sickofit Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hi, My boyfriend of 5 years often stays up after I go to bed masterbating to porn on his computer. I have explained to him that this upsets me, he has promised to stop, but still does it. He recently joined an online dating agency, ignored the warnings that this site was not for those in committed relationships, and neglected to mention in his profile that he has a girlfriend, or does he? Before checking out several local girls profiles. He distributes his clients private photographs, and discusses the attractiveness of his female clients who he has seen naked. I have been paying the rent for the last 5 years, he has never paid his share, let alone been a provider. Should I dump him? Or is he normal, and am I just a prude? Link to comment
Slacker Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Im going to assume there's some missing information here, because if all he does is mooch off of you and whack it in front of the comp i doubt the relationship would have lasted five years. What is his occupation? in most cases, thats an illegal privacy violation. How did you find out he was on the dating site? If he is everything you say he is, i'd say goodbye. Link to comment
teacup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 he sounds like a "normal" LOSER. i really think you should LOSE him. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 If a friend came up to you and told you that story, what would you tell them to do? Do the same thing. Link to comment
teacup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 evil thoughts pop into my head. i say approach him at night and put a wrench to his u know what. mabe the coldness of it will scare him. Link to comment
dopexile Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 If the porn wasn't convincing enough that he is looking elsewhere then the dating site definitely is... and he isn't going to listen to a word you say. Sorry hun you need to move on.... Link to comment
iamteddybearfeelmecuddle Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hi, My boyfriend of 5 years often stays up after I go to bed masterbating to porn on his computer. I have explained to him that this upsets me, he has promised to stop, but still does it. He recently joined an online dating agency, ignored the warnings that this site was not for those in committed relationships, and neglected to mention in his profile that he has a girlfriend, or does he? Before checking out several local girls profiles. He distributes his clients private photographs, and discusses the attractiveness of his female clients who he has seen naked. I have been paying the rent for the last 5 years, he has never paid his share, let alone been a provider. Should I dump him? Or is he normal, and am I just a prude? I almost thought you weren't serious in wondering whether you should dump him? Are you? Serious, I mean? The only questions you should be asking yourself Is why you didn't put an end to this 5 years ago... Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Welcome to ENA sickofit! Holy SH**! OK, the easy part of this is to get rid of this pathetic loser... The hard part is figuring out and fixing what is going on with you and why you are first of all still with him and second of all unsure of what to do...your issues are the ones you really should be concerned about here... Link to comment
teacup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 having a name like mr. porno doesn't help. Link to comment
Spugly Fuglet Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Heres my take on this I hope it helps What I think on this 1: Net Porn is mind rotting pap 2: Porn is very distrepectfull of not used buy both partys in a relationship to help there sex life togever. If its just him and his port its cheating in my book. 3: Looking for net sex or on line dates IS CHEATING. 4: Not trying to pay his way marks him as more a boy than a man to me, not a good sign if you wonted kids. 5: Your here and your not happy with the way things are, time for that chat with your BF laying down some truths for him to take in about what he is doing and how you feel about it. 6: If he will not grow up get him out of your life and find a man knows the meaning of the word Responcabiulty (bad spelling I know but you need some one better) thats my point of view Link to comment
CluelessGuy321 Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Why do women even go out with men who can't even pay their portion of the rent or bills? Link to comment
teacup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 i was young and too stupid to know any better. i paid for all our dates, movies, restaurants....broke my bank account i did. lol. i was young and stupid girl. now i wont look at a man without a job. dont got a job? gross. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 If a friend came up to you and told you that story, what would you tell them to do? Do the same thing. I love this answer lol..classic. That should be in someones sig. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I am also wondering.. * * * is he watching porn unless it is with you. I can image after 5 years maybe the things aren't as hot between the sheets but damn. I would think he would want to use that energy pleasing you making love to you. Assuming you would watch the porn to and are not holding out until marriage. He should be having fun with you in the bed maybe with those tapes. This guy has got to go, dump him now why you can still get another man. He sounds like a weirdo. That dating site stuff is pathetic. I know not all guys can get a woman as easy and need to use it. Do you really want to be with a guy that has to be on a dating site though? Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I'd just like to put in my vote for dumping him. Straight out, cold DUMPING him. It sounds more like you are housing a hormonal lazy disresprectful teenager than a boyfriend of five years. Link to comment
Mr Mister1 Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 If you're paying the rent and he's not contributing to anything and just running up bills via net porn... why don't you just show him the door and ask him to close it on his way out? Link to comment
