I wish there was a quick and painless way of killing myself.

[skyblue1]

Ross please don't think like that. I know things are hard and they are not going the way you want them too. But please be strong and things will come into your life without expecting it. Is it girls getting you down?

[SwtMary]

Ok...I don't want to make anyone mad and they might not even notice that they are saying this but I need to say something. When someone is considering suicide (which I have before) they don't need to hear that their feelings and emotions and what they are going through in their life is "trivial" or unimportant. To them...they are very important and very real. I know that the things that are in my life right now are very real and very big TO ME! They may not be anything compared to someone elses problems but TO ME they are big and sometimes hard to deal with...Just something to think about.

[Beyondthesea]

Oh Ross, why so glum today? You have to start putting your ideas and thoughts about how to have a better life into action as BellaDonna said.

 

In life, we are normally about as happy or miserable as we make up our minds to be. You have to choose if you want to be happy or not. If you want to be happy, you have to take action.

 

You seem to be someone who waits for the world to solve their problems...that won't happen friend. You have to get out there and solve your own.

 

Taking meds and doing counseling is a good way to start. Don't give up.

[Ross_K]

Why would it never change?

 

I know its near impossible to see or believe, but YOU are in charge of how things go in your life Ross. Really, you are.

 

I'm not saying I'm not optomistic about the medication and /or therapy, but hypothetically speaking, what if I could never get rid of my SA or make it that much better, that'd mean I'll never be able to do anything with my life for as long as I live, and also the dating situation wouldn't change for as long as I live either. Basically I'd carry on being the way I am now for the rest of my life.

[ElektraHere]

Ok...I don't want to make anyone mad and they might not even notice that they are saying this but I need to say something. When someone is considering suicide (which I have before) they don't need to hear that their feelings and emotions and what they are going through in their life is "trivial" or unimportant. To them...they are very important and very real. I know that the things that are in my life right now are very real and very big TO ME! They may not be anything compared to someone elses problems but TO ME they are big and sometimes hard to deal with...Just something to think about.

 

I don't think they are saying his problems are trivial or not important. They are saying that in time with proper help he will look back on them as a small blip in the radar of life. We all have stumbles and we all pick ourselves up and move forward. Its hard I struggle with it. If there were easy way outs what would be the point of the human race? You need the struggles and the hardships to grow as a person. Growing hurts and its uncomfortable but must be done.

 

Ross you are obviously crying out for help or guidance. I agree with Dako I think this is a great support group but by no means a replacement to therapy. People who announce that they want to end it all dont really mean it that is a way to strike up attention to oneself. I know I have done that too before. I dont want to kill myself I just wanted people to take notice of me.

 

Now please dont take this the wrong way. I have followed your posts and when people offer suggestions you seem to find an excuse of why it wouldnt work. You need to do the work we nor anyone else in your area can do it. It is all in YOUR control.

[Proactive Paradigm]

Hey, you sound a lot like I do these days, no wonder I'm not getting many hits on my threads. ;o

 

Nah, but seriously, everyone else has said it, I may as well too; nothing wrong with you on your picture, the girls will love you if you get out there.

 

You don't wanna be thinking about suicide unless you have problems that go waaaay beyond SA (I 'pretty much' have this).

 

I figure that these kind of predicaments can be helped by talking to a good friend in confidence - but like you I don't really have anyone who would fit that bill (nobody I'd trust enough). Sucks, don' it?

[Ross_K]

To me they seem like reasons. I don't want people to think I'm just attention seeking, I just made this topic to get this off my chest and to talk about it with people.

 

 

 

Yeah, that would be nice, but I do really appreciate the fact that I can talk to people on here, and it's good to know that as I move forward in my life, I can talk to people on here and ask for advice with any problems I may encounter. Whether that be dating, sex, getting my own place, nervous about driving for the first time, whatever. I'm really glad I've found this site.

 

And it'll be good being able to talk to the therapist as well.

