my husband has a prostitute addiction

[renae]

thanks for yr reply "explainplease".....it just helps that someone read what i wrote and understands, as I said, I have no one to talk to about this, my friends think I'm crazy for still loving him(hell...i think i'm crazy too!!) I use to be so fun and outgoing, now I feel I'm losing part of me, I don't wanna loose the ability to love and trust,,,but feel so betrayed, when will it stop feeling like I have a knife in my heart, when will I be able to stop pretending to be happy and really be happy again, this has changed my personality and i hate it......i feel like a bitter jaded woman,,,,when really I am a happy positive affectionate woman, will this side of me come back, I pray itwill I wish hookers knew what they did to families, but to them it's just about the money, how sad.Wish I could talk to you

[Will D Ness]

Explainplese is right, Renae. It is his fault. Remember that in the days ahead. Isn't it nice to have others around to whom you can vent and talk? I think these forums might just be a godsend in that regard.

 

I'm so very sorry you are having to endure this. I'm quite sure that understanding it and even being able to pinpoint the fault doesn't ease your pain. The devastation this problem is wreaking upon society is far greater than most understand. Because it is still fairly culturally taboo to discuss, it spreads at the speed of light in the dark underworld of the internet, untraceable phones, and a generation of men without a moral counterbalance.

 

You may or may not wish to take this man on as a project. You would be totally justified in walking away. The road ahead for him is long and painful and the "rock bottom" he will experience most likely won't manifest itself on your doorstep. Those painful interludes for men like this tend to happen when the benefit of a good, supporting woman isn't available. In this regard only, I feel for him as well.

 

If you do choose to help him through this, the first step (as always) is for him to quit. Stop. No more. You'll have to find a way to gently yet firmly convince him that it is sex with you or no sex at all. No internet, no porn, no prostitutes. He must learn to find his satisfaction with you and you alone. At the same time, because you've chosen to stay with him, you'll want to find a way to listen, to love, and to encourage without being judgmental. That will be particularly difficult b/c you have everything to judge! I know you'll find a way if you choose this route.

 

All the best to you. It is a horrible, dark world with its own language, philosophy, and players. Fortunately, there are still good, decent women in the world who don't tolerate it or participate in it or allow it in their homes. Sounds like you are one of these. Congratulations.

[thisistheday]

I have been off this thread for awhile. I wanted to remind everyone what a fantastic resource link removed is. It has a "partner's" side with online lessons that work you through all the steps necessary for proper healing. It's been a Godsend- there is also a recovery side for addicts with coaches who have been there and understand. It's free and I cannot recommend it enough.

 

Since finding out three months ago, my SO and I were trying to stay together. I read everything I could, saw a therapist, did recovery nation but felt I was the only one working at it. My SO's use of escorts stopped but he was still visiting their websites and he was back to hiding his drinking. I left him on Christmas day b/c I couldn't take it anymore. Abstinence was not enough. They don't understand the patterns of behavior they have ingrained in them. If they don't seek treatment and relearn life skills, they will switch addictions or come back to the same ones again and again.

 

Take Care Everyone!

 

Just wanted to share the great resource of link removed.

[thisistheday]

I am a registered user I think so not sure why the website link is not coming up. Google Recovery Nation and you will find it.

[plutos-work]

Thisistheday, thank you for giving us all the opportunity to visit recoverynation. I have been reading though bits of it and it is so informative. I will continue to read it as I feel it is helping me to see where my ex is. He has always been deeply secretive and I respected his right to be. Now I know why. He really didn't want to tell me about his required visits to the shrink and if I asked a question I might get a one word reply and the body language that matched it. At times I have felt that I might have been of help although more truthfully, I was burning with curiosity as to what had transpired. I really wanted to know where his head was. I think reading recovery nation is helping me to understand some of the whys and wherefores, but it is still very hard for me to come to grips with the fact that he chose this path over and above, and jepordised the comfortable (I thought) life we had together. I have to consider the fact that these patterns were probably set very early on in his life, but he is an intellectual who has had training in helping others deal with tricky and difficult life situations so it makes me flaming angry when his own behaviour ultimately so radically changed our lives.

 

Anyway, I see now that I have to focus on my life and set goals for myself. I have to let my old life go and he has to live his life as he chooses. If he chooses a healthy lifestyle with values to aspire to, then great and if not, well.... so be it.

