Im done with it all

[ElektraHere]

Why is it that everything has to be so challenging? Can nothing just fall softly into ones lap? My friend Robert is avoiding me like the plauge it not only hurts my heart but it also makes me wonder if I was worth his time at all? I have called, emailed, messaged just to get that connection back up and running. I miss him and everything we had or shared.

 

I am hurt and not sure if this will ever be resolved for me. I will always think that if it were not for my actions that none of this or this post would exist. I am not even sure I want to stick around here anymore. It conjures up alot. I am tired and just done with it! If this is the meaning of life I want to get off this ride because I hate it.

 

Note to all Never tell a friend you have feelings for them. They simply turn the other way and run.

[cacain119]

I've had similar problems. One of my best guy friends told me he had feelings for me 8th grade year (yeh, that long ago!) -- and we acted like nothing had happened.. But the situation would flip flop it seemed until we graduated when we decided we wanted an "adult" relationship once we were out of high school, but it seems our relationship only went down from there.

 

The best advice I can give you is understand what you're waging when you tell them you have feelings... Would you rather keep that relationship as is, or would you rather risk losing it. I'm sorry if I'm not much help.

[kellbell]

Hey there lady!

 

I am so sorry you have had a rough few months with Robert. (((hugs)))

 

I hope being here on eNotalone has helped you in some ways and you give great advice...which I hope has helped you too.

 

If you leave...you will be missed. But pop in here from time to time, kay?

[Starfall]

Don't leave. There was nothing wrong with what you did. You put your feelings out there and I'm sorry it caused your friend to bail. He probably didn't know how to react... so he did the wrong thing and ran from having to address it. I've made some good friends here, both male and female. While this Robert guy hurt you... and understandibly so, don't make a decision to leave. Maybe he'll contact you on his own with time.

[shes2smart]

Things are challenging because somewhere, in the midst of all of it, there is something that you need to learn from the situation to forward your personal growth. But, as the saying goes, "When you're up to your butt in alligators, it's hard to remember your initial goal was to drain the swamp."

 

I recall we have talked about this situation before, and I kinda wonder if learning how to let go is part of the lesson here for you.

 

I have called, emailed, messaged just to get that connection back up and running.

 

By letting go, you wouldn't be putting anymore effort into something that, at this point, is only causing you pain. It's ok to miss what you had, but given the way things played out, you can't re-create that, no matter how many times you try to. He's changed, you've changed...the people you were when the friendship started don't exist in that form anymore.

 

As long as you keep your focus and energy fixed on the past, you're not leaving any room for new and better things to develop in your future...with someone who does want the same things you do.

 

Perhaps the lesson here is how to say goodbye....and that is a difficult lesson to learn. Most of us will have repeated "classes" in it over the course of our lives.

 

If you feel it would be best for you to take a break from the site for a while, then that's what you need to do. I know there are some days I just can't be here, so I stay away until I can handle it. The reasons I sometimes need to stay away are probably very different reasons than yours, but the basic idea is the same -- Do what you need to do to take care of yourself first.

 

Healing is never a linear process. You're having a bit of a setback now, but you will get through it and be stronger for it in the end.

[Scout]

Elektra, I'm going to say something you might not want to hear. But, I can't stand to see you keep torturing yourself like this any longer.

 

Hon, you are taking this rejection way too hard for way too long. Chin up! We've all been rejected at some point, and eventually, it's time to dust ourselves off and get back on the horse.

 

Now, you're a very bright, funny, passionate lady, and I really think it's high time you remember that. You may not have stated so directly, but I suspect you're making some drastic assumptions that your entire worth has been devalued because of this rejection. Needless to say, nothing could be further from the truth.

 

I honestly think at this point you need to force yourself to enter some uncharted territory so you can once and for all quit fixating on this. Do some new things over the next several weeks...volunteer somewhere, go on a trip, hell, throw a dinner party.

 

Precious moments are going by, summer is approaching, and life is ultimately too beautiful to spend another day pining over this guy.

[Momene]

Remember that there's other fish in the sea and if that's really you in the photo, you've got the right bait.

[lovecrazy]

Honey it does like you did anything wrong. Sounds like this Friend Robert never was a good friend, or a man for that matter.

 

I told my friend who was competely in love with his now wife, that I had feelings for him. But I thought it was just because I was lonely, but honestly thinking back I could have seen us dating. But we are too different and better off as friends. And him and I talked about it. And he was supportive. Didnt rub his relationship with his wife in my face. Cause I honestly thought I was in love with him. But Looking back again I was just lonely, and he was my support system at the time. and still is for the most part.

 

Sorry I am about me today for some strange reason. I honestly wouldnt bother with this guy, he doesnt even have enough respect to tell you hey, we just need to be friends.

 

You deserve to be treated better. I am not sure of the whole story. But my point with my story was, a real MAN or WOMEN would have just said hey we are better of as friends, and wouldnt dissappear.

 

Why should you put yourself through that bull * * * *...If you want to email someone....hit me up...I will PM you if you want.

 

You deserve a person who has more respect for other peoples feelings.

 

Please keep us updated as to what is going on!

[Dako]

There's no reason you can't recover and get a new start. You're a smart lady who knows how to cope with this, but your heart is still in charge right now. I suspect a break from here might be beneficial though I hope you return. Be gentle with yourself. You're still a swan, whether you believe it or not.

Take care.

[chai714]

Elektra,

 

No need to put so much pressure on yourself. Relax a little and withdraw from whatever it is that's causing you emotional distress. There are a couple ways to achieve this that I know of:

 

1) Occupy your mind by filling your time with activities which require thinking. Reading is one of my favorites. I also like taking photos, working with media, and . . I can not stress this one enough - working out. I can not begin to explain how beneficial and how stress relieving it is to work out. Earlier this week, I was a bit emotional about a woman. I was thinking about her for a large part of the day and I got my emotions worked up. So, after work I knew I was going to have a fantastic workout session because I know firsthand that my workouts get me in a more positive state of mind and relieve stress.

 

2) The second allow the passage of time to do its job. Time changes your perspective on things and allows you proper hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20, right? So, why not let things blow by? Meanwhile, live your life and do things as prescribed in #1 (see above).

 

The last sentence you wrote proves to me that you're understanding the game a little better. You're absolutely right in saying that you should never tell anyone how you feel about them - at least directly. Instead, use phrases such as, "You're a wonderful person," "you make me feel good when I'm with you" or some other indirect comment that indicates how you feel but is not so direct.

 

Good luck.

[Ross_K]

Is Robert someone you only know online?

 

I think it's pretty bad of him to just be ignoring you like that, I think you should just kick him to the curb, girl.

 

Maybe he has an understandable reason for ignoring you, and if that's the case, he'll probably end up contacting you again. The ball's in his court now.