Opinions on this situaion please reply

[shy_guy_3]

Hey MG, just what ever you do...be careful guys are pigs (yeah I'll admit most guys are) and most will do about anything to get what they want

 

Good Luck...

[Scotcha]

MG, I would even be hesitant about starting a friendship with this guy. Any 20 year old who thinks it is acceptable to chase after a 13 year old is not worth a relationship, any relationship. If one of my male friends were to do such a thing you can gaurntee they would no longer be a friend of mine.

 

I can think of no other reason that he would have sent you those texts other than manipulation.

 

It might be a good idea to tell your mother what has been happening. She probably believes he only has good intentions as he is a member of your church. Do you really believe that she would approve if she knew?

 

Also, if you plan on someday helping those who have suffered through sexual violence or some other career involving sexual offences you need to come to terms with the fact that his behavior is unacceptable in every way. If you continue to believe that he has somehow been acting appropriately it will be nearly impossible to someday help another person avoid a dangerous situation. Can you truly imagine yourself telling a 13 year old who is brought to you by their parents that having a relationship with a 20 year old is "okay"?

 

I am 23 years old. I have no interest in being friends with a 16 year old. When I was 20 I had no interest in being friends with a 13 year old. It's just not healthy. I could understand if he was trying to be a mentor towards you but this is not the case. Please tell your mother what has been happening.

[Daddy Bear]

guys are pigs (yeah I'll admit most guys are)

not most, i think. just too many.

[DN]

not most, i think. just too many.

 

I am fairly sure that no man I have ever known well would ever consider that sort of relationship with a 13 year old girl

[Moon Goddess]

Well my mum knows who he is but she doesn't know he likes me or is thinking of dating me or anything. I know she would not apporve she commented on the way he looks at me says she don't like it. I know she would NEVER approve of me dating someone so much older than me atleast not at this point.

 

Scotcha- I just saw your point, if my future proffesion is that then I should consider all the possibilities and think with my head.

 

Today he asked me if I loved him or strongly liked him I said no but he said he did like me alot and that he missed me and when were we gonna see eachother again. I told him not to soon knowing were he wants to go. I know I may have given him that illusion of me liking him but as TAFFY said I was very vulnerable at the moment we met and he helped me back up on my feet.

Annie24- His gf is really jealous, she told me and he told me as well. So needless to say she is not to fond of me. But she has to know that there is nothing between us atleast nothing official.

[TAFFY]

MG, in my opinion (and I think you either know or have heard the saying about opinions), it would be best to not get involved with him at all. You said he asked you if you loved him or just strongly liked him; he's moving way too fast.

[Scotcha]

MG- A couple of things you wrote really stuck out to me. I am worried.

 

Today he asked me if I loved him or strongly liked him I said no but he said he did like me alot and that he missed me and when were we gonna see eachother again.

 

I was with someone who was/is a sociopath and he said almost EXACTLY the same thing to me. He asked me if I loved him and we had only been dating for a week! I told him that I did not and his response was that he didn't love me either but he did really like me.

 

It was a very sneaky thing to ask. Love hadn't even crossed my mind before that point but I was young and volnerable. After he asked me that I began wondering if maybe I did love him and I came to the conclusion that I did. Obviously he wanted me to. Obviously I was acting like it or he wouldn't have asked. I knew in my gut it was very strange that he was asking but I didn't listen to myself and years later I wish that I had.

 

Even as only a friend I do not thing that you should hang out with him. He is not honerable or moral. He is sneaky, dishonest, and manipulative. He is 20 years old, has a girlfriend and a child, and yet is chasing after a 13 year old girl. What if your continued rejection makes him angry? Could you trust someone like that when they realize that their manipulation won't work?

 

Even though you keep saying that you don't want a relationship with him we are all still worried about you being in this situation. Already he is showing you that no does not mean no to him. He has ignored your refusal for a relationship. He is still chasing after you even though he knows you only want a friendship. He doens't want a friendship, he's made that clear every time you've spoken. I'm sure he doesn't even want a relationship either as he already has one and a family to boot. This could quickly become a dangerous situation. You know what he wants.

 

there is nothing between us atleast nothing official.

 

This is what worries me the most, the contradiction on your part. You say you want nothing but friendship from him but then you make a statement like this. There have been other hints you've made in this thread that lead me to believe that you are thinking of more. I am not trying to attack you, I am just very concerned

 

I still believe that you should tell your mother what is really going on with this guy. She already has her suspicions and you know her reaction. He is not a person you need to be friends with for any reason.

