Can a guy be intimidating to women?

[Champ]

I'm not wanting to come off as conceited or anything here, just needed honest opinions. I just was wondering if a guy could be too handsome or dresses too preppy (A Eagle, Abercrombie, etc.) that would cause women to not give me a look? It seems like sometimes when I look at them they just look away or pay no attention to me. I've been told all my life how hot I am by girls and my past girlfriend constantly accused me of having girls hitting on me, even though this wasn't the case. Girls that I talk to and get to know usually seem to like me and some even get crushes on me. But, girls I don't know and walk by seem to not look at me like I have something wrong with me.

 

I am very confident with myself and my life. I work out and stay in shape (not overly muscular, just toned). Could girls think I'm overy confident because of this, bordering on cocky even though I'm not cocky. I smile and say 'hi' to almost everyone, but that still doesn't mean anything to some of the ladies I think are cute. I'm just a bit confused and was wondering if any of the ladies here could give me some insight from the female perspective. I really appreciate any replies. Thanks!

[Celadon]

Sometimes a guy can look like he puts too much effort into how he looks. Yeah, he does come off looking arrogant or cocky. I'm not saying that's how you are, since obviously I've never seen you. But it's a possibility.

 

"Too slick" is how I'd describe that kind of guy.

 

Also, these days, sometimes girls just don't want to be approached 'cause they think every guy is going to hit on them. I don't know ... maybe that makes the girls cocky too, but you have to remember not every girl is interested in flirting.

[Scout]

I have to say that guys who are extremely well-groomed, and work their muscles out to the point where each one is minutely sculpted, make me wonder if they are so focused on their outward appearance they neglect developing a kind and caring inner spirit. Also, a guy who is paying too much attention to his appearance probably isn't going to pay enough to mine, lol.

 

This could be unfair of me to think this. Just my personal opinion.

[dstanzler]

Champ I used to be there and was the classic rock rebel of my high school days. My ex-gf would get jealous of me all the time too; women would always look away from me avoiding eye contact.

 

But after we broke up it took me a long time to figure out what I wanted out of life and what kind of girl I wanted.

 

Frankly, I don't really care who thinks I'm cute or hot or a sex magnet. Because an attractive female thinks that you are 'hot' or 'cute' does not necessarily mean that she would consider dating you or having a relationship with you. Granted you might have casual sex or get used for a rebound... but that's about it. I am speaking from experience... I have had the best sex and the worst sex based on your notions of attraction.

 

Maybe you need to experience it for yourself-- but all of those little notches you put on your box of lifestyles just winds up in the trash after after the depression kicks in and you realize your own immaturity.

 

I have discovered that all of that raw badassness, which it sounds like you have, actually transcends looks. If you want to attract women it lies in your personality and connecting with someone who is crazy about that side of you.

 

Attracting a real beautiful woman on my terms is hard and takes patience and is completely uncontrolled and random. But the results are worth it. Last weekend I may have experienced a crush at first sight-- maybe even love with a 23 year old beautiful Venetian cellist. She is 4 years older than me and its turning into an LDR.

 

A meaningful relationship with a woman that finds you artistic, mature, cute, fun and everything else is way better than a night of speed, birth control, and loose jealous vaginas.

 

Enjoy being sexy, stay single, and see where your life goes. Dave.

[itsallgrand]

You may be coming accross as a Snob. Not saying you are, but hearing you describe the stores you buy clothes from made me flich and want to look away.....

 

People judge based on all sorts of conceptions in their heads. It's split second. It may not be pleasant or accurate always, but it is a truth.

 

You may consider relaxing your image a bit and trying some new things out of your usual comfort zone. This will widen the girls who will see you as attractive and approachable. Also you'll grow as a person and see yourself in new ways.

 

And, yes, some women are intimidated by very handsome men. Or men who seem to live within a certain sector of soceity. Or men who are confident.

 

That's just life. Not everyone is gonna like ya or feel comfortable getting to know ya.

 

Take care.

[BillyJean714]

I don't find guys intimidating.

 

If I didn't really like a guy or didn't have any sort of interest in him (even as a friend), I would naturally look away. Sometimes, this could be because I sense arrogance/cockyness in that person.

 

Your post reminds me of this guy at work who always expects me to say hi to him. When I don't, he gets pissed off and goes, "fine." I'm thinking, "whatever."

 

Another thing- sometimes, some girls are the shy, not so outspoken types. I'm not very outspoken, and I most definitely won't hit on a guy. In fact, if I like a guy, I may even look away a bit.

 

Depends on the vibes you get from that girl. Other times, it could be that she's got a bf, so she doesn't want to come off as being flirty, so she'll avoid contact.

[Chesnick]

You seem to expect girls to look at you. Just because they don't doesn't mean they are intimidated or that they don't like you. They just have no reason to look at you. Christ, it would be great if every girl I walked by on the street checked me out and said "hi hot stuff!" But it just doesn't happen.

 

You said that you have no problem getting girlfriends, and that girlfriends in the past have said you are "hot" or "cute". So what more do you want?

[Dako]

As an ugly guy, it breaks my heart to hear of your problem.

Life is so unfair.

[AwdreeHpburn]

LOL Dako - but with that cute wittle puppy face how dare you describe yourself as ugly!

 

But Champ - MY answer to you is - OF COURSE girls can get intimidated by an attractive guy and feel like not approaching him. Whether or not this applies in your case, I have no idea.

