Noticing a trend with couples in a long term relationship...why is this happening?

[bobo85]

I have began to notice that often times when a couple that has been dating for 2+ years, usually the female (usually between the ages of 18 to 22) gets bored in the relationship and starts to wonder if the grass is really greener on the other side. She then is curious about what else is out there. Then she asks for a "break" or a "break up" with her boyfriend so that she can explore these new options meanwhile stringing along him. She then meets this guy and he's new, exciting and she starts to develop feelings for him. Then its good bye to the old bf and hello to the new bf.

 

Did anyone else start noticing this new trend? Why do you think this is happening more and more these days? Is there anything the old bf can do? I mean he can't compete with "newness".

 

Thanks for any responses

 

-BoBo

[Scout]

Hmmm...it's hard to say. I would possibly agree more females in their twenties are likely to be susceptible to the "What else is out there" mentality. But I can't say I've noticed the majority make sure there is a backup guy in place first before they break up with their boyfriend.

[italianstalian]

YESSSSSSSSSSSS i am noticing that..................cuz it happened to ME

[CarnelianButterfly]

Men do it just as often as women.

[italianstalian]

ummmmmmmmmm............no they dont

[bobo85]

 

 

see what i'm saying?

[renaissancewoman101]

I agree with Carnelian Butterfly that men do it too and it encompasses all age groups, not just women in their twenties.

[bobo85]

I agree with Carnelian Butterfly that men do it too and it encompasses all age groups, not just women in their twenties.

 

I agree that men do it too but lately its been the women who has been doing it more.

[LaL]

I hope you didn't get this conclusion from reading the posts in this forum. It's like saying majority of people are sick in a doctors office.

[CarnelianButterfly]

One post isn't conclusive evidence.

If a woman isn't happy in a relationship for what ever reason she has the right to end it. So maybe more women are realizing that fact and exercising their freedoms.

[bobo85]

One post isn't conclusive evidence.

If a woman isn't happy in a relationship for what ever reason she has the right to end it. So maybe more women are realizing that fact and exercising their freedoms.

 

I agree with you. Everyone has the right to end a relationship that they don't want to be in. Especially if they aren't getting what they want in the relationship.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I agree with you. Everyone has the right to end a relationship that they don't want to be in. Especially if they aren't getting what they want in the relationship.

 

Then why does it matter if women are doing what they have the right to do?

[annie24]

I personally have noticed more men doing that to the girls they are dating, but those are just the people around me in real life.

 

I don't think that there is any real data out there on this.

[doyathink]

I think we women have sat back and watch men do this for so long while we sit and cry in the corner over his leaving us. Maybe we decided "if ya can't beat em, join em". And hell yes- we like adventures too.

[tmp0620]

immature people are fickle (both men and women).

[kadvati79]

I think the "trend" is because girls in their late teens find men slighlty older than them MUCH more attractive than men of their own age (who are often still immature, no job yet, no direction, etc...). So they fall in love. They grow through the experience of being with someone a few years more mature in what is a REALLY changing part of your life.

 

Then something happens, they grow apart... because the young member of the relationship has reached a point where they are also a new person. I think despite their love they get "bored" and need to experience something "other than love" and enjoy the world without that intensity. I think this happens slowly and as it does, the other member of the couple tries harder and hard but it doesn't work.

 

I think rather than "guy/girl" its a "younger/older" thing - related to a period when you are younger when you find people more mature (and stable) than you very attractive. Then there is a period when excitement and rebellion reigns supreme! (20-22). Rest assured, from my experience this period only lasts a few years in most people... and the decisions you make then (well I know in my experience) were not the smartest and are CERTAINLY not ones I would make now. But they "seemed like a good idea at the time"...

[indespair]

I can tell you that this happened to me too. My bf is 23 and he just abruptly broke up with me, saying that he needed to "find" himself first...that he didn't even know who he was. Now he's with a 19 year old and is having problems dealing with her immaturity. We had dated for over a year and lived together. This came as a total shock to me, because he was ALWAYS telling me he loved me...wanted me...etc. I am heartbroken and miserable (I am older than him) and miss him like crazy. Will they ever realize just what the hell they are doing to us??? Is it just an age thing??

[Tropigal30]

In my experience women are more in touch with their emotions and are quicker to identify when a relationship isn't giving them what they need ... but then they are also the worst for sticking in it for "comfort" as the typical "male protective role" lets some women not challenge themselves.

 

Sometimes meeting someone new makes people realise what may be lacking in the relationship, and also if they were already considering breaking up, gives them motivation that "there are other options", and "life will go on" to get on and make the scary decision of ending a relationship.

 

I don't think it's ever so calculated, and I have known more men to cheat on women than women on men.

[kellbell]

I have been Enotalone for almost a year and have read hundreds of threads. BOTH men and women do this...I have had it done to me. I work in research so in order for me to believe which gender does it more than the other, I would have to see the raw data and have the study replicated a few more times in order to believe the results are reliable. Ok...so I am geek.

[RayKay]

It is true that both men and women do this. You probably NOTE more women doing it as that is what you "look for" and that is your experience.

 

My last two ex's - men - broke up with me as they wanted to be single and explore the grass on the other side of the fence for example.

 

We all have the right to decide a relationship is not for us and move on from it. I don't agree with finding someone else before you do, but we all do have the right to exercise our right to decide that the relationship is not for us and move on.

 

I'd rather be with someone whom wanted to be with me genuinely then someone whom was wondering what else is out there anyway.

 

You can't force someone to stay when they don't want to, or feel what they don't.

 

In my experience, most people go through a period of "finding themself" in their lives. Many do this in their late teens and early 20's, some don't do it until a few years later. Often it happens to women in the early 20's as they realize they have spent so much time in relationships living for someone else, they neglected themselves. I know for myself I was not alone from the time I was 15 to 22 for example, never for more then a couple months at least. I did not break up with anyone at 22 (my partner died) but I did find myself needing time to figure myself out and my invidividuality. For men, in my experiences it was because they were not ready to "get married" yet or settle down, so basically similar.

 

Often though at the end they do figure themself out, find their balance, and are able to have a healthy, committed long term relationship. Ultimately the timing is right, the right person comes along, and ta-da.

[bcuzitwasfun]

My two cents.....

 

I found that more women do this, but this is because I'm a man.... Just kidding.

 

I think that if somehow you could get all the data and numbers, you would find that it equals out. There is plenty of historical data that supports men and women doing this.

 

I'm curious about the age thing more than gender. I also think that some of the equation is when couples decide to have kids and those kids get old enough for the parents to do things that they couldn't do when the kids were little.

 

Of course, I'm a programmer and I love data too, but I tend to get on tangents.

 

Interesting topic.

Thanks

bcuzitwasfun

[AprilS0769]

I have experienced this being the one who has gone elsewhere. I don't know exactly why. I assume it was because I was too young when I got together with him and have "grown up" maybe. I know I have changed and do want different things. I have also seen it happen to quite a few women I know. Which makes me think that Carnelianbutterfly is right. We maybe are starting to do what we actually want. I really don't know the answer...and think that the person who actually comes up with it may be one very rich person one day!