They broke-up.... now WHAT do I do?!?

[loveisallyouneed]

Hello,

I will try to make this description as short as possible:

 

Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me in May 2005. Not even a week later she was with someone else. The break-up was nasty. I was a controlling boyfriend, and I guess eventually she had enough of me. After it happened, I gave her all her space for months. I wrote her a letter in August, saying that whatever happened, I would still always love her and she'd always be the only person in my life. She emailed me back telling me to never contact her again and how happy she was with her new bf. I stayed away. Early December I added her on my msn, and she was more cool about talking. However, you must understand she has a very mean personality. Even though she knows how much I did for her, and that when we were together I completely lived for her, she did not spare me a single second from telling me how much happier she was with the new person, and how I couldn't compare to him... she went on to throw it in my face how much better he is at EVERYTHING (use ur imagination here). During our talks in December I was being really nice and reserved. I told her numerous times I was simply trying to regain her friendship back, and numerous times she would just remind me that she HATES me and always will. Yet, we kept talking...

Early January she started calling me on the phone, and we would talk..... still, she kept insisting we were not friends. She was having some issues with her bf. One week ago she calls me and tells me it's over between them. She completely starts trashtalking him, telling me how he would never call her when she got sick, and gave her little attention.

You must also understand, this girl craves attention like no one else. When she left me in May, if there was one thing I knew was that although she could find someone less controlling, she would never find a guy that would put her first as much as I did. And it turns out that's exactly what happened....

 

Now here's the current situation:

 

She called me a week ago (Sunday), a day after they broke up. She said maybe we could go see a movie sometime, and that "maybe" we could go to being friends. The movie was her suggestion by the way. Monday she told me she was gonna block me and never talk to me again. Tuesday we were talking again. The few days that followed, I didn't hear from her at all. Then Friday she contacted me again, saying that she was going out on 2 dates that night, but that she was going to check her schedule and see if we could go out another day. She called me Saturday morning, supposedly for us to go out that night, but I missed her call and she made other plans. Then Sunday I talked to her again, and she said she was so happy because she was getting her stuff back from him on Monday.

Later on Sunday I talk to her again and she's telling me how she is not over him, although she realizes she deserves better than him. I reassure her that she does in fact deserve better than a guy who doesn't even call when she is sick. She tells me she is not going back with him nor me. Then again, you must understand this is a person who rarely means what she says. She often says things to make people angry/jealous/happy, etc... in order to get what wants (whatever that is). Still, I love this girl. I am worried about what will happen today when he comes to drop her things off. While she has said it's over for good between them, she also says she's not over him... what do you make of this???

 

I REALLY need some advice on how to proceed. I want this girl back and I will do anything in the World to have her back. What should I make of this whole situation? How should I go about reapproximating myself to her? How do I prove that IF we were to get back together, I wouldn't be controlling anymore?

 

Here are some things to note...

 

She is not the kind of person that tolerates being alone for too long. Although it would be great to just sit here and wait, I feel like I CAN NOT possibly ruin or let pass this opportunity to get close to her again. Supposedly she already has some other guys interested in her...

 

It turns out that throughout all these months we've been broken up, she has kept up to date with my life by going into my many different email accounts almost religiously. Can she really have lost all interest in me?

 

I also don't feel like I should be discouraged by her saying she's not getting back together with me. This girl has a proven trackrecord of not meaning the things she says. For example, saying she HATES me and all these other nasty things, all the while calling me on the phone to talk about her problems, talking about going to a movie, etc. Many other things too...

 

 

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE give me some advice on how to proceed with this situation in order to win her back!

 

 

Thank you!

[princess81]

You have got to come to realize that you deserve better than this becasue she is playing so many games with you and you are aware of this because you said it you talked about her ways and she is using them on you I am sorry this is just my opinion you should always do as you feel but just find your worth because you are so much more worth than this.

[DN]

I agree - she is playing games with you. Checking her schedule!! I mean, come on!! Who is she - Paris Hilton? Not to make light of it when you really want her but you need a reality check here before you get really hurt.

 

Move on from her and find someone who doesn't play games.

