]

Sorry Cinderelly, I was giving you a guys perspective of a female.

 

If I were a female, I would look for the following (sorry, this is very difficult to imagine for me):

 

How he treats employees of whatever place he takes you. Again, you're looking for someone who has consideration for others. If he treats them like garbage for no apparent reason, he's not worth keeping.

 

Is he checking out other chicks? A good man will sneak peaks. A rude one will gawk in front of you and not think twice about you caring.

 

What are his goals? Everyone has goals, but what steps are they doing to achieve them? Find out if you can handle what he wants to become and the lifestyle that you could possibly live with this man.

 

He brags about the # of women he has been with. It's not a fair question to ask a man how many partners he has been with on the first date. But if he goes bragging directly or indirectly about the number, you're probably just another number to him.

[Mun]

I have one more: Run from anyone who sleeps on an air mattress and doesn't have his/her own car.

[Iceman26]

All very valid scenarios to watch out for Chai.

 

Mun, that one made me laugh, but its true!

[DN]

Boasting about anything

Only talks about themselves

Looks to see if there is anyone more attractive/richer etc. in the room

Bad manners

Bad attitude

Bad breath

[Iceman26]

Boasting about anything

Only talks about themselves

Looks to see if there is anyone more attractive/richer etc. in the room

Bad manners

Bad attitude

Bad breath

 

Money!

 

Especially when you ask them questions, they answer, but then don't ask you any questions in return, forcing you to ask all the questions and you feeling like they aren't curious about you, thereby making you wonder why they even went out with you. Boy does that suck.

[renaissancewoman101]

Someone who complains too much and blames the whole world for their miserable life.

 

Someone who is over 18 and never bothered to learn how to drive.

 

Someone who tells you right off the bat, "I want to date you but can you wait because I want to try dating this other lady first" (I had this happen to me, some guy liked me and chased me and asked me out. I really wasnt interested in him but he wore me down so I went out with him on a date and in the beginning, he told me that he liked me but that he wanted to see how it went with this other chick first).

[annie24]

Still lives at home.

 

Depends on why they still live at home. Is their mother very sick and needs a lot of help? Or are they living at home to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house?

[annie24]

For me, there are a few.

 

1) If she has sex with me on first date, then I'm not gonna get serious about her.

 

2) If she "expects" me to pay and doesn't even really offer, I'm out of there.

 

3) If it's in the beginning and she is questioning me about other things too much, again I'm outta there.

 

4) If she is out with me and I step away for a bit (lets say in a restaurant) and some other guy is hitting on her and she doesn't like get away from him, that is a huge red flag for me in terms of trust.

 

There are more but those are a few off the top of my head.

 

1) If you don't respect people who have sex on the first date, why are you doing it yourself?

 

2) If you asked her out on a first date, why would you expect her to pay? You asked for her company. However, if this continues throughout the relationship, then it is bad news.

 

3) Whare are these "other things" you don't like being questioned about? specifics?

 

4) At the restaurant, if she is seated at the table, and one of her coworkers comes over, where exactly can she leave to? and she can't really tell her coworker to F off. Why are you stepping away from your date long enough for her to get hit on? Are you just going to the bathroom for a few minutes? Or did you see some other people you knew and went to go talk to them?

[annie24]

He brags about the # of women he has been with. It's not a fair question to ask a man how many partners he has been with on the first date. But if he goes bragging directly or indirectly about the number, you're probably just another number to him.

 

Yuck! Yes!

 

Having been on a first date recently where the guy was bragging that he was dating 4 other women.... yuck. I just wanted to leave. I really should have left right then and there!

[Kevin T]

When his wife calls.

[annie24]

 

Someone who is over 18 and never bothered to learn how to drive.

 

 

I am almost 26, I never bothered to learn how to drive. I always lived in big cities or very close to school. I never needed to drive, and I had enough money for a downpayment on my own place, instead of blowing that money on a car and gas and insurance.

[ElektraHere]

Depends on why they still live at home. Is their mother very sick and needs a lot of help? Or are they living at home to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house?

 

Well I think if they were helping their mother or father that is different. Obviously then it would be passable. Other than that no way.

[annie24]

Well I think if they were helping their mother or father that is different. Obviously then it would be passable. Other than that no way.

 

Or like on Sex and the City - someone asks if Samantha would date a man that lived with his parents. She replied, "only if it's Prince William."

[ElektraHere]

Or like on Sex and the City - someone asks if Samantha would date a man that lived with his parents. She replied, "only if it's Prince William."

 

EXACTLY!!!! Now he I would make an exception for ;-) CHA CHA CHA!!!

[TiredMan]

1) If you don't respect people who have sex on the first date, why are you doing it yourself?

 

2) If you asked her out on a first date, why would you expect her to pay? You asked for her company. However, if this continues throughout the relationship, then it is bad news.

 

3) Whare are these "other things" you don't like being questioned about? specifics?

 

4) At the restaurant, if she is seated at the table, and one of her coworkers comes over, where exactly can she leave to? and she can't really tell her coworker to F off. Why are you stepping away from your date long enough for her to get hit on? Are you just going to the bathroom for a few minutes? Or did you see some other people you knew and went to go talk to them?

 

1) If I have sex with them, it's not a relationship to me either way.

 

2) I would expect her to offer. I went on a date once where we went to a movie. We waited on this line and got to the box office. She didn't offer to pay or pay half. In fact, she walked away JUST when it came time to pay and started like looking around at the walls. That was the end of that. It's rare that I ever asked a girl out straight out. It was either someone I knew through someone else or they asked me or mutual or other things.

 

3) If she wants to know where I am at all times. Stuff like that where it's possessive too soon.

 

4) Bathroom, important phone call, or whatever reason.

[annie24]

Fair enough.

 

With #4, have you walked away for 2 minutes and seen your date all over some other guy? or was she just having a friendly conversation with her coworker or neighbor who happened to also be in the restaurant.

[TiredMan]

This never has happened to me. But it has happened to guys I have known so I couldn't answer. When they told me, I was ticked off though. But it was clearly, according to them, guys hitting on the women, who of course, loved the attention they were getting.

[moondog627]

I can deal with the whole living at home to help a family member scenario. However, if the woman I'm dating has NEVER lived on her own then I'm out. Becoming a self-reliant, independent person is a major and necessary step in the process of becoming an adult.

[Orlander]

Having been on a first date recently where the guy was bragging that he was dating 4 other women.... yuck. I just wanted to leave. I really should have left right then and there!

 

geez, annie. What kind of creeps have you been going out with? OMG!!

 

 

Orlander