Ex played with me again ...

[The door mat]

well some of you know me and for those of you who dont I was with my ex for 5 years we started seeing eachother again and he didnt want to make anything official .. typical guys who want his cake and side dish.. anyway we were doing pretty good up until a week ago he went out and got a brand new BMW now he thinks hes a chick magnet, well he stopped calling me and he usually calls me everyday. So i thought I would give him a call to se how he was well he never picked up the phone and never called me back so now its been a week that we have not talked and i know that a week is not a long time but for him it is. well i found out that hehis seeing this new girl. I just cant take his games anymore he waits until i can handel the fact that we are not together then he pulls me back in for a little while until he finds something and now Im back to the curb.. I am so in love with him so it hurts really bad and i get reall depressed. I dont know how to handel everything. what do i say or do when he calls. I want to remain friends but I dont want to keep being his toy. he has told his mom that i am the best relationship he has ever had and he will always love me. So sometimes he relizes but he still wants to see whats out there but also keep me close just in case. i cant be the just incase anymore I have spent WAY too much time being depressed over him. How do i get out of this depression? how do i make myself stronger towards him? Im stuck under a hard heavy rock i feel like i cant move and my life is going now where.. some one please yave so kind advice or cment for me.....

[RayKay]

Well, you already know what his pattern is. You already know he is using you. You are not changing what you are doing though. As Dr. Phil would say..."how's that working for you?". Pretty badly, isn't it? No one can change what you are doing, but you. No one here can come over there and heal your heart, or get your ex back, or solve it all for you.

 

You need to make a choice here....continue being "used" and feeling this way, and preventing yourself from moving on and healing. Or make a choice, realize being friends at this point is only hurting you, that his actions and words are only causing you pain, that you need to move on for YOU and take steps to do that.

 

People can't use you unless you let them.

[BellaDonna]

I think you need to cut him out of your life completely. He is a destructive force. If you continue to remain friends, you'll never truly heal.

 

he has told his mom that i am the best relationship he has ever had and he will always love me. So sometimes he relizes but he still wants to see whats out there but also keep me close just in case.

 

Don't hold on to this. Sometimes is not enough.

 

You can end this unhealthy cycle for good if you do not take him back the next time he feels like it's covenient for him to have you in his life again.

 

what do i say or do when he calls

 

Tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore, and not to call again.

 

BellaDonna

[Ms Omaniac]

i agree with the others.

he wouldnt have this control over you if you didnt give it to him in the first place. you want him to stop treating you like a doormat? then stop being one.

dont be there for him when he calls. move on with your life without him in it.

the best revenge is living well. and it's very very very true.

[The door mat]

I also would like to add that he does not know that i know he is seeing someone else so when and if he does call me then he will act like nothing has ever happened?

[bouldersweden]

Let him go. Even in the world of guys he's an * * *. If he were a real man he would have made it clear what his intentions were with getting back together and would have made sure that those are your intentions as well. But he's not and he didn't so don't give him another thought. If this guy gets a new car and totally forgets about other people he needs a serious gut check. He may find out that he has none. I would drop him. Friends doens't cut it. If one of my frineds ditched me because they got a new car I wouldn't bother with them again, especially if they had a history. So, I say no calls, no replies, no tears. Find a some volinteer work to fill your time, workout, make sure you're going in life where you want to go... whatever relieves the pressure. And try to forget that this guy exists as soon as you can.

[kellbell]

"I also would like to add that he does not know that i know he is seeing someone else so when and if he does call me then he will act like nothing has ever happened?"

 

This is case and point of why NC is very important. So there is no question or worry on how you should act or say. Why waste all that energy worrying about those kinds of things when you could be using it towards healing and being with someone whom wants to be with you?

 

I totally agree with the ladies here, you are his toy because you LET him. People will use you if let it happen. You have the power to end this. Don't answer his calls. Do not even tell him you are going into NC, just do it. I am so sorry things did not work out for you and your ex is being a jerk but as the old trite expression goes, everything happens for a reason. Take good care of yourself, ok? Get a facial, pedicure, massage.

[Darketernal]

Its hard when you are in love with someone , but love should be a two way road. For him its a one way street all coming from YOUR side. Have some self respect and don't put up with it anymore. He is abusing your love for him and using you as a crutch or toy as you call it. And as other said, your the one who has to cut thru this knot and understand that this isn't a fruitfull relationship for either of you.

[nikki blu]

Good post...definitely needed this today!

