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sugarmomma

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  1. well I don't know if I can really help you but I am have been in a similar situation myself. My boyfriend's parents are indian and they disappoved of our relationship from the beginning. It has really been difficult and in the beginning he pulled away from me many times. It must be extremely difficult choosing between someone you love with all of your heart and the people who you've loved your whole life. We had many tearful nights trying to figure out if our love could survive his parents constant interferring. However I hung in there and patiently offered my love. There were times when I got frustrated and tried to make his choose, but that always made him run away. So instead I tried to support him and offer my understanding. I mean I do understand where his parents are coming from. They were raised different and in their hearts they want the best for their son. After two years, things finally paid off. My boyfriend moved in with me. I wish I could say we lived happily ever after, but his family is still interfers in our relationship. They have accepted our relationship as much as they can , and they try to extend themselves and be warm to me. However they still hope that our relationship won't last and that my boyfriend will marry a nice indian girl. I am still a secret to his family in India. I still get last min invitations to everything. They still try and dominate my boyfriend's life. They still hound and interrogate him about us every time they get him alone. He comes home from their house shaken ,distant, and full of doubts. The doubts generally disappear within a few hours of being home but I sense them. I guess my point is you have to be realistic about this relationship and way out the pros and cons. Relationships all have their set of problems. I think if you really want this to work and you really love this man, you should call him. Tell him you understand how difficult this is for him and offer him your love and support. But also realize that this is something you will forever have to deal with in the relationship. If mean obviously his family is important to him, and I am sure given enough time they will grow to love and accept you. But it may take years and years , and along the way you will have to be very patient. Living with my boyfriend has helped me realize that we are indeed very different. Even though he is his own person, I think his family has def instilled values into him that really clash with mine. These are things you don't really figure out until you live with someone. Sometimes I think his family is right and maybe he would be better suited with someone from his own culture. Someone who could be close to his family and who wants similar things out of life. But our love for each other is VERY strong and I guess only time will tell if it's strong enough to stand up against the many challenges that we face. so search way down in your soul and figure out what your heart and mind really tell you. Good luck..
  2. wow thank you all so much. Your words really helped me to stop and think.I would def consider adoption, in fact I would prefer to adopt. And I guess I could always hire a nanny. I don't think my boyfriend will change his mind, but who knows. I guess only time will tell. but I am extremely lucky to have him in life and I shouldn't make any rash decisions just because he hurt my feelings by being honest. when i thought again about adoption options , i felt relieved. All of the pressure of neededing to decide disappeared. Thanks again for your help!
  3. So I am back to enotalone. I have written several other posts and now I feel I am faced with yet another question I seriously need advice for. Brief background. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and we have faced the gammit of relationship issues. I am his first girlfriend as well as his first lover. He is 28 and I am 29. Plus he comes from Indian parents whom are insistent he marry an Indian woman in his caste. On top of it last year I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Needless to say the fact that we are still together is a testament to our love. In the beginning I was plagued with insecurities. I was afraid my boyfriend would want other woman and leave me, however I eventually became extremely confident in his love and devotion to me. In fact recently I told him that if he wanted to go and get a lap dance i wouldn't mind at all and he told me that even with permission , he wouldn't want a lap dance because it doesn't even come close to what he has with me and the beauty of when we make love. I tease him all the time about other woman and he insists that he rarely even notices other woman because he is so in love with me. And he has always been hurtfully honest about these things. Then in July he suggested we move in together. I was floored. For him that is a huge commitment. Indian tradition is for the male child to live at home until he is married to a woman his parents choose ( or at the very least approve of) . His family practically disowned him and it caused huge controversy. But he did it. he moved into my place. And for the most part our relationship is great. We had huge communication issues at first but we went to a therapist and now we communicate pretty well. We rarely argue and when we do , they don't last very well. We are extremely different though. And some times it causes conflicts. Either way I seriously can not imagine spending my life with anyone else. My boyfriend is the sweetest, most loving individual I have ever met and we communicate most of the time without even speaking. He takes amazingly good care of me. I adore him. However ( I know get to it already) we have hit a serious problem. From the beginning my boyfriend has maintained that he doesn't want children, where as I am undecided on the issue. I swing back and forth. Lately as all of my friends have babies the issue has become more pressing. So