[Lady Bugg]

Ok....

 

Are you SERIOUS?? If you're serious about wanting this girl back...then I am sad to say it is YOU with the issues.

 

Re read your post..or have someone else read it to you, as if they are asking you for the advice.

 

It sounds asinine to want to go back to someone who plays games, lies, manipulates, schemes..and who ISN'T even NICE about it!!!!

Is this woman bi polar?

 

If you want your life to be full of drama, craziness, lies, deceit..and if you want a couple of ulcers...by ALL means, call her and beg for another chance!!

 

Otherwise, change you phone number, block her email, IM..whatever...

and tell her to move on!!

[healinginnyc81]

I have to agree with mouse potato, she is going to use you until someone else comes along and you will be hurting even more.

 

You do not need this girl. You need to love yourself. Please try to see that there are much better options for you in life than being with this girl.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I agree with everyone else. The best thing you can do for yourself is to forget about her and move on. The thing I've noticed time and time again in your post is how plainly she's treated you like her second prize, her backup to fall back on if things don't work out. How much do you want to be second (third, forth?) place? What will happen if she meets someone she thinks is better than you?

 

She has issues and no one can help her fix them other than herself. She's already walked all over you and is continuing to. Why would you want to let this continue to happen. Drop all contact with her and never talk to her again. In time you'll find someone who will appreciate you for you.

[RayKay]

Now, why would you devalue yourself enough to get back together with someone whom is manipulative and cruel, breaks into your email accounts, wants to be with you only as she cannot stand being alone and not because she actually wants YOU, whom enjoys playing games on you, saying horrible things to you.

 

Your are her fallback person, whom wants to be a fallback? All that does is make you a doormat.

 

Sorry, but drama does not equal love. You need to learn you deserve better, this girl is only going to continue to run you through the wringer.

[loveisallyouneed]

Thanks for your comments... although I am a little surprised, as I thought the purpose of this section was to get/give advice on getting back together, and not letting go... hehehe...

 

In fact, I have been told time and time again by my friends that I'm nuts to want her back, and that I deserve better. But something about that advice seems so...I don't know... self-serving in a way. What I mean is, to think that her friends were probably giving her the exact same advice, "Oh, you deserve better" when she broke up with me, makes me feel like it's nothing but self-serving remarks to make myself feel better. In other words, a lie you tell yourself to help you move on...

 

So I guess the question would be... how can I possibly want her back?!

 

Well... we were together for 2 years.... despite the strong emotional bond created during that time, you also really come to understand and appreciate a person for all the flaws of character that make them an individual. I love this girl. And it is the very fact that I DO see how mean, cruel, manipulative she can be, that I'm afraid she won't ever find what she wants, and will never be truly happy. I feel like no one will ever be able to see her and understand her like I do. In other words, I feel like I'm the only one who will be able to see through these things and still love her.

 

With that in mind... what can I do in the present situation?

[Lady Bugg]

Love...It is noble of you to be so caring of your friend, but the reality is...there is NOTHING you can do to help this girl. You're not a saviour..and she doesn't seem to want to be "saved". Chances are she has NO idea she is even like this.

 

Worry about something you can change..and that is YOU. Ask yourself HY you feel like you need to be accepted by someone who is so unworthy of you??

 

Why don't you think you deserve better? THAT is the question you should be asking. This woman does NOT deserve you. She has far too many issues of her own to appreciate anything you have to offer her.

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. Just like you can't win someone back who doesn't want to come back. No one's questioning that you love this woman, it's obvious.

 

Let's, for a moment, completely forget everything bad about her. She's just an ex who talks to you every once and a while. Until she ASKS you if you'd like to get back together again you're doing nothing but spinning your wheels and kidding yourself. While you're doing that you might be blind to the fact that there are other women out there who would be better for you and not treat you this way.

 

I know you want her back, I completely understand that. I was like you a year ago, I would have moved heaven and earth if it would have gotten me my ex back. After I went NC I came to realize that she wasn't all that great, she was only human. I realized that I didn't need her to make me happy. That all happened after I stopped talking to her, stopped letting her lead me on, giving me false hope.

