couples counseling

[sugarmomma]

My boyfriend and I have our first appointment for couples counseling today. He is a little hesistant as am I. I was just wondering if anyone thinks that going to counseling is a bad thing or has anyone ever had a bad experience with couples counseling? Or on the other hand, I was wondering if counseling has ever saved anyone's relationship and if so how?

[chigal28]

I have never been to couples counseling, but I am in counseling on my own for some personal issues, and I guess one piece of advice I would offer is that the first appointment is really to gauge whether you think this particular counselor would be a good fit for the two of you to work with.

 

I do think it's a positive step to go to couples counseling, because part of the point of counseling is to help you or you and your partner, depending on the type of counseling, to get a new perspective on things and understand each other and yourselves better. That's why it's so important to find a counselor that both of you feel comfortable with, and who shares your views on things that are important to you. If spirituality is an important part of your relationship, then you'll want to ask whether this particular counselor is willing to work on that aspect of things with the two of you. If it's NOT important or a factor in your relationship, on the other hand, you'll want to make sure they're not going to push that on you.

 

I just used spirituality as an example, but make sure that if there are things you want this counselor to help you with, you ask questions that will help you figure out if this particular counselor can in fact help you move in the direction you want to go. Also, above all, make sure that this is someone who you think you can feel truly comfortable with after a few appointments. You want to make sure this is someone you can open up to, who won't judge you but will be constructive and insightful.

 

When I went to my first appointment, I had no clue what to say, how to act, whatever--but that's OK. If it's anything like mine, the first appointment is really to suss out this counselor and who they are, as well as familiarizing yourself with the therapy process. You might get some "homework"--I did.

 

Good luck!!

[annie24]

i've been to counseling just by myself. It won't make things get better ASAP. for me, I've found that it brings up a lot of painful issues, but it is important for me to face them. so, in a way, therapy makes me feel a little worse, but is necessary.

 

what are you going to couples' counseling for? it could make things better for you right away - the counselor could teach you two how to communicate better with each other, or how to come to compromises.

 

good luck

[Relationship Coach]

Couples counseling is a great tool to help save a relationship but both parties have to be willing to work at it. I have counseled many couples and individuals who were having relationship issues. The success rate of a couple attending counseling together working is so much higher than just one person attending trying to save a relationship. You are off to a good start, have an open mind and listen.

 

RC

[novaseeker]

It varies. On the one hand it can be positive, on the other hand it can be negative.

 

For example, with time, it can make both of you see things differently, isolate issues and communication strategies and the like more effectively. In the short term, however, it can dredge up a lot of negativity and pain ... some of which may need to be expressed, but which can be unpleasant nevertheless in the short term. The keys to me are (1) looking at it as a medium term thing and not in the short term because the short term can be rocky and (2) don't use the counseling sessions as a substitute for communicating things outside of counseling (what my ex-wife did, for ex).

[shes2smart]

When my college bf and I were getting toward the end of our relationship, we went to a couple counseling sessions.

 

We already knew going in that we were going to split, but due to financial stuff, we opted to ride out the remainder of our apartment lease (something like 8 months).

 

The counseling really helped us live through those last 8 months peacefully/amicably. I think that's part of the reason that this guy is the only ex I keep in touch with. The break-up was still painful and sad, but lacked the animosity I've experienced in other break-ups, and I think that has a lot to do with the couples counseling we went to.

[yeawutever]

Talk about money waste, it must be expensive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again it allows both you and the SO to have an open communictaion and express emotions. Also you get to know where the relation went downhill and how to strengthen it.

[annie24]

not at all a waste of money - depending on your health insurance, it can be free. I know most univerisities offer free counseling.

 

plus, if it stops you from having a divorce, it has saved you an immense amount of heartache and money.

[kellbell]

I have never been to couples' counseling but I am in individual counseling and it is not a waste of money at all. My insurance pays for it, I just have to pay the co-payment which is cheap and definitely worth it. Counseling has helped me on so many levels I cannot begin to put in words.

 

I guess it all depends on where the person is emotionally and mentally, whether he/she has an open mind and what he/she expects out of the whole process. All I can say is keep an open mind. Good luck.

[Relationship Coach]

Aliec, it's much cheaper than a divorce! Many insurances will cover it and some places such as churches offer it free to members.

 

RC

[mom2be]

Couples counseling, and individual counseling is a great idea. But keep in mind when you are in counselling you have to be completely honest in that room, because that is the only way you can help yourself.

 

I have been fortunate to hook up with a great counsellor, but sometimes you may get someone who does not work for you. But you should keep trying.

 

Good luck