last night I addressed it with my boyfriend and he gave me an honest answer. Basically he told me that he seriously never wants children with anyone, but especially with me. He thinks trying to raise children and take care of me and my MS, would just be too much for him too commit to. Now at first I was terribly hurt. But as I thought about it, I clearly saw his point. Dealing my MS is very difficult for both of us. Some days I am so exhausted I can barely function and on those days , he takes care of me. It would be so seriously selfish to add some children on top of that. It is a good possibility that he may have to spend a majority of the time raising the children alone because I simply can not function. That isn't very fair to him. Or to the children. Honestly I have considered not having children myself because of complications of my MS. But I still can help feeling like there is a chance I could want children and i feel like I am wasting valuable time in a relationship where we will eventually want separate things. During the conversation he also revealed that his parents have been hounding him because they think he isn't happy in the relationship. And he is very negative about relationships in general. He seems to sort of resent them as a loss of one's personal freedom not to care about anything. He also wouldn't directly answer me when I asked him i asked him if he felt trapped in this relationship because I am sick. He also said that he loved me dearly and that I complete him. He said that I am the yin to his yang. He said he would be heartbroken if I left him and that he hates conversations like these conversations because he is afraid that his answers will make me want to break up with him and that would destroy him. Bottom line I love him dearly and can imagine living without him. I also don't believe that you have to be traditional and only be in a relationship which will lead to marriage or children. On top of it I may choose to have children and BAM , problem solved. But part of me can't stop feeling rejected and disappointed. Also I am afraid that at like age 32 I will decide I must have children and then i will have ruin the life we build together and try and scramble to find someone before my time runs out. I do think that if i gave him an ulti matum about having children or breaking up that he would give in , in order to keep me. But I would never do that. I only want to have a child with someone who 100% completely wants to. Maybe finding someone who wants to have children with me would be tough, considering my medical condition. But a lot of my exes says that would never have stopped them from having kids with me. I am afraid that subconsciously I will withdraw from him and allow my new doubts to sabatoge this relationship. I am so confused, please give me advice on whether i should end this relationship or not. May I add we are suppose to buy furniture and a dog together this weekend.
  4. Well when we first got together he was totally against marriage but I don't really care about getting married and never pushed the issue. Now he acts like he has no problem with getting married and we talk about it like it is in out future openly.
  5. sorry I just turned 29 and he turned 28. we have the same birthday.
  6. So I've posted a lot of post about my problem laden relationship. Maybe I am a wee bit addicted to this site. Recently, after two years of waiting, my boyfriend finally moved in with me. Now it has had it's good points and it's bad points. On one hand , I have learned that my boyfriend is extremely sweet and helpful ( which I already knew) but even more so now. Almost every morning he offers to cook me breakfast and almost every night he cooks me dinner. He always helps with the chores and bends over backwards to take care of me and our home. Of course I have also started to see crabby sides of him that I knew existed but hoped would never surface in regards to me. Nothing serious but he can say some rather hurtful things over small disagreements. Then again I am usually extremely oversensitive and I have learned not to react right away when he says those things. Instead I wait and discuss them later and most of the time I learn that I interpreted his comments wrong or he said something he didn't mean. So we are working on our conflict resolution. It is difficult adjusting living with someone after all and it seems as if we are both stuck in our ways sometimes ( like whether or not to put a bag in the bathroom garbage can). But all in all it hasn't been bad. Now the question My boyfriend has maintained since I met him that he doesn't want children ever!! Every once in a while he does slip up and talk about when we have children but when I ask him about it later he says he was only kidding. I haven't decided about children yet. but I think in about 5 years I would like to adopt a child. And I have made this clear to my boyfriend. We both know it's a huge problem and will probably lead to our eventual breakup but it seems stupid to end something that we have worked so hard for and that is so beautiful about the future. Maybe I will decide I never want children or maybe he will decide he does. However, yesterday when we were arguing about something silly. I said " imagine how much we are going to argue about raising our adoptive child." Now I did say it just to mess with him and get under his skin a little , which is my bad, but he responded by saying very firmly " you and I will NEVER have children together." And for some reason it just hit home when he said it that way. He didn't say he would never have children, he emphasized that he and I would never have children together. Something in the way he said it made me think that he would possibly consider having children with someone else, but not me. Either way it made me realize that maybe I am just setting myself up for disaster and I am wondering how many people think that it's a bad idea to play house with someone with whom you will most likely end up wanting different things from life?
