stillmarried Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 What's your take on compulsive gambling/sex/drinking? Or is drug abuse the only problem? The fact that drug addicts can't hold down jobs does that make it okay then for them to go to other areas to supply their needs? Why do they become drug addicts in the first place - problem with life maybe, unable to cope? Why do people gamble or become alcoholics - life's problems too great for them to handle so they seek some sort of escape then become hooked. Not sex addicts though, they're just scum. Interesting that you feel for these 'women' though, providing the services for scum like my husband. You feel for them but you don't like them visiting your apartment block, but hey, they're only earning a living. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 The friends I have seen become addicts could not even come close to holding a job. So they go to other areas to supply their needs. And yes I think it is taking advantage of them because it is a disease. I feel for these woman because some of them want to help themselves but have no means to. That's my opinion and you have yours. YOU'VE got to be kidding me.......you're justifying prostitution? Link to comment
stillmarried Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Allie, I have read that you're now divorced - how did you find out about your husband's infidelities? I'm not sure of your story, but you're on this particular thread for a reason I guess. I'm struggling big time with forgiveness for my husband, not sure I'll be able to do it but am giving it a try. If I were younger I would run as far away as I could in the opposite direction. I know age shouldn't matter, but I don't have the confidence I once had. Link to comment
stillmarried Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Allie, I have read you're divorced. How did you find out about your ex's infidelities? I'm trying big time to forgive my husband but am not finding it easy. If I were younger I'd run a mile in the opposite direction. I'm not using age as an excuse for staying put but I don't have the confidence I once had. I think also, I still love the good bits of my husband - he's more than the sum total of his addiction. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Hi Allie, I have read you're divorced. How did you find out about your ex's infidelities? I'm trying big time to forgive my husband but am not finding it easy. If I were younger I'd run a mile in the opposite direction. I'm not using age as an excuse for staying put but I don't have the confidence I once had. I think also, I still love the good bits of my husband - he's more than the sum total of his addiction. My exhusband cheated on me with prostitutes and also with complete stangers that he met on the internet that he didn't know. My story is long...the tread is on here somewhere. I will try to find it and copy and paste it for you. I never trusted him again. Link to comment
george237 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 YOU'VE got to be kidding me.......you're justifying prostitution? No not at all. I was saying I feel bad for people with that type of addiction. I have seen many friends stray to that and were outstanding people before hand. After the drugs took over they would do things that were completely out of character. I think that prostitution is disgusting and degrading but I do feel for those people. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 No not at all. I was saying I feel bad for people with that type of addiction. I have seen many friends stray to that and were outstanding people before hand. After the drugs took over they would do things that were completely out of character. I think that prostitution is disgusting and degrading but I do feel for those people. And it destroys marriages..... Link to comment
waveseer Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I actually had no real problems with my husband visiting a prostitute. I had problems with him spending my money to do so and thinking I would ever want him afterwards. Link to comment
george237 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 And it destroys marriages..... It does but who decides to go to the prostitutes? A man or woman has to make a conscious decision to go seek their services. They have to come up with the money, get in their car, go find one, agree to and then do the act. I have never seen prostitutes going door to door on unsuspecting husbands throwing their services in their face. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 It does but who decides to go to the prostitutes? A man or woman has to make a conscious decision to go seek their services. They have to come up with the money, get in their car, go find one, agree to and then do the act. I have never seen prostitutes going door to door on unsuspecting husbands throwing their services in their face. OH....I'm not blaming the prostitites, I'm blaming the men. I never blamed the prostitute, or the other women my exhusband has sex with. THEY PROMISED ME NOTHING...HE PROMISED ME FOREVER. He broke his promise and his vows. Link to comment
george237 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 OH....I'm not blaming the prostitites, I'm blaming the men. I never blamed the prostitute, or the other women my exhusband has sex with. THEY PROMISED ME NOTHING...HE PROMISED ME FOREVER. He broke his promise and his vows. True so he is at fault, he is weak, and he is disgraceful. That's what I was getting at. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 stillmarried...here is my story, but it's from a different thread. sorry it's so long. Link to comment
george237 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Well hopefully he didn't ruin your outlook towards other men because most are not like this. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 NO...I realize he is one of a kind. Link to comment
george237 Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 I just thought of something. When a man wants to cheat he can easily find a prostitute that will get the job done with no strings attached. When a woman wants to cheat she can just go out and find some random guy pretty easily to do the job with no strings attached. Since it is harder for men to cheat with women they meet randomly (at a bar) esp if the guy is shy and all a woman has to do is approach a few males and she found her dipstick for the night. Who is more pathetic? Link to comment
stillmarried Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 Allie, I've read your story, I'm so sorry you went through all that pain. You've made the decision to move on in your life, that's good, it's right for you. I'm taking time making my decisions. I'm suffering pretty badly but I still have lots of good things to enjoy. I'm trying my best not to let bitterness and anger take over and destroy the good bits of my life. Prostitutes aren't worth wrecking the rest of my life over, they'll continue to go on wrecking their own lives and destroying marriages. If I can help it they won't destroy mine. However, there may come a day when I decide to go it alone, but I don't want to make life changing decisions or leave in anger. Link to comment
thisistheday Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 George -Some escorts actually do proactively solicit once a guy has used their services. They text them to inform them of their upcoming availability. They also send emails to tell customers when they will be through town and what specials they are offering. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 23, 2008 Share Posted October 23, 2008 George -Some escorts actually do proactively solicit once a guy has used their services. They text them to inform them of their upcoming availability. They also send emails to tell customers when they will be through town and what specials they are offering. Good point. Link to comment
