update--she called...it wasnt good

[HurtDude]

Haven't spoken to my ex in 3 weeks. The last conversation we had ended like this: "i think you and i will be together in the future but for now i just want to date and stuff and not have a serious boyfriend. Anyways i have to run i dont know when i am going to call you but i know that ill call you"

 

3 weeks later...(today)

 

She calls....i pick up. We small talk for a bit about normal stuff. Then she tells me shes on her way to a guy named jacob...The way she said it though was her begging for me to ask her "whose jacob" but i didnt. So she saw i wasnt gonna ask so she goes "yeah he comes to see me all that time so im gonna go see him tonight"..i pretend to be unaffected and jusat shurgged it off and talked about other things..then she brings im up again "can you believe he already wants me to fly to meet his mother?Hes paying for it and everything... He must really like me!"

Again i just shrug it off...

 

then we change the subject and such and then she says she has to go and says "later babe"

 

the general tone of the convo was very..."im trying to make conversation/stuffing u with information about this new guy"

 

was she just trying to get a reaction out of me? Are things definitly over for good?

[SuzieB]

She seems like she is trying to get a reaction from you....it was eating her up that you werent asking her about him. Seems like she has ulterior motives to see how much you care.... I think that tellling you all about her "new" person is cruel, heartless, and insensitive. How would she like it if you went on and on about this gorgeous girl you were hooking up with every night? Hmmm? Take care! Sounds like she is playing an immature game.

[jl301]

She was definetly trying to get reaction out of you. She wanted hear you beg her to come back and that how much you have miss her. You should be really proud of yourself being so strong and not let her immature/ insecure emotions get to you. She is not worth of it! Can you say "NEXT"

[NR498E]

I cant believe she said that.That is just imature and all around mean.Screw her,you can do better.

[lost_status]

Pffft, sounds like she wants to get you jealous!!! Forget about it... you dont need that from anyone.

[Frangipani]

That's just mean and cruel. I have had the old, "I still think we have a future" thing but they are seeing someone else. It's just bull * * * *. Don't take that from her. I would do the no contact thing. I didn't speak to him for 5 weeks after he told me that things were 'getting serious' with her. Why tell me he wanted a future.

 

Right her off. The fact that she came out and put it in your face like that is just aweful.

[Darketernal]

What a horrible woman, i wouldn't want to be with a person like that to begin with. Your richer when you ditch her.

[HurtDude]

It was definitly a very mean thing to tell me. I am still trying to figure out the purpose..trying to get a reaction out of me to see if she can still have me?

 

Or very heartlessly letting me know we are definitly over...

[HurtDude]

God, as soon as I thought I was over this...i find a new picture on her website of her kissing her new guy.

 

And then the hurt started all over again.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

It is over. And someone who treats you like that...believe me, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

 

Do not contact her, she is an immature woman who you are better off without. Do you really want someone who thinks its a good idea to detail what shes up to with other guys?? She has no respect for you, herself, or for that matter "jacob".

[HurtDude]

Its on a thing called "the facebook" for college kids. And I was just browsing through my friends' list and I see that she deleted me..so i search for her and she comes up, and theres a picture of her and the new guy making out.

 

it wasn't like i was obessing about it or anything.

 

one of my best friends told me this was ALL ABOUT POWER. I told her about some of the things you guys said and she said she couldn't disagree more. "She definitly doesnt have feelings for you, but shes definitly still thinking about you and tring to get you jealous so you will ask her to come back and she can say no and have all the power"

 

She said if I ignore her, not only will that piss her off but that would make the guy she's with seem less attractive and she might come knocking on my door in a few months, in which case i slam it in her face.

 

Agree with that guys?

[merickso]

i agree with the last part about what will most likely happen if you ignore her... My girlfriend of 4 years (we broke up 1.5 years ago) started calling me again saying that she missed me and that the new guy was not as good as she thought he was ONLY after I didnt call her or contact her or return her calls for 2 weeks.

Ha.. i say all of this to you but I cant seem to say it to myself about my current ex!!

[Darketernal]

I wouldn't care what the situation was anymore and drop her like a brick. Running over your feelings like a train over railroad track asif it was nothing. Run away run away.

[LaZeRACED]

She's not worth it, not until she grows up. I believe people can change, but the change I'm used to takes along time, much longer than you should wait. Don't waste your energy on this cause. Do something to cheer yourself up, take a walk, workout, talk to a close friend. Whatever you do, think of the next woman that will put you as number 1 in her heart and in her dreams. You've got one life to live champ, don't settle for anything less than what feels best to you. Your inner voice was right, we're here just to confirm it.

[HurtDude]

I'm not really trying to ellicit pity or attention or anything like that by posting here. Any comments are appreciated and welcomed. But more han anything this is me trying to get my feelings and thoughts out to a place wher ei know they are heard...rather than a diary or journal where no one will read them.

 

I know that in any breakup there will be periods of "wow i dont need her at all there's so much to look forward to in life I'm only 19"

 

and then there are periods like right now...."I feel so alone, they could hold a parade in my name and everyone of my friends could call me at the same time within the next hour, but I would still feel so alone in this world"

 

Highs and Lows.

 

I'm trying my best to get on wit it, to dabble in every day life's tragedies. I go back to school tomorrow, I go back to a place where I have no friends...my only friend was her. She kept me going through that place and now its biting me in the * * *, I should not have relied on someone so much to get me through something because now I have to get through it on my own.

