Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well everyone, I am writing this hung over on my couch. Which will tell you that this is not about to be a great strory. This last Thursday, my friend got engaged (to a guy that works with my ex bf). We went out last night to celebrate, and the more she started talking about the plans for the wedding, the drunker I got. Needless to say, I ended up calling the ex and it wasn't a great conversation. (I found that out today when I called and apologized) My girlfriend is pissed off at me because I did call him and was crying outside the bar. She said I ruined her night because I can't let the ex bf go. I called and said sorry to both my friend and my ex today. The friend wants nothing to do with me and the ex accepted my apology after he told me everything I said like -I'm too good for you, you're a terrible person and I deserve better -I am going to start dating this week (not true) -I have a date with a CEO (again not true) -Sleep with me tonight since I will be dating again (Good god what was I thinking) There's alot more but I can't remember any of it. I feel like such a pathetic loser. I was falling down drunk and ruined my friendship. I think that the engagement threw me off, I wanted the ex bf to hurt as much as I was hurting. I hate the fact that he says that he loves me, wants me but we can't be together because of our problems. I keep telling him I am moving on but I don't(I am still here and he probably thinks that I always will be) This officially is rock bottom. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Oi... what a night. I think when you give your friend some time, she might forgive you. I mean it's not a great thing to happen, but it's understandable. It can be very difficult to discuss marriage when you are still healing from a break up. Of course the remedy would NOT be to call the ex, but you might have experienced that as well It was the alcohol talking, and your ex knows that. So even if embarrassing, this chapter is closed. Don't contact him any further. The problem with your friend is of another sort, you might prepare yourself for a big I am sorry - gesture. But wait for a day or two to let her calm down. You could write her a letter and send her a big bunch of flowers? I don't know... Ilse Link to comment
octopus Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 You know, a lot of people told me to drink after my break up, to forget, but I find that the drunker I get, the weaker I become and start thinking of my ex in an uncontrollable way again. Needless to say, since I figured out drinking to forget doesn't work for me, I don't drink these days. I don't know what to say for your situation. I hope it will be reversible somehow. I dont know about the ex, but I hope with your friend, at least. I think everyone understands that you're going thru a hard time, and an engagement is an emotional thing whether you're single, or with someone, or newly broke up. I don't think it's a big deal, as long as you can restore your own self respect, I'm sure both you ex and your friend will forget soon. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well, he just called and was yelling at me because he found out that I had been talking to a guy I use to know (I have no interest in him but the ex is jealous of him) Turns out the ex bf's girl cousin, met the guy and he told her he had been talking to me since the break up. She went running to the ex and now he is pissed at me. I hung up on him and he keeps calling, I keep sending it to voicemail. I finally turned the phone off. He left a voicemail msg and I am afraid to listen to it. I'm upset and scared right now. SH*T I think he's here....... Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 YIKES!!!! I hope everything is ok.... ....well, the good news about rock bottom is that there is nowhere to go but up It will be ok, hang in there. No more drinking for you!!! Link to comment
merickso Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well, I have been there. Its not fun. Now, every time I drink, I wake up the next morning really nervous and check my "last calls" on my cell phone. It sucks. But for me, when I did something like that a year and a half ago, I did exactly what you did - called, apologized, realized that I was an idiot, and moved on. I make sure that I dont drink enough to get out of hand anymore... but when I do, I leave my phone at home, and I openly tell my friends to make sure I dont do anything stupid. It helps a lot. Don't worry about it, it happens. If you hit rock bottom today, as you said, then you are definitely going to have a better day tomorrow, which gives you something to look forward to. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 False alarm....he wasn't here but I did listen to his msgs (there were 3), all of them nasty, accusing me of being a lying cheat. We have been broken up for 7 wks and I haven't done anything. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Oh wow. Seems like he's handling it a whole lot worse (assuming he's not drunk?). Well, I'd ignore the messages and NOT contact him anymore. You know the truth and even if you were seeing someone else... that is none of his business! Ilse Link to comment
friscodj Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well everyone, I am writing this hung over on my couch. Which will tell you that this is not about to be a great strory. I read your entire post, but I needn't read any further than this... I have four words for you: Lay off the sauce! It may only be one night, but I hope you don't repeat this situation or create one similar! Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 He's not drunk, he's a police officer and he is at work right now. I finally took his call and he was still accusing me of "mucking" it up with the other guy. I told him that I haven't even seen the guy. He then says he had been sitting around wondering if he was doing the right thing by not getting back together and now he's sure. I am feeling so blue right now, I can't even stand it. Link to comment