  7. yes, this is the same man who had expressed the interest in sleeping with other woman before. And that was something that took me a long time to get over, but I think he has come to terms with the fact that he traded a long list of sexual partners for a devoted and loving relationship. We have talked about it and he says that the urge to experience something new has gone away. In fact the other day we were talking about problems in our relationship and he was talking about him being indian and his parents being so against our relationship. I brought up my concern about him being a virgin and he said " honey you don't need to worry about, I've gotten over, now you need to. I am sure that it may surface again in the relationship somewhere down the future, but the issue of you're partner wanting to sleep with other people can surface anytime in a relationship regarless of how many people they slept with before you. I actually wouldn't mind possibly swinging but whenever I suggest it , he says that he isn't interested. That he only wants to be with me right now. We are both aware that could change in the future on both of our ends, but instead of focusing on that we have decided to focus on the right now. I really believe he wouldn't have suggested us moving in together if he was still interested in exploring being single and having sex with other people. I think he thought about it , really weighed his options and decided that what we have is more important that meaningless sex with strangers. Maybe I am just fooling myself though Anyway back to us moving in together... He has lived on his own in college. For the first year he lived in the dorms, the second year he shared an apartment with roomates and the third and fourth year he lived on his own in an apartment. So I guess I meant this is the only time living with a girlfriend. As far as him and my roommate, they get along REALLY REALLY well. We are all friends and my roommate is actually dating his best friend. My roommate and my boyfriend cook dinner for me together and will hang out and watch movie if I am busy doing something in another room. The house is set up to where we ( me and my boyfriend) have the complete opposite end of the house then my roommate. She has her own bathroom and I have mine. Everyone has a TV in their room as well as a computer. So there is a lot of privacy for people living together. It's a four bedroom house and it is really big. The only thing I am really worried about is cleaning. Although we are all really pretty clean and my roommate is good about doing specific chores if I ask her to. She is a really wonderful roommate.
  8. Okay so my boyfriend and I are finally moving in together. If you have read any of my other posts, It has been a HARD , HARD road for us. However with lot's of commitment and some counseling we have managed to get to a point in our relationship were we want to take things to the next level and FINALLY move in together. My boyfriend is moving in with me and my roommate. He will have his own room in the house. A room for him to escape to with his computer and music equipment. Of course he'll sleep in my room, but I thought it was important for him to have his own space. Okay, Okay I'll get to my point. This is my boyfriend's first time ever living with someone other than his parents. I have lived with two other men before. So I have some experience. His parents are extremely opposed to us living together and have filled his head with all sorts of pre-programmed doubts. They have calmed down a tiny bit from when he first told them he was moving out. They aren't threatening suicide anymore which is good. My question is does anyone have any good advice on moving in together? What to do and what not to do? I am worried this may be more traumatic for my boyfriend that I realize and I want to try and make it painless as possible. Plus I would like to avoid making common mistakes
  9. hello, I think chemistry is more important than physical attraction. And I think that developing feelings can trigger chemistry. I think you should look at your chemistry together. When I met my current boyfriend I was not physically attracted to him and he wasn't all that attracted to me. He even told me that I wasn't his " type" and in the past he had been way more physically attracted to other woman. However we had extreme chemistry. Maybe when I looked at him, I didn't get turned on, if fact I was a little turned off. However when I listened to him speak, when I smelled him, and when we actually touched I felt a crazy intense attraction.. We just fit. Do anything make you feel chemistry for her? Does her smell excite you? Does her touch feel amazing? Do you like her personal style? Do you like a sparkle in her eye or is a certain mannerism endearing to you? These all point to signs of chemistry. Now that I have been with my boyfriend for two years I think he is the most handsome man I have ever seen. And he tells me I am the most beautiful girl in the world and the only woman he yearns for. It is amazing how the way that I looked at his physical appearance has changed but if there wasn't chemistry there, I don't think it would have mattered how well we got along or how much I liked him it would have never worked. I would always be yearning for that missing chemistry. does that help any?