 

To steal from Mun.

 

be careful not to stare too long at the closed door or you will miss the one that has just opened up before you....

[loveisallyouneed]

I appreciate all the comments...

 

I just got back from lunch with her. She didn't ask me out for lunch, but she pretty much sent me a txt msg giving me an opening to ask her when she txt me saying she was hungry. So I asked her if she wanted to go, and she immediately agreed. So we went to lunch at a restaurant nearby... it was tense, but fun... we had a pretty civilized conversation... we were being friendly, making jokes and laughing, etc. Eventually we got to talking about her new ex. She told me how she always drove him everywhere, and always had to pay for things. She told me about the crappy Christmas gifts she got, etc. So I asked her why it'd be so hard to get over him seeing as with me she got over no problem. Then she confessed it took her 4 months to get over me.

More interestingly however is how she told her mother and sister that she was going out to lunch with one of her girlfriends, because they couldn't know that she was talking to me, because they hate me (i guess for my being controlling in the past) and think I'm creepy (for sending her the letter and stuff months ago, i guess). When she told me that, things kind of turned. The smile quickly ran off my face, which she noticed... and then she said... "well, that's what they think... not me". Yet she went on to repeat later how we're never getting back together. She reminded me of my controlling ways, and sort of made fun of me by throwing in my face doing some of the things I wouldn't want her doing when we were together, etc.

 

So this is what I make... this girl is the kind to be extremelly influenced by her friends and family. It looks like they've prohibited her from having any contact with me for some reason. And yet, the very fact that she does anyways tell me she doesn't share their feelings about me. Unfortunately I find it extremelly hard that she would ever listen to herself over her friends/family. Which is really sad. And what I've concluded is that she seems to want to be my friend, and yet she has to keep acting like she hates me sort of thing.

 

I don't know... I appreciate everyone's comments, but I really see most of her actions as just a loud cry for attention. And I want to be here for her when she falls flat on her face for all her mistakes and whatnot. And If I have no strategy to get her back, then my strategy will be to wait her for her and be there for her, until one day she realizes who is the one guy who actually cares about her. I want to stay devoted to the one girl I promised to love forever. Is that so bad?

 

Before we went to lunch she told me I was paying for it in a sort of joking way. Whatever... I was gonna pay anyways. We both knew it...

[Big Jim]

Man i dont know what to say. You are either completely absolutely crazy in love with this girl, or just completely absolutley crazy. lol. The fact that you still feel this way is very noble, you definitely unconditionally care about her, but you need to think of yourself once in a while.

I do see where you are coming from, myself being with people that my friends cant understand how i take their actions, i know how oyu feel when you say you know the person, and with that all their faults and only you understand that. I also know how hard it is to be with someone who says stuff just to get to you, but does not mean a word of it. However, she is walking all over you and you have to make a choice. Either go on being her second choice and getting crushed every now and then, or pick up the pieces, give yourself time to work on yourself, and you will find some girl that would go to the extent to ask complete strangers on the internet for advice, because she is that much into you. You deserve to have someone as in to you as you obvisously are to her.

[RayKay]

I don't know... I appreciate everyone's comments, but I really see most of her actions as just a loud cry for attention. And I want to be here for her when she falls flat on her face for all her mistakes and whatnot. And If I have no strategy to get her back, then my strategy will be to wait her for her and be there for her, until one day she realizes who is the one guy who actually cares about her. I want to stay devoted to the one girl I promised to love forever. Is that so bad?

 

 

That just tells me that she also is just using you for attention, even if she fell "flat on her face" she would only be using you again to boost her back up.

 

You can do what you want, I think you will anyway, but the truth is waiting is only going to hurt you in the end. Staying devoted to someone whom has made it VERY clear they are not going to stay devoted to you and does not want you back is just being a doormat really.

 

Loving someone does not make them love you back, you can wait for her, love her all you want, but that will not mean that she will come back, no matter how far she falls. When someone says they "don't want to be with you", it really does not mean "I want to be with you in the future". It means "they don't want to be with you".

