What has ENA showed you?

[friscodj]

I was just thinking about this today. What are a few things you've learned or things you've seen that have stuck with you or shocked you since you starting reading the posts and started posting on ENA?

 

For me:

 

1) When two people break up, I am absolutely shocked at how common it is for one (usually, but not always, a younger woman from what I've seen) to "want their cake and eat it to". Man, I see it everyday on here how one person "keeps the ex around just in case" and expresses that notion through a wide variety of lines...and when they're seeing someone else no less! Wow...selfishness to the extreme...

 

2) NC. I never really saw how powerful and important (and misused as well) the notion of "no contact" is after a break up. Some people use it to make their ex jealous, or "get back at them" by making them wonder, but really I learned it should be used to help yourself move on and heal. And I think the notion of NC should be extended beyond just not directly contacting the other person, it should also entail not checking up on them through their website or spying on their life through mutual friends, for example. NC = disappear from their life...this makes a huge difference...

 

3) There are a lot of screwed up relationships out there. I mean, drugs, incarceration, abuse, and pregnancy all at the same time. And you tell these people to get out of it and they don't listen! Situations like this really amaze me...

 

4) The prevalence of baseless hopes that things will change and you'll get back together with your ex and live happily ever after. But usually, not only is there no real evidence to support this line of thinking, but I've seen on here where people still hold onto this notion when the ex blocks their phone calls, email, dating someone else, etc.

 

5) People mistake a great person for a great relationship. I often read how great someone is but the relationship is obviously a disaster. I've learned to look at what you have together and the amount and level of fulfillment and happiness it brings vs. someone who is everything I ever dreamed of and satisfies a checklist of desireable traits in a partner and really don't work well together.

 

6) There are two sides to relationship advice: the theoretical side (knowing what to do) and the practical side (actually going through with something). I've found that the theory part is the easier part...actually doing it is a lot harder...

 

6) How many truly wise, generous, caring, and kind people there are out there from so many countries, walks of life, ages, situations, etc. who have come to ENA to donate their valuable time to help others in need, and often in times of dire straits. I mean, everyone on here is a stranger to each other. Some of us post everyday, some only post once and vanish. But everybody takes time to read the posts, think about them, and post here for free, especially the pros on here who could be getting paid to do it. I'm amazed at that aspect of this site...

[nicorette]

There are two sides to relationship advice: the theoretical side (knowing what to do) and the practical side (actually going through with something). I've found that the theory part is the easier part...actually doing it is a lot harder...

 

so true. often you let someone know advice, and then they dont take it. and then complain its not working.

 

6) How many truly wise, generous, caring, and kind people there are out there from so many countries, walks of life, ages, situations, etc. who have come to ENA to donate their valuable time to help others in need, and often in times of dire straits. I mean, everyone on here is a stranger to each other. Some of us post everyday, some only post once and vanish. But everybody takes time to read the posts, think about them, and post here for free, especially the pros on here who could be getting paid to do it. I'm amazed at that aspect of this site...

 

so true friscodj. i really do thank everyone here who has came out and supported and helped me, and all the others here. it really is a great site and another great thing is that although some peoples views may be different, you rarely see anyone cut other people down or "attack others" it really is a friendly environment.

[doyathink]

I have found that so many of the feeling that I have are one's that a lot of others have as well. It's so nice to know that we can share ours lives with the ENA world and that someone somewhere has gone through the same experiences.

 

So much advice is given here that one can take what they want and what they feel will work in their life and leave the rest.

[friscodj]

I have found that so many of the feeling that I have are one's that a lot of others have as well. It's so nice to know that we can share ours lives with the ENA world and that someone somewhere has gone through the same experiences.

 

So true! I often read posts and say, "That's how I felt too!"

[miracle29]

The biggest thing I've learned here, is that you should not join this site if you can't accept that most of the posters will NOT do what you want them to. Or in most cases, if they do take your advice they will take it in segments and not in its entirety.

 

It may even take someone months to a year or more to finally listen to what they knew in their hearts was the right thing to do in the first place. Once you get past that...you'll be a much better poster.

 

Also to not take anything any here personally even if a personal attack is aimed at you.

 

I've learned a lot about myself.....

 

I've learned that I'm NOT alone.

[doyathink]

So true! I often read posts and say, "That's how I felt too!"