  10. I am not sure if this will help you at all but I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend's mother is obssessed with my boyfriend. Her standards for whomever he dates are unrealistically high. Since the beginning she has made a pointed out how I am not pretty enough ( well more like not thin enough), not successful enough, I don't come from a good enough family, I don't make enough money, I don't have a good enough education ( i'm in college too), I am not clean enough. The other day she pointed out that I stay out in the sun too much and that I am going to end up with age spots and a wrinkled neck. At first it was a huge issue for me and it actually made me start to feel really insecure. I questioned ending my relationship as well. But I really wanted to make my relationship work regardless of his mother. Basically I made it clear to my boyfriend that I don't care what his mother thinks as long as it doesn't affect what he thinks, and that if it comes to a point to where it's affecting what he thinks, then he and I have much bigger issues. I try to understand that (even though it's not healthy) his mother's standards come from her love for her son. Somewhere deep in all of that hateful judgement comes her wanting the best for her son. My plan on dealing with the issue is to continue to be myself. I have faith that she will eventually see the things her son loves in me and one day she will understand how much I love her son and that I only want the best for him. And that will overshadow all the shallow things she judges me for. Luckily she isn't rude to my face. Most of her nasty comments are made behind my back. If she was rude to my face I wouuld have to have a heart to heart talk to her explaining all of my good intentions for her son and the fact that I don't want to interfere in their relationship , more so I'd like to be a part of it. A conversation where I can address and confront her on her rudeness without insulting her. And maybe somehow making her feel a little better. Whether you like her or not she is someone who will always be important to your boyfriend. I guess you have decide how important your boyfriend is to you. In doesn't excuse her behavior but maybe it will give you some ideas in order to cope. Either way in time she will have to get over it and accept her son's decision to be with you. good luck!
  11. My boyfriend and I have our first appointment for couples counseling today. He is a little hesistant as am I. I was just wondering if anyone thinks that going to counseling is a bad thing or has anyone ever had a bad experience with couples counseling? Or on the other hand, I was wondering if counseling has ever saved anyone's relationship and if so how?
  12. I just wanted to update everyone on what happened. I spent all week worrying about my friend coming along but I stayed true to my convictions and never made any attempt to cancel on her. I even invited her along to go shopping for the trip the day before. I reasoned to my self that I just had to get over my insecurities and accept whatever happened. On the morning of the tubing trip she was no where to be found, and it turns out she called a mutual friend the night before at 2:00am to let them know that she was never going to be able to make it on time and to cancel. Needless to say I was a little relieved. My boyfriend and I had a great time on the trip and I was very proud of myself , the only thing i was upset about was the amount of time I spend worrying about the trip for no reason. Thanks everyone.
  13. well last night my boyfriend came over and I casually asked him " honey do you want to go to a strip club soon?" he asked me " why do you " and I said " I want to go if it will help turn you on and get you excited. And he said " I don't really like strip clubs anymore now that I met you and I am having sex regularly." So now I am even more confused...
  14. I have amazing orgasims were I do feel exhausted by the end. I don't know if I have ever blacked out. but maybe something close. If you aren't a swinger how do you have rules with your current girlfriend? How do you suggest we "mamange" my boyfriend's curiosity? Thanks
  15. your post was a little confusing with to me. Are you a swinger? what is the "male-not-enough syndrome"? What do you mean about him having a stripper on his own and not enjoying that type of " machine". Are you saying that Strippers or prostitues would not satisfy him? Do you really think he's curiosity will destroy our relationship? I guess I didn't really understand what point you were getting at in your post. I am bi-sexual and have been with many woman on my own. I do get tired after orgasim? why do you ask?