[Dregnought]

Exactly. But people - MG will not go out with this guy voluntarily, because if she did... well we know what would happen, what she would be losing.

 

This is what worries me the most, the contradiction on your part. You say you want nothing but friendship from him but then you make a statement like this. There have been other hints you've made in this thread that lead me to believe that you are thinking of more. I am not trying to attack you, I am just very concerned

MG - What makes me scared is that she is right. Think girl, think about what your doing!

 

I have said this time and time again that your still vulnerable, even if not from love, but from sheer physical size and strength. It only takes a minute alone and then if he decides so you will, and I repeat will be forced to do something that you do not want to do. I'm don't think that friendship is the answer - he will either keep trying to turn it into love (as he has been so far) or do something else.

 

I cannot stress enough in just how much danger you are in. Think with your head, not with your heart. I know that you love to make friends, but this is like making friends with the devil. You will never really be able to truth him, you will always have to watch your back. He will always win in that regards.

 

I realise now is not the best time for your mum to know that a physco path is after her child. But what would hurt her more? To know about him, or to lose her daughter? I know whom it would hurt most, so do you. Can you really risk your own life, and several hurt people. Including one very broken person?

 

What good will come out of this frienship MG?

Tell us, just what good will come from it.

 

If your still struggleing, make a PMI. 3 colums for a PMI - Plus Minus Interesting. Put the good stuff in plus, bad stuff in minus, and interesting in well interesting. Do it proberly - maybe you will realise then what everyone is trying to say...

[Daddy Bear]

tell him you're not gonna have sex til you're 18. see how fast he runs away.

[Jhodas]

I know a lot of people say that age is nothing but a number, but in this situation, it's a very big concern. If you were 20 and he was 27, there wouldn't really be an issue, but think of how many changes people go through between 13 and 20.

 

Stay away. His gestures are totally inappropriate and could lead to something illegal.

[Moon Goddess]

Well I have some news, He broke up with hsi gf! He told me it was not my fault that it was because of her dad and a fight they had before he and I ever met. Whatever.

 

Anyway he told me he wanted to meet my mum, and that he cared for me alot and that he wanted to go out with me to go out with him as a "friend" and that he was going to my school I told him I would not permit any of them and today I am ending this s***, I'm ending all hopes he has for a relashionship, he told me he wanted me to write a card for him expressing my feelings for himand to not hold anything back, and trust me I won't He already trying to pressure me into seeing him what will he do next plus in any case I don't love him and I could never learn to love him and in any relashionship I'm in I love completely and blindly. I will update later on what we talked about and how he reacted.

 

He said he would give up on me and leave me to whoever I love or like, when he told me he broke up with his gf I was shoked and confused, but since he told me it had nothing to do with it I was better anyway we will have *maybe* a friendship but I don't know. Thanks so much everyone for making me think with my head instead of my heart which would have gotten me in so much trouble, Thanks everyone !

~MG

[Dregnought]

MG - you do not know how much that relieves me...

Good choice.

[Scotcha]

I am so glad to hear that MG, I really am. You made the right choice, smart decision.

[WhatGives]

When I was 15 I dated a guy who was 19... He was a family friend for years. I have to say that I shouldn't have. We were together for two years. And 4 years was a huuuuuuge difference. We were at such different points in our lives. He wanted things that I could not give to him, because I was only 15. I grew up faster because of him, and sometimes wish that I hadn't spent two valuable years with a man that just ended up cheating on me and lying anyway.

 

When I think back to when I was 13, I remember thinking about boys often and being a very big flirt. I remember how good it felt when a guy would flirt with me. BUT, I also remember those older guys that used to try to take advantage of a young, innocent girl.

 

The best advice I can give you is this: I am now 22. I have had plenty of relationships, and a whole lot of heartache. I am at the point where I don't even want to date anymore... partly because I have been dealing with relationships since I was around your age. But when you get older, you realize that relationship are consuming- and often draining. They change you. They upset you. And even though it feels good to be with someone, that someone can very easily make you cry and neglect your friends, change your self-image, change your entire life. 13 is a critical age. It is an age where you are learning a lot about yourself, and the best people to be around are your family and your friends. You are in a self-discovery stage, and you won't learn about yourself to the best of your ability- you won't become fully self-aware, if you are spending all of your time wrapped up in a relationship at that age. (Especially a demanding one with an older guy.)

