Why are women so concerned about feelings?

[TopDawg]

I know that both men and women have feelings, some stronger in males than females and vice versa. However, why do women always want to get inside men's heads and find out what their feeling about everything. I've had several relationships end because my gf always wants to talk about my feelings. I have no problem talking. In fact, I'm probably a very talkative person. However, I would prefer to talk about things like sports, politics, education, music, etc. But my girl friends always want me to share my feelings with them. I don't get why it's so important. Just because I'm not telling you everything I'm feeling or have felt, doesn't mean that I'm shutting you out, or that I don't trust you. I just don't prefer to talk about mundane things such as that. I guess it stems from the different hormones inside men and women, which makes women more emotionally expressive, and the way that men are brought up in society. We are taught to hide our emotions and feelings deep inside of us(even though we all have them), while women are taught that they should always express what they are feeling. I can't help the way I am. I'm a man. I wish that women in relationships would just stop trying to pry and get into their partner's head. Be more of a friend, rather than a psychiatrist.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I think in US society, you're right.

 

Just because you express feelings, doesn't make you less of a man. That is one of the biggest bull * * * * things we're taught, being men in America. Some how expressing feelings, makes you weak. No it makes us human.

 

Kinda sad really--I think you missed out, because expressing your feelings to someone offers a great way to build an deep intimate relationship with them.

 

I dont think I'd ever want to be with a woman who wasn't interested in finding out how I was feeling deep down.

 

Obviously not while the Sonics are playing, though.

[Starfall]

I know from my experience when women ask about your "feelings" it's in regards to how you feel about her, not politics, sports, etc. Women need men to express "feelings" for them, such as... "I missed you today", "I've been thinking about us today and I'm happy". Girls/women need reassurance. Now, if they are asking you day in and day out.. then you are dating insecure women. But, in the end, I just think when women ask how you are feeling... they really mean, "Do you still love me?"

[mjones333]

oh man. you guys are both right in your own ways i suppose. hey, why dont you just tell exactly what is written in that post to your girlfriends. that way you can discuss it with the person who would know best why she wants to talk about emotion. her.

[Daddy Bear]

I've had several relationships end because my gf always wants to talk about my feelings. I have no problem talking. In fact, I'm probably a very talkative person. However, I would prefer to talk about things like sports, politics, education, music, etc. But my girl friends always want me to share my feelings with them. I don't get why it's so important.

 

maybe your girlfriends told you straight out how they felt, which satisfied your need to know, but you went on about your favorite sports team instead of giving them anything of substance in return.

 

good luck in your future relationships. i hope you figure out the answer to your own question somewhere along the way.

[TopDawg]

oh man. you guys are both right in your own ways i suppose. hey, why dont you just tell exactly what is written in that post to your girlfriends. that way you can discuss it with the person who would know best why she wants to talk about emotion. her.

 

Because everytime I try to reason with them, it always backfires. I end up losing them to a more "sensitive" guy. I mean whats wrong with just plain talking. Although what Starfall said does make a lot of sense. Men also need reassurance, but in a different way. We need to know that our partner respects us. I used to always think that when they asked me about my feelings, they meant what I was actually feeling, not about how I felt about them. Women are very confusing. They expect us to understand these things???

 

maybe your girlfriends told you straight out how they felt, which satisfied your need to know, but you went on about your favorite sports team instead of giving them anything of substance in return.

 

good luck in your future relationships. i hope you figure out the answer to your own question somewhere along the way.

 

 

I did tell them how I feel about them. Just not every day.

[itsallgrand]

I can't help the way I am. I'm a man.

 

That is so lame. lol.

 

You will have trouble with relationships if you can not learn to share your feelings with the one you are with.

 

Being a man or a woman has nothing to do with it. I've dated men who 'pried into my head' asking "what are you feeeeling, hunny?"

 

Time to figure out: #!. If indeed you are poor at sharing intimate feelings

#2. If you are choosing insecure, obnoxious women.

 

tc

[TopDawg]

That is so lame. lol.

 

You will have trouble with relationships if you can not learn to share your feelings with the one you are with.

 

Being a man or a woman has nothing to do with it. I've dated men who 'pried into my head' asking "what are you feeeeling, hunny?"

 

Time to figure out: #!. If indeed you are poor at sharing intimate feelings

#2. If you are choosing insecure, obnoxious women.

 

tc

 

lol, even though it does sound lame, it does have some truth to it. Men in general have more difficulty sharing their feelings than women. That doesn't mean we don't have them, just that we prefer to express them in a more subtle way. I don't think I'm poor at sharing my feelings. I've told all my girl friends how I feel about them. However, I just don't tell it to them every day, because I assume they know that I still feel the same way. However I can see why they would want to be constantly reminded if they are needy.

[mjones333]

i agree with itsallgrand i guess.. i still think that there is a lot of sense to what youre saying and if a girl cant be reasoned with then she isnt a girl that should be trying to go into a relationship. if anything is going to last here you should probably try to communicate this problem to her.

[Starfall]

Women are confusing... just as men are confusing to us.

Yes, men need to feel appreciated, valued, and loved.

Women are a little more complex... when a woman really loves a man, she will actually need more of this as she is insecure of losing you.

When a woman asks, "How do you feel?"/ "How are you feeling?"

She is really hoping you'll say you are very into her. She'll be happy to hear this.

My husband and I fought about this until he realized what this meant.