Serendipity1607307077 Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Darling, you need to get out of this relationship. For him to disrespect you and not listen to your anxieties or problems or be understanding at all, is not right at all. You need to find someone who values your opinion... Link to comment
2bfree Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 The liking netporn was the first 'be cautious' sign in my realasionship. Then came the fact that he knew about 10 pornstars names that were his favourites and he would specificly look them up. Then i found out he had profile on dating site. Then Net letters to russian woman, then phone calls to them. And last but not least he started seeing another women behind my back............ Don't do the same, I was young and he was my first love, I have now hopefully learnt my lesson and shall not be putting myself through it again. A lesson can be learnt from others mistakes. Link to comment
Vert Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Im going to assume there's some missing information here, because if all he does is mooch off of you and whack it in front of the comp i doubt the relationship would have lasted five years. What is his occupation? in most cases, thats an illegal privacy violation. How did you find out he was on the dating site? If he is everything you say he is, i'd say goodbye. I agree with Slacker and it's something that most posters haven't mentioned otherwise -- this seems too surreal to be true and/or there's a ton of missing information. Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 Hi, My boyfriend of 5 years often stays up after I go to bed masterbating to porn on his computer. I have explained to him that this upsets me, he has promised to stop, but still does it. He recently joined an online dating agency, ignored the warnings that this site was not for those in committed relationships, and neglected to mention in his profile that he has a girlfriend, or does he? Before checking out several local girls profiles. He distributes his clients private photographs, and discusses the attractiveness of his female clients who he has seen naked. I have been paying the rent for the last 5 years, he has never paid his share, let alone been a provider. Should I dump him? Or is he normal, and am I just a prude? Um, I too think there is a lot of information missing here. This does seem surreal. Why would you even consider continuing to stay with someone whom you have to "support", while he searches for other women on dating sites? Porn in my opinion is not the main issue here (the main issue would be he chooses porn OVER you, that he takes you for granted (and your money) and that he is ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR OTHER WOMEN). What does he do that he sees his female clients naked??? I don't even see where the love/partnership aspect of this relationship comes into play. He's a loser. Yes, you should dump him. And maybe take some time to work on building your own independence, because there is something missing if you put up with this for five years. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 My ex was this way as well and you know what? They never change, and the other thing is that he will always be a freeloader. You definitely don't need that in your life babe. Drop him like a hot potato. Link to comment
teacup Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 yeah! throw him out the window sez I! Link to comment
Ash Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 No, you're not a prude. The "is he normal" issue is tougher to answer. There does seem to be a subset of the population that displays the same behaviour he does. But should you accept it? Certainly not if you don't want to, and it doesn't coincide with you morals, values and beliefs. You have just as much say in things as he does. In this case you could easily assume you have more say since you're footing the bills. Should you dump him? Tough to answer without knowing if you WANT to dump him. Do you? Or do you want to try and talk to him and see if you can get things back closer to a situation in which you are more comfortable and want to share with him in. In other words, are you truly done with him and wanting to move on to better things in your life, or are there a bunch of reasons you love him and want to stay with him, and want to give him a chance to change? If you do want to try to work through things, you'll have to sit down and have a good talk to let him know that this is just not acceptable to you. See if you can find out WHY he's acting this way. If you find out why, you'll be a lot closer to knowing whether you'll want to stay with him and work it out, or whether it's too far gone already. Draw a line in the sand, let him know if his behaviour doesn't change it will end between you too. But at the same time, you should to be willing to listen to his side of the story as to why this is happening. You don't need to agree, and you may not understand, but at least you should know. If he won't or can't tell you why then it will be very difficult to fix the issues between you, and it would likely to time for you to move on. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 My opinion is to DUMP HIM , and the sooner the better. It is not likely that he will change his behavior and what he is doing on the porn and date sites. I had a similar situation with a now EX BF, where he signed up on date sites, viewed porn, webcammed( cybersex) with a number of women, phone chatted with them, and ended up meeting at least one that I know of in person. THis is just a load of BS and yes, once again, get rid of the guy. Link to comment
ReadyorNot Posted June 2, 2006 Share Posted June 2, 2006 I think he is totally using you!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should have kicked him out after a few months of not paying rent.... A few months into my relationship with my husband I found out he was looking at porn online... I told him how much it hurt me... he swears he stopped.. that was 5.5 years ago and up until 6 months ago he used my computer for everything.. so I really think he did stop.... Now if he hadnt of stopped then I couldnt have been with him... I told him if it really meant that much to him then we could look at it together... but he told me it meant nothing to him.. it was just something to do.. but he has a woman now so he doenst need to look at porn... Link to comment
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