 

We have people coming to look at our house in the weekend. They know the price we want, so fingers crossed. I have been visualising some possible outcomes and I am beginning to feel quite excited at some of the prospects. Even if it doesn't sell immediately, I am quite content at present to bide my time and save as much of my salary as possible.

 

Thanks again for giving us the website.

[thisistheday]

I'm glad you are finding Recovery Nation helpful. I don't think many people know about it and it's been so enlightening. I'm glad to see you have a prospect for your home and good luck with your journey.

[forevertrying]

Well, OMG. that is the most replies I have ever seen. What an awful dilemma. The only thing I can advise personally if it was me (trying to imagine) go through the divorce. You are never going to be able to trust him again. It is totally disgusting and he is probably a sex addict. You will be strong for your children because you have to. He can still see them and it will be difficult for them to understand but try to keep life as normal as possible. It isn't your fault and always remember that. They will also know this when they are older. I am single parent and have had loads of problems. My daughter is my saving grace. If I didn't have her then I don't think I would be here so remember you still have them and every time they be children and come out with the crazy things they do and show how much they love and need you that keeps you sane and happy and nothing else matters. That's what makes me think, why do I care about anything else.

[renae]

back again....this seems only place i can "vent" and people understand what I'm going through. It's been a bad day today, 2nd day back at work, missed out on a big promotion due to the time I have had off after finding out my boyfriend likes to do hookers. Every one at work know's and there curosity and gossip is making things so raw again, workmates asking..."how did you find out" just so they can use it for lunch time fodder. I'm crying all the time and can't stand it, I don't know if this is what i want anymore, the man i fell completely and wholey in-love with I don't even know if he exsists, once again, how culd he do this to us, I think of all the lies he must have told me, I think of the times he must have come home and made love to me after screwing a prositute, I get angry. I don't think loe coqueres all anymore, this whole situation has started to change my personality,,,and i hate it. Maybe I should just cut my loses and move on.....but t's difficult when you do love someone and deoerately want things to work out, but, i suppose like the song say's "you can;t always have what you abt".

[plutos-work]

Renae, I so know and understand what you are feeling and going through. All of us here do. I can only say that you will start to feel better down the track a bit. You will be up and down again and again for ages, but the ups get longer in the long run and the downs will not be as severe as they are now. I found a book on grief that was more to do with losing a partner through death but had a lot of helpful information for me - the stages one goes through are very similar or the same. Search the internet (as you obviously have), but look for healing sites too. I have also found it very helpful coming in here and venting and pouring it all out, although I could only read for a long time before logging on. And it was comforting to know others were going through the same thing. Like you, I told everyone at work and anyone who would listen. I didn't care what they thought about him. I wanted the world to know what a scumbag he was.

 

I had to focus on what he did to me, the indescribable pain I was in, because I was so desperate for him to again be the person I thought he was before I knew about it. I wanted my old life back. But I had to hold onto the images of him and her in my mind so that I would never be tempted to. And I had to keep telling myself he would never have done that if he truly loved me - how could he?? Then I had to remind myself that he never gave me any feedback about how he felt about me and the whole situation anyway and it made me feel so worthless. He didn't care enough. Now, he smiles and chats to me if I allow it but wont talk about what his actions were all about. I told him immediately that I was not his wife anymore so maybe he just took that on board and thats that!

 

Trust that you will get though this raw pain. Learn all about the grievng process and if you can possibly try at times to detach yourself from it all and watch the process that is happening to you. I did that as much as I could initially. I was totally stunned at the person inside me who I didn't know. I did things, said things that I would/could never have done before. It has changed me for the better I feel. I'm stronger. I will stand up for myself like I never have before having always been a woosey. I know I have only got myself to rely on just for now and maybe forever and facing that initially was so dammed scary I didn't know how I would cope. You will cope and you will be stronger and there will be opportunities out there for you that at the moment you could not imagine. So hang on in there. Even if you stay with him for a while or forever this shock to your life will force you to grow and see life differently. You will become much more assertive and that in itself will lead you down pathways you might never have taken before.

[plutos-work]

Renae and others, I have found an e-book that I am considering buying. I signed up for 'free' information that is emailed every other day and contains the usual sales pitch, but it looks like it could be very helpful. If you google Dr. Bob Huizenga - The Infidelity Coach, that will probably lead you to it. I'm not sure how I came accross it now, but that is the name you will need.

 

Onwards and upwards.....

