my husband has a prostitute addiction

[mickmarie]

Dear Forever peace,

 

I am sorry that you are still having such sad days. I have been feeling blue lately too, sad for about three weeks, after having had a good month. My COSA group is a big help, and I have started reading more novels again, it keeps my mind off of things.

 

Take good care!

[plutos-work]

I have had troubles with logging on, but today all seems to be back to normal. I have had a good couple of weeks and have been very busy socially, so hope that is the secret to staying good.

 

I signed up for the e-book as I was so curious as to the help it might give us. It lists 7 types of 'affairs' and the sex addict is a No. 2. I don't see all of the characterstics of the Type 2 totally in my husband and he has bits of the other types in there as well. Essentially these types cant say 'no' easily and very much want to please everyone they come in contact with. They are usually held in high esteem by others and are ususally workaholics. The book suggests ways to get your cheating spouse back (male or female) if thats what you want and rates each type on a scale of 1 to 10 on the odds of that. Based on years or counselling experience and researching 1000's of clients he offers insight into how to do that. I was so hungry for information that I skim read the whole thing one night (its not too long). I haven't had time to re-read it yet, but I do remember that to get their attention - to make them take a serious look at themselves - we have to withdraw and not offer them any support or friendship, not make conversation unless it is to do with affairs of joint daily living such as discussing the bills, mortgage, house repairs etc. Show them no emotion, try not to have outbursts of rage etc.

 

I did a whole lot of things, crying, questioning, venting etc but he advises to do your best not to do these things in front of your spouse and withdraw. Also start to focus on yourself, set new goals, get new friendships or rekindle old ones (male and female) and go out and socialise. Learn new ways of enjoying life without your spouse. This might be the only way to get the attention of the Type 2 and if he loves you - like so many say they do, then he has to do ALL of the repairing. He has to want to make the effort. He will be shocked to see the new you getting on so well and if he really wants to regain your trust, love and respect he has to do it. The changes in you will probably shock him into making the effort to change his behaviour. He might just think he is loosing you.

 

The sad thing is about the Type 2 though, is most of them cannot make the grade and break their addictions.

 

What I have done is to become unpredictable. I don't come home, I get in the car and go out without saying where I'm going. In fact I dont tell him anything about what I am doing in my life now and I am out a lot. It has done me the world of good and I have reconnected with old friends. At the beginning I felt so lonely driving alone and I felt like half of me was missing wherever I was. He was constantly on my mind and I would wonder about what he was doing. Now, with practice, (I was doing a lot of this before reading the book) I don't think about him so much and I genuinely am feeling happier and more settled socialising.

 

Last night we went out together to a BBQ at a friends house. I relaxed and enjoyed myself in their company and it was like old times with lots of laughter etc. I allowed myself this one comment "I wonder what I will be doing in a year from now and where I might be living". I didn't say anymore because I didn't want our friends to feel uncomfortable with our situation. Today, I am upstairs in my private space. I hear him dowstairs, but I wont be talking much today. He needs to see the contrast of what it used to be like (last night) and what the reality of now is. I used to be very chatty and happy before all of this came to my knowledge. Now he tries chatting about trivia, but I don't respond. He never brings up 'the subject' at all. I was always the one to wanted to talk about it, trying to understand it, but I haven't spoken about it for a good while and I will try my hardest not to in the future.

 

When the house sells I fully intend going my own way and will let him know then, after all of our finances have been sorted, and I am totally separated from him, that I don't want any part of him in my life. I have told him that in a moment of rage, but whether he believes me I dont know.

 

Since I have 'lightened up" a lot in his company, especially if we are out with mutual friends, and even though I don't say a lot to him when we are alone, I'm sure he can sense my recent mood change. He has been a lot more polite, courteous and respectful to me in the last month. Its interesting to watch this change. I'm waiting to see if he has the courage to instigate a serious talk about our situation and I will see that as a positive step for him if he does.

 

Anyway, that is enough rambling from me. Take care all.

[wheretonow]

I intend for my next discussion with him to be about our divorce, what will happen to the kids, how he will support them and where each of them will live. I have reached my limit. His problem will be his problem and I will move on with my life.

 

Good for you. My heart goes out to you. For sure this is very difficult for you and hard to take......because you know you don't deserve it. You will be stressed out for awhile, but you simply cannot stay in that situation.

