dragonzeyez Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Ok, this has been bugging me a bit and I just wanna hear some thoughts and opinions. I went on a few dates with this girl, and we seemed to get along great. On the fourth date, she invited me back into her apartment with the intentions of having sex. But I turned it down. Not because I was not attracted to her, she was extremely beautiful, and not because I did not enjoy our previous dates, I had a blast. I turned her down because I am the type of guy that needs to be with a girl for a little while and have true feelings for her first. I mean, I do not wait a huge long time, usually anywhere from 1-4 months is my normal. But now she acts like she don't want to talk to me. So did I do something wrong? I really wanna hear opinions from some women, do you take it very personally if a guy turns you down for sex, even if it is for a good reason? I mean I like her I just wanna wait a while for sex. Thnx for any comments. Link to comment
DN Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 Just interested - but how did she react and are you still going out with her? Link to comment
dragonzeyez Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 she acted kind of "standoffish." the rest of the evening went by kind of awkwardly, we just chilled and talked kind of awkwardly, then I left. I talked to her yesterday, and she still is kinda acting awkward. Maybe she just does not know how to react to it because most men would not turn her down? Maybe she thinks I see her as trashy for making the offer? I don't think she is trashy though, I would like to see her again. Hopefully when I call her tomorrow I can see whats up. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted May 23, 2006 Share Posted May 23, 2006 I turned her down because I am the type of guy that needs to be with a girl for a little while and have true feelings for her first. . You needed to tell her that when she offered, she felt rejected. Always let a woman know why when it happens if you refuse. You would be very special to her right now if you did. Why not call her now? This has happened to me a bunch of times w/ women I know, they couldn't believe it at first, then loved it. Link to comment
dragonzeyez Posted May 23, 2006 Author Share Posted May 23, 2006 You needed to tell her that when she offered, she felt rejected. Always let a woman know why when it happens if you refuse. You would be very special to her right now if you did. Why not call her now? This has happened to me a bunch of times w/ women I know, they couldn't believe it at first, then loved it. she is at work right now, and I am heading out the door at the moment myself, but I will be calling her tomorrow morning. Link to comment
ocrob Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Wow, I think that is pretty cool. Most women would really appreciate that. I personally have no time limit, but do agree that if you are not ready, then that is ok. I would let her know that you like her and are attracted to her and that you just want to get to know her more. She should be very flattered. Most guys, like me will just go with it. You seem to really value her and she needs to know that. If she is just looking for sex, then maybe she is not the right person. I would definitely communicate how you feel and why you were not ready. I am guessing that she will melt. That is awesome bro. You obviously respect her and she should value that. Link to comment
morbid1 Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 A similar thing happened to me years ago. Was on a date with this young lady and she is dropping all of these obvious hints and I pretty much let her know that sex wasn't gonna happen. I had to be somewhere early the next morning and I knew she was leaving soon. I did really like her. Well I regretted turning her down everyday since then. I invited her over a week later and tried to be with her, but she gave me some bull story. People told me that I really hurt her because she went out on a limb and I chopped it off. I was informed that this can hurt a woman if she goes for you and you reject her. it makes some women feel unattractive or unwanted. Your date is acting ackward because she probaly feels rejected and embarrased. Don't be a dummy like me and wait, call her and tell her how you feel right away, that is, if you really like her. I have also been in situatons where saying no makes them want you more because they wonder why everyone else wants them and you don't. Just my 2 Link to comment
monkey1 Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Blah, I wouldn't be looking for sex after the 4th day. I'd probably be like you and wait a while before I felt ready to consider having sex. Haha, this reminds me of that episode of "Sex and the City" where Carrie was trying to drop all these hints about having sex with Adien and he turned her down. She was all upset and he then explained that he'd rushed into sex in his previous relationships and wanted to take it slow with her. Of course she was like "Ooooo." It's like whatever happened to getting to know someone and maybe loving them before you jump into bed with someone? So yeah, talk to her and hopefully she'll understand. If she doesn't, well, I'd move on if I were you. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I think you did the right thing. Stick to your principals. Men have every right to turn down sex. If she doesn't accept that then she's not worth your energy. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I'm with MacGyver that you need to tell her what your reasoning and thought process was. If she has no idea what's in YOUR head she's only left with what's in HERS and we all know how it is when left to our own insecure imaginations... Besides, NOT talking about it is only feeding some weird big elephant that's hanging out in the room. Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I mean I think it's stupid to think woman don't want sex just as much. It's just as strong an urge in them as it is to you. So I think she might think your supressing your sexuality because you think she will take it as you moving to fast and then she will not like you. If you had a reason like one of the posters said for why you couldn't it would be a lot different. I guess it depends on how you got out of it. I mean you would be pissed too if you were horny and a girl that your comfertable with said she had to go for no reason. Link to comment