 

Sorry, but you really are settling for less then you deserve - you really should expect someone to love you completely for whom you are as you are NOW, not to come back just because they are feeling like a dog with it's tail between it's legs. You are not setting yourself up for a very healthy, loving relationship.

 

There are so many amazing women out there whom are not mean, cruel and manipulative. Of course you won't find them by hanging on to someone whom does not deserve or want you and has way too many issues to be able to be a healthy partner.

[calgaryguy]

There are so many amazing women out there whom are not mean, cruel and manipulative. Of course you won't find them by hanging on to someone whom does not deserve or want you and has way too many issues to be able to be a healthy partner.

 

 

Exactly what I was going to say

[DN]

I too agree with RayKay. I feel the same reading your post as I would if I saw somebody about to walk into a raging fire and there was nothing I could do to stop him or to convince him he was going to be consumed by it

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

She's using you for attention man. Leading you on then taking away, mood swings, etc. You're confusing it with a cry for help though. She's playing games with you and always will as long AS YOU LET HER.

 

You seem set on your path though. Like I said before, you can't save someone who doesn't want to save themselves. You don't want to save yourself. You're only going to get more hurt in the end and put your life on hold indefinitely as long as you let her pull your strings.

[loveisallyouneed]

Why do girls enjoy treating guys like this?? I'm still to know one guy that has manipulated a girl that way (although I don't deny many guys will manipulate girls for sex). But why do girls manipulate guys for mere intention if they have absolutely NO intention, as you guys say, of EVER getting back together. I know you guys will say it's because I let her. But even if I didn't, her intention to do so would still be there... so what gives? anyways...

 

It doesn't make sense.... the fact that she still calls on me, has to mean there is a tiny chance out there however slight... after all we went out for 2 years, and besides my being controlling, I treated this girl like a QUEEN and a half.

 

It's true, she has said we're not getting back together. But like I said before, and I think you guys get the picture... this girl says ALOT of things she doesn't mean.

It seems pretty obvious that she knows I'm somewhat hopeful for a possible future together. I haven't made any advances whatsoever in that direction, other than occasionally giving her a subtle reminder of everything i did for her in the past which her new bf never did... I've been completely playing the friends card though, listening to her, and telling her what I think of things. Though I'm not gonna act like I don't want her back either... I'm being reserved, let's put it this way. And when she notices the slightest hint that I still like her, which I'm sure she knows, she puts a huge smile on her face as she tells me we're not getting back together. She clearly gets a major kick out of seeing I still like her... why is that, if she seriously wants absolutely nothing to do with me ever again....??

 

I mean, today I was the happiest I've been in months. Just to have her by my side again while we drove to the restaurant, and then laughing and joking like we used to... just for a moment forgetting we're not together... just for a moment forgetting she is probably just using me...

 

I hope none of you get upset or frustrated with me over this... I know what I should be doing... I know the right and reasonable thing would be to forget her completely, like you all say.... but since when has the heart ever listened to reason...

I hope to keep hearing from all... thanks!

[Lonelyinasmalltown]

I don't know why she keeps treating you this way. I have my suspitions but that's it. From everything you told me she wants to keep you in reserve, a backup in case things don't go well with her other relationships. The funny part is that if you went NC, you'd probably have a BETTER chance of getting her back. That way she'd know she's losing you for good. With you around all the time now, she knows she doesn't have to try at all, you're perfectly happy to make excuses for her.

 

I'm not saying that NC will get her back, in all likelyness, it won't. But it will give you the distance to see how much she's manipulating and using you. After a couple of months of NC, getting back with her might be that LAST thing you'll ever want to do.

 

You sound like a nice guy, sort of like me at your age. I used to be a controling boyfriend too, it took my fiance at the time to leave me to show my what I was. At least my ex-fiance had the descency to stay away from me to let me heal though.

 

A wound will never heal if you keep picking at it.

[NJRon]

I want to stay devoted to the one girl I promised to love forever. Is that so bad?

 

Being a martyr is not all it's cracked up to be...

[sucker4ya]

I want to stay devoted to the one girl I promised to love forever. Is that so bad?

