KellyWyndham Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Hi been with my boyfriend for 5 weeks, he's started to do stuff that's coming up as red flags. He's kind of rough with me. He's like obsessed with blowjobs and makes me give him one every time we see eachother. Once or twice when I've refuse to do it he's got really mad, keeps pressuring and giving me this scary look like he's gonna lash out and last night i refused so he yanked on my hair to wrench my head down! It really hurt and I told him not to but he didn't apologise or anything. He's pushed me into a door before, just for a joke but it hurt and 2 weeks ago we were having a laugh lounging infront of the TV and he whacked my bare leg with the remote really hard, I screamed and a mark came up. I told him not to do that but he thought it was funny and did it a couple more times. Sometimes he pinches me just to get my attention but it's really painful. Am I overeacting, is this playfighting? Please tell me what you think, honestly and realistically because I don't think I'm ready to end it with him. Link to comment
avman Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 He's forcing you regarding sexual acts? And he enjoys striking you with a remote? Sweetie this is really not good. Is this the same guy who basically seems to only want you for sex and isn't willing to make any other sort of committment to you? You deserve much better treatment than this. Why would you not be willing to end things with him? Please read the story I posted about my friend It might give you a new perspective on just how bad things can get. Link to comment
DN Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I absolutely agree with avman. This is not play fighting, it is abuse. Anything that is not agreed to and is forced is abuse. In fact, when he forced you to give him oral sex, that was a serious sexual assault and he could go to jail for it. This will almost certainly only get worse. Break up with him now. Do it over the phone and not in person. If he makes any threats whatsoever, now or in the future, immediately call the police. This is serious - treat it seriously. I also think you should tell your parents. Sorry you had to go through this. Link to comment
adideas Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 DN is absolutely correct. Take action today. Do not wait another minute. I don't want to see you as a stistic on the news. Otherwise, you are 16 with your whole life in front of you. It is time now to decide in your own mind what you are willing to put up with. What are your boundries? You are precious and valuable and any man would be lucky to have you. Don't start settling now for less than wonderful or your life will just be a series decisions of settling and you'll probably end up with a loser. Dating is like buying a bathing suit. You try a bunch on and some make you look fat, like a dork, too tight (too possessive), to big but then you try on one that fits just right and make you feel good and sexy. Don't settle for the one that doesn't fit just because it's (he's) there and as soon as you discover it, change and start looking for a different one. Boyfriends/spouses should kind of be like your mom; they always are there for you, always build you up and make you feel good and push you to be the best you can be. Hold out for that guy -- you deserve it. 1 Link to comment
RandomAdvisor Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I agree with everything written above. Break up with him as fast as you can! And as DN said, it's probably a good idea to tell your parents as well. In future if a guy ever treats you like this in any way so early in the relationship you should drop them immediately. The way he was so demanding of sex acts shows he is unconcerned with your feelings. Someone like that is not the type of person you want to be in a long term relationship with. Link to comment
Itsok Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 This guy is major trouble. He has abusive written all over him with permanent marker. Break up with him but not before telling your parents what is going on so they can help you get away from him! Link to comment
Tigris Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 He's dangerous keep away from him! Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 It is NOT playfighting. It is control and abuse, and you are right to be feeling and seeing those red flags. Girl, you've only been with him 5 weeks and he's aready acting this way. It's very scary, and you can be sure it will progress. I hope you will take the messages you got here and use your good sense and leave him NOW, before it gets worse. What do you plan to do? Link to comment
leyton05 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 That guys a loser and hes not going to get any better.........not the sort of guy who deserves to have a girlfriend. Link to comment
PocoDiablo Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 If you don't like it, then it's time to leave.... Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 GET OUT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE! This is not borderline abuse or playfighting...IT IS ABUSE! You are 16 years old, do you like being treated like this? If so, you are a future corpse and he is a criminal. Stand up for yourself now and recognize this for what it is, anytime you are forced to do something it is ABUSE. RC Link to comment
ocrob Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Reading this post made me very mad. If I were your older brother, I would probably end up in jail for beating this kid into a coma. I am not advocating vilolence and would not hurt anyone, but this made me so mad. He sounds like a very cocky and controlling guy. It seems that women that are abused get into a cycle of abussive relationships. You are young and should end it with this guy to make sure you stop the cycle. A guy should be thankful for a blowjob and not angry for not getting one. What a selfish little jerk. Link to comment
Bethany Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 I read it and thought... TWISTED. You obviously have alarm bells ringing, it's you natural defences- your gut instinct and intuition, that is warning you that something is wrong, don't ignore them or the advice given here. End it now and find someone who will love you not hurt you like he does. You owe it to yourself, your future happiness and well-being. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Honey if he is forcing you to do sexual acts, and further more he is throwing you around, hitting you when you CLEARLY say it's not okay with you...that is NOT playfighting, that is abuse. It would be one thing if you were both playing around and wrestling and you consented, but you told him it hurt and to not do it, and he still did it again? That is NOT okay. And I can say that if he is doing this 5 weeks into it, it is only going to get worse and worse. Do not stay around hoping he will change, it does not work that way. Do not make excuses for him as there are none. You are 16, and have a whole life ahead of you...unfortunately you won't if you stay. You will either be physically or emotionally destroyed. You need to get out of there NOW. You are so young, don't waste your time on boys like this. 1 Link to comment