SheWolf Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Maybe she just got a little embarrassed rejection is a phobia to some people, you may have just crushed her pride a little bit. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I mean I think it's stupid to think woman don't want sex just as much. It's just as strong an urge in them as it is to you. . Women (in my experience) want lovemaking, not just plain sex, more than any guy. It needs to be on their terms. It includes lots of cuddling, foreplay, afterplay and more cuddling/spooning after since they don't want to be a sperm receptacle or just be used since they need to bond w/ their lover. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 Yeah, it would be good for you to explain to her. She may be wondering all sorts of crazy things. And, you're just getting to know her. Sometimes a woman is going for a fling or more eager to get in bed fast than the man. Sometimes they just want a bang - zip up-and go. Women are as capable as meaningless sex as men. All in all, if you explain your reason and she still acts like this or stops seeing you: well, then she's probably not a good match for you. Link to comment
MacGyverRI Posted May 24, 2006 Share Posted May 24, 2006 I'm with MacGyver that you need to tell her what your reasoning and thought process was. If she has no idea what's in YOUR head she's only left with what's in HERS and we all know how it is when left to our own insecure imaginations... I found this out the hard way when it first happened to me, she had thought that I just rejected her but I, like most other guys didn't want to take advantage of her or even worse, just use her for sex because she was really hurting from her boyfriend cheating on her. Link to comment
dragonzeyez Posted May 24, 2006 Author Share Posted May 24, 2006 Ok, I talked this over with her about 2 hours ago. It turned out that she did take it as me not being interested in her physically, which I assured her was not the case. I told her my exact reasons and she says she respects them a lot and is sorry for being mad at me. We will be going out to dinner tomorrow to see if we can forget about it and move on. Now I simply hope she does not feel embaressed, which I assured her that she shouldn't be because if anything, I took her offer as a compliment. Link to comment
TiredMan Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Good for you. If she is acting that way, than I would personally forget about her. My guess is that she felt rejected and many women (i'm clarifying many and not ALL beforehand before some get on my case) don't take well to being rejected. She is probably used to guys being all up on her. I'm sure she has rejected guys left and right in her day. But when she offered and you turned her down (you know had the tables turned on her), she might not have been able to handle it. I'm surprised she didn't get all mad and say something insulting about you, or towards you lol. So, perhaps she has a better personality than what I described above. That is what my guess would be. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Cool. TiredMan, yeah, unfortunately that is sometimes the case. Hopefully not so for Dragoneyez and his lady. It's over and done: let's hope she doesn't pull it again. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 Ok, I talked this over with her about 2 hours ago. It turned out that she did take it as me not being interested in her physically, which I assured her was not the case. I told her my exact reasons and she says she respects them a lot and is sorry for being mad at me. We will be going out to dinner tomorrow to see if we can forget about it and move on. Now I simply hope she does not feel embaressed, which I assured her that she shouldn't be because if anything, I took her offer as a compliment. I'm glad that you both came to a friendly understanding on the topic. You might want to use this opporunity to tell her nicely that if she gets upset about something- to tell you from the get-go. She needs to be open with you. She should have communicated to you that she felt offended, instead of acting strange toward you and expecting you to guess "why". Hopefully your ability to communicate with her maturely has set a good example and has shown her the more effective way to handle a misunderstanding in a relationship. BellaDonna Link to comment
Lansing Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 I had a similar situation. I had been at a girls place and things were proceeding from just "kissing" to more and after a while I said I should get going home. Well, she invited me to stay over. I said that it would be better if I left.. Well.. it happened three times and I think she got offended by it.... I mean, part of me really did want to spend the night.. but, at the same time, I didn't want things to proceed any further and I knew I would have been pretty tempted if I stayed so I decided to leave.... I wanted to get to know her better... Well, I wish I had explained things better at the time, since, I am pretty sure in retrospect she took it as a rejection. I should have told her that i was attracted to her but, I wanted to take things slowly.... In the end, things didn't work out because she got the sense I wasn't into her. After a while, she made her decision and it was too late to turn things back... Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted May 25, 2006 Share Posted May 25, 2006 my bf did the same thing with me and i felt very rejected at first, i didnt understand. but we've been together for 3 months now and he's great, takin things slow and we havent had sex yet. he explained to me the same things ur said and at first i thought it was foolish becoz yes usually guys are alll over the girl and its weird when they say no. but i think its their right afterall ha? JUST TELL HER YOU THINK SHE'S REALLY SPECIAL AND THAT YOU WANT YOUR FIRST TIME TO BE AS SPECIAL BY WAITING AND KNOWING EACH OTHER MORE.and of course dont forget to assure her how beautiful she looked last time and how attractive you think she is(women need to HEAR it!) Link to comment
dragonzeyez Posted May 27, 2006 Author Share Posted May 27, 2006 well, i ended up breaking this one off. not because of the issue in this topic though. in the end, there ended up being no real spark between us, so i am back in the same ole boat again. single and hating it Link to comment
the yang to the worlds yin Posted May 27, 2006 Share Posted May 27, 2006 Ross, people don't always put such things on high pedastools. Link to comment
dragonzeyez Posted May 27, 2006 Author Share Posted May 27, 2006 I can't understand how someone could turn an offer like that down. yes, sex is awesome, but it does not feel as good as having a girl in your arms that you care deeply for. Link to comment
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