 

I hope you think hard and long about the decision that you make, and realize that you will have plenty of time to be in a relationship later on, and you just may benefit yourself and make the most of your life if you concentrate on other things in life right now... now go have a bowl of ice cream, watch your favorite movie, and call a friend

[Moon Goddess]

Thanks you everybody for your advice, tomorrow will be the deciding day when i have to see him in the night, thing is I don't really know what he has in mind I'm just going for the activity we have that night I will post everything that happens that day.

 

He was becoming to critical anyway and we are just getting to know eachother, he was saying I was immature and acting bi**hy and that I had changed alot, how is he to know if i changed when he doesn't even know the real me.

 

WhatGives- Any relashionship is demanding doesn't matter the age. Thanks sounds good I love ice cream! I will i haven't been able to relax with school stuff and so many things. I will update soon so keep an eye out.

[Daddy Bear]

he was saying I was immature

umm...

 

and acting bi**hy

oh HELL no.

[Dregnought]

Is it necessory that you DO go? I mean... just don't go if you don't have to.

[Moon Goddess]

It's not absolutly necesary, but I do want to go even if he will be there, 2 good friends of mine are going and I want to be with them since classes are being closed in a few days. Plus why should he stop me from having fun?

 

Yeah when he said that I was shoked and pissed off, it's not really that it the reason why he said it. We were talking on the phone and he kept talking about his underwear, and I told him that care to hear a lecture on his underwear. Five minutes later he says that i was acting bi**hy. So I think in this case I wasn't the one immature. I know I may be immature at moments but most of the time I just speak what's on my mind, I don't like anyone taking advantage of me or not letting me speak my mind, my close friends know that, seems i have problems holding my tongue and keeping quiet but well that's just me ~_~

[a2000]

We were talking on the phone and he kept talking about his underwear, and I told him that care to hear a lecture on his underwear. Five minutes later he says that i was acting bi**hy.

You should get away from him.. change your number, avoid him and never see him again.

This isn't the normal behaviour of a 20 year old talking to a 13 year old.

[Moon Goddess]

I know but that's easier said than done I found out yesterday that now I have to see him every week because he changed his work hours to go to the group.

 

Update: I went to the group thing in the night it was great we practically didn't talk to eachother he was with his ex-girlfriend and i was with my friends the only time we crossed words was saying "Hi" and saying "Bye" we couldn't talk much more since we were separated, which was good I wanted to be with my friends more than with him, since school is being shut down I will only be able to see one of my best friends one-a-week in the group, so I wanna spend as much time with her as I can.

[Dregnought]

While this is much better then before; he still has the ability to do something. Lets hope that that something is nothing.

[Moon Goddess]

Update:

We see eachother everyweek in the group and sometimes i go to his house because we both have to plan things for the others in the group but I'm never alone with him, just to be sure I just don't trust him that much ... not yet. We are friends he asks me for advice whenever he needs it and me being a helping person i can't refuse to help anyone *shrugs* what can I say?.

 

Anyway if anyone ever needs help just PM. It what I do ~_~

[annie24]

doesn't it strike you as odd that a 20 year old man with a child and a gf is asking a 13 year old girl for advice? I know you are mature for your age, and you're very smart. but, we're all a bit leery of this man's intentions. If you had a problem, you would ask someone your age or older, not a 6 or 7 year old, right?

[WhatGives]

Well said, Annie. I think that you need to stay away from this guy... he may be trying to build your trust only to harm you. All it takes is that ONE time alone with him, that ONE time someone leaves his house five minutes before you do and he asks you to come look at something in his room. Be VERY careful if you are around him at all and I strongly advise you not to go to his house ever again!

[Moon Goddess]

Now that I think of it Annie you are very right.

 

I'm afraid to say that everyone on this topic has been right, but I trusted as I have trusted in the past and he took advantage of that. I'm never alone in his house but since he is 20 he has a license and his own car. He came late at night to my house with the excuse that he needed to discuss something and that he doesn't get out of work until 10pm(this bit is true). So he came to my house things got out of hand and he started to kiss me, I pushed him away said that I had a bf and I didn't want him that he was but a friend he didn't care said that no matter what I said that I wanted to as well and that I owed it to him( we had made a dare some time back). Well I have to go I'll post more later