To dumpers: do you still think about your ex when...

[bobo85]

To the dumpers: do you still think of your ex even if you left him/her for someone else?

 

thanks for the responses.

 

-bobo

[Day_Walker]

The simple answer is yes, but the context in which you think about them isnt different. Its more of a person from the past, they are a memory, more in that sense.

[kellbell]

I have never left any of my ex's for anyone else. But I have "dumped" before and yes, I did think about them, a lot in the beginning but it got less and less as time went by.

[Scout]

I'm ashamed to say it, but many, many years ago (like, 13 years ago), I did leave someone for someone else...although, I had already fallen out of love with the person before I met the new guy.

 

There were moments I thought of my ex, and usually the thoughts were of guilt that I'd done such a crappy thing to him. One or two times I actually missed him, but I knew contacting him was pointless because he rightfully hated my guts.

[kadvati79]

Yes, I dumped a guy I had only been seeing for a month when I met someone else. I thought of him often. In fact I still do five years later. Its natural to wonder "what if" occasionally. Actually I am going to catch up with him when I am next in the city... It took ALOT of work on my part for him to even speak to me again.

[SilverManic]

I didn't really dump my ex for someone else but I dumped him because I didn't feel happy in the relationship. I still think and careabout him a great deal. In an ideal world I would have spent the rest of my life with him but that's not going to help him if i tell him that. The thing is if your not happy their is a reason for it and sometimes these things can't be resolved so you have to be honest and try to move on.

Luckily for me he still wants to be friends even though I dumped him so I believe that I'm lucky in the sense that he understood my reasons for ending the relationship.

~S.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i don't think ive ever really left a guy for someone else. if i'm not happy i will make haste to get out, and not waste eachothers time. and if you leave for someone else, you didn't like them that much, so why were you still there?

 

ok sorry not really an answer. i've had a few serious relationships. and have thought about my exes sometimes, depending on whom, thought 'he was nice, but not for me, hope he's happy', or if he was a big jerk i might think more like, 'gee i'm glad i don't have to deal with that anymore'. really only one person did i still love for years, though i knew that it was over, and that it wouldn't work, we couldn't get along. he never knew it, but i did still miss him for years, it was really quite pathetic.

[malcontent]

I personally think that leaving the person you're with to be with someone else is only a notch or two below actually cheating. If you're emotinally available and/or searching for something new, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. In a perfect world, relationships could end naturally due to actual, irreconcilable differences as opposed to because of "someone else".

 

My relationship ended recently, and to be honest it was basically the "Terri Schaivo" of relationships for a while there at the end. It had to end, but it still hurt me like hell that she started seeing someone so soon after we broke it off. She and the new guy had been building a relationship over the past few months, purely in the emotional sense, but nevertheless it was fundamentally dishonest and disrespectful to me.

 

Plus, I've know the guy my whole life - he's a friend of mine's father. He's like 61 years old and she's 37. I'm digressing, but my point is that I think it's a sign of a weak and insecure person to build their next relationship before they end their current one.

 

Like I said, if you know you're unhappy and your needs aren't being met, then end the relationship for that reason as soon as you know. Don't keep using that person to provide for you emotionally, physically, or financially. That's just selfish. Plus, having a relationship end and then knowing your ex is almost immediately giving it up to a new guy is like a double-whammy. Even when you wanted it to end anyway. It's weird, I know, but that's the way it goes....

[bobo85]

I personally think that leaving the person you're with to be with someone else is only a notch or two below actually cheating. If you're emotinally available and/or searching for something new, then you shouldn't be in a relationship. In a perfect world, relationships could end naturally due to actual, irreconcilable differences as opposed to because of "someone else".

 

 

Like I said, if you know you're unhappy and your needs aren't being met, then end the relationship for that reason as soon as you know.

 

I couldn't agree more but often times people won't give something up unless they have something else to grab on to. I know thats selfish but thats being human.

[Scout]

I personally think that leaving the person you're with to be with someone else is only a notch or two below actually cheating.

I would say it IS cheating. You can be sure it's something I'm deeply ashamed of for ever doing to someone. Granted, I was very young and selfish. And karma paid me back for many years afterwards. I would never do that to anyone again.

[bobo85]

I say its emotional cheating, which sometimes can be worst than physical cheating.

[gersanos]

I say its emotional cheating, which sometimes can be worst than physical cheating.