  16. i do agree that it is a handicapp that he was a virgin. I am sure there will always be an issue somewhere about him sleeping with other woman. but I do know several ( okay two ) married couples where the husbands were both virgins and their marriages are working out great so far. I feel like even if I was with a man who had hundreds of sexuals conquests that it would not guarantee he would or could be faithful to me. I can't even say that I will be totally happy only sleeping with my botfriend for the rest of my life. I don't think it bothers him that I have slept with more people than him, but I could be wrong. There was a time when I was really hung up on the fact that he was a virgin. but I learned to be comfortable with it because obviously he is willing to sacrifice certain things in exchange for my love. Maybe I am fooling myself. i know that the post is all about turning him on, but turning him on , turns me on. I have always had the most pleasure sexually when my partner is pleased. Sexually i am just a pleaser. Plus his an amazing lover ( surprising for a virgin) and everytime we make love I am very satisfied. I am not only thinking about the threesome thing for him. It's something I would be interested in even if my boyfriend wasn't a virgin. I tried to get my last boyfriend to have a threesome but he wasn't interested. Everyone always says that threesomes ruin relationships and I guess I could see how. But I don't think it's an automatic death sentence. of course it's only something I would want to try when I was completely secure in our relationship and that is a bit down the road. I think sex is important in a relationship but I don't think it should be the end all most important thing. i know that he is probably giving up a lot by remaining faithful to me and that is why I want to make sure that I do my best to meet his fantasies and please him. if he's stuck having sex with only me for the time being I want to make it the best sex possible So no one is against the stipper idea?
  17. I am writing this hoping to get some male perspectives but any feedback is welcome. I have written before ( too many times) but it always helps to get new opinions. My boyfriend was a 26 year old virgin when we starting dating. I am still not sure why he remained a virgin for so long. He is attractive and smart and he had some ample opportunities so lose his virginity. He says he was just waiting for the right person. Needless to say he lost his virginity on our second date. Before we started dating my boyfriend had a very high sex drive and went to strip bars pretty often. He has always seem to have a very strong attraction to strippers. We have openly talked about how I am not the "type" he would generally be attracted to but that his attraction to me has grow overwhelming as he has fallen in love with me. That okay with me, cause he isn't the "type" of guy that I am normally attracted to and my attraction to him is now overwhelming as well since I have fallen in love with him. In beginning our sexual relationship was very active. Like any new couple we couldn't get enough of each other. And for the past two years we have consitantly had a very good sex life. According to my boyfriend it just got better and better over time. At first my boyfriend was open about his level of attraction to other woman. We discussed one day having a threesome or opening our sexual relationship up and bringing in other partners. But then around five months ago he opened up to me and admitted he had been fantasying about having sex with other woman and that he didn't know if he could go his whole life only having sex with me. Unfortunately at the time we were sort of having problems and I was very insecure in the relationship. So I reacted very badly and sort of freaked out. Since then I have gained more security in our relationship and believe that it would eventually be appealing to me as well to open up our sexual relationship and experiment with others. However it will take me a while to really decide if that is something that will work for me or not. So I am just keeping it on the back burner. He has never mentioned it again and he now seems to repress and hide from me his attraction for other woman. A few weeks after he mentioned his desire for other woman I suggested that we both take some time and see other people. He didn't want to. He was too afraid of losing me. So for the past five months we have just been committed to each other and have not discussed opening our sexual relationship at all. I don't feel pressured to do it and I wouldn't do it if it wasn't something that I felt 100% comfortable with. And I do think that in time it would even be a turn on to see my boyfriend with another woman and the thought of having sex with another man I am attracted to without threatening my relationship is very appealing. I have always been very open about sex. And I think we could get to a place where I felt secure enough to do this. Also I want to add that a few months ago my boyfriend starting experiencing pain after sex. It seems to be around his prostate and he went to see a doctor. The doctor did a full exam and told him that there was nothing to worry about. Since then he says that the pain is gone but I wonder if he is in fact hiding the pain from me. He knows that I will prompt him to go to another doctor and he would rather live in denial. He thinks most physical problems are really all in our head and are manifestations of repressed emotions. Now we get to the heart of my question. Lately my boyfriend seems to enjoy sex less and less. I think it is the natural progression of a relationship. The newness has sort of worn off and it's starting to become more of a comfortable shoe sort of thing. I try to keep things exciting. I wear sexy lingerie all