[imsoalone]

I've been away from this forum for a couple of weeks, just trying to cope. Coming back today I started crying, I hurt so badly for the other ladies who are going through exactly the same thing... more ladies... how many men ARE there who are this sick and twisted? I recognise myself in what you write, know just the same anguish and pain as you're experiencing, and what can I really say to help? I wish we could talk, I wish I could be there to help you through when that breathtaking pain hits you again and again. I'm so sorry.

 

renae, I feel your pain and I'm sorry you're going through this. You wrote a couple of weeks ago when I was off worrying about myself, and I wish I could have written to support you and let you know you're not alone. How are things going for you today? I know this is very much a day to day, or hour to hour thing, sort of coping one minute, and the next you're struggling to survive.

 

What a terrible way for you to find out, plutos-work. I could strangle your husband, I could strangle all these men who are so sick and heartless and seem to have no inkling of how they have betrayed their wives and partners and seem to care even less. Do you know, my husband when questioned admitted he didn't even regard it as being unfaithful to me. He gave me what is I guess the common line of it just being physical, nothing else. So what? That doesn't make me feel better! But plutos-work, you've been through so much hurt and yet you're being so strong and working at making a life for yourself and I admire you. I hope things get better for you and the bad times and thoughts become less for you. You give me hope that I will be able to get through.

 

I'm still trying to stop these awful relapses where suddenly I can hardly breathe - what you said about being unable to breathe, and sighing and gasping for air YES! And the stabbing pain! Are you still getting that, and however do I stop being swamped by it? I can be doing something completely innocent - the other night we were out with friends, watching a show - and out of the blue I'm overcome by it, can't breathe, start crying, can't stop picturing my husband with these prostitutes and imagining what they did... and yet not wanting to know, either.

 

I look at other couples and envy them - because I thought WE were a team, and that we had a special relationship - everyone used to marvel and comment on how well we went together and how in love we seemed - and those other men (I think) are not doing this terrible thing to their wives, they would never betray them or hurt them like this. I feel like I'm carrying this horrible sick secret around with me, and people who know us would be speechless and incredulous if they knew. But no one does. There's no one for me to talk to about it. I keep on feeling sick to the stomach and ashamed that my husband, who I thought was a special person, did this. Its all so sick and revolting.

 

I'm trying very hard to be the best person I can, and to trust my husband (ha ha trust! I say that but how can I? He can tell me one thing and I can choose to believe but HOW CAN I KNOW HE'S NOT LYING?) He still insists its all over, never again, all those things. Yet I need to feel constantly that he cares about me, I panic when I see him sick with migraine and thereforee unable to relate to me for days, and when I see him distracted by one of his hobbies which I know is part of his nature, he gets so into things, but then I feel isolated and insecure. I'll get terrified the whole thing I've been going through in our marriage for the last few years is starting all over again, the loneliness and the feeling of not being loved and all that. I'm scared about the future because how can he go on being patient with me when I'm so insecure. Yet how can I come to grips with it all? I've woken from dreams crying and even thumping into him and he just comforts me and says he's sorry. He IS being so supportive and yet I'm scared.

[imsoalone]

Thank you for giving this link. I've just registered and feel hopeful I'll get some sort of strength or help from it.

[renae]

wow...thanks for your support iamsoalone....you ask how i am today...?...not a good day, couldn't go to work, had to call in sick, what started as a broken heart is leading to depression. Your story sounds so simialr to mine, I wish we could talk too. We seemed lekrd the "perfect" couple, so loving and affectionate, so tactile. I like yourself have good days...but also still cry everyday and like you, picture in my head MY darling, my beloved with these prosititutes, but like you don't wanna know too much cause i think the pain would be even more unbearable to know more details. Still outwardly he appears to really working on his "problem", I try and support him as much as I can, but still protect myself, he does try and support me, but it's difficult when he is the cause of all my pain.I still love that man, that treats me so beautifully and lovingly and in lots of ways proud he has finally realised he has a serious problem and is seeking on-going help....but I'm still so angry too....and confused.

[imsoalone]

I know, he's the one who you've always looked to for comfort and yet he's the one who's the reason for the pain and betrayal you're going through, so whilst wanting him to hold you and tell you its all okay you also feel like pushing him away and pleading with him to tell you why he did this to you... to both of you, because he's done it to the relationship and the trust you had.

 

Like you, we're trying to work on the problem and I too still love my husband dearly. When he treats me lovingly and insists he truly loves me and how sorry he is, and I can see it in his eyes and feel it in his actions, I feel like we WILL get through this, but then a bad day comes and I go to pieces torturing myself over it.