 

 

That is exactly how I feel about my ex. I promised him I would always love him and always be there for him...and while he may have not meant it, I did...and I don't know how to let it go. It isn't bad to feel that way...but I guess you can only restrict yourself for so long. It has been 4 months for me, and I am nowhere near ready to let him go...he's happy with another girl and we don't even speak anymore, but I still love him and pray every night that we will get back together. But I know there will come a point where I will have to tuck that promise away in a part of my heart that will always belong to him...and see if I can find someone else to share the rest of my heart with. I just keep hoping he comes back before that happens...

 

Good luck to you! I would kill to be in your position.

[loveisallyouneed]

Well... a lot has happened in the situation since my last post. Where it leaves me...? I don't really know. I'm more confused than I've ever been. But I thought I'd share it here anyways...

 

Well... that movie date that I was talking about actually happened. She sort of held out until the last minute, but then on Tuesday morning I talked to her and she said we could go. So we went that same Tuesday. I picked her up at 2 and we were supposed to go to the 4:00 showing in this theater at a nearby town. At first I was little disappointed, cause I figured she wanted to go early to just get it over with and go back home. But it actually turned out to my advantage. So I picked her up at 2, we went for lunch (her treat this time), then to the movie at 4. There was a 40 minute drive to the theater which gave us time to talk more. At the beginning of this date I felt it was really going nowhere. Why? Because she was so cold and distant. From the time we went for lunch to about half hour after we left the movie theater, I thought for sure nothing would come of it and that she really just wanted to come for the movie since it'd be free for her, and she wanted to see this movie that was only playing in another town, etc. What I mean by cold and distant? Well... there's a level at which you treat your friends, and she was treating me at just about one or two notches bellow that level. She would appear as if she was there doing me a favour, as if she wasn't really enjoying herself all that much... and whenever she had the chance, she'd try to stick it to me with some mean remark.

 

So, needless to say that as we left the movie theatre I felt like the whole thing was a disaster... that she was really never going to come back to me... but then.... things slowly turned. We left the movie theater, and as I started driving I thought for sure she was gonna tell me to drive her home right away. But to my amazement, she suggested we go somewhere else since it was still so early (around 6 by this time). So I happily agreed. I started driving back in the direction of our hometown, and as we passed by our local mall, she suggested we went in for ice cream at Dairy Queen. So we did. We had ice cream and talked. That's when she started warming up more to me, as I said things to make her laugh, and talked sincerely about trust and friendship with her, etc. I think what really got her to ease up on me was when I indulged her into a litte gossiping, which I hate to do, but she just loves! After this, we walked around the mall for a bit. She looked at some clothes for herself, and took me to the store where she bought her new ex his Christmas present. It hurt to listen to her talk about him, but I figured it's the price I had to pay if I wanted any chance at getting back with her. At this point it was about 8, and her mother called. Like she did the other day, she told her mother she was out with one of her girl friends at the mall. She also told her she'd be home soon. So when I heard that I thought. Well, that's it! That's about as much (or as little) progress as I will make today (which was better prospect than what I had a couple of hours before). I figured she'd ask me to drive her home at that point, but to my amazement when I asked her, she suggested we went somewhere else. So I suggested a bunch of things we could do. From bowling to mini-golfing, a bunch of things I could think of. She turned down all the ideas.... so... I just kept driving. I kept driving until we reached another mall at a different town. She likes malls, and I figured that was the last thing I could offer her at that time anyways. I parked the car and asked her if she wanted to go inside. To my surprise, she responded..."Well... we can just stay in the car and talk if you want." I couldn't believe her words..... I liked where this was going.

 

So, not to make things too tense, I put some music on that she likes, etc. I started talking to her about my work situation, and about this boss I had, and how when he got canned he called me and left this really nice message on my voicemail to tell me we weren't gonna be seeing each other anymore. That got me to telling her how I still had all her voice messages saved from when we used to go out. She got a kick out of that, and wanted to listen to them. So I gave her my celphone and we sort of listened to the messages together as she enjoyed herself laughing. There were some 30 messages or so, and somewhere between the first and last one, I found myself getting closer to her (as I was trying to listen to them as well). At one point, I realized that my face wasn't much farther than 3 inches from hers, and that whether or not she realized it, she let me get closer than she ever had since we started talking again. She was sorta zoned out as she listened to the messages. But as she finished, she put down the phone, and, for a moment, everything went quiet. We just looked into each other's eyes for a second... I remembered that look (how could I ever forget that look). It was the look of someone who is ready to be kissed, and wants it.... I slowly got even closer, and then, just as I went for the kiss, she quietly and slowly shook her head once.

