ruined for life

[monsieur]

Have you ever met and been involved in some way with someone that is just so perfect for you in every way except they don't want you?

 

Someone that you are attracted to so extremely in every way, mind, body, soul, personality.... where noone else possibly measures up in your mind.

 

Where you can meet really attractive nice girls and yet you can't get any enthusiasm at all because they are not her? I have been getting in random conversations (for example, 2 different hot girls started to chat with me yesterday, all smiles, I was just minding my own business) with extremely beautiful tall smiley friendly intelligent girls alot lately, but all I do is compare them to her in my mind and really have no desire to hook up with them. They are not her. I am so much an opposite to the typical stereotype of a guy wanting to get with every attractive girl he sees, I have no desire at all to do that, I just want to love the one girl I am crazy about, no other girl can possibly do. I am screwed.

 

I think I have been ruined for life for any other relationships, I am completely stuck on the one that I can never have. I really don't have any desire to try.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Oh monsieur, don't let the past get in the way of your future. Theres a reason it didn't work out with her, but that doesn't mean you won't find someone just as great or even more so.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

You are screwed if you cling to the untrue, romantic notion that there is only one girl for you.

 

It's..just wrong. I know we've all been indoctrinated that its somehow good or whatever to cling to an ideal image, but the fact is that no one is perfect (honestly), and whilst some people are definitely more suited to you than others, there are far, FAR more people who are great for you than just the one. Or two. Or three.

 

Let go of "The One" idea and just FEEL! the liberation. It really works.

[Starfall]

Oh yes... I've been there too. Yes.. it sucks... big time.

One usually wants even more what they can't have.

You will find someone who will fit those descriptions and more.

It's her loss..with time you'll allow yourself to feel that way if not more for another woman who loves you just as much.

[shes2smart]

Have you ever met and been involved in some way with someone that is just so perfect for you in every way except they don't want you?

 

Well...seems to me if someone was truly "perfect" for you, part of their "perfection" would be wanting to be with you as well.

 

You are screwed if you cling to the untrue, romantic notion that there is only one girl for you.

 

It's..just wrong. I know we've all been indoctrinated that its somehow good or whatever to cling to an ideal image, but the fact is that no one is perfect (honestly), and whilst some people are definitely more suited to you than others, there are far, FAR more people who are great for you than just the one. Or two. Or three.

 

Let go of "The One" idea and just FEEL! the liberation. It really works.

 

BINGO! Give that girl a prize...she's got the answer for a healthy, balanced, sane approach to a good relationship.

[Dako]

Love isn't a force emitted from one magic person.

I don't believe for a second that there's one perfect person in the world just for you. If that were true, how would you meet her if she lives in Tehran and only speaks Farsi?

 

As soon as you get over her, someone will tap you elbow and say hello, and you'll be off on an adventure. A guy like you that feels so deeply can't avoid it.

[Relationship Coach]

Mon,

We have gone over this time and time again and I do feel for you but...you need to realize that she is NOT the perfect girl for you because she does not feel the same way you do! This girl has become an obssession for you and all your wanting and hoping has brought you is pain and misery. How can you really find happiness when you are not willing to leave misery?

 

RC

[Spugly Fuglet]

Removed by me after reviewing its content.

[tylercdurden2004]

Very excellent points. As Yin said don't let the past get in the way of your future. As the saying goes REMEMBER YOUR PAST AND LOOK TO THE FUTURE. The past is past and there is nothing you can do about it, its a problem you can do nothing about, so dont worry about it. ITs a done deal.

 

 

You are screwed if you cling to the untrue, romantic notion that there is only one girl for you.

 

It's..just wrong. I know we've all been indoctrinated that its somehow good or whatever to cling to an ideal image, but the fact is that no one is perfect (honestly), and whilst some people are definitely more suited to you than others, there are far, FAR more people who are great for you than just the one. Or two. Or three.

 

Let go of "The One" idea and just FEEL! the liberation. It really works.

 

There is nothing truer than this post. Outta 3 billion girls on this planet, you think there is only one for you? If more people thought this there would be a lot less clinging the "the one". I suspect you have convinced yourself tshe is the one because she did something different that teh reat of the girls you meet. Maybe SHE made the moves, and SHE chose you. My question is do you wan to tbe the one choosing or do you want someone else to do that.

 

Love isn't a force emitted from one magic person.

I don't believe for a second that there's one perfect person in the world just for you. If that were true, how would you meet her if she lives in Tehran and only speaks Farsi?

 

Exactly. And you will never know unless you get out there and meet girls and at least give them an opportunity to meet you. When a girl is talking to you it means she is interested.....in you as a person. Thats a start. Whether she sees you as a potential life long mate or just a friend depends mostly on you. How do you see yourself?

[Relationship Coach]

Spugly,

They have never dated, she is a friend of his who he has developed feelings for. She has no interest in a relationship with him outside of being friends.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Then I stand corrected,

 

ignore my post

[Dako]

Hey, mon,

Years ago I knew a lady who put me in absolute bliss just smiling at me. She had a bf, and I couldn't get her off my mind. I was absolutely gone over her for a hundred reasons, and she knew it, since she sat next to me at work all day. I accepted the situation, and years later she's still on my mind. You don't have to own everything you love.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Thank you Relationship Coach

[shes2smart]

Dunno about anyone else, but as I look back on my journal, I know this was true for me.