KellyWyndham Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 thanks so much for the advice, much appreciated. this is the guy who i've had doubts about. yes, i thought he was using me but he promised he's not. and if he was, we wouldnt watch movies or talk on the phone. my post made it look like he's abusive but it's not like he's putting a gun to my head when he makes me give him a blowjob. he's just abit too forceful at persuading. who am i kidding? ok, he might he treating me badly but i can't end it. i've tried twice before, i stopped talking to him but then he just clicks his fingers, acts all cute with me and i suddenly have no strength and forget what he's done. he's sweet when he wants to be and gorgeous. thats so shallow but at my age looks are so important and i bet i'll never get another guy as hot as him. girls at my school are so jealous when he picks me up. i don't want to lose him so soon. i hate being single, it makes me feel so alone and lost. maybe being in a less than perfect relationship is better for me than nothing? Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 he might he treating me badly but i can't end it. i've tried twice before, i stopped talking to him but then he just clicks his fingers, acts all cute with me and i suddenly have no strength and forget what he's done. No, that is only because you are letting him do that to you. I don't care if you are 16 or 60-- no man should be treating you this way- no matter how cute he is what hot car he drives or how it looks to your friends to be with him. He is abusing you and now you are trying to cover up for him and make it seem as though it's nothing and no big deal- and it is. Don't be foolish. You know something is wrong or you never would have posted here. A guy doesn't have to put a gun to your head to manipulate you with guilt or fear, which is exactly what he's doing. You deserve more. Link to comment
DN Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 many abusers are cute and good-looking and charming. Like Paul Bernardo, for instance. Link to comment
avman Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Picking a guy based totally on looks is a mistake. You need to look deeper than that and find a guy who you are attracted to, but treats you right. You can find that combination, trust me. Who cares whether the other girls are jealous or not when they see you together? Is it worth a black eye just to make them feel jealous? I'll bet they wouldn't be so jealous if they knew how he treated you. An abusive relationship is NOT better than nothing. Being single, happy with yourself, and safe is far more preferable than being with someone who treats you like crap. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Reading your last post made me truly sad Kelly. I don't care how "cute" a guy is, or how jealous other girls are of you, NO guy is worth that abuse and damage to your self esteem. No, he is not forcing a gun to your head, but using physical and verbal force is STILL abuse. And no, being sweet and cute does not make up for the bad parts. Ever. When you feel that being in a bad relationship is better then being single, that is a clear sign that not only are you going to find yourself trapped in some awful relationships, it's also a big sign you need to work foremost on the relationship with YOURSELF. You should never ever ever be with someone because you can't be alone, or you NEED a relationship to define you. Link to comment
ff7fan Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Get rid of this guy before it gets worse, and it will get worse. Be careful how you do it though, you don't want to set him off. I'd make sure some other people were around and try to do it in a way that's not going to make him violent, although that might not be easy with this guy. Link to comment
KweenofDenyl Posted February 7, 2006 Share Posted February 7, 2006 many abusers are cute and good-looking and charming. Like Paul Bernardo, for instance. Girls thought Ted Bundy was very cute! And Charming! And how about Scott Petersen??? I wonder what Lacey would tell you to do... There's a reason there isn't a single post on here telling you it's ok to stay with him, that he won't always be like this. It is a proven fact that THIS is how it starts. If a guy gets angry because because you won't suck his * * * * and FORCES you to do it (and if you don't WANT to it's force), guess what hon? It's a friggin' felony!!! That's right. A FELONY. I wonder what those girls at your high school would think if they knew he is a sex offender? How cool would you be then? Link to comment
Morning_dew Posted February 8, 2006 Share Posted February 8, 2006 His behaviour is clearly abusive and not playfighting. Slapping ppl with a remote is NOT funny. That's sick behaviour. Get away from him now! There are great guys waiting for you! Link to comment
KellyWyndham Posted February 8, 2006 Author Share Posted February 8, 2006 Thanks so much for the help here. You're right about him. I decided I'd give him another chance this half term (when i have a week off school) so i can spend more time with him and really check him out. plus i wanted to be with someone for valentines day. he was ok for a day or two but i spoke to him just now and he said 'you could come round tomorrow if you bring ten pounds'. I said 'why would i need to bring ten pounds?' and geuss what he says? 'so i can get some weed, cos otherwise i'll be unbearable.' i got so angry and said 'fcuk that, don't ask me something like that'. he was like 'o...k', acting like i'm overeacting! so i hung up. that's right. on saturday he had no money to come over so i offered to pay £20 for a taxi. As a kind favour. how dare he think he can start using me for money? like i'll agree to take 3 trains to his so i can pay for him to get stoned and then give him head. i hate him. i'm so furious at his behaviour and offended he thought i'd tolerate it. but im so sad to think how much he's changed since i was first with him and how the guy i met has completely vanished. it was a very difficult step for me to reject him in this way cos to be honest i was tempted to ignore the statement and change the subject. hope i can keep this up. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Kelly, I say make sure you keep it broken off, you deserve better...I am proud of you for standing up for yourself. Okay, hanging up on him was not ideal, but ugh! Make sure he knows you are breaking it off (because I really hope you do!). Link to comment
DN Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 Good for you - stay strong and go no contact. Who needs a jerk like that! Don't weaken next time he calls. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now