 

While you're dealing with this stuff, its important to take some anti-stress measures, even it its a walk or a little yoga here and there. Keep the nutrition up. Don't let his crazy behavior make you crazy. When the bulk of it is over you can begin to heal yourself again. Doesn't happen overnight but certainly can be done!

 

You're a strong woman. You deserve a pat on the back for that. Hope eventually a better man comes your way.

[wheretonow]

Just realized this was over 2 years ago, LOL

[plutos-work]

I have been at home alone the past three nights. He has been staying in town with colleagues from out of town. Its been relaxing being on my own, although I do wonder what he's up to and I know I shouldn't as we are living our own lives now.

 

It will be so much better after this house is sold and I am totally away from him. It annoys me that I still wonder what he is doing.

 

Just venting.....

[renae]

well...after 3 months....of discovering "the love of my life" was regularly seeing prostitutes, read my other post for details....long story short...i moved out when i found out......but...he fooled me....he told me a "light had come on" he now realized he had a problem and desperately loved me, only wanted me and wanted to change his life, not live a double life, this afftectionate, loving generous man wanted to change.....maybe we could work things out..!!!...so for the last 3 months we(well I now realise it was just me) was trying....living sperating but spending all our time together, his children staying at my house when he stayed, I cooked and started to love again...he was seeking help...seeing a top sexual phyc once aweek(i seen the medicare bills..so i know this is true), he wa re-concecting with his "faith" which seemd so geninue, loved me, had a great romantic camping trip last weekend...wow....life was good....he was committed and changing.....i was gonna be one of the lucky ones...!!!....WELLL.......last night.....look over his shoulder....tottally innocently and seen a credit card bill for 200 bucks..!!...i asked him what it was,,,he said nothing and closed the computor...!!....We were just about to go out(believe it or not but to a bible study..!!)..I told him that when i got hom iwould google the name of the "sus" $200 bill.......wllthis morning i googled it...yep.....a damm posititute..!! on th 19/01.......whata lying evil man...how could a person do what he has done to me.....if u are in the same situation a me,,,,,,,RUN RUN RUN.......we are better of with out them....he called me and said sorry....and that he loved me.....i told him i hate him and every omce of love went this moring.....i know i'll have my hard sad days...but...i'll be ok....i'm a surviour...not a victim...he is the one that will never have a happy life and healthy relationship..!!

[Lamprey]

renae, why do you end every sentence with an ellipsis? It makes it real annoying to get through the post lol! Which is a shame since the post itself may have merit

 

Anyway, not an evil comment so don't get upset, just thought I'd mention it in case you were unaware.

[plutos-work]

Renae, I really feel for you and can sense your intense anger. I am so sorry. You built up your hopes and dreams again, selflessly looked after his children (and him) and he does this to you!! What at absolutely stupid man. I cannot for the life of me understand how they can so cheaply give up the chance of a great life for the fleeting liasons with a prostitute. What is wrong with them?? I don't think I will ever understand. I can only hope and pray that we will all come out of this much wiser and better for it and have much better lives in the end. You run girl.

[CallingAllAngels]

I think it's a sad that this thread has been going on for almost 3 years.

 

What the hell is wrong with men...wanting prostitues.

 

My husband did the same thing.

[Will D Ness]

I think it's a sad that this thread has been going on for almost 3 years.

 

What the hell is wrong with men...wanting prostitues.

 

My husband did the same thing.

 

It is sad. Sadder still is that while the thread is only three years old, the problem is as old as time. The internet is feeding the problem in more ways than one. In days of old, you might not have ever heard of Elliot Spitzer. Today, you have heard of him, heard of his indiscretion, and been able to research the prostitute he visited and follow her career--all online.

 

Fortunately, what can be used for evil can also be used for good. The internet, this forum included, can provide therapy for millions who have no where else to turn. I suspect this thread will have a place thirty years from now as well.

[imsoalone]

Renae, I'm so sorry. I wanted to post quickly and tell you how sad I felt for you when I read your post. You're right, he IS the one who will miss out on a happy healthy life. I can tell you're strong and a survivor, and though there will be sad days for you, you will come through. You deserve someone who appreciates you for the good person you are and they will find you once this is over. Take care.

[mickmarie]

I was so very sorry to hear what happened Renae. I hope that you stay with the thread. We can still support each other. Take care.

[tankan]

Hello women,

 

I am a guy who has this addiction. I hate myself for it.

