Is there any way...

[Dogg]

Is there any acceptable way to let my ex know that I am still in love with her and that I want more than anythign to try to work things out. that I think about her all the time and that I just think that the way that things are right now (we broke up almost 4 months ago and have barely said a word to each other and have never seen ecah other since) just isn't right after being together for three years. I miss her and love her with all my heart and would do anything to get her back, but how can I even do that if we do not talk or anything? how can I show her that things could and would be different. Why is it so easy for her to be completely rid of me after three years? I am like dieing inside and can think of nothing else but how much I hurt and still ove her and I wonder what she is thinking and feeling, whether or not she is with someone else...I need help because I am in real pain again here....there has got to be a sophisticated, noice caring true way to express the way that I feel to her and solicit a true response. there has got to be some way to get her to accept talking again, there has got to be soem way......

[sukerbut]

my man .. its time to give up...i am sorry i know ti hurts, but we all ahve been reading the torture you have been putting yourself through...i am saying this as a friend and fellow hurt one..you ahve to give it up brother..ITS OVER!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Dogg - you have no way of knowing what she is thinking or feeling. There is no way to know that it is "so easy for her." Maybe hearing from you after this long three months is what she wants too. I honestly don't see the harm in calling her. (IF and only IF it is true that you have had no contact with her in 3 months. I mean, don't become a stalker...)

 

You know why ya'll broke up. You know how a phone call would be received. If you think she would talk to you for a few minutes, cordially, call her and just ask her how she's doing. BUT - Be prepared to hear she's dating someone else. Are you prepared to hear she IS over you and never wants you to call her?

 

If you know she wouldn't answer if she sees its you or if you know she would hang up on you, leave it alone. She may not be ready yet. But maybe after 6 months or a year she'd be more willing to hear from you. Maybe not. You may just have to throw things, have a good cry or two and move on.

[Echo]

Dogg just a question for you? If you KNEW your ex was in fact seeing someone else, would that help you move on at all? I know for some people it only makes them seem more desirable, but for me I would definetly move on no matter how much it hurt.

[kellbell]

Dogg,

 

You may want to look over your old posts and read ALL the advice that was given you. You have been given very very good advice that people pay hundreds of dollars to get. Go back and read it ALL and take it to heart....please.

 

She has told you that she does not want to get back together with you. There is not any sophisticated way to show her or tell her you love her and that you want her back. If you love her...leave her alone. Give her what she asked for. Like another poster pointed out, you have no idea how she is feeling or what she is thinking...unless you are pyschic. Let her GO...for your sake. You are miserable and feel like you are dying inside because you won't let her go. Stop thinking about what COULD HAVE been and accept what IS. The sooner you do that, the better you will feel. I know this is hard but you have to do this. Things will get better I promise you but first you HAVE to accept what has happened and work from there.

 

(((hugs)))

[renaissancewoman101]

I do understand how Dogg is feeling about his ex. It is hard to get over someone. I moved out to San Diego so I could get over my ex and be closer to my friend and yet I still miss the ex. I am lonely out here and at the times I do feel the loneliest I think about the ex and wonder what he is doing, what he is up to. I also wonder if I make contact with him one of these days down the road, will I be able to get back together with him. It is hard to move on, esp when you still love someone and that love is unreciprocated. Sometimes I do think that if you ex is with someone else, it makes you want them more, kind of the "want what you cant have" feeling.

 

Me, I am trying to move on. I am trying to make friends out here in San Diego but it is hard for me to get out of my shell. I am also trying to get myself emotionally up to looking for a new job. I tend to be the very shy type of person and change scares the hell out of me.

 

With time, life will work out and you will forget about the ex. But it takes time, A LOT of time.

[Dako]

Dogg,

Show your love with the ultimate gift. Her freedom.

I'm in a similar situation and it really sucks, but it's what she wants.

[Echo]

I am NOT going to be harsh with Dogg simply because of the fact that I was in his shoes.....and still AM to some degree. While I have moved on for the most part, there IS a part of me that wishes and even hopes sometimes I could have ONE more chance with my ex. Yes I think of what COULD have been. It's a completely normal part of the healing process. I know everyone wants Dogg to move on and be happy but the UGLY fact is that it NEVER happens on anyones "timetable". Hell some people NEVER get over an ex. It is just the way they love. They love with everything they have, and when you put that much into someone, it truly takes a LONG time to get over it.

 

Furthermore, telling someone to "get over "it or "move on' is counter productive to someone in such agony. It usually only makes them withdraw more and NOT seek out that support they need in order to finally heal. I am by NO means saying give them false hope or to make statements that will encourage anything negative..I am simply saying sometimes we just want someone who can empathize with our pain...not someone who wants to tell us what to do about it.

 

I think Dogg KNOWS what he NEEDS to do, and I can read in his post that he is in deep pain. Unfortunately the process is not going to be short and sweet...but at least he IS dealing with it. In HIS own way.

[Dako]

They love with everything they have, and when you put that much into someone, it truly takes a LONG time to get over it.