Dj, what brought you here? Did the ppl here help you and did you apply the 'advise' you were given?

[friscodj]

Dj, what brought you here? Did the ppl here help you and did you apply the 'advise' you were given?

 

This brought me here:

 

 

 

 

 

This site totally helped me and I learned a lot. The biggest thing was about NC...

[Mr Mister1]

The biggest thing I've learned here, is that you should not join this site if you can't accept that most of the posters will NOT do what you want them to. Or in most cases, if they do take your advice they will take it in segments and not in its entirety.

 

Indeed, when I give out advice I feel it's important to note that it's only my opinion based on what I've read about the situation, and of course others may disagree with my opinion. So it's up to the receiver whether to take it on or ignore it.

 

Still by making that disclaimer I feel I can speak my mind more and not risk giving out "bad advice."

[InaneCathode]

ENA has showed me an entire slice of people different from what i see often in the 'real world'

People who care, people who are unashamed of being different. People so stuffed with empathy it's coming out their ears.

[onmyownagain]

I think it has shown me that if your relationship is in a good place at the moment then make sure it stays that way. Give your partner the respect they deserve and give it all you have. Don't have silly arguments and know to say sorry if you get that far, even if it isn't completely your fault.

 

Make the most of your time together but allow them to have time without you, but make the time they spend with you the best time they have.

 

I am so happy at home now I could scream!

[nottoogreen]

Just around since 22 May 2006, what I learned and realised...

 

Most of what has already been posted in this thread...

 

To be more considerate about peoples feelings, including the feeling of my gf also wrt my historical screwups

 

To be more agreeable.

 

To be more relaxed.

 

The best (oral) orgasms ever @ relaxing more.

 

Impressed with many young posters about their desire to have a mutual relationship rather then just using bodies for instant gratification.

 

Impressed with this and fond of this community which I regard as a big family.

 

Biggest laugh in years about not spilling any.

 

Not bad for 3 weeks.

 

15 June 2006

Better understanding of male feelings, and happy to talk to and help out guys.

 

Lessening of unobjective pro-female feelings.

 

Reading posts and thinking about issues helps me resolve a tremendous backlog of emotions in realtime.

 

16 July 2006

Once in a while we will find something that makes us feel better about ourselves.

[doyathink]

This brought me here:

 

 

 

 

 

This site totally helped me and I learned a lot. The biggest thing was about NC...

I'm glad your 'better'. I don't know if I would be strong enough to do the NC. I would break easy.....

[Skippy]

that life can be a B!txh.. and you can be a victim or someone that moves on.

I was a victim now i choose to be someone that moves on in life. It is too short to dwell.

Though at times i need advice from my fellow strangers.

[Momene]

I don't think the people on here are a fair cross-section of the world's population. As a group we're sensitive and being a sensitive man can be a real burden at times but I hope being a good dad compensates for it.

 

I tend to advise more than I ask for it, as a lot of posters are young and been through what I've been through before. I can't say I don't have any problems but I hit a very low spot 2 years ago and have come to terms with most of my issues, even though I haven't solved them all.

 

Most of the people here are very supportive and understanding but rather more serious than the BBC board in England which gets more like a chat board at times. I don't mind a bit of humour from time to time, as long as it's not offensive. I don't even mind anti-English jokes, such as:

 

Q. How does an English woman get an orgasm?

 

A. Move abroad!

 

A couple of things I've learned about life in general:

 

1. Nearly all of us have admirers, even old, bald, fat blokes

 

2. You might get over teenage problems but each stage of life has its own challenges

[Momene]

I don't think the people on here are a fair cross-section of the world's population. As a group we're sensitive and being a sensitive man can be a real burden at times but I hope being a good dad compensates for it.

 

I tend to advise more than I ask for it, as a lot of posters are young and been through what I've been through before. I can't say I don't have any problems but I hit a very low spot 2 years ago and have come to terms with most of my issues, even though I haven't solved them all.