 

Reason: It is so unbelievably euphoric to feel the excitement of calling the place, getting to the hotel, knocking on the door, hearing the high-heel footsteps, seeing a complete stranger clad in a sexy lingerie, and knowing that she is all yours. It is not the sex, it is mainly the anticipation.

 

Like I said, I hate myself afterwards, and I look for a way out. I went to therapy, but it did not help. I just hate it, and I believe your partners also feel guilty. But somehow it is an addiction.

 

My wife has a low libido. We are in the first 5 years of our marriage and we are young. We typically just don't do it for months unless I initiate it. I always initiate it and I do not feel that she finds me attractive in a sexual way. I also started to lose my feelings of finding her attractive. But it is no justification for what I do. I need to fix it, not work around it. I am looking for a way out. Help me.

 

I do not want her to find out and I do not want her to feel what you felt. But I already did what I did, and I betrayed her. I'd probably die if she found out, or my mother heard about it. God life is so f-ed up.

[plutos-work]

OK Tankan

 

You want some advice? Why not weigh up the pros (pun) and cons. I want to talk to you the way I would like to talk to my ex, but he is totally non-responsive to the things I say so I cannot have this conversation with him.

 

1. Do you love your wife? You say you are not finding her so attractive now, so I guess you mean sexually. If you love her does that mean you love her less or differently?

2. Did your wife always have low libido? How was it at the beginning?

3. Do you have children? If you do, then this would most certainly explain a shift in libido as babies/children are totally draining, leaving most women exhausted by the end of a long day, every day and not feeling up to playing the sexy siren, but desperately needing every ounce of sleep they can manage to be ready for the next day's onslaught. If you do not have children then I can only assume that sex for her is not that exciting - maybe you need some advice or coaching with a sex therapist, or maybe your wife has settled comfortably into her way of life and sex just isn't that important to her.

4. You say you think your wife does not find you attractive in a sexual way. Why dont you ask her? I wish my ex had asked me that question - things might have turned out a lot different if I had known what he was thinking. It might have initiated some open and frank discussion and saved our marriage! So ask yourself this. If you think she doesn't find you attractive is that just an idea in your head you have dreamed up to excuse or justify your behaviour??

5. Do you think a prostitute would find you more attractive than your wife does? I can guarantee that she finds your wallet very attractive and will do just what she needs to, to lighten it. She probably thinks you are quite revolting truth beknown. My ex actually believed they thought he was a good lover!! After years of silence on that score I finally gave him the truth.

6. Is the short term euphoria, excitement and anticipation you feel worth loosing your wife and your life as you know it? You will loose the respect of your extended family, your mum and your friends. Is it worth it?? Or does the thought of being caught raise the excitement level?

7. Is it worth putting your health, your wife's health (and maybe life) on the line for your pleasure?

 

You say you want help and you dont want her to find out.

 

I will tell you what I experienced.

 

I 'knew' something. I could feel it at a soul level. Your wife will know. She might not know what it is, like me. She will know something is amiss, like me. There was a subtle difference in my ex and when I look back I now realise how obvious it should have been to me. I think part of me just didn't want to believe it and it was like a self preservation or protection I put around myself. Little things he did started to make me very angry and that was rare for me. I was always very placid and even tempered, but I was starting to overreact at seemingly small things. An example being my reaction to the smell of cigarette smoke in the car. I was instantly furious and I immediately thought he'd had a prostitute in the car. I asked him who had been smoking in the car. His explanaton was a colleague asked if he could smoke in the car and he found it hard to say no. What would have made me think of a prostitute? I think it is an innate psychic ability of women. If your wife seems distant to you, then she smells a rat or senses something. I was distancing myself and I didn't know why. He bought me a Valentine's day rose and it made my heart go cold. Why?? I experienced the most terrible vibes from that rose and I could not bring myself to put it up. I put it in water but left it on the floor. I didn't know why. Eventually, I slowly started to think that maybe he might be having an affair with a colleague and I told his mum and my friend. I told them of my thoughts over the months. I asked my friend if I could borrow her car to follow him but she said I was imagining things. His mum told me to either put it totally out of my head or to get some concrete proof. I was very scared at what I would find.