the time and strip for him. I spend time trying to seduce him. I send him dirty text messages and try new positions. I never ever turn him down for sex. but there seems to be only so much you can do to keep it exciting. I ask him for feedback about what would turn him on and he rarely answers me , either he doesn't know what turns him on or he's afraid to tell me. Last night after making love I asked him if it was as good as it used to be , he honestly answered no,but then he explained that amazing sex isn't really that important to him. That sometimes it's as great as it was in the beginning, but that it doesn't have to be earth shattering every time. That he is okay with that and that he still enjoys it immensely. What I am wondering is if that really is normal and if anyone has any suggestions on how to rekindle some of the newness. We already role play and we have tried a tiny bit of bondage. I was thinking of treating him to a lap dance at a strip club hoping to arouse him a little but it just never seems that appropriate to say " hey let's go get you a lap dance" Plus I thinks a good opportunity to see how I feel with him being intimate with someone else. I wonder if anyone thinks that will help our sex life. We have watched some porn but not a lot. Do you men think that he is totally unsatisfied and covering it up? Shouldn't hot sex always be important. Any has any success with putting the spark back into their sex life?
  18. She was invited by our mutual friend that we met through and she gives me plenty of attention. She is always very sweet and slightly flirty with me. I def think she is extremely attracted to my boyfriend but I don't think she has any underlying ploy to see him or steal him away from me. I think she has noticed my jealousy and has toned down her natural affection for my boyfriend. They aren't nearly as friendly as they used to be, every since that party where I was obviously upset because they were hitting it off and being so intimate.
  19. Thanks , if anyone esle has advice PLEASE keep it coming.. but the previous posts have all helped me feel way more comfortable with the situation. I just need develop security within myself and our relationship. And let whatever will be will be.. or should I?
  20. My boyfriend and I of two years are finally starting to straighten out our relationship. I have posted numerous threads about our problems to which everyone has responded " break up already". However we have managed to overcome most of the problems. I have always had a problem with jealousy because my boyfriend was a 26 year old virgin when we got together. So i am forever wondering how much he lust for other women. One of the biggest problems with my boyfriend is that were are really different. He is much more conservative than I am am but with a liberal twist. He's parents are always prompting him to be with a more "successful" girl. I am still in college ( they want him to date a graduate) I make good money but they want someone who makes like 80,000-90,000 a year. They want someone more physically perfect ( I have jewel like teeth and I am about 25lbs overweight) and they def would like someone more conservative. I am very funky and artistic. Recently my boyfriend and I have talked about moving in together ( he still lives at home with his parents) but we set a move in date of July 1st as long as everything goes smoothly. He is the one who suggested it, so it does prove his commitment to me. here lies my question.. I have a girlfriend ( well more of an acquittance) who I have hung out with a few times. I like her a lot. A few months ago I noticed my boyfriend and her really hitting it off at a party. It was really the first time I have seen him have chemistry with another woman. It was also the first time he sort of ignored me for someone else. They have a lot in common. He is a computer programmer and she is a web designer. They talked computers for a while. She is very pretty and more his "type", thin, plain, stylish and was more conservative. She is very successful and makes a lot of money. She drives a BMW and has a beautiful house. She throws great parties, travels the world and has similar taste in music. More importantly she is very laid back and just plain cool. Her personality type would suit my boyfriend's way more than mine. Plus, she's single and eager to have a boyfriend. And I know his parents would love her. I know that she is attracted to my boyfriend because she told me over and over how cute he is and how lucky I am to have him. After their obvious chemistry at that party i confronted him and he stopped being as friendly to her as he had been previously. Maybe the problem is that I have a crush on her and thereforeeee feel threatened by her. I guess in my mind I conjure up this perfect relationship her and my boyfriend would have. It seems to me that they would be perfect together. I do trust the two of them. I don't think my boyfriend would ever betray me like that and more so, i don't think she would ever do anything with him while we are still together. Both her and my boyfriend have strong morals and are sweet trust worthy people. But I planned a tubing trip this weekend and she emailed me saying she wants to go. This will involve 4 hours of tubing down the river with her in a bikini, chatting with my boyfriend. There will be like 10 other people there. I really don't want her to come. I am afraid I will be uncomfortable the whole time, concetrating on their every interaction. Part of me wants to make up a lie so that she won't come and the other part on me tells myself that i should just get over it, stop being insecure and go and enjoy myself. I am looking for feedback of what other people think, so if you actually read this whole thing please tell me, and I am being crazy or preceptive?