[Luke Skywalker]

Ross_K, what the heck are you trying to say? Are you nuts or something? You want to die a virgin? That's worst than suicide. Don't give up on this, you said you wanted to get laid first, right? Focus. Go to a bar or club tonight, and see if there is an older drunk woman or something and see if you can go to her place. If you cant do that, take a card board sign, say that you are a 30 y/o virgin, and stand by to see if anyone takes you on.

 

I know these are desperate ideas - but hey, it's better than thinking suicidal, and you should try these things first and get back to us.

 

If I had a credit-card, I may fix you up with an escort or something, but I dont know about anyone else on here. Look Ross_K, dont think about this alright, hang in there.

[Stinkweed]

Ok...I don't want to make anyone mad and they might not even notice that they are saying this but I need to say something. When someone is considering suicide (which I have before) they don't need to hear that their feelings and emotions and what they are going through in their life is "trivial" or unimportant. To them...they are very important and very real. I know that the things that are in my life right now are very real and very big TO ME! They may not be anything compared to someone elses problems but TO ME they are big and sometimes hard to deal with...Just something to think about.

 

Well, it isn't really what I meant. I meant for example: You get an F in a class, right? You feel bad, right? But is it truly the end of the world? You might care about your grades a lot, but life is far from over. You can't just give up like that. It's not unimportant, it's just far less important than YOUR life, and what YOU stand for and what YOU mean to others.

[ElektraHere]

Ross I in no way think you have ulterior motives. I am saying in general.

Why are you so afraid to branch out and see what life has to offer? I think the first step would be to work on moving out of your mothers house. That in itself can be a heavy weight that can be lifted. When you have your own place you can make it what you want. That can boost your confidence.

[Ross_K]

Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself, and if I was I'd try and make sure I got laid first. I know at the end of the day, there's an escort not too far from me, and as a last resort all I'd have to do is save up the money for the fee and the taxi fare to get there and back, and that's it. As simple as that hopefully. But after that I doubt I'd want to kill myself.

[Ross_K]

Ross I in no way think you have ulterior motives. I am saying in general.

Why are you so afraid to branch out and see what life has to offer? I think the first step would be to work on moving out of your mothers house. That in itself can be a heavy weight that can be lifted. When you have your own place you can make it what you want. That can boost your confidence.

 

I honestly don't know what I'm afraid of and what holds me back. More pain? Things going worse? Being soul crushingly disappointed or hurt? I dunno.

 

As far as getting my own place, I'll do it once I've settled into a job in the area I want to move to first, which will require me getting a car so I can travel to work while I'm not living in that area.

 

Ross please don't think like that. I know things are hard and they are not going the way you want them too. But please be strong and things will come into your life without expecting it. Is it girls getting you down?

 

Yeah I guess, maybe it's other things as well.

[tylercdurden2004]

As far as getting my own place, I'll do it once I've settled into a job in the area I want to move to first, which will require me getting a car so I can travel to work while I'm not living in that area.

 

Ross I dont know if you have depression or not or whether your anxiety is creating depression for you. But one thing is for sure you are ANXIOUS man. Your above quote is something I see overly anxious people that I know doing all the time.

 

You are grouping a whole lot of thing together and it overwhelming you. I am not an anixous person myself but of course there are times when I feel anxious. It is at these times I notice myself doing the very same thing. Grouping seemingly dependant things together when in fact they are mot totally dependant on each other. For me all it takes is a shift in perspective.

 

Use your quote above as an example:

 

Instead of grouping them together, try seperating them down piece by piece and assigning value to each one and understanding the pros and cons of each one. Heres a simplistic idea, but you should sit down by yourself one night a seriously go through it all.

 

 

Own Place Need money to get own place. Maybe a job, maybe a loan.

 

Car: Need money for car. Maybe a job, maybe a loan or financing.

 

Girl Need a lot of things to get girl some income, a place of your own, interestes of your own etc, first and foremost you need yourself.

 

Job Can help attain all the above but is not sufficient to get above.