 

There were times when I was younger & single that I would get very hung up on guys who had no interest in me at all. I did a lot of things that made me look very foolish...including that insane crush on a gay guy.

 

Anyway, with the wonderful clear vision hindsight gives you, I realize that every time I was pining away for someone who had no interest, it had a lot to do with my own lack of preparedness to be in a relationship, fear of actually being in a relationship, or simply a societally frowned upon desire to NOT be in a relationship (or some weird combination of the above.)

 

In a nutshell, I'd only pick the unavailable when it suited my psychological purposes to do so.

 

Have you ever thought what benefit(s) you get from choosing someone who's unavailable?

 

Looking at it from another angle might give you some insight into yourself.

[tylercdurden2004]

In a nutshell, I'd only pick the unavailable when it suited my psychological purposes to do so.

 

Have you ever thought what benefit(s) you get from choosing someone who's unavailable?

 

Looking at it from another angle might give you some insight into yourself.

 

Exactly what I was thinking. I often wonder why people refuse to move forward from the past and why they hang on to someone who will never be. It fear of the unknown of actually finding that person you have to open up to.

[quietgrl]

I understand how you feel.I met a man 2 year ago and i feel this is the man i should spend the rest of my life with but...This guy is a seriuos loner and has had bad experience with women.

This man got me.I haven't met a man til this day who has ever got me.I know i have to date men but so far.The dating scene suck.

[Starfall]

Rejection turns to Obsession.

[Dating Coach]

You have a bad case of oneitus. Oneitus is common, and you see guys who say the same nonsense, and it's because they are not thinking right with their head. They are caught up far too much in the fantasy and not the reality, and yes, this does include the girl and your perception of her. Here is oneitus explained on link removed:

[monsieur]

In a nutshell, I'd only pick the unavailable when it suited my psychological purposes to do so.

Have you ever thought what benefit(s) you get from choosing someone who's unavailable?

 

Well, I fell head over heels for her before she was ever in the unattainable or unavailable categorisation. We hung around a lot, I got more and more attached, I let her know I wanted more (by that I didn't mean sex, I meant mutual love and closeness etc.) , she freaked and said she only liked me as a very good friend. I was already sure she was the one before she rejected me, and being rejected hasn't changed my feelings for her.

 

We are going for dinner tonight, my heart is heavy though, I will probably be bad company because my feelings are so hurt deep down. I'll try and fake it though, but I fear that even our friendship is doomed because I can't get over the rejection, I play it through my mind every waking day (even dreaming), I wish she would just tell me why, she gives vague answers about attraction, but I know there must be something more that is wrong with me, I just wish women would be honest and giving enough to tell us what it is rather than keep it a secret trying not to hurt feelings, because not knowing hurts my feelings just as much.

[grymoire]

hi monsieur,

 

can you plz briefly tell your story. i guess i am in the exact same situation and can give you some suggestions.

[monsieur]

ok, met a girl, lots of common interests, got to be friends over a few months, went out or hung around at her place couple times a week, email every day, went on that way for months, if I tried any little physical things like rubbing her neck when she said it was sore she would kind of draw back a bit, but I shrugged it off because I asked her and she would always have an excuse like her head was aching so the rubbing wasn't helping, or something like that... just enough of an excuse for alot of things that the excuses made sense but now looking back I thing she was not being totally honest in an attempt to spare my feelings or something (don't think she was purposefully leading me on, even though that is what basically happened).... when I finally did come right out and tell her I was hoping for more than just friendship she freaked out and got mad and said "never" etc. I was crying I was so upset, and worried that I had ruined everything and lost a friend too, but things went back to friends mode, but she seemed a little more distant than before, but not distanced enough to not keep me totally interested still.

 

Well, lately she found a new guy she met through a mutual friend and they are boyfriend and girlfriend, so I am left wondering where I was deficient, why was I good enough to be used as a friend but not more. She won't even be honest with me and let me know and take me out of my wondering misery. The rejection is destroying me. She always gives a vague answer (more of the dishonest trying to spare my feeling excuses) about attraction and all that crap, but if a person is attracted enough to make good friends with someone and hang out with them very often and in the beginning stated how handsome and attractive they were, there had to be something wrong with me that ruined it. I wish I knew, as I am now suffering extreme rejection and feel unable to go out into the world without expecting to be rejected again. (she still wants to be friends with me)

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Monsieur I know I've said this to you before, but just because two people don't work out or one doesn't feel the same way as another, doesn't mean that that person was deficient in any areas. Sometimes two people just don't share the same chemistry.

[monsieur]

thanks Yin, I know what you are saying, and I try to believe it alot of the time, it's just that deep down my mind keeps coming back to it and I just know that if something was a little different about me or the way I acted that everything would have turned out well. It is hard.

[PassionatePices]

Oh yes... I've been there too. Yes.. it sucks... big time.

One usually wants even more what they can't have.

You will find someone who will fit those descriptions and more.

It's her loss..with time you'll allow yourself to feel that way if not more for another woman who loves you just as much.

 

 

Been in the same boat Starfall....thinking the same exact thing.

 

Give it time it will get better.

Trust me.

 

Be good to yourself!

[PassionatePices]

Hey monsieur read my thread from 4-21-06

 

I know what your going through.

 

pm anytime.