Looks Vs. Sense of humour

[Laughing Sam]

Hi

 

A couple of days ago I had a long and heated debate about the age old comment "I like a man who makes me laugh". Although this is said by most women, at one time or another, is it true??????

In my experience, looks work as a sudden impact attraction. If you are at a club or bar it is easier to get close up to a woman if you have the eye candy element.

In more long term, slow burning, attractions such as work, friends becoming lover's type situations it is the guy (or girl) who has a personality who can rise to the moment.

With the invention of texting and instant messages it seems that "a way with words" has become a real asset, but what are your feelings.

 

I would really like to hear from anyone with either a view or experience of this. A counselor friend (who deals a lot with divorce and relationship break ups) and I are looking at going deeper into the subject so ANY thoughts would act as a good springboard.

Thanks

Laughing

[RayKay]

A couple of days ago I had a long and heated debate about the age old comment "I like a man who makes me laugh". Although this is said by most women, at one time or another, is it true??????

 

For me it is, but it does not just mean a guy whom can crack jokes and leave me in stitches, it's more about sharing a positive outlook on life, in being able to laugh at oneself and what life throws at you. Someone whom can laugh with me, not at me and just have a positive outlook on life.

 

In my experience, looks work as a sudden impact attraction. If you are at a club or bar it is easier to get close up to a woman if you have the eye candy element.

In more long term, slow burning, attractions such as work, friends becoming lover's type situations it is the guy (or girl) who has a personality who can rise to the moment.

 

Well sure attraction counts, but what one finds attractive physically is not the same for everyone. For me, I do find myself attracted to people whom are in good shape, maybe partly because I keep myself fit & healthy, and it's part of my lifestyle, so I get intrigued as to theirs. I also go for a great smile. Everything else is pretty debatable...can't explain in specifics, but you just know when you are attracted to someone

 

I would not say it's easier to get closer if a guy has "eye candy" element - I mean what is "eye candy" to you"? If I were to poll all my girlfriends on what "eye candy" is for them you would come up with drastically different results. And none of us would say "Brad Pitt"!

 

I have been attracted and dated men of all kinds - bald ones, short ones, big ones, small ones, funny & outgoing, shy & quiet...lol. If you looked at the men I have dated, you would never see one "type".

 

Personality however is absolutely crucial to either back up or invalidate that initial attraction. There are plenty of people with "good looks" whom turn out to be pretty unattractive once you start talking to them, plenty whom would be considered average whom turn out to be very attractive once you start talking.

 

With the invention of texting and instant messages it seems that "a way with words" has become a real asset, but what are your feelings.

 

For me words, communication have ALWAYS been important. Way before I even knew what texting or MSN was. When later on I was online dating, it was those whom wrote well, and put the time into completing full sentences in emails or instant messages that caught my eye and interest. Not so much a way with words, but being able to communicate, present your ideas - I think how you write and use your words reflects on you greatly. Netspeak is a huge turnoff, to me it indicates a lack of care and attention to your words and the way you present them. I think relying heavily on texting and IM's is a mistake though in any case. To me, it's really denying both of you the all the aspects of communication that go beyond words - tone, content, body language, eye contact, touch...."lol" does not nearly have the same impact as hearing a true laugh does.

[b8s]

my most recent ex as of 2 weels ago. when we first met months and months ago at work i didn't think he was good looking at all he was nice but not goodlooking in my eyes not my type etc etc.... after working with him and getting to know him. he made me laugh he was a good guy and thats why i went for him he made me happy and smile.

 

so i agree if you are meeting someone for the first time it is based on looks if you know someone for a while its the person you like not how he looks you he becomes better looking when you know the type of person he is.

[Omni-I]

in other words, less than good-looking people needs to be more patient and work more at it lol. Beside it goes the same way for women. Men like a women who also has a good sense of humor.

[Liam Weic]

^^^ lol...exactly...thats why "nice guys finish last" is so true.

 

People actually have to get to know you before they start liking you, whereas its the opposite for greater looking peoples.

[Day_Walker]

I have always subscribed to the theory that if you can make a woman laugh then you will be making her breakfast. Looks and humor can complement eachother or each of them can stand on their own.

[Laughing Sam]

These are great pieces of information, so pleased so many people have taken a moment to reply (keep them coming). any more nuggets of wisedom or actual experiances would be fantastic

Laughing S.

[CarnelianButterfly]

If a man approaches me based on my appearance he's already given himself a huge hurdle to get over. I don't appreciate being appraised like a piece of meat, I place far more emphasis on a man's abilities and personality then how beautiful he thinks I am or how attractive he maybe. I prefer someone who in 10,20 years will look at me with my wrinkles and saggy boobs and think wow what a woman. You wonder how important humor is in all of this, its very important, I love laughter, it lightens the heart in a way no pretty face can. And laughing for sheer joy with someone you love is so much more meaningful than seeing a gorgeous body in the bed next to you.

[Liam Weic]

its amazing how many girls i've met like that ^^^ that go all googley eyed when a really attractive guy approaches them (according to them of course. i personally can never see what they see in them).

 

and in one such scenario, one of them even slept with that guy later that night after just having met him.

 

but then again...i'm not talking about ALL women here. Just the rough crowd i hang around apparently.

[BillyJean714]

If a man approaches me based on my appearance he's already given himself a huge hurdle to get over. I don't appreciate being appraised like a piece of meat, I place far more emphasis on a man's abilities and personality then how beautiful he thinks I am or how attractive he maybe.

So true. I feel the same as well.