 

Are you having couple counselling? I know we need to do this - to explore how it happened and all the emotions connected to it, and for me to find a way of handling it that will keep me sane and help me heal. Yet though I tried organising an appointment with a counsellor, we both had doubts about the quality of counselling we'd receive there and I'm still humming and haaing about who to see. Why am I putting it off? I think in one way its that I'm ashamed, and also I think I sometimes subconsciously take a don't-think-about-it attitude because if I allow thoughts through I'm overcome with the grief again.

 

I'm sorry you've had a bad day today, and pray for you that tomorrow will be a better one. Vent whenever you need to on this forum and we'll all support each other. Take care.

[unluckyagain]

I am sorry you are going through this rough time. But please understand it's not your fault and it's nothing you have done. He is the one with the addiction and unfortunately there's not a lot you can do to someone who wont help themselves.

He needs to admit he has a problem and seek help. He told you his addicition was over and then he lied to you again!

You have every reason to want to divorce him.

 

Taking on the responsibility all on your own will be scary at first and there will be times of difficulty but it sure beats staying with him.

 

Once you are on your own you will feel strength and power in your decision to leave. You will also be setting an example to your kids about what is and what isnt acceptable in a relationship.

My husband 5 years ago was caught seeing prostitutes after agonizing I decided to stay if he promised it would not happen again...guess what he has made me GO WITHOUT SEX FOR 5 years while now I found out he has been whoring around with whores this whole time he just got progressively worse, I am heartbroken and this story is really longer than what I am telling you but who wants a man that disrespects you and whores around? If the shoe was on the other foot trust me he would walk out the door in a heartbeat!!!!!!!!!!!! Get some self respect back because he will just kill your self esteem.When I found out I just kicked him out right then and there, all of a sudden he was so sorry and all he has is remorse,where was his remorse when he was stealing money from the family and spending it in places where eventually it could kill both of you!

[unluckyagain]

Don't let his expertise in lying and deceit make you feel stupid, if you stay with a cheater whom prefers whores to his own wife let them do all the things you do and not get paid! Who wants to look over their shoulder forever???? No money for them and they would not consider him at all,he pays because of low self esteem and needs his ego stroked, don't we all want our egos stroked? Self esteem comes only from within,no one can give it to you but if you allow it someone can take it from you,watch out for that!

[emngirl888]

First of all I want to thank you for sharing your story. I found out in december that for the past year (or more) my husband has been using an escort service. Long story short, I had known for at least 5 years that he didn't seem attracted to me. Unlike other wives, I begged him for sex and he wasn't interested. I thought it was my looks, so I totally stressed over weight, clothes, hair, everything. Everyone who knew me thought I was having the affair, because of the drastic change in my looks. But even at 125 lbs., top fit condition, very attentative in every way, he still denied me. So I reviewed the cell phone bill and there it was. This was about a month ago. I was shocked, hurt, angry, etc. Long story short....he told me that he felt like I wasn't approachable and he didn't know how to please me and blamed ALL of it on me. Of course I cried, prayed and yes, even thought about ending my life. That is the devistation that this behavior can do to a spouse. He of course said he would never do it again and that he loved me and that he didn't want a divorce. After reading all the strings of emails, I have came to the conclusion that this type problem will not go away and I am best to move on. I've learned that this problem wasn't about me, but about control issues he has and his inability to be honest with himself and others. To get his attention, I plan on leaving next week for a couple of days as you suggested and when I return, I am hoping he will be ready to decide how to resolve/dissolve the marriage. I honestly feel like I didn't know him at all. By the way, we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this past Oct and he gave me a $15K solitaire. (the bigger the gift the larger the guilt). I plan on embracing this change in my life instead of dreading it. Knowing that this was not my fault and I can start a new life on my own. Maybe pouring into myself and getting my self confidence back is what I needed for the next chapter in my single life and not to get my husband's attention. Look out world..here I come. Ladies, remember...there is life after he deceives you! And not all men have this problem.

[renae]

all these stories..so similar...does make me wonder if I'm kidding myself thinking we"(he) can work this out. One huge realisation I believe he has had is that realising that if doesn't fix this behaviour now, with the support of the "love of his life" he will never have a happy healthy realstionship and will end up an old lonely man screwheing whores i know he doesn't what this, but I am unsure if can actually stop, I wanna believe him so badly, and outwardly he is doing everything possible to change his ways, but I'm still so hurt , i have just been able to go back and read some of the stories woman have written and feel there are not many hopeful stories, seems all the men went back to there old ways and lies, I'm not sure I could handle this deception again. As I write this he is laying 2 meters frm me, I wanna be able to go kiss and hug and make love the way we made like we use to....but...now things are different....he still is so affectate and loving to me and we make incredible love together and he tells me he has NEVER had sex like we do......why does he see whores then?I don't understand any of this really and just feel like running.......but I still love him so much......stupid hey..!!!