 

I respected her subtle signal. For a good 20 seconds right after we just looked around awkwardly. And then, she started crying. I passed her a tissue and asked her what was wrong. And in a moment of, what seemed to me to be utter sincerity, she revealed, "I don't know what to do".

She said she wasn't ready for a relationship just yet. Which surprised me, because she usually wouldn't be able to stand being alone. I told her not to cry... that she had absolutely nothing to fear, because no matter what happened, I would always be there by her side. And then I gave her a long big hug and a kiss on the cheek, which I think she really appreciated. She said she doesn't think we could go back together, because I would never forgive her for the things she did with the new guy. I told her that just as she had changed, I had also. And after having to put up with the pain of not having her for 8 or so months, I had grown and matured more, to be able to deal with these things. I was being sincere, and I think she believed me.

I told her that if one day she would give me a second chance, I would make sure not one day would go by that she'd question or regret her decision. I really didn't wanna push her, maybe for fear of hearing something I wouldn't like, so I left it at that. I also felt like taking the opportunity, and I keep thinking maybe If I had been a little more forward at that moment, I would been able to get more from her. But it didn't seem right. It felt like If I did try to push her to come back to me, I would be taking advantage of her fragile state or something. I don't know... you guys can give me your thoughts...

 

After that, I drove her home. The drive home was a breeze. As if a huge and heavy mask had been lifted from both of our faces. I mean, she always knew my intentions, but now hers were sort of exposed too (at least more than they were a day before... To me, there was this huge sense of accomplisment, although I hadn't really accomplished anything yet. It was weird. There was this feeling that although we are not back together yet, we are acting as if we already are...sorta. SHE gave ME an unexpected kiss on the cheek before she got out of the car.

 

One thing she said to me that night as I drove her back home really struck me though. She told me how much she was hurt because she had put so much into this relationship with this guy and now it was all gone, all lost. I asked her if she really loved him, and she answered yes...she said that after you do so much for someone, like she had for him, you really come to love someone, and to feel as if loosing that person means loosing all the effort you put into them. A huge epiphany set on both of us at the exact moment she said that. She, for one, realized that that's exactly how I must have felt after she broke up with me. After all, she was now living the EXACT same role for this guy, that I lived for her for 2 years. She was driving him everywhere, paying for everything, doing all the calling, etc.

My epiphany was different. I realized that I did so much for this girl, that she never got the chance to do anything for me. And it is no wonder that after 2 years together, she could walk out of it so easily, while I was left suffering the huge loss of everything I put into it.

 

If nothing else, I think she is finally coming to realize how much I did for her, and how I felt after she left me. I think she is torn because it seems like she knows how much I did for her that this guy never has. I think she knows who she should be with...

 

Any thoughts...?

[DN]

Well, I wish you the very best but have to advise you to proceed with extreme caution and guard your heart very carefully.

[lally]

Hey

I read your story and couldn't take in the awful game this ghastly girl has been playing with your head. Give her the flick - before she sends you mad!

You seem a nice guy, get yourself a real person, who actually cares for you and how you feel.

Truly, you deserve so much more, and she will continue to behave this way and tie you in knots. NO WAY DOES SHE GIVE A TOSS ABOUT U!!

Be brave, and I want to see a story about the lovely new gf you meet - and SOON>

[loveisallyouneed]

Oh God...

This girl is really playing with my head now. Okay... so I took her out for coffee early this morning. She wanted to talk about the things each of us did when we were broken up. Well... it was mostly her wanting to know the things I did, since she had already made sure to rub it in my face numerous times before that she was very sexually active with her new bf.

