If you're not interested why do you respond

[mjctraider]

Ok I have been trying the whole online dating thing with very little sucesss. As some would know from another thread I posted I here. I have a question for the ladies and i'm baffled by the whole thing.

 

If a guy sends a wink or a flirt at you and you send a wink or a flirt back does this mean you are interested and want us to respond back with and email?

 

I have had this happen a few times now and after they send a wink back to me I send them an email and I never hear back from them. So I would like to know why if you send a wink back to say hey i'm interested and I send an email back that I never hear anything bac? It's like if your not interested don't wink back at me or send a flirt back.

 

And no it can't be my emails. I send a short email telling them a little bit about myself that they don't know and then I ask a few questions that I don't know about them and give them several options of contacting me. It's not like I'm been a pervert when i send an email. i'm been a gentlmen.

 

And I know some will say that they get lots of responses from guys and blah, blah, blah they find one they like and never contact you back, that's why you never hear from them back. I know all that. I just want to know why do you send a wink back to a guy that you are not interested in.

[monsieur]

real life face to face stuff can be even more confusing

[melrich]

If a guy sends a wink or a flirt at you and you send a wink or a flirt

 

"winks", "flirts", "kisses" are marketing tools created by the site owners. Why are they marketing tools? How easy is it to send one?.....very.

 

These things do exactly what they are supposed to...make the site seem very active and addict people to flicking them out all over the place to see what they get back.

 

I saw a paper recently which suggested about 1 in 50 "winks" "flirts" and "kisses" were genuine.

[aggierocker]

Try actual sites where you can send them a written message. Like link removed, I'm experimenting right now. All I do is just read their profile, and send a witty funny comment. I've gotten a couple replies, but no success.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Do you have to be a paying member to send a "wink" / "flirt" etc?

[annie24]

well... I sometimes wink back at a guy when I'm not too interested. sometimes it's because he's cute, but he lives too far away. But, it's like me saying he's cute anyways.

 

like melrich said - it's just a little flirt, nothing more than that.

 

don't get too discouraged. hang in there!

[Luke Skywalker]

Happens all the time. There is probably a 50/50 chance that a mail sent to wink or smiley will be returned. Welcome to the club. Half of the mail I sent with the smileys did not pan out.

 

Here's another one. I've had girls block me from the site for simple things like, my first name, or asking them about their yoga lessons, or whatever. Some man-eating paraiahs on those sites.

[mjctraider]

No it's free to send a wink, but you have to pay to send an email, but it is free to view the email. I just don't get why a woman would send a wink or flirt to someone they are not interested in.

[melrich]

I just don't get why a woman would send a wink or flirt to someone they are not interested in.

 

As I said it is a marketing tool. It appeals to base human nature. You can safely flick these things all over the place, at no cost and see how popular you are by the number that come back. It is not much different to the concept behind sites like HotorNot.

 

People have an inate desire to know whether people they find attractive find them attractive. That does not mean they want a relationship with those people.

[itsallgrand]

I can offer another perspective. I've tried playing around on a few dating sites (and it really was playing for me).

It doesn't seem real. I didn't intend on anything serious. It was just fun and silly.

 

I know I sound like a horrible person, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes on those sites 'just for a kick' or as a joke.

I stopped. But who's to say that it isn't a 'toy' to others too?

 

That brings the question to my mind: How many people on there are actually serious, do you think? And honest?

[melrich]

That brings the question to my mind: How many people on there are actually serious, do you think? And honest?

 

I think that is the other point itsallgrand.

 

there is the manipulation by the sites them selves and then there is the motives of the people actually using the sites.

 

I agree with you, I think a lot of people just use them for kicks...or with the mindset that it would be an absolute bonus if the actually met someone who they'd actually consider meeting in real life.

[mjctraider]

Well I'm sure there are a few that are not truthful and some that might just be on there as some sorta joke, but it just annoys me that if your not interested don't say you are. I would never do that to a female if they winked at me or emailed me and I wasn't interested in them. I would just delete it and not mess with them like that, that's not me. I know there are people like that out there that would do that, but it's jsut annoying as **** . You know what I mean there.