 

I assume everyone who's suffering heartbreak loves someone in this way.

That's why it hurts so much.

[Echo]

One other thing I wanted to point out was that Dogg said he and his ex dated for , what 3 years? If they have only been broken up for 4 months...that is HARDLY much time to just "get over it".

[brando]

Dogg

 

It isn't about how you feel or waht you want, it is about her feelings and her wants.

 

By you continuing to pressure her or declare this love u have for her, you are simply telling her that what she wants isn't important. This my friend is not love.

 

Take some time for yourself, live for you and find all the things you want to do and that will make youhappy, and no another person, an ex will not make you happy, it is an inside job.

 

Need to let her go, give her all the space she needs. There are no guarantees that the one you love will always love you back. A part of life, i guess.

 

Hang in there, and don't talk to her, do not contact her, and let her live her life, and allow yourself the same.

 

be well,

brando

[PrincessLinzay]

Hey dogg~

 

I remember your last post, and I remember how much pain you were in.

 

Unfortunately, unless something miraculous has happened since this last post, nothing has changed in her estimation.

 

We can't make someone love us. We can't make someone come back to us when they don't want to. Right now, it's an unrequited love. She already made it explicitly clear that she does not want to get back together, and she already knew how you felt about everything.

 

I fear that if you attempt contact with her yet again, you will just be put back to square one of where you were before. Her response is not likely to change from what it was. I know that this is extremely hard, but I truly believe that it would be in your best interests to let her go.

 

> I'm sorry that you are still in so much pain.

[Dako]

 

One other thing I wanted to point out was that Dogg said he and his ex dated for , what 3 years? If they have only been broken up for 4 months...that is HARDLY much time to just "get over it".

 

I actually think it may be harder to get over a promising short relationship becuse you feel like you never got a real chance.

 

I'm in month 5 and counting...

[Dogg]

princess lindzay - what is really bothering me is that I don't see how she could say all the things that she has said to me about not thinking that way about me anymore and I do not see how this is so easy for her, because we were togther for three years and we had a lot of really special memories together. it is just very hurtful to me that she thinks so little of me that after three years we do not even talk anymore. I just want to know why that is, I have a feeling that she is just being very very harsh in what she is saying and does not really truly mean it. Is that possible?

[Bethany]

I know how hard it is and how much it hurts, in fact most of us do, but we HAVE to accept it's over, finished.

 

Once you have accepted that, we start to 'come around' and see that there IS life after the ex, we think he/she doesnt want us anymore and it's not fair but we HAVE to accept it. Otherwise, we live in the past and have no future but the future of our own misery.

 

You can go against everynes advice if you feel that you must, but be prepared for a kick in the heart and a big fat **** Off. And believe me, that hurt is far bigger and far more painful than where you are now. It's why we are telling you not to go back.

 

She has moved on and told you that there is no hope of a future together. it's something that HAS to be accepted. Why risk another kick in the heart?

[kellbell]

Dogg,

 

I think what is hindering your healing process is that you are trying to put logic into feelings. Unfortuantely, there is not any logic in feelings, there really is not any rythme or reason to them, they just are. Wondering and asking all these questions to all this is acting a like bowling ball on your mind and soul. As soon as you realize there is not any logical explaination to feelings and accept things as they are, you will be on the right path. Acceptance is the first step in the healing process. I know this is not easy. I never said "just get over it" but I do recommend you look at things in different perspective. I know 4 months is not a very long time out of a 3 year relationship but everyone has to leave the darkness sometime. Take care my friend. (((hugs)))

[sucker4ya]

I'm in the same boat as you. 3.5 year relationship ended...4.5 months ago. I'm still incredibly torn up about it...and like you, my ex and I are not on speaking terms. Well...I keep reaching out every now and then and he keeps shutting me down...but hey, I guess having a new girlfriend a few weeks after our relationship will keep him from responding.

 

It's hard, I know what you are going through. Sometimes I think I am never going to find someone else, sometimes I don't want to find someone else...I feel, it's either him or no one. But I know that isn't the case. One day it will get better for you and for me...and we will find happiness again. Maybe with our exes (probably not)...maybe with someone else. All I know is, it HAS to get better.

[yme]

echo wrote

 

Furthermore, telling someone to "get over "it or "move on' is counter productive to someone in such agony. It usually only makes them withdraw more and NOT seek out that support they need in order to finally heal. I am by NO means saying give them false hope or to make statements that will encourage anything negative..I am simply saying sometimes we just want someone who can empathize with our pain...not someone who wants to tell us what to do about it.

 

I honestly don't believe that anybody is just saying "get over it". However, it is the ultimate aim for everyone.

 

And it doesn't matter how long a couple have been together; for the person that hurts the amount of time doesn't matter. What happened during that time, the dedication of the heart, is what matters.

 

One thing is important, though, For whatever reason, the significant other has moved out of the relationship, leaving somebody in grief over that loss. Whatever the reason given for the end of the relationship; I need more space; I don't love you as much as you love me; you are coming on too heavy for me; I need to evaluate my feelings for you; I am much younger/older than you and it doesn't feel right, they all come down to one thing, if you are truthful with yourself.I don't love you any more.