 

Anyway Tankan, if you have been reading through this thread you might remember my story. My ex was discovered and was forced to tell me and the family. His mum died soon after that. One daughter is moving to live halfway around the world, the other lives four hours away. When we sell the house I will have as little contact with him as possible. So he will be left on his own. The only family he has in this city is a nephew who he sees maybe once a year or so. He is in a new job and will have to rely on any friends he might have if there is an emergency. He is not getting any younger and he is overweight and is nothing to look at. He wont find it easy to get a new partner unless he buys her. He does get a decent salary so that will help him pay for a partner if he wants company. I have a son to a previous marriage and grandchildren. They have grown up with him, but he hardly ever initiates the contact with them. We go there every Christmas. It will be interesting to see what happens next Christmas. It might be the first Christmas he has ever spent alone. Our youngest daughter asked me to think about moving to be close to her. She never asked him. Not a bright future for someone in his later years.

 

One thing about your wife is that she has youth on her side. If/when she finds out, and she decides to stay with you, she will never be the same inside. You will have destroyed her trust. No matter what happens she will never regain that. She will always be looking at you and wondering. She will probably have a degree of comfort and security staying with what she knows as it is very scary moving on from a long term relationship but if she values herself she will move on. When you make love to her, she will wonder where you are in your head. Are you with her or are you reliving one of your encounters. She will always wonder. She will never be the same.

 

So what are you going to do about yourself?? You say therapy has not worked. It wont unless you really want to change yourself and the odds are not great.

 

I dont expect you to answer these questions here, but do try to honestly answer them for yourself.

[Will D Ness]

Tankan,

 

You've expressed some very real emotions and feelings. And you've been candid about what entices you to this behavior. This is all very good. Chances are, you found this forum and this thread because you were seeking help. I hope you find some here.

 

To that end, let me add a few remarks. As a general rule, you might find this thread populated by women who have experienced repeated offenses by men who "promise to change" (in the heat of getting caught) and who never do. thereforee, you might feel that women, as a lot, are an unforgiving bunch with regards to this behavior. That is not true. You will find it in the very nature of most women to forgive and move toward healing if they are met by a real man--a man who truly wants to change and will do anything--anything!--to provide the woman the security she needs to know that change is coming.

 

Another type of personality you might run accross is someone you might be able to relate to more closely at this stage in your problem. In an attempt to reach out and find some help, they are diving deep into the recesses of their minds trying to figure out why they are doing this--why they feel the desire or the need to seek out prostitutes. You'll often hear them rationalize and justify, often bringing in their spouses as contributors to the problem in some form or fashion.

 

Let me encourage you to avoid this mentality as a first step in healing. Part of any therapist's treatment plan for you will be to get you to see that this is your responsibility and no one else's, not even your wife's. A marriage vow is a vow of commitment that "no matter what happens, we belong to one another." It is not a contract, stating that if one party doesn't provide something the other party has recourse outside the marriage. If she cannot or will not provide sexual satisfaction, you must seek a solution that involves the two of you. You may not seek it elsewhere. If she becomes sick, you do whatever she needs you to do to take care of her. If she becomes disabled, you change your lifestyle how you need to to take care of her. This is called commitment. I would strongly encourage you to decide now if you are committed or contracted in this marriage. If it is the former, then take responsibility for what you are doing and move forward.

 

To that end, it might encourage you to know that full disclosure to your wife does not mean the end of your marriage. When a man goes to his wife and confesses, she already has a clear indication that you want to change and that you want things right in your marriage or you would not have volunteered the information. But the key is to STOP the behavior first. I always stop short of calling this particular behavior an addiction, instead I refer to it as a destructive pattern of behavior. I've seen too many men stop when they realize how they are destroying everything by doing it.

 

So, you've done some good things here. You've admitted it is a problem. You've started to reach out for help. Now, don't lose the momentum. Vow now to stop and never see another prostitute. Take extraordinary steps to demonstrate your commitment to your wife. Honor her and serve her and treat her like a queen REGARDLESS of how she performs in return. After establishing this pattern, you'll find a proper time to disclose your failures. And I do recommend disclosing them, but only at the right time. Many times men wait until they are caught and then fail to understand why their wives are so tough on them. You'll find far more forgiveness by doing the right thing on your own.

 

Everyday in this country, marriages are surviving this hideous problem. You don't hear much about the success stories but this doesn't mean you can't be one of them. Your marriage, my friend, is worth saving. The worth of your wife is without measure as is the pain of a divorce. Do what you can, do what you must, as a man to fix this. And fix it now. I know you can do it and I know you'll be successful. It is in your hands.

 

All the best.

[tankan]

1. Do you love your wife? You say you are not finding her so attractive now, so I guess you mean sexually. If you love her does that mean you love her less or differently?