 

I'd say emotionally cheating is worse. If my significant other was out with her friends, got really drunk, and ended up hooking up with a guy that night, and the next day telling me about and being remorseful, I would be more inclined to work it out then if there had been an emotional affair going on for some time with another man. An emotional affair would destroy me more - she is killing me slowly over time by having her heart and mind with him, and going to him for attention, support, advice, etc., then to me.

 

Both forms of cheating are unacceptable to me personally - I am not sure if I would forgive someone and work it through. But, I'd label physical cheating as the lesser of two evils.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I'm ashamed to say it, but many, many years ago (like, 13 years ago), I did leave someone for someone else...although, I had already fallen out of love with the person before I met the new guy.

 

There were moments I thought of my ex, and usually the thoughts were of guilt that I'd done such a crappy thing to him. One or two times I actually missed him, but I knew contacting him was pointless because he rightfully hated my guts.

 

 

Thank you sooooo much...that is what I needed to hear.

 

That is why I am never nice when I get contact, or I just act like I don't want to talk anymore. The only reason she is even calling every so often is because she know she did me wrong. Yeah she felt all these other feelings for someone esle or I mean he ex. Then once the calmed down and it's getting boring just like their past relationships she is maybe seeing she messed up. Even if she knows it's a good decisions what she did, it still hurt me pretty bad, and I hope like you, she can see that in the future.

 

Dang tho, I don't think she is thinking like that now since it hasn't been that long. It's just that one day maybe she can look back and realize the reason I stopped talking to her was because of her actions and how she threw it all away for some loser who never treated her right the first time around.

 

 

On other note, when I heard about how she got back with that other guy, I felt dead inside. Really I thought there was no way getting back from that, betrayed by her after we were so close. How could she do that to me?

 

Now I get up earlier, lay in the sun, work in my back yard, eat, my skin looks really healthy. I have energy, I don't feel bad when i go to school like my dog just died. Now that I went through all that pain, I'm getting better and better, and I feel like damn it was really worth it. I'm way stonger menatlly and things do not phase me, I'm just better and it's like I can't feel sad for very long because things in life are slowly feeling back to normal.

 

She can look back the rest of her life maybe saying what if and feeling the guilt. I guess that's an even trade off, since everything in life is a trade off. I go through the worst pain ever, equal to the guilt she should have to feel for years.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'm ashamed to say it, but many, many years ago (like, 13 years ago), I did leave someone for someone else...although, I had already fallen out of love with the person before I met the new guy.

 

There were moments I thought of my ex, and usually the thoughts were of guilt that I'd done such a crappy thing to him. One or two times I actually missed him, but I knew contacting him was pointless because he rightfully hated my guts.

 

geez scout that sounds sooo similar to a situation i had a long time ago! we were living together, and he was not nice, and finally i had no feelings left, and it just so happened that someone i'd known a while back had sort of reappeared and was interested, so i really didn't leave the one guy for the other, because i was soooo done with that relationship anyway, i know he thought i'd left him for the other guy, but i didn't. he just happened to be there at that time. i felt guilty about breaking up and all especially as he was begging me to come back, but it was just over.

[crvers]

I'd say emotionally cheating is worse. If my significant other was out with her friends, got really drunk, and ended up hooking up with a guy that night, and the next day telling me about and being remorseful, I would be more inclined to work it out then if there had been an emotional affair going on for some time with another man. An emotional affair would destroy me more - she is killing me slowly over time by having her heart and mind with him, and going to him for attention, support, advice, etc., then to me.

 

Both forms of cheating are unacceptable to me personally - I am not sure if I would forgive someone and work it through. But, I'd label physical cheating as the lesser of two evils.

 

 

Totally agree with this. I understand it because I did it. One of the stupidest, selfish, and immature things that I have ever done. Regretably Karma gave me a solid 5 swift kicks in the nuts over the last 2 months for it...Blah

[GottaLetItBurn]

Yeah dude, Karma. I think I once hurt this girls feelings because she wanted a relationship and she wasn't interested. I KNOW though that was when I was 15 and she surely got over it because you all know how it is at 15.

 

No way I deserved the way I got abandoned by this girl. I just know that everytime she tries to make friendly contact out of the blue I'm less and less responsive. When her relationship with her ex runs out of gas once again I hope it hurts her. Then she can realize how I felt, but maybe she won't care.

 

I just know if anything happens to her like how she treated me she is going to think of it as Karma for doing me wrong. Karma sucks, that's why I have always tried to be good to people.