 

I'm just tired of going through this over and over and over again. It's like every single female is sick and twisted and just wants to mess with me by pretending to be interested in me when they really are not. And I have to keep asking myself why does this keep happening to me. I mean if you look at all the females I have emailed, winked or flirted with through online dating. I'd that 95% say they are interested when it turns out they are not and I find it hard to believe that that many females would be that cold hearted.

[annie24]

baahhh! I have men do that to me also! It's not just women.

[mjctraider]

I know men do it too. I'm just frustrated and irritated. Just tired of being single and being screwed over everytime.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i feel kinda bad for you. i seriously would not take it personally. a lot of these women may not have paid up memberships (?) so maybe that is why they are not responding to your email....they can't. what questions are you asking them? you might want your email to be somewhat more brief, just say a *little* bit about you, and express interest in getting to know them. it's gonna be a numbers game. just keep trying...try hard not to seem too pushy, or to 'desperate'....and someone is bound to come along....good luck!

[mjctraider]

It is free to view the emails and I give them several ways of contacting me and I only say that a few things about me amybe one or two and just ask what there name is and a few questions about their interests if they didn't post it in their profile and yes I do let them know that I'm interested in getting to know them.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

well it doesn't sound like your doing anything wrong to me. remember it's numbers for you and you've got to keep trying.

 

i recommend that you:

 

shorten your profile as much as possible. and also your email that you send to them.

 

i realize that this sounds counterintuitive.

 

but i would give them one way to contact you ONLY and i recommend by email. if they do email you, exchange an email or two, then, ask them if they'd be comfortable giving you their phone number? say if not it's ok, and offer yours. but trust me ask for theirs first, don't just give yours. ...don't drag on emailing for weeks or months....

 

also what kind of pic do you have up? i know friends who complain about these things, and say men always put up pics with other women(?!) or the woman is *obviously* cropped, lol... or other things that women don't want to see...i'll give you my honest opinion if you have any questions.

[doyathink]

MJC, tell them the story how you like the clear rocks. LOl, just kiddin man. For one like the others have said make sure they are paid members also, they can't respond if they are not. Also, if your really interested and you don't mind giving out your personal email, include it in the email you send to them. You know, a lot of the people on there are just there because they are bored and want to be the "hunter" not the "hunted".Good luck, you seem to have a great personality and would be fun to hang out with....

[PersonalGrowth]

I give them several ways of contacting me ...and just ask what there name is and a few questions about their interests if they didn't post it in their profile and yes I do let them know that I'm interested in getting to know them.

 

Having done the online dating thing myself, this is my take. Are you sure that they are getting all the information in your email? I met my bf on link removed and prior to joining, while I could receive an email for free, the service deleted any contact information that was sent in the email. You could test this out by creating a free dummy account for yourself as a woman and then send an email to your dummy account to see what you receive.

 

Also, try to be a bit more mysterious. They know you are interested in getting to know them or you wouldn't be contacting them. Don't give them several ways of contacting you - give them no more than two. Personally, I got turned off when a guy emailed me with questions and/or tried to get an email conversation going. The majority of men emailed me with a nice comment or two about me/my profile, expressed interest in talking or meeting with me, gave me his personal email address and phone number, and offered to call me if I preferred, then signed with his name. I did not like it when they asked me for my name - of course I signed my first name to any email reply, but somehow the idea of the man asking for my name bothered me.

 

I had limited time and if I was interested in the guy, I wanted to get to meeting him asap so I could determine if there was chemistry or not early on and not waste a lot of time in email with someone I might feel no chemistry for in person. I also was VERY picky about who I contacted - I received over 200 emails and only initiated/replied to 7 or 8 men. Of those, I nixed one who sent me two more emails even after I wrote that I wanted to talk to or meet him, I nixed 3 more after phone conversations, and met the rest in person.

