Interracial and Interfaith--Can it Work???

[Invisible_Butterfly]

Here is my situatation. I have had a crush on my brother's friend since they were in elementary school together and he used to walk down to our house to play video games. I was three years younger and very shy so I refused to even go to the room where they were playing. I would, however, get out my Easy Bake Oven and "bake" treats for them to eat whenever he'd come over.

 

Fast forward about 20 years and I still have my crush. He and my brother are not close friends but they still talk now and then and meet for lunch. My brother's friend is white, a lawyer and a devoute Baptist. I am black, with degrees and plans to go to law school next year but currently working a temp job, and a non denominational Christian. My brother's friend has told my brother that I can contact him if I have any law school questions. I even sat in on one of his law school classes a few years ago with one of my friends, but there was little talking involved.

 

I know we are living in the 2000's and people are supposed to be more progressive but I always worry if a guy may disregard me as a potential mate because of my race. While I am open to dating anyone of any race and am willing to examine our religious differences, I know that the whole world does not think this way.

 

I have an obvious in: Call him and ask him to meet me for lunch so he can answer some of my questions about law school. My question is, do you think it's worth trying? Our religious backgrounds are different, I don't know if he dates outside of his race, or if he would even consider me since I am an old friend's little sister.

 

Here's some additional random info:

 

-I don't think he has a girlfriend right now but I think he dates fairly regularly.

-I believe all of the women at his church wear skirts and I think his mother does (would he expect me to wear one too if this worked out?)

-I have no dating experience so I am at a serious disadvantage

-I don't know how compatible we would be, admitedly my crush is superficial. I think he's cute, but he's also intelligent and religion is important to me.

 

Please help!!

[nicorette]

has he ever shown any prejudice or descrimination to anyone? if not, i wouldnt think so. i think it would be ignorant of him if he acutally didint like somoene based on their ethnic background.

i think you should have lunch, talk about the law thing. and see how it goes. do you talk to him frequently and recently? maybe once you hung out wiht him you would find out you dont really like him. or if you do, then i think that you should hang out wiht him a couple more times, kind of let him know you like him. seoriusly. its been 20 years. wouldnt you regret it if you found out you could have had a chance but were too shy to say no? also, if he does for some reason not like you because of your ethnic background, then is he relaly a type of person youd want to date anyhow?

[DN]

If he is non-prejudiced enough to be friends with your brother there is a good chance that he would not care if you are black.

 

All the other questions would be better worked out if and when there appears to be mutual interest in dating or starting a relationship.

 

Inter-racial relationships are the best chance for peace in the world in the long-term!!

[doyathink]

I too am a non denominational Christian. I attended the Church of God for several years . My first husband is a Baptist and his dad is a Baptist preacher. I had never attended a 1st Southern Baptist chuch before so I went one Sunday with him. That is the chuch I still attend. I have never become a 'member' on paper, however I feel whatever church I am going to I consider myself to be a member of.

 

I agree with DN, he is/was your brothers friend, why would it bother him to date you. Good luck, let us know how it goes......

[Haven]

Think about it: would you really want to date someone who cares more about someone's race than their personality? I see it as a situation in which you can't lose. If he says yes, that's great -- if he says no, then you'll know he isn't worth your time and you can move on.

 

I think you should definitely try. Don't even think about your race as an issue. Because your personality, who you really are inside, is what ultimately matters more. (I'm not white either, and most of the guys who ask me out are. And it's because they're attracted to my personality. The interracial thing is never an issue, and the people who make it an issue aren't worth it.)

 

So, yeah, just go for it. At the very least, you'll get your questions about law school answered.

[Invisible_Butterfly]

has he ever shown any prejudice or descrimination to anyone?

 

No, from what my brother says he's always been open to having friends of different races. Of course sometimes people are ok with having friends of other races but still don't want to date them.

 

do you talk to him frequently and recently?

 

No, I haven't spoken to him in a long time.

 

if he does for some reason not like you because of your ethnic background, then is he relaly a type of person youd want to date anyhow?

 

You are right, and I know it's better to try than to always wonder. I'm trying to get the courage to call him but the longer I wait the more difficult it seems to become.

[Invisible_Butterfly]

Thanks for everyone's support!!! I'm just going to make myself do it and I will let you know what happens.

[Kevin T]

Interracial should never be an issue. I can't believe in our society that it still is.

 

Interfaith is quite different, however. Putting a buddhist and a christian together is probably a recipe for disaster... UNLESS, neither of you are actually serious (or devout maybe?) about your faith/religion. I can speak from experience that I would NOT compromise in matters pertaining to faith and spiritual matters in a mate (I don't care HOW hot she is!); but that's me. You need to do what you decide, obviously.

 

I just see a myriad of problems that could come from it.

[CluelessGuy321]

Interracial should never be an issue. I can't believe in our society that it still is.

 

Interfaith is quite different, however. Putting a buddhist and a christian together is probably a recipe for disaster... UNLESS, neither of you are actually serious (or devout maybe?) about your faith/religion. I can speak from experience that I would NOT compromise in matters pertaining to faith and spiritual matters in a mate (I don't care HOW hot she is!); but that's me. You need to do what you decide, obviously.

 

I just see a myriad of problems that could come from it.

 

Buddhism and Christianity work together.

 

 

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[jumper71]

I don't think interracial should be an issue, especially if he is good friends with your brother. In my experience I had difficulty dating a black girl due to her family and friends, not mine (I am white). Racism exists in all facets on boths sides, it really depends on the person and the people they are surrounded by. There will always be difference, your gender, personality, likes/dislikes, etc.. Religion is important, but when you are first befriending someone with the intentions of maybe dating this person, it doesn't always have to be the first thing crossing your mind. Wondering whether or not he will want you to wear skirts is not really important since you haven't even found out you two would even date. Most guys I know don't see race, they see the person, and women are women, people are people. Some people find other people attractive, other people do not. Faith can be more difficult, but depending on how they feel about each other, they can come to a mutual respect that can strengthen one another. Good luck.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

What happens if he says no? If your answer didn't include...

 

- The world will implode

- You will implode

- They'll cancel Sesame Street

 

...then you're good to go.

[Invisible_Butterfly]

What happens if he says no? If your answer didn't include...

 

- The world will implode

- You will implode

- They'll cancel Sesame Street

 

...then you're good to go.

 

Well, unfortunately I'm living in one of those towns where everyone seems to be married with children so finding a seemingly good quality single guy is a rarity. It would stink if he says no (been there, done that) but I don't think the world would end. I would get over it...eventually

[Invisible_Butterfly]

Just to update, I finally got the nerve to call my crush yesterday and he agreed to meet me for lunch on Tuesday to discuss law school. I am so nervous! I am wondering....

 

Should I let him know I have a crush on him or that I have had one since we were kids, or would that put him on the spot?

 

What should I wear?

 

Should I try to be flirty (ie touching, smiling, laughing) or just be myself?

 

Hmmm....