Re: men's feelings

[Atlas72]

Don't take this the wrong way, but the idea that men don't feel or have as deep emotions as women is ridiculous. Women can be every bit as cold, manipulative, deceptive, mean and emotionally detached as any man. Trust me on that.

 

I have always thought that women seem to feel as if they can do no wrong, it is always those awful terrible men who cause pain. Well, as the line goes in As Good As It Gets, women seem to be men minus the components of reason and accountability. Why is it that women are given a pass when they rip men's hearts out, but if a guy breaks up with a woman or lies/acts cold he is evil?! One might say it is a case of tasting ones' own medicine.

 

Point is, men and women can be mean and cold. If anyone is silly enough to believe that women are kind and emotional and sensitive while men don't have these traits, then they shouldn't be posting or even dating for that matter.

[Beyondthesea]

I think it's a matter of who you know in general. In Teacup's life, she has encountered a lot of cold, heartless men...so in her world, men are not deep or as attached as she is.

 

In my life, I have encountered a lot of men who are that way, and a lot of women who are very nice and trampled on by men. However, I don't find men heartless or emotionally detached.

 

I know plenty of women who are mean and men who are mean, so in my opinion it's an even race of 'who is the bigger jerk.'

[lunatic]

I know plenty of women who are mean and men who are mean, so in my opinion it's an even race of 'who is the bigger jerk.'

 

AMEN to that ^^^

[Dako]

I have to laugh whenever I hear that old line, "If women ran the world there'd be no wars." Ever work in an office?

I rest my case.

[tylercdurden2004]

I have to laugh whenever I hear that old line, "If women ran the world there'd be no wars." Ever work in an office?

I rest my case.

 

Ok I bow down!

[agent1607307371]

I have to laugh whenever I hear that old line, "If women ran the world there'd be no wars."

 

There would be no wars. There'd be one war and god help whoever crossed the winner.

 

I admit, after my break-up I found myself having the same thoughts.

But I was viewing the world through ex-coloured specs.

I know plenty of men who feel deeply.

 

And if I ever do wonder about it, it's only because I can't inhabit male headspace to see what it feels like for a man to feel. If you know what I mean.

 

That said, there's no reason to say this "women seem to be men minus the components of reason and accountability."

Because I also know plenty of men lacking those components.

[shes2smart]

I have to laugh whenever I hear that old line, "If women ran the world there'd be no wars." Ever work in an office?

I rest my case.

 

No, there'd be no wars.

 

But there would be a lot of behind-the-back gossip, snickering and looks that could kill.

 

Not to mention the deafening silences when we'd REFUSE to talk to that witch!

 

And God help you all if our periods should synchronize.

[teacup]

well, if i were to think about it intellectually, i would say that "yeah, i think men have feelings and emotions."

 

but if you were to ask me how i feel about it, given my experiences, then i feel really disconnected and disjointed from really believing in it. i have had some men say they felt happy or sad, and my honest first reaction is surprise. like.."whoa, really?"

 

i got screwed up in some ways so i dont really make some of the connections that i should. but im working on it.

 

but a lot of the men that i have met.....have been really cold, scary, mean, emotionless, abusive. the feelings i have most commonly associate with men is.....anger. punishment. kicking me when im down. not caring. sad to say, i think these are the emotions i am comfortable with and used to men having. which is why i view all men as being that way. not because i want to, but because i just dont know what to believe anymore.

 

right now, i cannot even recognize a good guy from a bad guy. or somewhere in between. i try but i just can't tell.

 

but thanks for taking the time to post, i appreciate it. i am also drawn to threads in which men are sad or upset over a breakup. because for me, i feel so incredulous that they genuinely care. i honestly dont know how to fix my disassociation from this.

[Caterina]

Its proposterous and stereotypical to say that men aren't as emotionally deep as women. There are a lot of issues involved with this, and I know that culturally men do tend to be more suppressed when it comes to emotional expression. However, a lot of times people derive their stereotypes from personal experience, which is fallible if understandable. If someone is always meeting males who abuse people, they will begin to associate those abusive characteristics to males and etc...

[tylercdurden2004]

but a lot of the men that i have met.....have been really cold, scary, mean, emotionless, abusive. the feelings i have most commonly associate with men is.....anger. punishment. kicking me when im down. not caring. sad to say, i think these are the emotions i am comfortable with and used to men having. which is why i view all men as being that way. not because i want to, but because i just dont know what to believe anymore.

 

And the common denominator in all these interactions is YOU.

[goingmadithink]

Oh yes both can capabable of being so. Me and my brother are completely opposites, he's the emotional type that constantly getting hurt by his g/f, getting treated like crap, yet he still with her. I get the idea he likes getting treated badly. Me, I'm the first one to dump you if you even try to be sneaky and can be very violent sometimes if I'm pushed way too much. Funny how I'm been often told I'm unemotional just cuz I do't cry out. Not exactly anger is an emotion too.

[teacup]

And the common denominator in all these interactions is YOU.

 

and u know what my response to that is? the other factors are THEM.

 

hey sure, i may be 1. but they are + 2 + 3 + 4 +5 etc. etc. = ??

 

i alone do not make an equation. and SINCE i am very forgiving, always advocate communication, try to be loving, am very affection, say sorry when i am wrong, have concern for people's feelings, am very open, and work on my own life and my own issues. conclusion? - i have met a lot of the wrong men.

