Very quick one!!!!

[fenetrebyside]

This is a very fast one and no sarcastic comments, if so I'll just ignore you. Ok, let's say if you're in a new relation, which happens to be the second, and he/she ask you the question you're not comfortable with.

He/she asked you "Have you ever cheated on someone", and well let's say you did, would it be better to just say "No" and leave it that way or bring your past again. I say the first option is better, why bring the past, besides you're in a new relation, you don't want to already yet break another trust in that person by answering yes. Well just a thought.

[southerngirl]

I would want honesty from a partner. What if they then find out the truth later on that would be far worse.

[yeawutever]

Yea, depends if you're confortable discussing it, if you're not, then you can say "no" or change the subject.

[fenetrebyside]

But see then you would be label a cheater by ur yet new partner, and then trusting issues again when you haven't cheated.

[Scout]

I would want honesty from a partner. What if they then find out the truth later on that would be far worse.

 

I agree, and then if they see that you lied about it, they'd be even more distrustful of you. I think you'd actually get credit for being honest, especially if you said, "Yeah, and it's something I'm not proud of at all. I would definitely never do that again."

[RayKay]

I would say you should be honest about it and explain the circumstances and that you have learned from it. While there is no excuse for it, there are times in someone's life they may have cheated and then learned from their mistake.

 

The truth has a funny way of coming out, and then it would be far worse.

 

If you care about someone, you care enough for them to know the truth so they can make the decision right for them.

[southerngirl]

I wouldnt want to date anyone that had cheated on anyone else. I have never cheated on a partner... But i have been cheated on and it hurt real bad. I would want honesty because If i found out later on it would then be over because of the dishonesty.

 

thats how i see it sorry if its not what you were hoping to hear

[fenetrebyside]

Yea, definitely nothing to be proud of.

[fenetrebyside]

I would say you should be honest about it and explain the circumstances and that you have learned from it. While there is no excuse for it, there are times in someone's life they may have cheated and then learned from their mistake.

 

The truth has a funny way of coming out, and then it would be far worse.

 

If you care about someone, you care enough for them to know the truth so they can make the decision right for them.

 

Don't really feel like talking about it, it would be like bringing a whole can of worms, and well I already say "No", so I dunno now.

[yeawutever]

Ok, well since you already lied, don't change the story.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I would say you should be honest about it and explain the circumstances and that you have learned from it. While there is no excuse for it, there are times in someone's life they may have cheated and then learned from their mistake.

 

The truth has a funny way of coming out, and then it would be far worse.

 

If you care about someone, you care enough for them to know the truth so they can make the decision right for them.

 

Exactly what I wanted to say.

Tell the truth, lying can have a way of coming back and bitting you on the butt. You don't want to start a new relationship by lying your BF/Gf right off the start do you?

[renaissancewoman101]

If it is really early in the relationship, I would feel highly uncomfortable discussing if I had ever cheated on a partner. I am not sure what I would do. I probably would lie and hope for the best because sometimes if you tell someone that you cheated before in the past, in a way, you are dooming the relationship because that person is going to have it in the back of their head that you are a cheater, and we all remember that adage "once a cheater, always a cheater". This would be a hard call for me because in a way you are doomed if you do tell and doomed if you dont tell.

[justpaisley]

Sorry if this is sarcastic, but why would you lie about lying? How many more lies are you going to make up to cover up your first transgression? If you talk about why your last relationship ended, what are you going to tell your current significant other? It's just so much easier to be honest from the get-go. Lying is no way to start a relationship, and it certainly won't sustain it.

[Day_Walker]

Its a judgment call, some people say be honest and others lie. Just make sure you arent caught in the lie cuz that makes it worse.

[fenetrebyside]

If it is really early in the relationship, I would feel highly uncomfortable discussing if I had ever cheated on a partner.

 

Yes, it's only 5 months into our relation, and yet already started with a lie. And no, I don't wanna talk about it, I can't imagine wut would he be thinking if I were to tell him about it. Don't think he would trust me me then cuz then he would be prollie thinking that I will do the same to him and well being label a "cheater", is bad enough.

[fenetrebyside]

If you talk about why your last relationship ended, what are you going to tell your current significant other?

 

I dunno, I prollie change the topic, don't feel like talking about how I was "taken back" and that it wans't the same afterwards.