explainplese Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 The massage parlor girl that my husband went to would txt message him and call him with her schedule all the time. During this whole ordeal I have spoken to her a couple of times...and she really thinks of what she does as work. She calls my husband her client and that it's strictly business...she is a lesbian and doesn't think that him going to massage parlors is reason to get divorced. She even tried to convince me that my husband is a great guy, one that any woman would be proud to call their own. I just laughed! I hope someday I will be over this painful, painful part of my life. Link to comment
mickmarie Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Hi, I am going out on a limb here, to say that there is life and love with your husband after he has been with prostitutes. My husband is going through treatment. He tells me much about what he discusses with his therapist, and what his group is like. He cries when he knows I am upset, and when I just have to ask him another dang detail about what he did. I think that many of you whose husbands have had long term affairs with another women are really understandably devastated. I woud find it very difficult to trust again in that siutation. Again, I believe that some of those affairs happen with men who are sexually addicted, and if they did not have a sexual addiction, it would not have happened. Other men have affairs because they are upset with their wives. Many marriages survive adultry, many do not. I think a lot depends on how you view you husband in other aspects of your marriage. Is he kind, thoughtful, or is he arrogant and unfeeling? Men also have to deal with their wives having affairs. Again, some men can work through their feelings, and want to stay with their wives. My husband says he has never had an affair, he went to prostitutes to get a massage, and then escalated to the internet, etc. One thing I know, my husband is very sad that he has done all of these things, and wishes he knew many years ago what he knows now. I love to be with him, despite everything that has happened. We have great conversations, and have a similar sense of humor. I doubt if I would ever meet anyone that I love as much. However, I am really trying to go forward with my eyes wide open. I have worked through alot of difficult emotions this last month. I must always remember that he could relapse, and in a very serious way, which would likely mean the end of our relationship. On the other hand, we could be one of those lucky couples who are able to work this out, and he stays in recovery. Again, I want to thank everyone for their thoughts. It really helps to have a place to turn. Link to comment
stillmarried Posted October 24, 2008 Share Posted October 24, 2008 Mickmarie, I'm with you all the way on this. As I recently said, my husband is more than the sum total of his addiction. We all have to do what's right for US. Many women would be long gone by now, and that's fine for them, I can understand why. I want to work it out with my husband if I can - don't know if it will happen - but I'm not walking away after investing so many years in our marriage without at least trying. He's now almost 14 months without acting out. I think it's good to have both sides of the argument - staying or going - on the blog because there are so many people looking at this particular thread on a daily basis. It wouldn't be worth coming here if all the posts were negative, some people want to read honest accounts of how some of us are still with our husbands and getting on with our lives. If every marriage affected by prostitution were to fall apart there would be few of us couples left. Link to comment
littlestar Posted October 27, 2008 Share Posted October 27, 2008 I am sorry you are going through this rough time. But please understand it's not your fault and it's nothing you have done. He is the one with the addiction and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do to someone who wont help themselves. He needs to admit he has a problem and seek help. He told you his addicition was over and then he lied to you again! You have every reason to want to divorce him. Taking on the responsibility all on your own will be scary at first and there will be times of difficulty but it sure beats staying with him. Once you are on your own you will feel strength and power in your decision to leave. You will also be setting an example to your kids about what is and what isnt acceptable in a relationship. Link to comment
explainplese Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Just wanted to see how everyone was doing...I've been hanging in there! It's been 4 months since disclosure...and I can not believe the ride I've been on. My husband is now severely depressed, I had to drag him to the DR, and they've put him on Meds. He wont get out of bed, and our family business is suffering. When I try to talk to him about what he has done...he just doesn't want to talk...he said he doesn't like the way it makes him feel. when he does speak he says he did nothing wrong and we should just look ahead... ...I'm just trying to keep everything together, business wise...making sure we don't lose our house. It's crazy, Well...hopefully everyone else is hanging in there! I just had to vent! thanks for listening! Link to comment
stillmarried Posted November 14, 2008 Share Posted November 14, 2008 Explainplese, Go to link removed Partners Partners Forum Partners Support Forum About 8 down the list there is a message titled 'When a partner Becomes the Bigger Obstacle to Recovery' - it's quite long. I suggest you print it off today if you can because the site is going to be shut down in parts for the next two weeks. I think if you read it and give it to your husband to read it'll give you both an insight as to what the other is going through. This is a particularly helpful site and worth registering with. Stillmarried Link to comment
deejayluvs Posted November 19, 2008 Share Posted November 19, 2008 I found out September 2007 that smy partner of 7 years had been paying whores for sex for 12 months. At the time he admitted to 3...... thenin December another 3, Then 5 he couldn't remember. He refused me access to his Mobile bill.... so I hacked it .....This figure is now at LEAST 26....... He spent 2K in 12 months. Now he gets ngry at me when I lose my temper or ask the same questions over and over again. Is this normal the way I feel???? He's says it isn't and that it's me. Also one * * * * * he went to see 3 times..... and she is a really nasty minger, not attractive like some of his paid for sex. He also does not like it whaen I call him a nasty filthy scumbag who thinks paying girls younger than his daughter for sex is wrong. Some days I love him.... some I loathe him. And just today I found another phone with the numbers of brothels on it...... He says he hasnt paid for a * * * * * since August 2007.... I don't know what to believe. He refuses a polygraph. I am so sad...... so unhappy.........so confused. I would like us to work it out..... but my whole being tells me there are more lies and I cannot go forward feeling this way.... so we stagnate. HELP! Link to comment
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