  21. I am writing yet another post. I have written on here many times. Every time I have written, most people have advised me to simply end my relationship. I guess I am being stubborn but I am just not ready to let go of this relationship. I love my boyfriend more than I have ever loved anyone. So instead of asking what I should do (breakup or stay together) like I have in my original posts, I am simply asking for advice on how to try and make things better. Essentially I can't seem to find any security in my relationship and I am starting to sabotage it. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years and our relationship has always been on the verge of collapsing. My boyfriend has always been hot and cold. I know he loves me desperately but it is his first relationship. Every time things get the slightest bit difficult, he's tries to run. Even when things go well, he always has a certain lack of confidence in our relationship The repercussion of this is that I always suspect him of secretly wanting to escape our relationship. It's made me paranoid and over sensitive. I refuse to allow things to go good without second guessing everything and trying to instigate an argument. More recently my boyfriend finally seems committed to our relationship. I have given several opportunities to leave. But he maintains that he wants to work things out. He's been very affectionate and sweet. He's stood by me and helped me through almost all of my insecure moments. In short he has done everything he can to re-assure me. He's spent as much time as he can and devoted as much to our relationship as is possible and it's still not good enough for me. I can't seem to let go of the insecurities he created in me and I can't seem to let go of anything hurtful he has said to me in the past. This past weekend I totally freaked out on him. I cried all weekend long, I accused him of faking his feelings, I took turns pushing him away and then pulling him closer. I got upset no matter what he said or what he did. One of the problems is that he is a horrible communicator and when I throw accusations at him, he doesn't deny them. He will deny them if I prompt him to, otherwise he remains silent, which only confirms my fears. But that is just his way of dealing with things. When I get upset, he gets so scared. He simply shuts down. I think he's starting to reach his breaking point and starting to withdrawal again. He says that it seems like nothing he does is good enough and I don't blame him. I am worried that I have pushed him to far away from me and I don't know what to do. He has agreed to counseling but it's is going to take a while before we can implement that. I guess what I am really asking is some advice on how to stop myself from freaking out and how to heal some of the damage I've done. I want to just start over but we've started over so many times. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to heal and rebuild something you just destroyed? I feel like I am losing my mind.
  22. I have no interest in seeing other people. I love my boyfriend with all of my heart but if he isn't ready to make more of a committment after almost two years I feel like maybe I should see what my options are.