 

Yes I do

 

2. Did your wife always have low libido? How was it at the beginning?

 

Yes she did, since I love her I married her.

 

3. Do you have children?

 

No, but we did try going to a sex therapist. She started to cry and we stopped. She gets mad at me when I bring up the topic.

 

4. You say you think your wife does not find you attractive in a sexual way. Why dont you ask her?

 

I do and she says that she does. She says she does not feel pleasure when I penetrate her. She says it is her problem and maybe I should divorce her. She gets off from a hand or tongue treatment (only a few times in 5 years) but she does not let me do those anymore. She thinks intercourse this is the only legitimate way for sex and pleasure.

 

5. Do you think a prostitute would find you more attractive than your wife does?

 

Of course not.

 

6. Is the short term euphoria, excitement and anticipation you feel worth loosing your wife and your life as you know it?

 

No of course not, but it is tough to break the destructive behavior

 

7. Is it worth putting your health, your wife's health (and maybe life) on the line for your pleasure?

 

I understand, but since I can justify it by saying "I always wear a condom"....

 

She never makes me feel like she finds me attractive sexually. She does not complement me, does not make me feel wanted. I never saw her do something erotic to initiate sex. She says she loves me but I think she loves me like a brother. Maybe deep down I am punishing her for that by seeing prostitutes... I don't know.

[plutos-work]

Thank you Tankan for replying to my questions. It was not necessary to do that. I could hear the honesty in your answers and I apologise for the tone of my questions. Its the anger I have for my ex seeping through.

 

One comment about wearing condoms. They do not protect you or your wife from all STD's. For your sake, but mainly hers, you need to do some research here. I really urge you to do that.

 

On one occasion I know of my ex had sex with me about four hours after being with the young prostitute he was seeing, without having a shower first. I found that out by deduction and he admitted it when I asked. It makes my skin crawl everytime I think about it. I don't know how often that happened, but he never showered when he came home as he didn't want to arouse my suspicion.

 

Find out about the viruses you most likely will have passed onto your wife. She will now need to have a smear test every year to check for cervical cancer and other little nasties like warts etc. Not nice.

 

Do the research and find out for yourself.

[renae]

well...first to the "john"(Tanken) who is sleeping with prositutes behind his wife's back, let me make it clear, you are a low life who is only trying to make excuses for yr behaviour, you'll promise never to do it again, but you will, just leave her, leave her with some dignity intact.I have NO sorrow for these men, they make excuses, your wife has a low libido, if this wa so important to you why did u marry her?.You come to this site looking for simpathy and understanding, well, you don't have mine, you are just a sleaze-bag, like my ex, who will never change, go buy yourself a brothel, then you can get it for free, you pathic loser, leave your poor beautiful wife, she deserve way better that a sleaze bag like you, who will only turn into an old creepy sleezebag..!!!

[lost1607307474]

His actions are hurting no only you but the chrildren as well! Take the kids and leave until he will commit to getting therapy. The kids need a father and you need a husband you can trust. I would also get tested for STD's. Sorry.

 

Agreed. If it doesn't get sorted out the situation could get worse and become more hurtful for everyone. I can't believe that he is willing to put your health/ life at risk by sleeping with these prostitutes and not telling you! Personally, I don't think I could stay with someone who took for granted my and my children's health and safety. I would leave, or convince him to take therapy and try to sort out his addiction.

[Will D Ness]

Tankan, Plutos is right. The condoms simply will not protect you from everything. Statistically speaking, you are going to pick up an STD of some kind (there are many, many of them) and you will pass it on to your wife. Some can pass through the membrane of the condom, some can be passed on skin-contact from areas around the condom which aren't covered, and some can be passed when the condom fails or comes off. In all ways, consider a condom only a very light protection in a highly contaminated area.

 

As for other responses on this board, I hope you'll consider carefully which ones to give thought toward. You will not find acceptance here for your actions. Further, it is highly unlikely you'll find sympathy. What you should also not find is abuse and name-calling. That is inappropriate. You are not a degenerate, worthless human because you've done this. Your actions however are deplorable. Now, do what men do. Get off your own back and jump onboard with a plan. First, STOP doing it. Second, take care of the medical testing; and, third take care of your wife from now on. Women can and do forgive but don't expect them to do it without your help. You must give them a reason to forgive you. And expect it to take time.