arwen Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Well, you're obviously better off without him. The hangover doesn't help, of course. So take a long bath, take a nap, eat some food, and take a walk. I am sure tomorrow is a better day ilse Link to comment
keenan Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 You're not stupid. You're human. The situation and the alcohol were tailor-made to make you vulnerable, and you caved. If your friend loves you, she'll forgive you. She's probably feeling irritated that you spoiled "her" night--but you know what? Life is a heckuva lot more complicated than that, and if she's got an ounce of sense and compassion, she'll realize it, and will stop pulling the silly Bridezilla act. On the bright side, you learned a heck of a lesson, and you probably won't do it again. Plus you got a pretty spooky and mean response from the ex, which frankly, seems like valuable information to have. He's not the kindest guy out there, is he? Be careful. Link to comment
deejay74 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 hey nathalie, you've read my post about me being an idiot, your situation is not as bad as mine!! don't feel stupid, alcohol warps judgement so just try to learn from this. as far as your friend, if that person is a real friend, they'll come back around. by the way, thanks for your replies to my posts. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 No problem, Iwantherback, it seems that it's easier to give advice than to follow it. Now my ex bf thinks that I have been out "mucking" it up with another man and hates me. I guess it's better this way, I can definitely go through with NC. He said what he had to say and now I'm sure he will leave me alone. I called my guy friend and found out that my ex bf had his girl cousin call him up to find out info about me in a roundabout way(acted like it was a wrong number then started chatting him up). I think my ex bf must have gone online and looked at my cell phone bill. I wonder how many friends and family have gotten a phone call. I told him that for the past 6 wks, I have been wanting to get back and letting him know it, but he hasn't wanted to and now all of a sudden he thinks he can yell at me because I was talking to someone else (someone that I have no interest in). I am just so confused, he basically said I was a floozie, a liar and a cheat. Was I suppose to sit around and wait to him?? I told him to go look in the mirror and say "I am no longer dating Nathalie and she can do whatever she wants" he replied that I already was doing whatever I wanted. I also said "I am now hanging up the phone, and I don't ever want you to contact me again", then hung up without giving him a chance to answer. I hope that this will give me the strength to move on and keep up NC Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Hey girl... Hang in there. Your ex sounds egotistical...like how could YOU have the audacity to even THINK of being with another guy?? Don't you know you were SUPPOSED to be home knitting, and bawling your eyes out to sappy Barry Manilow songs?? You drank and got over emotional. Been to that movie before. It stinks but you didn;t commit a crime. I am sure your friend will be fine. I like the suggestion of sending her flowers..and maybe a goofy card. How can you NOT forgive someone when they do that?? I would definetly appreciate that from a friend. Hang in there....tomorrow is another day when you can start ALL over again Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Thank you everyone, for not thinking that I am a complete fool. One reason my girlfriend is upset is because it's taking me so long to get over the ex bf (because he doesn't respect me)and that he's all I talk about. I will be sending flowers in a few days when she has calmed down(thanks for the idea). On the bright side, no more calls since I said leave me alone and I have been phoning all my family and friends to see if they have gotten any weird phone calls. Again, thank you for your support, I really needed you guys today Link to comment
annie24 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 awww... your friend is angry because she wants so much better for you than this guy. Flowers sound like a really good idea! I bet she'll appreciate it. Take care Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Nathalie... Not to keep harping on this book I just bought..but it is REALLY good. I read it recently. It's from the author of "He's Just Not THat Into You" and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt..(for what THAT'S worth). There is a section in there that goes over how to deal with your breakup with friends.....and that you CAN in fact push people away by being TOO obsessed with your ex. I have been there....talking them to death about "him". In fact..the chapter's heading reads.."If you Mention His Name One More Time....your friend's are going to break up with you too. Anyway it covers that subject. Just get it....you'll be glad you did. ps...hmmm maybe I should be this guys P.R. person?? lol Link to comment