[yeawutever]

Its a judgment call, some people say be honest and others lie. Just make sure you arent caught in the lie cuz that makes it worse.

 

Yea, as long as you're not caught up with the lie, I suggest don't worry. Itw as the past, this is your new relation and it's only been 5 months.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I wouldn't lie, its not going to change the past and you only set yourself up for future trouble by not being truthful from the start. If you did cheat and it ended you relationship, I would hope that that would be enough to convince you never to do it again. They may see it as a mistake and not hold it against you, but it could also make it difficult for them to trust you. Telling the truth will always be easier because the truth won't change and you don't have to maintain your own lies.

[fenetrebyside]

Well it didn't ended my previous relation right there, I basically gave up on it and ended for him, it was doing no good for any of us and couseling didn't work, in fact it got worst.

It still won't change the past, that I know, but it'll do no good mentioning this early in our relation.

[heavensent]

Honesty is definitely best...the truth ALWAYS comes out at some point or another. People make mistakes...big ones, I'm sure he's made them to. Sure, some people say "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I don't necessarily believe that, I believe people can change. Cheating is an immature action...so if you've grown up since that experience and believe yourself to be able to be 100% faithful now then you need to simply explain that to him. If he judges you for your past you don't want him anyway. Trust is going to be a bigger issue if you lie to him.

[Skippy]

I would say that since you lied already.. i would re-approach her and say somehing like .. "the other day you asked me something, i didnt tell you the truth, i did cheat on someone once and i am ashamed of it so much it is hard to talk about it. I swore to myself that i would never do it again as i saw first hand the pain i have caused. " then shut up.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I would say that since you lied already.. i would re-approach her and say somehing like .. "the other day you asked me something, i didnt tell you the truth, i did cheat on someone once and i am ashamed of it so much it is hard to talk about it. I swore to myself that i would never do it again as i saw first hand the pain i have caused. " then shut up.

 

If my girlfriend told me that I wouldn't go running for the hills. It's a touchy subject to be dropped on you in the first place so it would be understandable why you lied about it. Coming clean would let me know that you really care about me. It's not an easy thing to do.

 

But that's just me. I don't know your boyfriend, only you do. You're the one who's going to have to live with the concenquences, regardless of whether or not you tell him the truth.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well I am of the belief that a new relationship is the start of a new beginning. This question abou "lying" opens up more than a can of worms and where do you draw the line. What if he/she asks you about previous criminal convictions, how many people you have slept with, whether you have done anything you regret etc. I am of the belief that people grow and change so if its something you are not happy with and "you" have gotten over it and learned your lessons and grew than its really irelevent to the new relationship. If its something you did and could affect the other person ie you have a current criminal conviction that occurred from the age of majority and may affect your ability to work and provide for th relationship then you definitely should tell the other person. If you did something as a minor and it doesnt affect the other person directly then its up to you. I dont know of any realtionship where from the beginning both parties knew 100% about the other person. Thats part of the excitment getting to know someone better. So 1 year down the line you will both know more about each other and some of it will not be comfortable but if after a year there is no understanding of each other then the reltionship is doomed. In your case I would A) NOT cheat B) Work on yourself and the realtionship to make it strong. If the cat does come out of the bag down the road and the relationship is strong then as adults you will be able to sit down and talk about why you cheated and why you werent totally open about it. If its strong they will try to understand how you felt in the situation when tehy asked you about your past etc. Again if its something that immediately affects them tell them if not its really irrelavant.

 

As the matter of morals go, they are extremely subject and each person has their own interpretation as to what is right and wrong. The only morals that are "concrete" we call them laws. This is where the saying "The only good is a good intention" comes from. What one person thinks is "good" or "right" another may not. Ultimately you want to be with someone who shares the same moral outlook on life or else it will lead to a lot tension when it comes to making decisions.

 

If this person is going to dwell on your past and you have made the changes you needed to make you have to ask yourself is this someone you can live with?

[Skippy]

tylercdurden2004,

i like your post, non judgement, very even minded. respect.

Your advice gives free will and anything goes as long as the othe can handle it.

[tylercdurden2004]

tylercdurden2004,

i like your post, non judgement, very even minded. respect.

Your advice gives free will and anything goes as long as the othe can handle it.

 

Thanks for making a judgement on my post!