 

I say save all the additional information about yourself and questions about her for your first phone conversation or meeting. Leave them wanting to know more about you. In my case, I liked to keep my anonymity until after the first phone call. I signed my first name to my email and opted to call him rather than give him my number. If the phone call went well, I accepted his offer to meet for coffee and took it from there.

 

Good luck.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

hey mjc, are you off editing your profile now following our suggestions? hows it going?

[mjctraider]

Well ok here goes.

 

First no i have not edited my profile.

 

Second I figured it would be good to at least ask her first name. I don't ask for last names. I just want to know her first name.

 

Third I only give her my myspace page to contact me, which is free that way it is still confidential and she don't have to worry about me know her real email address and I also give her my email address that I use everyday.

 

Fourth and I have to stress this again. The sites I mainly use allow a person to view their email they get without having to pay for it. However maybe they are deleting the contact info from the emaik, but that would be lame if they did.

 

Fifth, if I send a wink and they wink back I email them back and if I don't hear from after a week or so, I mvoe on and don't email back. Or if I email right off the bat and don't haer back from them, I don't bother to email them back because I assume they are not interested and I don't want to annoy them by sending them anaotehr email.

 

Sixth. It's kinda hard to get a good pic out of me. I've tried many, many times believe me. I try and update it though every now and then, but the pic is always just me, no one else.

 

Seventh and I think this is it. I appreciate the complement from doyathink about me having a great personality. Gave me a bit of a confidence boost. I thank you for that. And maybe I should talk about my clear rocks, lol.

[annie24]

I see nothing wrong with asking a girl for her name. Actually, I go by my nickname, so if a man tried to find me though "detective work" online, he wouldn't be able to find me anyways.

 

I think you should go out to the park on a nice day with a friend, or maybe even hire a professional photographer to get a good photo of you.

 

I don't think your current photo on here does you justice. It's kind of warped by the internet settings, and it's a bit plain - just you by a door. For whatever reason, I'm always enticed whenever i see a photo of a guy doing something he likes - like fishing, or hiking, or sitting at a cafe. And most importantly --- you're not smiling!!!! You have to smile! Always!

 

Photographers for magazines go through thousands of pictures to get one of a supermodel, so why should you, as a mere human, go through any less? It really does take lots and lots of photos to get a good shot - of anyone!

[mjctraider]

Well for me at least I don't like myself being photographed and it's like pulling teeth with me to get me to smile. As you can see with my new photo, I absolutely hate it, but i am smiling, but it was a struggle, lol.

[annie24]

Ok, better already! You have a great smile!

 

But the lighting is bad. Really, it seems like you are a good looking guy, but the lighting and the setting isn't doing you any justice. It's a bit hard to see your face.

[doyathink]

See, you clearly have a great sense of humor and any authentic, love seeking women should appreciate that to say the least. I have been married for seven years and I can tell you, you have made me laugh more than he has in seven years! He is very quiet and withdrawn, we can go all weekend w/o having a conversation and to me laughter makes my heart beat. I think that you are thinking that something is wrong with you, however, you need to consider one thing, what do these sites really have to offer? It isn't for everyone. You can't get you "real self" on there. These ladies don't know what a great personality you have because you really can't express that very well when you get no response.They can't see the kind heart you have or the things that you have to offer a women. Does your town have anything else to offer by the way of meeting someone nice? Do you belong to a church? One site I read that a good place to meet girls was to enroll in a dance class. Do you like the country dance lines? Summer is here do you have a rec. center where you can enroll in volley ball or pingpong(LOL just kiddin). Broaden you horizons a bit and get creative. It would be nice if you could meet someone face to face. I know how ya feel man, I live a very lonely life and I know how empty if feels. Why doyathink I'm on here all the time? Keep your chin up, it can be hard to find that right person, most of us have/ are experiencing that also,If we didn't live like 3000 miles away I know a couple of girls that would appreciate a true man like yourself, they have fallen prey to some misfits and are in the same boat you are in.