[emngirl888]

Ranae,

I don't think you are stupid at all. I just don't think we fully understand their behavior. I've only known for a month that my husband has been going to an escort service for the past year (or more). He reacted the same as the other men. He blamed me and took no responsibility. My question is, if I am such a 'b', then why didn't he just divorce me? Why put me through this mess? I even told him last night again that he should have left me and pursued the life he wanted. I'm done. I'm just trying to get him to realize divorce is our only solution. He still doesn't want to talk about divorce. But I just don't feel I have a choice. For your sake, I hope that your husband is different than most of our husbands. I just don't think once they start, they can turn it off. Last night my husband and I went to the casino to relax and get this mess off our minds. One of the waitresses comes right up to him, like she knew him very well. Called him by name and started a conversation. He was so embarrassed. I told him...wow they know you on a first name basis? He didn't know what to say. Just shows me that he is still living it up when I am not around. I can't live like this...looking over my shoulder all the time and wondering who is talking to and chatting with on the internet. I hope it works out for you, but I truly feel what my husband did totally took all the trust out of our relationship. I want him to be happy and me too. I think he should have divorced me a long time ago and experienced his thrills without hurting me. Good luck Ranae. Your husband may just be the one man that truly regrets what he did and changes.

[mickmarie]

Hi everyone,

 

I haven't written in a while. I have been in the doldrums a bit, even though my husband is in treatment now, and has managed to not masturbate for 45 of the often proscribed "90 day treatment."

 

I don't know if my husband and my situation will work out, but I just want to offer a bit of reassurance to persons who are in the throws of just finding out. I have read about , and my therapists have told me about, many, many couples who are still together, working through their husband's recovery together. There are three women in my small COSA group whose husbands are in recovery and are happily married. So, I do want to say that it can work out, against what might now seem like insurmountable odds.

 

 

In terms of my own situation, my husband is a person, who like many sex addicts, has escalated his porn use to an interest in cross-dressing, bizarre fetishes ( he hired a woman just to kiss her feet, and others to help him cross-dress) and even contacted a man on Craig's list to seek out sex, although he didn't go through with it. He told me that he had frequented many gay bath houses and bars, although never felt comfortable there, and did not have sex with any men. He has visited many massage parlors as well.

 

The question in our marriage now is whether we should be together because he may be gay, bisexual, or he may be straight, and just gotten so far into his addiction that he began experimenting. So, in addition to worrying about his porn addiction, I also worry that he is going to leave me for a man, which he states "is possible." I get really frustrated with that, and half the time I feel like I am walking around like a zombie. Over the last two months, I have begun to take those steps that many of us seem to need to take to get better, including trying to make new friends and go out, read more at night, spend less time worrying about what would make him happy, and focus on my other family members more. This has helped me, but it's still hard. I've become more aloof with him, because I just get tired of his ambivalence. When he notices I have become very aloof, however, he seems alarmed, can't sleep, and cleans the house like mad. In the same day, however, he can say something to me like "If I had married someone else, the same thing might have happened,", as if he just can't seem to really accept that all of this is not my fault.

 

I want everyone to know that I wish you all the best, and you are all a godsend to me in helping me get through this. Wish I had more time to write.

[imsoalone]

OMG Renae, that's interesting what you wrote about your call regarding the receptionist ad! How I wish I knew of some way to dob these women into Centrelink... I think you're right, a lot of them probably are receiving benefits and making this dirty money on the side. You know, my husband feels so strongly about people bludging on benefits, yet there he was shovelling OUR $$$'s into these women's purses and they are in all likelihood the very sort of person he has no respect for, ie Centrelink bludgers.