77streaks Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 your ex must have been thinking about you alot, and his burst of jealousy indicates his feelings for you. you know that much now, but going forward there isn't much you can do. it helps to just get away from the noise and routine. perhaps going for a walk in nature or getting involved in something you know you enjoy doing, with a bunch of people would help take your mind off things. after a while, your friend will forgive you. send her a little gift or card after a week or so? hope u feel better soon Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Lady Bugg, What's the name of the book?? I will run out and buy it ( I need all the help I can get) 77streaks, I always knew that he had feelings for me, and I always deep down had hope in my heart that we would get back together, but now he thinks that I'm a liar and a cheat and that he has done the right thing by sticking with the breakup. He obviously doesn't trust me or he wouldn't have his cousin calling my friends. Trust me when I say, all hope is gone. Now it's time to deal Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 It's... "It's Called a Breakup BEcause It's Broken".....I think it will help a lot. Link to comment
red10 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 ladybugg - i was at the bookstore today and almost bought that other book - He's just not that into you....ended up just reading it in the store - i need to check on that other one! Nat - we all have our moments of "stupidity" - not saying that you are, just reminding you that most of us can relate to how you have been feeling - and isn't it amazing that after it happens, we all are just beat ourselves up about what we just did??? but, this is just another something to learn from! I'm so glad you are doing NC - and he has NO RIGHT to call you and yell at you - it's none of his damn business whether or not you're seeing anyone....don't let him get to you, cause you know it's only going to make you stronger! plus, you have us right here whenever you need that extra support! and i definitely agree with you - giving advice is a lot easier than taking it - but it still helps us to just talk about it, cause we're basically all here for similar reasons! Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 12, 2006 Share Posted February 12, 2006 Nathalie1970, I can understand how you are feeling. For the longest time I have been trying to get back together with the ex. Two weeks after he broke up with me, I went down to talk to him and try to reconcile with him. That night we ended up in a drunken argument because I drank too much and I cussed him out and threw empty beer bottles at him. I was lucky that someone didnt call the cops on us because we were arguing into the wee hours of the night. The scary thing about that whole thing is I dont remember much of it, or what the hell I cussed him out about. All I know that he was and is still angry about some of the stuff I said that night. When I saw that there was no chance in hell that we were going to get back together, I made the decision to pack up and move out to San Diego and start my life over again. My parents and my best friend live in LA. My ex was surprised to hear that i was moving away. I guess he was hoping that I was going to sit and wait for him to come back to me and pine away for him. Weird thing is that after I made the decision to move to CA and AFTER I moved away to CA, I get two phone calls from his mother (his mother is very controlling and she liked me because she thought I could help his son grow up) telling me to have hope, but to clean up my life and if things dont work out in San Diego, to move down to Chicago, but to clean up my life and she would get the ex to come back to me. This is even after she knows that he had a new gf. Her response to that was "that is just a girl. You know how he is, he always has to have a girl on his arm. She means NOTHING to him." The two times (the last time was about a week ago) she called, she has sent my emotions into a tailspin because I still miss him and would love to reconcile with him. I am finally starting to move on with my life because I am getting used to my life out here, but it is hard and her phone calls toy with my emotions and my feelings for him but I am getting better. Stay strong, it will get better. Remember it was them who dumped us, it should be them who BEGS for us back. I know it is hard, I still have days that I wish the ex had not broken up with me, but life goes on. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Ren, This is where the easy to give advice part comes in - Tell her that you would still like to talk to her but it's too hard right now. Explain that when you are in a better place you will call her and maybe even her son too (but only after you are ready) As for me, I know I have the right to talk to anyone I choose, but for him to throw in my face that he was wondering if he made the right decision to not get back together and that since I was talking to someone else, he knows he made the right decision to stay apart. That's what's throwing me into an emotional upheaval. I just don't understand. Even after my drunken night on friday, he was great to me yesterday morning, then all of a sudden, he's pissed at me because I'm talking to someone else (again not interested in). We had even joked yesterday morning about what he would get me for V day, well now that's down the drain. It's 810am right now and there has been NC for 12 hrs. I hope that it gets easier with NC because before there was hope and now there is none. Link to comment
Nathalie1970 Posted February 12, 2006 Author Share Posted February 12, 2006 Yippee, my girlfriend just called me and we had a long talk. She still wants to be my friend, I am just not allowed to talk about the ex bf anymore. That's fine by me.....I am so happy right now Still NC from the ex bf....which has me happy and sad at the same time I am assuming that those feelings are normal...... Link to comment
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