is this wrong?

[flutegirl23]

So, my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. I love him so much and don't want to break up with him. Well, he's not exactly the most romantic type of guy. This is our 3rd Valentines together and all I got from him was an e-card that wasn't even personalized. I know that V-Day is a commercial holiday and I'm not the type of girl who needs/expects to be wined and dined, but since he's 250 miles away while I'm at school is it wrong for me to be upset that all I got was that? We've talked twice today and he didn't even say Happy Valentines to me. I guess I'm just being a girl about this.

[keenan]

I'd be a girl about it too. It stinks! I don't even like the stupid holiday, but I'd want more than that, I'm afraid. Guys can be so dumb. If he had only said, "Hey, I love you...Happy Valentines Day; I wish I could be there with you" you'd probably be feeling pretty fine. Like they say, it's not the gift, it's the thought.

[annie24]

Did you ever tell him that you wanted a special V-day? True, most guys think Valentine's day is dumb, and given the choice would rather ignore it, but did you ever tell him that doing something special is important to you? Maybe he really doesn't know how much it means to you?

[mystik]

I'm not the type of girl who needs/expects to be wined and dined, but since he's 250 miles away while I'm at school is it wrong for me to be upset that all I got was that? We've talked twice today and he didn't even say Happy Valentines to me. I guess I'm just being a girl about this.

 

Hi flutegirl... like you, I try not to be the type of girl who needs/expects to be wined and dined. I want to be as low maintenance as possible, strong and independent. But you know what someone told me the other day? That just because I don't want or need anything grand, and can do without all the flowers and grand romantic gestures...it DOES NOT MEAN that I should not expect it. An e-card is something at least... but it has been three years, you have a RIGHT to expect more. I just got out of a relationship that I thought I was happy in. We hardly fought about anything... but I think sometimes we need more than a "peaceful" relationship. You're not just being a girl about this, he should have said Happy Valentine's day. Don't trivalize (sorry spelling) your feelings just because you don't want to be like those "other" type of girls who demand flowers and diamond rings. Not expecting much, is not the same as expecting nothing. You expect nothing from your friends and your family (because you know they'll ALWAYS be there for you) but you have to expect SOMETHING from your boyfriend. I'm not saying that you have an unhealthy relationship at all (don't worry), but just don't feel guilty about "being a girl" you deserve everything you want, ESPECIALLY if you don't want much!

[mystik]

ohh annie24 is also right. It also depends on whether he realizes what it means to you or not. So maybe he doesnt think you care about it...but you should let him know that even though you don't expect a marriage proposal or a serenade, it is still a holiday that should be symbolized by more than an e-card.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think that the over commercialization has ingrained the idea into alot of women that we SHOULD expect more. If you don't expect more then why are you upset. Its not like your partner can read your mind, especially if your in a long distance relationship. By not being with you physically he's missing alot of body language cues from you on how his 'lack' of celebration is effecting you. Considering Valentine's Day was origially thought to have been based on a Roman fertility festival where men drew the names from a lottery of the women who would be their sexual partner for the year, it's not a holiday I'm fond of. He may not have said 'Happy Valentine's Day' to you, but did he say 'I love you'? I know which I'd rather hear.

[flutegirl23]

i guess that i mostly just feel guilty for wishing that he did something. yes, he did say i love you, but it's not something different that he did. I agree that valentines day is just a commercial holiday, but it's just the woman in me that wants something nice done for her. thanks for you alls opinions.

[snugglemufin]

The "Valentines is just a commercial holiday" argument is simply RUBBISH and completely invalid becasue Christmas and Easter are just the same but do ppl complane about them ?

 

Christmas Day, Valentines Day, Easter Day, Birthdays are the four days of the year where people give and receive cards / presents for from each other, and to single out ONE as being commercial is wrong, they ALL are.

 

What this means is that because it is "normal" to give and receive on those days, it is thereforeeee normal to "expect" something on these days and you shouldn't feel guilty. Buying a Valentines Card for a lover is such a small gesture and those ppl who say "its just commercialism" are probably ppl who counted the number of xmas cards they got. If I were you, I'd be a bit worried because sending a simple card takes very little effort and if the best he could do was an unsigned E-card then hmmmm, that would worry me a bit.

[annie24]

I see nothing wrong with wanting something special on Valentine's day. If it makes you happy, then go for it! Some people couldn't care less about birthdays, others care. It's just a personal preference.

 

I do think if your boyfriend is loving and good otherwise, maybe he didn't send a card because he didn't think it was important to you.

 

I told my boyfriend that it would make me extremely happy if he gave me flowers on Valentine's day - he did and I was very happy! I was actually surprised! I didn't expect him to send them to my work!!!

 

I think as long as you are doing special things for your partner also, then no, you are not asking for too much.

[ShySoul]

Valentine day puts pressure on people do to things and be romantic. For some, thats not their style. For some, they'll even rebel against the idea. But what people should do is look beyond the cards, flowers, candy, and gifts. The day is about love. Love can be expressed in a number of forms. Does he express that love to you? This probably goes deeper then this one day. You need to know you are loved and appreciated. That is perfectly fine, you should feel like that. But he doesn't know how to express it. He probably doesn't know how much it means to you. You need to talk with him about it and let him know how you feel, what you think is lacking.

 

Not doing something on Valentines isn't the end of the world and can be worked around. Would you be upset if he didn't do anything on Valentines, but that often he randomly picks a day to treat you to something special "just because?" I think its the idea of wanting to be loved and courted, treated like a princess for a day. If that happens, but in a different form then is traditional, then try to appreciate it. If he doesn't do it ever, then there is a problem and it needs to be worked out as soon as possible.

[Zimetra]

Someone said "He cannot read your mind", and I totally agree: If you expect something for a commercial holiday, tell him in advance!

 

I prefer being with someone who comes up with little surprises and things that make me happy throughout the year, those silly little things like remembering my favourite chocolate or writing a love poem for me.

 

This year I am single, but I still had a happy Valentine's Day: I gave a man a rose because I liked his smile, and he accepted the compliment! It was totally spontaneous, and I will never see him again, but I am proud of myself that I had the courage to do it

 

Zimetra