 

Sometimes when I read what you write I feel like I must have written it... ".....before people would envy us, for the love we seemed to have, I was so proud I'd found a man who loved me, spoilt me and was/is so loving and affectionate, now I look at other couples and envy them, sure, they might not hold hands and kiss and be so tactile, but, I envy them cause their man hasn't the "need" to seek out hookers, seriously, I know this is NOT my fault, I refuse to take any blame.I was and still am an attractive, highly sexual woman.... " Yes, I go out and look at other couples and feel envious, too, and I feel ashamed that my husband betrayed me and wonder if those women must have something special - that I lack - that their partners are true to them. I know I shouldn't be ashamed, and I know that we're told its nothing to do with US and how good, sexy, loving etc we are or aren't; its my husband's problem and something lacking in him, but how do I stop these emotions of worthlessness and loss of self esteem? I keep asking myself why, what would drive a man who has an attractive, loving woman at home, who loves sex and loves him, to have smutty sex with someone who is only doing it because he's paying her.

 

I've been in the pits of misery for the last few days, and have just dragged myself up to a state of relative equilibrium today. I know now this doesn't last. I'll go along for a few days, and then the thoughts won't stay away and will start seeping in again and all the questions and images and misery floods right back in with a great stab. I'm living scared of those times. Will I ever get over this?

[renae]

Imsoalone...our stories do seems so similar, but one main difference is every know's about my situation(family,friends, workmates etc).I'm really goning to try and have a good day today, i've got to go to work in about 2 hours and i'm so nervous and scared, I've always been so confident, but now feel worthless......but...you know what.....I'm not going to be the victim(lol..today)....I'm walking into work with my head held high, knowing in lots of ways I'm still the same woman i was 3 months ago....I've had heaps of time off work tho, and as my previous post say, lost a major promotion because when i should have been "shinning", I was crumbling due to the fact how how devestated I was when I found out. Hope u have a good day too imsoalone, i'll be thinking of you too.

[mickmarie]

Dear Renae,

 

Your feelings may need to take a really long time to stabilize, probably at least a year, before you are feeling better about the situation. I think it is great that a woman can admit to wanting sex and feeling sexy as you are able to do. The book "The Porn Trap" talks about reconnecting sexually with your husband after you discover your husband's porn addiction. I think the idea is that you can have a good sex life again, but only when you are both ready. I think that there is a good chance that if he is going through treatment he really wants to be with you.

 

Good luck!

[foreverpeace]

It's so hard to read every post on here. I have all the same feelings and problems you are all having. Why does it shatter our own self worth? I've read all the sex addiction books and really do believe or want to believe the fact that for them it was just sex, but I can't REALLY believe it.

 

Just like all of you my husband was very loving and caring to me. Just like you everyone else thought we had I great relationship. I still can't believe that he was just looking for sex with them and LOVED me. Is my self worth that low or is it real?

 

I used to be such a self confident person but it's been a hard 6 months. I just don't have the faith in anyone else like I used to. Will we ever get back our ability to trust anyone again!!!!! I'm really hoping I can find peace with myself. I read your stories and hope and pray that everyone here realizes they are beautiful, smart and loved. Do not let their crappy self images ruin yours just because they can't control themselves. That is really what their problem is, they can not control their own thoughts and act upon them whenever they feel the need.

 

Not me, I can let this wave of emotion come over me, feel horrible for just a second and let it go right by. Then some days it just drags me into the lake and drowns me. Today was a semi-good day. I'm going to make sure tomorrow is even better. I'm going to control my own thoughts and not let his horrible problem take me there tomorrow or the next day, or the next.

 

Peace to all here and stay strong! When we all look back on this and realize how strong we have been to make it through we will realize we deserve only men who truly can give us what we can give them.

[ladybug726]

I feel so sorry for you women going through this. Don't ANY of you blame yourself for your SO's addiction.

 

I know some of you want to try. I really hope that most of you will find the strength to leave. It is a very unhealthy addiction... absolutely disgusting... these men call themselves "hobbyists" and if you were to look up some of their forums on the internet and read what these men say about women, I bet you would be packing and LONG gone without another glance. It is vile.

 

I actually suggest if you can get the strength to, have a look at these forums. THIS is what you are living with, this is the man that you love, behind closed doors when he knows you aren't looking.

 

Your chances of STD's are HUGE. Most men don't use condoms with their prostitutes if given the chance, regardless of what he tells you. Most men are in complete friggin denial of their chances of contracting and spreading an STD, if he has a sex addiction. If he has lied to you this much, don't for another second believe that anything he tells you is the truth.

 

There's a good book called Co-dependency No More that most people could benefit to read, especially partners with SO's of addiction. Please pick up a copy.

 

DON'T make this about you. This is NOT about how much of a woman you are, how sexy you are, whatever. At the core, these men DO NOT RESPECT WOMEN.

 

Please take care of yourselves.