 

i dont buy the fact that just because i have met all these crappy men, that it's MY fault. except that i should have kicked them ALL out sooner. but i WILL not take responsibility for someone else's behavior because i know i try very hard to make things work. and just cuz i try, doesnt mean other people do.

 

so what ur saying makes no sense to me.

[Tesseract_Witch]

"Cold" people are people; the idea of general populace refers to an asexual group. Thus there is, as many recognized, no specifications of particular gender, race, religion, martial status or age. Anyone and everyone is capable of apathy, malign, and treachery--stereotypes are the manifestation of associating with a particular sect of this general population. Don't be hasty to give into your impulsive thought; it is a defense, but not a reliable one--see the inaccuracy of a statement forged of this reflex?

[teacup]

yeah. but some ppl have it in higher amounts than others. think of a glass of water, some ppl are filled with treachery and deceit and evil to the top. and other ppl have a few drops in them at best.

 

i don't buy that thing that ppl are all equal. sure, we are all equal in that we are human, that we should give each other respect and consideration and a degree of fairness. but to say that race, gender, identity, emotions, feelings, perceptions, awareness are all the same? that's ridiculous. in a room full of ppl everyone is different. i can accept them all, doesn't mean that i perceive that we are each and all the same.

 

that flies in the face of logic.

[Tesseract_Witch]

That is an interesting thought:

"and other ppl have a few drops in them at best."

A few drops of poison are enough to kill, are they not?

[teacup]

well, i was using an analogy with the quantity of poison to make my point. but you are using the definition of degree/texture of it. that's different and doesn't correlate with the original.

 

if u want to use the degree of it, then come up with a new analogy. otherwise, that's a logic error ur making.

[moondog627]

The whole question of "Do men even have feelings" is so ridiculous I shouldn't even be commenting on it. But if all you look for is the negative in the opposite sex then the negative is all you'll find. Allow your past to dictate your future, and you will never move forward. Everyone's gone thru pain and heartache in their lives. Everyone has issues on some level. Get over it. How absurd would it be for me to write off an entire race if a few members of that race kicked my butt. And look at lesbian relationships. Think women don't hurt other women??? Generally, humans are kind creatures. But ALL of us have the capacity to do harm.

[Dating Coach]

All I can say is that you must hang out with cliches or groups where people in general are just shallow or mean. Or maybe there is some other factor about jerks that seems to attract you-and then later on you find out they are jerks. Or... maybe it is you who has the major problem. Maybe you are extremely high maintenance, maybe you are selfish and view others who don't give you your way as jerks. It could be a number of things, but all men being jerks is the LEAST likely.

[teacup]

i get this feeling that.......what im trying to say seems not to be getting through.....and is being misinterpreted. come on ppl.......it's not that hard....

 

presenting viewpoints and arguments that have nothing to do with the points i made......is strange.

[tylercdurden2004]

No problem teacup. Let me spell it out for you.

 

NO shouldn't take responsibility for others action.

 

YES you should take responsibility for your own actions.

 

Again as you have spelled out here you have a long history of meeting and interacting and getting attached to "jerks". Again each of these persons is different and each is an individual but AGAIN the common denominator in each of tehse interactions with DIFFERENT men is YOU. The problem lies with you. Why do you keep gravitated towards "jerks"? What is it that makes you get close to "jerks"? How come you cannot either avoid jerks or cut them off in the beginning?

 

Blame them all you want, and of course their behaviour may be down right wrong. But you keep putting yourself in similar situations. This only makes me think there is something you are or are not doing to end up in teh ame situations over and over again. Capice?

[teacup]

i don't see why you are telling me things that i already know and have figured out for myself.

 

at some point i realized that i couldn't keep on going on like this, that if someone was going to treat me badly, at the first sign, i would have to walk away. that trying to get them to treat me better when they wont is horrible.

 

it takes time to see someone's true colors but if someone really genuinely cared about me, he would try to make it work. and that there are behaviors where i just have to draw the line and say, no, that's enough, no more.

 

hmmm hmm...yes, i am responsible for who i choose to let in and who i choose to keep around and who i accept. capish right? right.

 

but, that wasn't the purpose of my thread. i already KNOW all those things and i already work on A LOT of different aspects about myself. i want to discuss things that are pertinent to my situation but which i haven't figured out yet.

 

im in therapy for a reason. but i can't go 5 days a week and i cant depend solely on my therapist. 2 days a week is already quite a bit of my money.

 

i WANT to talk about things that i post about. not things that i already do know!!! please stick to the topic, it is very frustrating.

[tylercdurden2004]

Good then start taking responsibility for your actions. I am only responding because you seem reluctant to. Its a continuing issue in your posts along with blaming men and accusing others of failing to see YOUR point of view. I can if you like post examples here.

[Tesseract_Witch]

that's different and doesn't correlate with the original.

 

 

 

The purpose is not to construct a new analogy; it is to show you the flaw of your own. But I will not have someone harbor ill feelings towards me, so I will accept this point.

[Caterina]

I agree...I think that sometimes there are victims that certain people prey on b/c they are nicer. After learning how to detect those, though, you should start having a pattern of improvement...where the men just get better and better...

 

Also, I sympathize, because its pretty obvious that some people aren't getting what you are trying to say.

[Tesseract_Witch]

Also, I sympathize, because its pretty obvious that some people aren't getting what you are trying to say.

 

 

It is not the intended statement that may irk some--in the respect of one that is attempting to recover from an abusive past and sort out her acquired knowledge from the experiences--but the manner it was presented is an obviously inappropriate genralization; a point that many wished to clarify to her.