 

So as you can see you need a job to get all the above. Job is the first thing you need to worry about. Getting some money together so you can make the above happen. You dont need to be worrying about getting a car, your own place, what part of town to live in, and least of all a f****** girl. I said it in another post Ross but man you are seriously putting the cart before the horse. Get a job, get some money, get out of your moms home and get socializing. In that order, or what ever order you come up with after sitting down and thinking about all this and not some "girl".

[AwdreeHpburn]

love ya buddy!

 

Just so you know that. I think there a loads of people who genuinely care for your well being.

 

I think you're a wonderful contribution to this site and would hate to see you disappear from it or the world.

 

I hope once you start talking to a professional or even just keep posting here, you'll start to feel really good. Or at the very least better.

[Ross_K]

I know I need to get a job first (unless I pay for my lessons and car from my sickness benifit which would take absolutley ages) but what's wrong with thinking about the other things in advance? At least having a plans for my goals so they actually feel like they're possible to attain and I know what to do lifts my spirits and provides me with more motivation.

 

 

 

Thanks *kiss*

[patch2006uk]

the samaritans are a fantastic organisation to call if you're in the UK and have any sort of problem like this. Their number is 08457 90 90 90, and you can call them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. if you've got to wait ages to speak to a therapist, it might be worth giving them a call.

 

ross, ive been following your posts, and all i want to say is you seem like a genuinely nice guy, and it would be a shame to lose someone like you!

 

all the best

[tylercdurden2004]

I know I need to get a job first (unless I pay for my lessons and car from my sickness benifit which would take absolutley ages) but what's wrong with thinking about the other things in advance? At least having a plans for my goals so they actually feel like they're possible to attain and I know what to do lifts my spirits and provides me with more motivation.

Thanks baby.

 

Ross READ my post. Nowhere did I say dont think about other things! Jeez man ya need to listen. What I said was: "You are grouping things together". That is you seeing all these things you NEED to do, whether they are needs are debatable I guess, and you are not actually making any plans. You are going around and around in circles like doggy chasing its tail. Sure your ultimate goal is to meet a nice girl one day and settle down maybe have kids. But again you have to have other things in order first and foremost because:

 

1) You will be more attractive to more people if you actually DO something.

 

2) You, and this is the more important point, will have some self confidence self esteem because you actually accomplished things in your life.

 

You are looking at all these things and getting yourself worked up about what to do and firing in all directions. You have no direction and until you get some help from meds, therapy, whatever and you sit down and make some sort of a game plan, this will continue. I can 110% assure you of this. This is why I think the advice you are getting about getting a girl is doing you no service, or at best minimal service, at this point in your life.

 

I speak of this from my own experiences when i have felt anxious and from some people I have known (ex included) who aer considered high anxiety types. Its teh same pattern over and over again. You all group things together and seem unable to break out of it. I am telling you to honestly sit down no matter how hard and work out some sort of logical game plan. Quite firing in all directions.

[Ross_K]

Thanks patch. I honestly wouldn't really know what to start off saying to them to be honest.

 

I'll be okay, I'll just watch some soaps, drink some beers, order a Chinese and probably be back on here later.

[Ross_K]

I know, I was always telling people that I need to work on my anxiety first and see how the meds and therapy go, and then start getting some more independence before suddenly jumping into some club on my own and walking up to strangers trying to start conversations. But they just kept telling me I'm making excuses.

 

I still don't really get what you mean about seprerating things. Do you mean I should just concentrate and put all my focus into getting a job and forget about getting my own place and getting a car for now?

[ElektraHere]

 

I'll be okay, I'll just watch some soaps, drink some beers, order a Chinese and probably be back on here later.

 

So this will get you where? Where is your motivation? You must either enjoy the place you are in or you have gotten used to it? Come on Ross you are not a teen anymore its time to take responsibility and quit the excuses. "this stops me from doing this" etc. Like Nike says "JUST DO IT!"

[Blured]

Ross, stop comparing yourself to others. From what I can see from your posts, you have this idea that a person is only valuable if they fit a certain mold.

Everyone says this, I know, but there really is more to life than girls. Find simple pleasures, a sport you like, eating a favourite food slowly, watching a dumb comedy show..