Each day he'll take at least 5-10 min. to let me know I'm loved, cared for, thought about, etc. Each day he will do it in a different way.. it doesn't always have to be with words. It can be with flowers or just by simply listening to her as she speaks. It really is so easy. This did not come naturally to my husband, but once I showed him/taught him what I needed, he did it. Women will respond positively to this, so you can only benefit more than you can imagine!! Women don't come with instruction manuals... so I hope this helps.

[TopDawg]

Thanks that helps a lot. I used to always imagine being seated in a psychiatrist's chair with my girlfriend(s) seated accross from me with a pen and paper asking me how I'm feeling. Atleast now I know what they're talking about. They never out right told me. It helps to be forward and clear with men, because sometimes we don't get those hidden messages that women send.

[Starfall]

I wasted a lot of time "assuming" my man would surely get what I'm saying. It's not that he didn't care, it's that he was clueless as to what I needed.

It really is easy. Plus the more secure she becomes in the relationship, the less you'll have to reassure her. Until then, when asked, "How do you feel?" Let her know she's loved, beautiful, fun to be with, etc.

Women don't feel comfortable asking this outright, yet need to know again and again.

Plus... If you take that 5 minutes a day to do that for her.. it makes women respond quite favorably in the bedroom as well!! I promise.

[meli]

If this is a reoccurring problem you are having with girlfriends I think that should tell you something. like its probably not the girls... and its more likely a problem with in yourself... maybe you were never taught as a child that its okay to express how you are feeling... like the little boy who is told never to cry because boys dont cry... in our society it should be okay for all children to express themselves. I agree it shouldnt be constant but hey if you cant open up to anyone.... you will be a very very lonely man

[tylercdurden2004]

Obviously not while the Sonics are playing, though.

 

Enjoy them while they're there!!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Enjoy them while they're there!!!!

 

Well they're talking about moving them to Renton, or Bellevue. Eitherway, it's closer to my place

[A]

i disagree with starfall..iam a woman &what i really need from my boyfriend is to feel closer to him,so if i asked him how do u feel,i really mean it,i just want to be a friend that when he's sad he can talk to,when he is happy he can share these feelings with me,but the problem here is some guys doesn't like sharing thoughts,feelings ideas..i don't know why but maybe they feel insecure..although if they knew that when they do this they'll become much more closer to ther girlfriends in a way that will amaze them,they will talk&talk&talk....i believe in one thing...when u find your love..she will not need to ask u ,u'll find yourself talking to her about the things that really matters to u in your life,u'd want her to embrace your heart mind&soul..to see the world around u with your eyes together with hers..this might also include sports,politics...etc.not just social,romantic or personal thoughts.

[novaseeker]

You can learn, as a man, to share your feelings more regularly. It's true that many men are not socialised to do that at a young age, but it's something that we can learn, and when we do it vastly improves communication within relationships. Many women will like to have these conversations, and too many men get this "rabbit in the headlights" look when she asks "tell me what you are feeling", and there really is no need for that. You should be able to share your feelings with your lover/girlfriend/wife, the person with whom you share yourself most intimately.

 

There are some good books available about this. Look them up and read them and try to work on getting to be able to express what you are feeling in the context of that kind of relationship. It's pretty important for good emotional communication in a relationship.

[HardShowingAffection]

NovaSeeker.... you meantioned some good books regarding improving communication by showing your feelings more regularly. Do you have any specific recommendations? I recently read "Getting the Love you Want" by Harville Hendricks. It was a great book, but I am always up for learning more.

[novaseeker]

A couple that come to mind, in addition to the one you mention, are: "Raising Your Emotional Intelligence" by Jeanne Segal and "Saying What's Real" by Susan Campbell (a bit too "motivational" for my taste, but her points are valid).

[Starfall]

While I agree with you also, I think in his case he is having the problems in the past with girlfriends due to not sharing feelings for them. I could be wrong... don't know. I can't imagine the relationships not working out because of not sharing how he feels on other subjects. My husband lost his wife for not sharing how he feels, .... about her. Topdawg seems very similar to my husband in this regard.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well they're talking about moving them to Renton, or Bellevue. Eitherway, it's closer to my place

 

I heard Vancouver as one to. Maybe we will call them the "Super Grizzlies"!

[RayKay]

Because we want to know that you are emotionally invested in the relationship as we are. Because we want to know you think about us in terms more then a regular bed buddy and personal chef. Because we want to know why we are different then other girls that may be/have been in your life. We want to know we add to your life, that you think of us when we aren't around.

 

I don't get all "pookie wookie snuggly wuggly" about it, but I do want a man whom can say and show I am the only woman for him so to speak.

 

I have been with men whom had a hard time even saying or showing they loved me, and it does affect you because it puts you on guard.

 

It is worlds better for me being with someone whom does express their feelings for me with both words and actions.

 

Of course, there are women out there whom are also more closed up about their feelings, so there is someone out there for everyone

 

And P.S. as a Poli Sci major, a competitive athlete, an artist, a future lawyer, and someone interested in science...I can also talk about politics, sports, fine arts, inventions, mechanics, the meaning of life........just because I want to know I am loved, does not mean I can't also discuss other things in life

[TopDawg]

I like your post. It does make a lot of sense. I'll try to be more expressive with my feelings in the future.

[shademan]

if getting burnt is a feeling , drunk is a feeling , horny is a feeling , i guess love is a feeling too ? if you don't feel , then why bother with a relationship get a blow up doll.