 

Whenever a guy approaches me at a club, I don't give them a chance anyway- because of my own standards. It DOESN'T matter how cute/funny the guy is, it's the fact that we're at a club - I just don't trust them automatically. The situation doesn't allow me to.

 

Anyway, I choose personality over a bit of looks anyday. Actually, looks are a part of the equation, but not all of it. If I had to choose between a handsome guy like "Johnny Depp" and a guy who's humorous like "Kevin James", I would choose James, because his personality makes him HOT. That's just me though.

 

Laughter is always a remedy in any healthy/successful relationships. And of course, everyone has their own taste of humor.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

If a man approaches me based on my appearance he's already given himself a huge hurdle to get over.

That is the biggest reason why I don't approach women that I find attractive, for fear that I come off as someone who wants to screw them and flee. It is not fair to them. I probably won't approach a woman in that sense. I'll have to let the conversation come naturally. I'll have to wade in the water and get a feel of if we click, and if we do then I hope she'll feel the same way I do. If she looks hot, then my cake has icing. I just realized that is a HUGE reason why I don't simply approach women.

 

I think good looks is the sprint, and the sense of humor is the marathon. Good lookers can get laid on a regular basis if they wanted to. But if their personality is hell, and their looks fade, they'll have nothing.

[CarnelianButterfly]

But if their personality is hell, and their looks fade, they'll have nothing.

Unless they have lots of $$$ and a good plastic surgeon. I always wonder in a few hundred years when archaeologists open a casket from today what they will think of the bones, dust and round lumps of silicone, chin implant and plastic nails. Morbid thought, but I think I'd be the one in the corner laughing my butt off.

[erosadviceman]

Just a tidbit of information, a recent company research product revealed "sense of humor and confidence" as the top two attractive qualities, both having to do with personality and not look. "handsome face" was the top of the list for looks, ranking at #3 and the next one, muscular body, ranked at #7. So statistics show that a guy who can make a girl laugh wins agaisnt a good looking guy who cant.

[erosadviceman]

to kyoshio ogari, just approaching a beautiful woman won't make her think you only want to sleep with her, it depends HOW you approach her. You will have more success approaching her right away and showing confidence than hanging around and hoping for the best, trust me

[Miss M]

If a man approaches me based on my appearance he's already given himself a huge hurdle to get over.

That is the biggest reason why I don't approach women that I find attractive, for fear that I come off as someone who wants to screw them and flee. It is not fair to them.

I understand what you're saying, and agree with you to a point. If all the guys who are like you decide to back off, then the only experience she'll have is ONLY the guys who approach her based on her looks. Sometimes guys have told me later, "I didn't approach you because all the other guys did because you're hot," but that's exactly the kind of guy that I WANTED to approach me, the ones who are able to be sensitive to that fact.

 

On the flip side, so many of the guys who didn't hesitate to approach me seemed totally unaware that they were just "one" in a crowd of superficial men. And when I pointed that out to them, they often seem surprised by the news of it. And the ones who WERE aware of it... well, they saw the other men as competition, and assumed that eagerly jumping to the head of the line while leering and drooling was the most effective way to snag me.

 

Yeah, I'd take a sensitive, insightful guy, with a sense of humor... yep, he easily wins over that other type.

[Miss M]

Hi

 

In my experience, looks work as a sudden impact attraction. If you are at a club or bar it is easier to get close up to a woman if you have the eye candy element.

 

I thought I'd better check the original post to see if my previous post is still on topic.

 

I've long written in these boards that for myself, other personality traits come before looks. I'm really not too hung up on eye candy, probably because I know it's worthless in the end (and even in the beginning). "Candy" can't sustain you, can't nourish you, so really what good is it?

 

So yeah, I vote for humor above candy as a way to draw my attention at the first instant. But like I also said... insight, sensitivity, (and a few other important qualities)... those certainly also need to be mixed in there as well.

[corvidae]

There are multiple factors that most people look for in a partner. Physical attraction is important, because without the physical aspect essentially all a relationship is is then a deep friendship, which, of course, is a beautiful thing, but is just that, a friendship. People often think that wanting physical attraction makes you shallow, but then if you deliberately avoid approaching people with a certain appearance then you are still placing emphasis on looks.

 

Now, as I was saying, most people have mutliple factors that they want in a partner. It's very difficult to assess someone's personality from accross a room before talking to them. Nigh on impossible in fact. Which is why people tend to go and talk to people that they are physically attracted to, because they are using the only selection criteria that is immediately apparent.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[monsieur]

he looks you he becomes better looking when you know the type of person he is.

 

or in many of our cases, our good looks can't save us from being shy nervous and boring, so we become less attractive once they get to know us, you see it all the time on those reality dating shows, good looking guy, girl looks interested at first, he turns out to be shy and nervous, so she ends up hating him

[Orlander]

I have to point out that attraction is more than just looks. When I met my ex, I couldnt help but be blown away by the grace she exuded. She had an elegance and delightful smile that has been hardly paralleled. She was cute too, but when I saw her, I knew that I would be talking to her and as soon as she said hi, I knew I wanted to date her.

 

Orlander

[Miss M]

... It's very difficult to assess someone's personality from accross a room before talking to them. Nigh on impossible in fact. Which is why people tend to go and talk to people that they are physically attracted to, because they are using the only selection criteria that is immediately apparent...

Glad someone mentioned this b/c it's the truth. In day to day situations it's someone looks that'll help spark that conversation b/c unless you're Ms. Cleo you won't know jack about them.

Oh, I disagree. From accross a crowded room we can detect confidence, shyness, timidity, arrogance, fear, self-doubt, etc. That's why those who are abusive can always pick from a crowd those who have been abused... and liars can always find the naive and gullible... and vice versa.