Another classic; You really dont know whats behind the corner, there may be a perfect girl who feels just as alone as you are, or even just a friend.

Finally, helping others helps you to help yourself. If you feel depressed, it's probably the last thing you'll want to do, but helping others helps you to forgive yourself, and you'll meet new people!

[tylercdurden2004]

I know, I was always telling people that I need to work on my anxiety first and see how the meds and therapy go, and then start getting some more independence before suddenly jumping into some club on my own and walking up to strangers trying to start conversations. But they just kept telling me I'm making excuses.

 

Yes you do need to work on your anxiety first. But heres the ticket you actually need to do soemthing about it. If you have to wait for a therapist, go to Waterstones and pick up a few books on anxiety. Read the books instead of sitting on here all day. And yes they are right you are making excuse, not just about girls, about everything. Just do it but find a bit of direction first and go in that direction instead of trying to go in every direction.

 

I still don't really get what you mean about seprerating things. Do you mean I should just concentrate and put all my focus into getting a job and forget about getting my own place and getting a car for now?

 

BINGO!!!!! Yes you need to worry about the underlying or root issue first which is anxiety and more importantly your self esteem. Girls, cars etc are the ends you need to focus on the means which is the journey or how you get the ends. Adn you probably need to start with the basic ends which is getting a job first and foremost because as I pointed out before you arent going to get all these other things you want with out getting job first. An example: imagine you do find a girl, how will you explain to her that you are 30, live with your mom and dont have a job. Sure there are women out there that wont care. But I am afraid they are most likely few and far between. And really are these the women you want ot be with? Getting a girl should really come after you get yourself sorted out, at least at your age. To put yourself in the best possible position and not just settling for whatever you can get you really have to get your life sorted out before anyone can even share your life or be part of it.

 

By seperating things I simply mean what I said before is to list all teh thigns you want in life. Analyze them. Assign a wieght to them, that is importance to each one. Go over the pros and cons of each one. And start with the basic most essential one. In your situation I believe this is getting a job. It will help you get money together so you can afford to: move out, go on outings, buy new clothes, buy a car, socailize with work mates whatever it is you want. Then once you have a job plan for the next step how to attain the thing you see as being important. I your case I would say moving out to your own place so that: you get away from your overbearing mother, can have your own life, can start to fend for yourself, learn how to keep a house, gain responsibility. The girl comes after.

[Relationship Coach]

Ross,

 

If you put in half of the energy and time on working on yourself as you do posting here, you would be well on your way to accomplishing great things. Action creates energy and from energy breeds accomplishment which in turn creates confidence. Now unless you are studying to be a soap actor, turn off the TV and focus on one thing at a time.

 

Getting a job would probably serve as a catalyst for eliminating some of your problems and set you on your way to gain the independence in which you so desire. Suicide isn't an option either, it's an excuse because you don't like how things are going. You don't like something, change it. You can sit around wondering of pain-free ways to take your life or direct your focus on living a pain-free life.

 

You are 30 years old so based on current research and a nifty formula, you have only 392 months to live, get the most out of life!

 

RC

[Ross_K]

So this will get you where? Where is your motivation? You must either enjoy the place you are in or you have gotten used to it? Come on Ross you are not a teen anymore its time to take responsibility and quit the excuses. "this stops me from doing this" etc. Like Nike says "JUST DO IT!"

 

Well what do you expect me to do, go out on the street and ask strange women for phone numbers?

 

Ross, stop comparing yourself to others. From what I can see from your posts, you have this idea that a person is only valuable if they fit a certain mold.

Everyone says this, I know, but there really is more to life than girls.

 

No, that isn't true. I want a girl because I naturally genuinely want a girl. If it was to fit a certain mold I'd also be dressing like everyone else and listening to the same music as everyone else, which I don't.

[ElektraHere]

I wasnt telling you to go look for a girl. I am saying quit the pity party, get up, and find a job. That is the first and foremost thing you need to do right now. I agree with Rel Coach if you spent your time not here posting after posting and looking for work it would start to look up.