 

As harsh as that might seem, the present circumstances lead to that conclusion. It wouldn't be right to say that any relationship is over forever. Some lucky couples DO get back together in the fullness of time, and sometimes it even works out. But, right here, right now, there is nothing that can be done except for yourself.

 

You need to rebuild your self esteem and confidence; resolve to become the person you are deep down. And, when you think of that, in light of your present circumstances, isn't that the person that your ex first fell in love with? If you continue with the feelings of worthlessness, or wondering what you can do to regain your lover, you are stopping yourself from being the person you truly are.

 

As for letting the ex know that you have changed, he or she will learn soon enough. Despite what anybody thinks, the ex will want to know how you are coping, and will find out one way or another. What better way of showing them that you have changed your ways is there than actually changing your ways, and stop mourning your loss.

 

It is never easy, of course. If it was, there would be no need for sites like this, or realationship counsellors. All anybody can do is suggest ways of getting over a break-up; the person that seeks that counsel will choose which is best for themselves, apply it and move on in the direction they choose.

 

Although I cannot speak for others, that is all I wish to do. I feel that I am no different than a street map. I can show the different ways of reaching your destination, but you choose the destination and the way you choose to get there. Ultimately, everyone has just one destination; personal happiness. I have found my way, and I hope to be able to help others find theirs. The route I leave to you.

[PrincessLinzay]

Hey Dogg~

 

I guess anything is possible, but the only person who knows what's going on in her mind is her. It's usually in our best interests to take what an ex says at face value. If they say they don't want to talk to us, then they don't want to talk to us. I don't think there's any hidden meaning in that.

 

I know it's hard to understand how someone who loved you and you loved for so long could change their mind so completely, but unfortunately, it does happen. It hurts, I know.

 

At this point, if there was to be any contact between the two of you, it should be initiated by her. The best thing you can do right now is to concentrate on yourself and your life.

 

Hun, I know this is hard and heart wrenching. I know that all you can seem to think about is her, and what could have been. But you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you, and gives equal measure. She doesn't want that.

 

If you're honest with yourself, you know that contact with her is not possible at this time because you're still harboring such strong feelings for her. It would only hurt you to be in continuous contact with her and have her repeatedly reminding you that she "doesn't see you in that way" anymore.

 

I know that you're going to do whatever it is you feel you need to do, but I urge you to refrain from contacting her. I don't think you will obtain the results you want from it.

 

Hang in there. (( big hugs ))

[Dako]

When someone tells us, "I love you" we accept it as true.

When someone tells us, "I don't love you" we don't accept it as true.

[Dogg]

well, I had a big long talk with a good friends last night and was given more or less the same responses as you all are saying. I did although come to an understanding of something that I need to do just for myself and it is something that I have not yet tried. A while back, she had asked me why do I love her and I responded by making her some thing that was so heartfelt and took so much love just to make that showed in essense exactly how I felt about her and she melted (this was over a year ago) I always did little cute things like that for her, like sending text messages that were "from" our cats to one another and making pictures as if the cats were talking to one another aout how much they love their mommy and so on and so forth. Thursady the 9th is the cat that I bought for her birthday. What I am going to do is to take a picture of my cat with a birhtday hat on and put a word bubble coming out of its mouth saying happy birthday I miss you!! and I will send it to her phone and thats it. this way she will know that it is from me, she will enjoy it and it will make her smile, but there is no pressure attached to it because it is "actaully from the cat!!! Yes you may think that is gay, but I know her and one day back in the day she grabbed me and asked me if I knew why it was that she loved me so much and then she broke out a bag full of little cute things like that that I had given to her over the years and she started taking them out one by one and crying saying that "

this is why I love you" "you are so creative and thoughtful and cute and you make me laugh and smile and I am so in love with you" Maybe, just maybe, this will bring some of those feelings back. if not, at tleast she will know that I still care!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Good luck dude. I hope you get out of it what you need. If you need support later - that's what we're here for.

[kellbell]

Dogg,

 

You are going to do what you want to do but I have to write this anyway. All I know if my ex did what you described, I would be extremely angry and upset. Anyway you slice or dice it, what you are doing is extremely manipulative. I know you care and love her but any kind of action such as that can be construed like that. Right now you are glass to her, she can see right through any kind of action you do from here on.

 

I see this as another way for you to get your heart stomped on once again. I mean, it's your life and you can do what you want but I am just offering my suggestions. Let us know how everything turns out. Take care and many hugs.

[Lady Bugg]

Dogg is the 9th your ex'es birthday? That's MY birthday too..... She MUST be an awesome girl

[Lady Bugg]

LOL oh wait....is it your CAT'S birthday?? Awwwww...

Well the gesture is sweet...but I think it is very "iffy".

I don't think it's really grounds for contacting her..but I am sure I have done worse. LOL

 

Do what you must do...and let the pieces fall where they may.

Good luck.