It was sort of ironic that she'd want to know the things I did, especially seeing as I only went out with one girl during the 9 months we weren't talking, and I never had sex with her although I had the opportunity to.

 

So... once again I renewed my promises to her. Told her that I had changed and that things would be different. Told her that I'd always be there for her, and that I'd give her everything she wants from a relationship. Told her she had nothing to lose by giving me a second chance.

And then, just like the other day... she looked at me like she wanted me to kiss her. And this time I did... I gave her a soft, gentle kiss that lasted about 8 seconds. And then she sorta slowly pushed me away again.

 

Then we continued talking. She was cold and distant when I first picked her up, but by the time I kissed her (about 2 hours later) she was a bit better. A bit. Then after I kissed her I felt really close to her again. I showed her this diary/poems I had kept from the time she broke-up with me and I was trying to deal with it by writing. I leaned my head on her shoulder a little, as she voraciously went through it all. She didn't say anything. She just sat there reading through it. Then, when she was done she told me to take her home. Like I had done something wrong. I asked her if she was sure. If she didn't want to stay with me a little more, considering I had skipped my morning lecture at school to see her in the morning, and leaving now would make it just a waste of time. She agreed to stay a while more, but said she had to pick something up at home first. So I drove her home. On the drive home, she kept talking about how "sometimes people are just better off being friends"... while I kept trying to convince her why we should be together, or why she should at least give me a chance to prove I've changed. When I pulled up into her driveway, she said "I'll talk to you later! Bye!", and left. Didn't give me a chance to say anything. You should've seen... what she did was just bizarre! She just left.

I went crazy. I didn't go after her or anything. I left. But I was just going crazy! I thought for sure I blew it all! I didn't know what I had done wrong, but I felt like that was it... that kiss was my parting gift and she was never gonna see me or talk to me again!.... It was the most horrible feeling! It's like she had pulled me all the way back up from the abyss after I was already bruised from a huge fall, and then from the very top just let me drop again straight to the bottom!

I couldn't believe it... my day was pretty much ruined. I didn't even want to go back to school for my other classes. But I went anyways, as i figured it was better to take my mind away a little bit or I'd do something stupid like contacting her right away. But I didnt have to. On my way to school, about a half hour after I dropped her off, she calls me and starts talking like nothing happened. Like she never left the car acting like I had blew all my chances.

 

I told her how much it hurt me the games she was playing with me. I asked her why she left that way, to which she said that "I was already getting too attached to her"...

When I asked her why she keeps playing games with my feelings, and doing mean and cruel things, she gave me an answer which was surprisingly honest. She said, "Because I can. Because you'll take it.... I'm trying out my limits.... to see how far I can go before you'll say no."

 

I do see what's going on here. But I really don't know what to do. No, I'm not just gonna walk out from this now. I've waited 9 months just for this opportunity, I want to at least go all the way with it. But what do I do?! I mean, clearly she's messing with me... but what does it all mean??! She kissed me... she's said before (in one of her nicer moments) that eventually we'd probably get back together... can these things mean absolutely nothing???

I realize that I should put a stop to her games. That I should say that "NO!". But it's so hard.... it's like I have really no cards to play with. She knows I'll do anything, and she knows I don't wanna blow my chances with her. She's got the upper hand... way up. And I've got nothing to play it. Sure, i could risk my luck and put a stop to this emotional abuse she's putting me through. But then... what if I blow any chances I might have with her.....

 

WHAT DO I DO NOW?!?!?!?!

[NJRon]

You have a choice...

 

1. Say no, move on, be happy.

 

2. Live this pathetic shell of a life where your every thought and emotion is controlled by the whim of some b*tch goddess who laughs maniacally with strings dangling from her fingers.

 

She has told you EXACTLY what her intentions are and you are just going to punish yourself. If she said that she was planning on luring you into the house so she can shoot you, skin you and make handbags out of you to sell on eBay, would you do it? Well, you're doing it right now.

 

There is no 'luck' to risk. there is no luck in this at all. She is getting a head trip out of controlling you to build her self-esteem again and she will just go to some other guy next and keep mucking with you as long as you allow it. She's a vampire!