 

But I do agree with the poster who said you seem to expect chics to look at you. What's that about?

 

I think it is quite possible that there are a few girls who would be less likely to approach you or talk to you for fear of rejection.

 

And then I think there are probably girls who would expect you to look at them and approach them so will not make first contact for that reason.

 

And then, I imagine, brace yourself, that they are girls, maybe a few, who just aren't attracted to you. Not because you're not attractive, but you can't be everybody's type...

[yeawutever]

As an ugly guy, it breaks my heart to hear of your problem.

Life is so unfair.

 

Why you think you're ugly?? From the answer, you sound like you got rejected or hurt in the past?? If so, it was not your fault!!!!!!!!!!!!

[yeawutever]

Now to champ, no, vanity would not intimidate me. However, when it comes to the point, a guy spends more than 3 hours making sure his hair is perfect (which isn't, nothing's perfect) then I would be like "ummmmmmm", then it would sound like he has no other things, but being obsess with how her looks. Nothing wrong with taking care of yourself nor appearing good, as long as you don't overdo it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Well you're not the center of attention, not all women are going to want to look at you. I'm usually not going to give a prep guy a second look cuz I've had enough experience with them to know their more interested in themselves then anyone else. You've had girlfriends in the past so someone obviously payed attention to you.

[BlueWolf]

Okay, so this is a good topic. I am a little confused now. How do you look confident to people who don't know you without looking cocky? It is difficult to desipher between confidence and cockiness especially if you don't know someone. There's a fine line there. I consider myself confident in how I appear, definitely not cocky. But I like to look at myself from a different point of view and can definitely see how some might view my as cocky.

 

I’ve always known that confidence is attractive, and cockiness is not. But how can someone who doesn’t know you well tell the difference?

[heythere1234]

Maybe you're coming accross as insincere? who knows, I can't say since I don't know you and can't see you. I know girls like guys who are just guys. Not total slobs or anything, but not too over-groomed. I haven't met too many girls, (Ok, not ANY) who like muscle bound men. So, I'm not sure where men get this idea. Men seem to like muscle bound men alot. But unless your homosexual, that's probably not who you're looking to attract.

 

Part of the muscle bound thing is not only how it looks on men, which is unappealing to a lot of us women. It's also the thought of you all setting in front of the mirror checking yourselves out and all. That's just a feminine trait.

 

I go to the gym every now and then just to get some extra tone going, obviously not to get bulky or muscular. And I don't find any of the men I see there attractive, They stare at their own bodies in the mirror and grunt and obsess on their appearance like a woman. It's really a turn-off. JMO!

[BillyJean714]

I haven't met too many girls, (Ok, not ANY) who like muscle bound men. So, I'm not sure where men get this idea. Men seem to like muscle bound men alot.

I LOVE what you said, Heythere1235! Me neither. I have a few friends who prefer extra bulky, muscular guys, but for the MOST part, we generally don't prefer overly muscular looking men.

 

(Think about it, the magazine industry thrives on people's insecurities. They will try to make our average men "think" they're not sufficient enough by saying, "Hey, you gotta be buff like me and act like a jerk like me to attract all the ladies. You have to dress GQ, metro, whatever..basically, "You gotta be with the in-crowd and follow what the in-style is in order to be accepted." -Rubbish. It's all garbage that these advertising conglomerates try to brainwash people to believe in. Basically, advertising indutries need to thrive on some kind of insecurity so that they can generate some kind of revenue in some way. (It's just like those ads about fat burner pills and how it helps to define really cut abs that EVERYONE wants. I'm sorry but the women I know, we tend to get freaked out by guys with monsterly lookin abs.)

 

Part of the muscle bound thing is not only how it looks on men, which is unappealing to a lot of us women. It's also the thought of you all setting in front of the mirror checking yourselves out and all. That's just a feminine trait.

 

I go to the gym every now and then just to get some extra tone going, obviously not to get bulky or muscular. And I don't find any of the men I see there attractive, They stare at their own bodies in the mirror and grunt and obsess on their appearance like a woman. It's really a turn-off. JMO!

Now that's cocky. Checking yourself out in the mirror trying to look musclly to impress women comes off as being overly insecure/immature in my p.o.v.

 

All in all, I prefer a guy with "quiet confidence." I think this applies to both men and women. When I befriend someone, I tend to befriend those who have quiet confidence. I think it's sexy and attractive. I am MOST attracted to men who have quiet confidence - for me, this tends to be the geeky, nerdy type of guys (I'm not talking about a Steve Urkel or anything- just your average Joe who's involved in his own set of interests, not his interests based on what some magazine tells him to be like - Ex link removed

 

To answer BlueWolf's question: Cockyness to me, is when someone acts like they're better than everyone else, they walk around like they're God gift; someone who walks around with the attitude of extreme supremacy. Arrogance. All in all, cockyness is someone who comes off as being really "stuck-up".

[the yang to the worlds yin]

its definitely possible. i know often times i tend to get a little intimidated by my friends or even my companion. i mean my best friend is about to do summer at princeton, and cambridge last summer. so that alone is just so much to you know live up to. then my boyfriend is incredibly smart, gets perfect grades, landed this awesome job, and its just like wow. and as far as physicality goes, of course! lol, i dont think its so much the person, but more along the lines of your insecurities that just come out around certain people with good looks. sorry guess i rambled on a bit.

[heythere1234]

I know it's true billy jean, and I find that same nerdy type (not erkel nerdy!) that you described attractive too!