 

Quit hiding behind the addiction and victim card. She finds something attractive in you or she wouldn't have married you. So figure out what that was and go with it. Even if she looks at you stone cold and says you're the ugliest, most repulsive man on earth, your choices are divorce or work it out with her. Do one of those two things NOW. Sex outside of marriage is not an option for any reason at any time. Dude, you are responsible for you AND this marriage--get on with it. You can do it, thousands of men have.

 

Good luck.

[foreverpeace]

I'm sorry that you are a sex addict. You are because you say you've tried to quit and you can't and you admit you have the problem. Here's the thing, now that you know you have a problem what should your solution be? If you listen to your addict mind and try to rationalize your behavior by saying things like "I tried therapy and it doesn't work" or "My wife has a low sex drive" or any other crazy things you say to not face the ultimate facts.

 

Admit that YOUR problem is screwing up several

people's lives not just yours.

 

If you REALLY love her then tell her why.

If you can't bring yourself to tell her then make up any excuse and get out.

Let her have at least a small chance at living a happy life.

 

End the relationship. If you are not actively taking steps to

fix your problem you have no right putting her life in danger.

 

Get your * * * * figured out.

If you are truly unhappy having sex outside your relationship

and can not control your own actions then get help.

Go to SAA meetings, become a monk or whatever you have to do.

if you can't stop then live alone and visit prostitutes until the day you die

but leave and don't have any more relationships.

 

I'm sorry you have this problem but unless you are doing something

about it you'll find no sympathy from me or anyone else here.

 

I just hope that your wife is strong enough to let you go

and not try to help you. She can't help you, only you can.

 

Sorry if this sounds heartless. It isn't. It's the darn truth.

 

Ladies do you see or hear any of your husband in his thoughts?

I sure do. I had to push my husband out the door, push him into

a treatment program and now he STILL wants to fix things with me.

 

I said fine. You want to fix it, then get at it! Get fixing. Fix yourself

and then fix what you did to my life and your children's lives.

In the meantime I'm going on. The best thing I ever did was tell

my husband that I don't want to hear him anymore. I want to see. I want

to see him making it right. I want to see him talk openly and honestly.

I haven't see much. I feel sorry for him but that's about it.

[plutos-work]

Right on Foreverpeace. Tankan, listen to these words. These will be your wife's words and feelings and she is no different from any of us here who have been so excruiatingly wounded. She will think of you the way we think of our ex husbands who have been so utterly cruel and vile.

 

Foreverpeace, I do recognise Tankan's words. My ex spoke them as well. At the very beginning when he was forced to tell me the truth, he said he was looking for love and intimacy because he didn't feel that I gave him enough. He was expecting me to rush to him every night with open arms and a big welcoming smile. I didn't do that because of his deteriorating behaviour over the last few years, eg wanking to porn when he thought I was sleeping etc. I tried to put it out of my head and I treated him very well considering. It was his choice not to come to bed the same time I went. I would invite him and he would say he would be there shortly... 3 - 4 hours later he would appear and crash out because he had already had his orgasm in front of the TV. He said seeing the prositute(s)?? was the most exciting thing he had ever done and he would do it again as his life with me had become boring. He considered I had low libido. I was exhausted when my children were small and I must agree there, but when they got older I was always a willing partner and I never once said no to him. I can only assume that the reality of everday life to him was not enough. I felt that he said those things to justify his behaviour. He also thinks most men do it.

 

So Tankan, as I have already mentioned, his future now does not look so rosey. How would you like to end up like him.

[plutos-work]

Hey Renae, I know you are seething, but your post did make me laugh. Its good to see you back even if only to let some steam off.

[renae]

thanks Plutos-work, very comforting to know that my situation makes you laugh....huh..thanks alot!!!

[tankan]

Ladies and gentlemen,

 

Wow since reading your replies, I am feeling much stronger and "morally aware". I feel I can take control of my life.

 

Will Ness, your posts helped.

 

But I hope this is not a temporary thing.

 

............

 

Now I would like to talk to you all from a different angle. I would like to try and analyze the reasons for this behavior based on my experience. Maybe it will help you.

 

Wives, I am not judging you. BUT it seems like low libido wife is a common complaint amongst men who get caught, or confess. I see a low libido as a problem especially if the other side has high libido. This means that several advances by the husband is rejected on a weekly basis. I think prostitutes provide a venue for the man to redeem his rejected manhood. I believe this is what happened to me. Getting rejected by your wife is very hurtful feeling. I think women in general don't know how to handle their man's sex drive. There is incredible energy there, it has to go somewhere!!!

 

What do you think?