  23. Brief recap: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years now. When I met him, he was a 27 year old virgin who stilled lived at home and had never had a girlfriend. He’s Indian and his parents have sheltered him beyond belief. We fell in love and had problems right from the start. Mostly because his family disapproved of our relationship. Since the beginning, our relationship has been a mixture of extreme highs and lows. Most of our problems have stemmed from me trying to push the relationship forward. He refuses to move out of his parent’s house. He likes being able to save money and having his mother do everything for him. Not to mention his mother is way too attached to him and talks about suicide every time he even mentions moving out. I think if he had more faith in our relationship we would indeed move out on his own, but we can’t seem to go a month without hindering on the verge of a breakup. Most recently, we had some problems right before Valentine’s day. He starting hinting at the fact that he had been wondering what sex with other woman would be like. I confronted him and he told me that he needed space and wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in a relationship. I had just been diagnosed with MS a few weeks before this and I was about to start medication, so needless to say I freaked out. He immediately took it back and tried to offer me support as I started my first dose of medication. My heart was broken. I felt totally betrayed and I fell into a deep depression. I couldn’t believe he could try and leave me when I needed him the most. I thought about suicide, but some how I managed to snap myself out of it. I started trying to focus on myself instead of my relationship with him. I starting going out and feeling good about myself. I started flirting with other men and doing my best to look attractive. I went out to a night club and met another guy. We exchanged numbers and started talking a little here and there. He asked me for a date. I realized I had to tell my boyfriend because I if not I was about to become a cheater. The weekend came and even though he spent Friday night and Saturday with me, he opted to stay home Saturday night and then made plans all day Sunday without me, which means we wouldn’t hang get to out until Wednesday. That was my breaking point. I called him up and explained that I wanted to see other people. I unloaded how much he had hurt me and how I didn’t feel our relationship was going anywhere. I told everything I had been feeling for the past few weeks. He didn’t say much, he just listened and cried. After that he completely closed up on me. He wouldn’t talk to me and when I forced him to see me all he would do is cry and cry. He said that he was heartbroken and afraid of losing me. He said that he was frozen in agony. I explained that he should be excited because now he could explore his freedom and explore sleeping with other people which is what I thought he wanted. He said that isn’t what he wanted. I couldn’t stand to see him so sad. I love him so much and although he has his problems, he really is the sweetest man. So I told him that I wasn’t going to see other people after all and that I would cancel the date. He seemed immediately relieved and happy. He asked me what changed my mind and I just shrugged it off. Every since then we have been acting like everything is normal. I cancelled my date with the other guy. And for the most part my boyfriend seems to be back to his normal self. Except he always freaks out on the inside after things like this, holds it all in and then unloads it on me at the worst times. I am so confused about what he wants and where we are headed. I am not even sure what I want anymore. Part of me wants to just give it some time without a bunch of drama to see where things go from here. I have hope that if we just let things settle a little without fighting or almost breaking up and re-build faith in each other than we have a real chance. I hope that if we had even just three or four good months that he would feel comfortable enough to move out and give us a chance to get closer. But the other part of me says that it’s a waste of time. And that I will just waste three or four months trying my hardest to make something work that for whatever reason is just doomed. I try and talk to him about things but he’s horrible at communication. He doesn’t seem to know what he wants. I don’t think he wants to lose me, but I don’t think he has faith that we can make things work either. I feel like we are stuck in the perpetual place where we can’t seem to move forward or backwards. When we aren’t fighting over things like his parents, him living at home, or dating other people we get along really well. We never argue about normal everyday stuff. We laugh all the time. We have so much fun together. We really enjoy each other’s company. If we could escape the outside world and live in our own little bubble everything would be perfect. He is extremely affectionate in private as well as in public. He’s very tender and concerned. He is a total gentleman, always opens doors for me and offers to pay for things. He helps me with chores around my place. He calls me everyday and sends me text messages telling me how much he misses me. He compliments me all the time. He talks about us like we have a future together. He really tries everything to make me happy except make the commitment to move out or spend more time with me. Please, please, please give me advice!!!
  24. 1) Do you think that one of the people in a relationship has the urge to see other people that it's really because there are problems in the relationship that are making that person unhappy and that if those issue's were resolved that urge to see other people might disappear too. Or do you think the only way to resolve those feeling is for the curious person to actually date other people? 2) Do you think after one person loses faith in a relationship that there is any way to re-build that faith? 3) Does anyone have any suggestions on ways to start over or ways to heal some of the hurt and resentment that may build up in a relationship? 4) Do you think if both people are willing to try counseling that there is at least a little faith left in both people? 5) Do you think that if two people are madly in love with each other they should keep trying until the love is gone?
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