 

I know she is no good. I know I am attractive. I know she cheated on me and that alone should have been the end of things. Its easy to think that way at times. But its not easy right now, to picture and remember the countless hours we spent talking to each other on the phone. How she told me it was because of me that she knew she never really loved her first boyfriend, that I upped the standard of what love is.

 

1 week after she told me she no longer loved me she was already seeing someone else.

 

And I hate all these games she plays. Well actually, no i dont. I love the fct that she's playing games because it means she still has feelings for me and is trying to ellicit responses. She knows I'm impulsive and even though I haven't intiated contact with her for the past month, she knows that I might break.

 

Is it wrong for me to think "That new guy is just a rebound and she'll be done with him sooner than she was with me"?

 

Is it wrong for me to assume she is still thinking about me?

 

Is it wrong for me to think that almost every move she makes is catered towards trying to make jealous?

 

Or is it that I'd rather not face the truth...is the truth: SHE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU, AND YOU'RE NOTHING BUT A GUY SHE DATED FOR A LITTLE WHILE AND SHE ISNT DOING THAT STUFF TO ANNOY YOU, SHES DOING THAT STUFF BECAUSE SHE FORGOT ABOUT YOU.

 

I don't know, but moving on would be so much easier if I knew she was just as bent on what happeneed between us as I am.

[fishrrshortae]

Yes it seems like she totally wants to get a response from you. She sounds like .. well, I am nice so I won't say it Yeah I definitely think she is still thinking about you, to some degree.

 

Now, don't go getting your hopes up. It's not good attention she's giving you ... And obviously she's trying to use this other fellow for some comfort or something. Although you are the one hurt right now, you will be vindicated in the end when you find someone else who will love and care for you.

 

And until then, find a girl friend to volunteer to be your Facebook girlfriend I'm on facebook, and just to get one back at her, I'll volunteer for ya!! LOL hehehe sorry

[HurtDude]

Haha be my facebook girlfriend that would be fricken awesome..lol

[fishrrshortae]

lol PM me about ths one

[ginger25]

I agree, what she's done is so pathetic!! I know you won't feel like it, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but she has done you a big favour!

[Nathalie1970]

hurtdude,

 

She is so trying to get you to ask for her back. She can't respect you or your feelings if she is telling you about "Jacob". If she cared for you then she wouldn't try to hurt you by telling you. She sounds like she wants drama, don't fall into that trap.

 

Another thing, you are only 19, there are so many more fish in the sea - GO FISHING.....There is someone out there that won't want to hurt you and love you no matter what.

 

Chin up

 

Nathalie

[HurtDude]

Again, I appreciate all the comments. It helps to READ about my situation rather than to torture myself with just my thoughts. I assure you, for those of you who care enough, that I am heeding the advice meaning that I am trying not to think about her, shes no longer at the forefront of my thought but rather more like an afterthought.

 

My plane leaves in an hour back to college. I am going back to place that is painted with her name, not becasuse she goes there but because my schedual there revolved around her and when I would talk to her. It is going to be tough but I can do it, and school is more important anyways.

 

She hasn't contacted me since that phone conversation, and i am still deleted from facebook and her account says "In a Relationship" followed by a picture of her and the new guy making out.

 

Maybe this is completely off the mark but, she met him only a week after things ended with me, isn't that a bit soon for her? I pity him, hes going to have to go through "I'm confused" conversations with her. During those confused states is when I'll be the most vunerable because she may call me...I've decided I just can't pick the phone up anymore for her. I am going to wait a minimum of 4 months before I do.

 

Call me crazy but I hope that this new relationship of hers ends just as suddenly and swiftly as it started, not so I can get her back but so that she can see what she lost.

 

My biggest fear is not that she wont return, I couldn't care less about that. What hurts the most is the possibility that she doesn't even give a thought to me. I'd rather hate me...than be moved on because that why i'll still be on her mind.

[Nathalie1970]

Listen to the Keith Urban song "You'll think of me"....I actually have some of the quotes as my signature (It helps me)....just know that if she had any feelings for you, she will always think of you. It's not crazy - all of us want what you want - the ex to come running back and we turn them down.

[Nathalie1970]

By the way - Good luck at school

[justplainhurt]

Since she met him only a week after you guys broke up, it's obviously a rebound relationship. Those hardly ever work out. I think she's still thinking about you, otherwise she wouldn't have called you the other day. And good for you for not giving in to her "games". I can't believe how disrespectful she is being towards you...telling you about "Jacob". That's just hurtful. You are better than that. Continue being strong. You will move on from this, and realize she did you a favor. Do you really want to be with someone who is doing all these hurtful things to you? NO, YOU DON'T!! It may take time for you to realize this, but trust me you will!

[HurtDude]

I appreciate the advice. And believe me I am taking it. I am letting her go.

 

At the airport today, I stood in the spot where we first met, and where we had our first kiss. I stood there for two minutes reenacting everything that happened at that very happy moment in my life. Then I realized people were looking at me so I had to stop.

 

I'm in my college dorm now, I havent been here since the disaster. As soon as I walked in, the first thing I noticed was a thank you card she sent me..inside was a poem she wrote for me saying "Thank you for making me realize that all the tears I cried for him were for nothing, you're the one I've been looking for so thank you, for making my heart whole again"

 

I read this now, knowing that im only picking at the scab of the wound rather than letting it just be. But we humans are very saddistic creatures. The pain makes us feel....alive.

 

But sometimes I wish I could have that feeling back with her, that feeling like I was on top of the world.

 

I hope she thinks about me as much as I think about her.