Can men and women just be friends?

[doyathink]

It would be very hard to keep it at a friendship level if you found the other person attractive. And, don't ya think that looks would be a motive in choosing a friend of the opposite sex??

[Kevin T]

I vote no.

 

Inevitably, one party will always get hurt... sooner or later.

[macdomat]

I ~want~ to believe that it's possible for men and women to be friends. But the closeness and vast majority of time spent together often makes this pairing very unlikely, as one person invariably becomes attracted to the other (usually the male, but not always).

 

But this isn't really a question that can be answered fully. It's like asking "What is the sound of one hand clapping?", but with the complexities of the bigger question, "What is the meaning of life?"

 

I used to believe that the best romantic relationships came from a strong friendship, but I've found from experience that hitting on your exisiting friends just doesn't work, as (and take notes here, my fellow gentlemen) if the woman sees you as a friend, it's unlikely she's gonna see you as anything else.

 

It's a puzzler, this question.

[SxcLady]

I think men and women can be friends. 2 of my best friends are male. My best mate and I, I can trust him with my life. I can trust him more than any chick i know yet i dont love him or anything. I love having so many male friends. If you look at how many female friends i have compared to males ... try pairing them all up and you would have like 20 more males than females!

[Mrocza]

In response to most posts after mine: READ THIS

 

link removed

 

It's a theory called the Ladder Theory about women and how they perceive and separate friendship and possible interests and how men view women in terms of friendship and interests. It's really interesting and goes with what all of you are saying.

[SxcLady]

sorry Mrocza, but im not reading that. It is pretty much generalising groups.

[SxcLady]

And just because they may be an average mans views, they are not all ... same with womens views.

[Mrocza]

Obviously, I'm not handing out a set of rules to life.

 

I found it an interesting article showing the general trends in friendship and dating I've experienced and witnessed.

[Mrocza]

Lol, for the record, I don't agree with the first half of it, but once you start reading it and get past the ludicrous accusations, the idea kind of makes sense.

 

If people here don't take things lightly, don't read. It's meant to be a humorous read, but it might offend some people.

[SxcLady]

oh ok sorry i thought you meant that we were wrong by saying "In response to most posts after mine: READ THIS"

 

Sorry.

Love SL.

[Mrocza]

Lol, because guys were saying guys and girls can't be friends because "If I know a girl thats attractive, I can't be friends with her because it will always lead somewhere" and another guy said "girls don't change their minds usually if you're their friend first"

 

Construction of the ladder. It's a little...brutal, but it's interesting.

[k2004myway]

If you spend enough time with someone, you'll fall in love with them. Friendship between the sexes must be kept with stiff boundaries and open communication and avoiding deep emotional connection. That is the only way. I myself am in a situation where a female friend and I have allowed ourselves to be much closer to eachother than our mutual understanding allows. The amount of time together as well as the type of that time reflects a couple in a committed romantic relationship to one another. Both of us deny any attraction to eachother, but I feel we are merely in denial. This has caused numerous relational difficulties and communication problems. What was once a fun and innocent friendship has become quite a chore for both of us. We've been trying to figure this out, and this is the conclusion I've come to. I'm on the road right now, but when I get back, I'll be laying out the situation before her and giving the options available, which in my mind are taking our understanding to where our level of closeness is or moving our level of closeness to the level of our understanding which will mean a significant amount of time off for us--and things won't really ever be the same.

[Ash]

I believe it is possible for men and women to be friends. I have had and do have members of the opposite sex who are just friends. I have also had friendships go bad because of sexual tension, but the question posted does not query whether all friendships will work out.

 

Remember that friends do not necessarily exist for life. Just as in other relationships, friends come and go. It's entirely possible to be friends with somebody for a few months and then lose touch. In that case, the friendships doesn't get time to reach an awkward stage.

 

Also ... a tongue in check not on generalizations, should the poll question really be: "Is it possible for you to have a member of the opposite sex just as a friend." The way it's phrased appears to ask be to make a generalization. Again, I'm playing devil's advocate on this point. I do understand there is a marked difference between a poll question and the content of the odd overly generalized post.

[Boricua7]

I think I am the best example of men and women being able to be friends. All of my friends are guys. I just don't tend to get along with girls. I don't like the drama. None of my guy friends are guys that I would be romantically involved with. Not that they are bad guys and I wouldn't want to date them or that they aren't attractive, that spark that you need to make it something more just isn't there. My guy friends are like my brothers and incest is just wrong!

 

I'm not going to lie, I have had a boyfriend or two that started out as just a friend but isn't that the best way to go? I mean, the term "boyfriend" implies that they are a friend who is a boy (and that there's a little something extra). I don't see how a relationship can work out if you aren't friends.

[monsieur]

I love having so many male friends. If you look at how many female friends i have compared to males ... try pairing them all up and you would have like 20 more males than females!

 

I'm curious as to how many female friends each of those guys has? Seems to me women love the attention of having so many male friends, with no intention of giving them any real love or their heart, meanwhile probably nearly every one of those 20 males would give you their heart in a minute.

[Mrocza]

Not really. Friends are friends.

If I really wanted attention from guys, I'd flirt with them.

Why should the girl not have friends because they potentially like her? She is honest about her intentions. If the male is interested and cannot have her, he should move on and be honest with himself.

[renaissancewoman101]

Mrocza, how about in the case of a woman, if the woman is interested in a guy for a relationship but it is a friendship only, should the woman move on too? Or can they work it out where the woman has the emotional and physical attraction for the guy and yet still keep it as a friendship?

[Mrocza]

If the woman realizes where she stands and does not her feelings or attractions get in the way - sure, why not?

 

If she falls in love with the guy, I feel for her then. Because you don't want to lose the friendship obviously, but with no hope of a real relationship, is the friendship worth the emotional torture?

[darkness1235]

In my part I think they can be friends. More than half of my friends are guys. And well sometimes it's hard not to develop feelings for each other doesn't matter on who's part. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't.

[Mrocza]

I had a lot of guy friends too.

Now I have a select few.

 

You have to really know the guy and make sure he knows where he stands.

I've ruined one friendship by giving into lust.

I've had guys lash out at me because I remained friends with them and never wanted to date them (lash out as in talk about me to people, tell them personal stuff I confided, basically bitter)

 

I've had guys who were great friends though. It's hard to find a good guy firend, the same as any friend.

[Dako]

When I was married, I had some good friends who were lesbians. It never got complicated and we had fun doing things. After my marriage, I even had the idea to hang out at a local lesbian bar, just to be comfortable around women. Never did it, though.

[Ash]

True enough about chatting with a lesbian, there's virtually no sexual tension. That's a combination that in general may be more stable.

[Iceman26]

I think it is possible for men and women to be friends, but more often than not I find it unlikely.

[JerryJR]

I think its funny to see that most women say yes.

Ok ladies, i'm going to bust you bubble now.

The answer is NO

Unless the guy is gay, every guy that i have ever met that has a female "friend" sees the possibility of sex in their future

Jerry

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think its funny to see that most women say yes.

Ok ladies, i'm going to bust you bubble now.

The answer is NO

Unless the guy is gay, every guy that i have ever met that has a female "friend" sees the possibility of sex in their future

Jerry

 

I don't think it has anything to do with the guys sexual orientation. it is just whether or not the guy allows him self to be driven by his little head and not the big one.