 

Most of the people here are very supportive and understanding but rather more serious than the BBC board in England which gets more like a chat board at times. I don't mind a bit of humour from time to time, as long as it's not offensive. I don't even mind anti-English jokes, such as:

 

Q. How does an English woman get an orgasm?

 

A. Move abroad!

 

A couple of things I've learned about life in general:

 

1. Nearly all of us have admirers, even old, bald, fat blokes

 

2. You might get over teenage problems but each stage of life has its own challenges

[nottoogreen]

I don't think the people on here are a fair cross-section of the world's population. As a group we're sensitive and being a sensitive man can be a real burden at times but I hope being a good dad compensates for it.

Concur, and me too.

I tend to advise more than I ask for it, as a lot of posters are young and been through what I've been through before. I can't say I don't have any problems but I hit a very low spot 2 years ago and have come to terms with most of my issues, even though I haven't solved them all.

Me too, but 4 years ago

Most of the people here are very supportive and understanding but rather more serious than the BBC board in England which gets more like a chat board at times. I don't mind a bit of humour from time to time, as long as it's not

offensive.

A bit of joking is ok at times, but not to the extent that it derails the thread.

I don't even mind anti-English jokes, such as:

 

Q. How does an English woman get an orgasm?

 

A. Move abroad!

This is really a male anti-joke as depending on statistics 60+% of women in the west do not have orgasms and only a few % of men and women do have great orgasms.

 

I have a pro-cockroach joke

In France it is called english cockroach

In Germany it is called french cockroach

In England it is called german cockroach

A couple of things I've learned about life in general:

 

1. Nearly all of us have admirers, even old, bald, fat blokes

 

2. You might get over teenage problems but each stage of life has its own challenges

Those at around age 40 seem to be hard on guys...

[shes2smart]

What has ENA showed you?

 

>that a lot of people mistake "drama" for "love."

 

>that the choices we make as individuals determine to a large degree what our lives look like.

 

>that the most important of those choices is the attitude with which we approach life.

 

>that the right group of people can keep a message board a civil, safe and enjoyable place over a long period of time.

 

>that I have an addiction to being nosy about other people's lives.

 

I stumbled accross this site quite by accident, following links from a series of other sites until I ended up here. My aforementioned nosiness got me to start reading, until I eventually stumbled accross a post with a situation similar to something I'd experienced and thought I might be able to offer some suggestions. Then there was another....and another....and another.

 

2. You might get over teenage problems but each stage of life has its own challenges

 

Amen to that. Sometimes the "new" challenges are just "advanced lessons" of things you thought you'd already dealt with.

[Momene]

Agree Shes2smart, it can become an addiction. I found the football boards on the BBC then drifted to the relationship boards, then someone mentioned this one.

 

It works well without moderation and I sometimes wonder if on the BBC boards, we like to see if we can sneak things past the mods.

 

I don't think the challenges of later life are the same as for younger people, although some are the same. Health becomes more of an issue as you get older, so do things like parents and in-laws dying.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

That is a very long, deep answer, Frisco.

 

I just like knowing Im not the only Screw Up dwelling here.

[Momene]

An interesting point has just come up on the BBC site. Even in good relationships, you have to be careful not to allow your partner too much control.

[nottoogreen]

An interesting point has just come up on the BBC site. Even in good relationships, you have to be careful not to allow your partner too much control.

 

Balance is it, oneself, ones life, ones relationship, ones family, ones bank account... Incredibly difficult.

[demons-princess]

i learned

1.sometimes theres no good or easy way out of things

 

2.its ok for me to be upset even if i am helping other people all the time

 

3.if i had killed myself back then when i first started i would have never met Curtis and then i wouldent be as happy as i am now^^

[kellbell]

I have learned so much here at ENA!

 

1. There are two sides to every story.

 

2. NC, NC, NC!!!! I ended a four year relationship last year and I would have probably made all those mistakes if I had not read accounts from the dumpee's side and how difficult things would have been.

 

3. How horribly human beings treat one another. I mean I always knew, but to see story after story about how people can be so cruel to one another is mind-blowing.

 

4. There are still many many caring human beings out there as well, willing to help, support, and give encouragement.

 

5. How important communication is and to talk about matters early on in a relationship, so there are no misunderstandings or assumptions.

 

I am so happy that I found this place, I truly do not want to think how my life would be like if I did not. Thanks all!

[Süsser Tod]

Eh, well, sometimes I can see myself reflected on others, helps me put my own problems in perspective.

[brando]

What has Enotalone showed me,

 

 

 

that many of us really have no idea what Love is.