[The door mat]

all of you have such great advice and i thank you for the replys. It help so much to have someone to talk to and have people care about what i said and give a reply back to me instead of just listing to what i have to say and then brush it off... I have just had a really hard time with me and him breaking up and then getting back together and then breaking up again me and him have been through a lot me was my first i was with him for 5 years best friends for 7 years we were engaged to be married i dont know how to take him out of my life me has been my whole life. I try to go on with out him but then something makes me think of him or i see him or he calls and then im back to square one. I am afraid to start amnother relationship because i dont want to go through this again with someone else and when i meet someone i find everything wrong with them that i can so i dont let myself get close...

[RayKay]

It is very hard to break a bad pattern, but it can be done. And I KNOW it is hard to say goodbye to someone you have been with so long. The fact is you are young, you have in many ways grown up with this guy. But now, it is time to grow up on your own, without him.

 

Sweetie, this can be a very enriching opportunity for you, even if it did not start out by choice, you can turn it into something great.

 

Take your time. There is no need to rush into another relationship. In fact, it would be bad for you, and it would very likely not last.

 

Heal, and in time you will know when you are ready. And there is a risk of being hurt again. Of course there is. With love comes that risk. But without that risk, there is no reward. There are never guarantees, but hopefully in this time you will learn you are strong enough and fully able to be on your own, you don't NEED someone. So if someone is treating you badly, or making you unhappy, you won't be so scared to move on. It will help you make better choices until you do find the right person for you, whom WILL be there, and treat you with the upmost love, respect and commitment.

[Lady Bugg]

Hey Door...

 

First....your user name says a lot about the way you see yourself. STOP

being a "door mat" Start TODAY. You have a choice here.....you can be happy or you can be miserable. Period. Happiness is a state of mind really. You can see losing this guy as a real blessing..IF you choose to do so. Be grateful you have no REAL ties to this dud. You have the chance to move on...and NOT look back. You cannot control another persons feelings or actions. Yes, you can manipulate them with words or tears...but for what???

Don't invest anymore into someone than they invest in you.

 

Sorry I don't mean to sound like a "self help" book...just trying to get you to see, you are not as stuck as you think you are. Go NC with this guy...ESPECIALLY if he is used to hearing from you on a regular basis. If he's seeing someone else...an even better reason to do NC. Let him ride it out.

If he comes back with his tail between his legs...YOU have the choice to take him back or not.

 

Hope this helps a little....

[The door mat]

So today is day 6 of NC and its killing me, But im not going to lie i did try to call him 2 days ago and he never picked up and he didnt call me back but i have told myself that i am not allowed to call him anymore.. I dont understand this guy we once were so in love and for him to treat me with this much lack of respect. I just cant believe it. I feel like im stuck in a rut here i fell like i'll never get over him and move on. I feel like ill always hold on to the hope of us getting back together and being happy again. Why does he keep coming back to me if he does not want to be with me.. we are like 3 months on 4 months off and so on and so on...this whole thing is breaking me. For some reason I can not get him out of my head. I wake up about 12 times a night b/c i had a dream about hi or i cant sleep b/c Im thinking about him and the fact that he is with another girl. When i hang out with my friends I find myself talking about him .... What do i do to get by this ??

[1824blue]

I completely understand what your going through. I am just getting out of a very on and off relationship. I loved him so much that I kinda lost myself in the process. Relationships that are on and off are so not healthy, and it also makes sense why letting go is so hard because you are so used to him leaving and then coming back to your waiting open arms.

Picture a future with him, if he is so unsterdy now, I'm sure once he has a ring on his finger or children to raise he is not all of a sudden going to turn into Mr Dependable. You dont want to deal with that.

 

It is hard though believe me I understand, especially when they are pushing you away like your love doesn't mean a thing to them. But really you should be the one to Thank him for making his true colors show through so clearly and good ridense!

[leeroybrown]

Look, you really have to get over this guy or you risk giving up a great future with somebody else because of him. I know it's hard as hell not to talk to him, but just do it. Go out have fun, be single for awhile and live life. If you have time and money, go on a vacation, go travelling. I had this terrible problem with a girl, my first love, back in high school. I was so infatuated with her and she finally came around and we dated for about a year, then we broke up and my high school days were miserable. I missed out on alot. Well I got the opportunity to travel around when I was in college and I found a new love in my life...the love of travelling that will always be with me. Go do something you really want to do in your life....empower yourself, make something of yourself, find yourself. One day the man of your dreams will walk into your life, if you're still not over your ex then you're might miss out on true love.

[Hunny1607307342]

I felt like this. Well, still do really. He didn't SAY lets get back together but not officially, but he carried on flirting with me constantly etc. I was/am like his ego boost. I don't want him to think he can have me whenever he wants, but at the same time i can't let go because i don't want him out of life. And also it does give me an ego boost, I have no other guy to impress in my life right now. Then I found about this new girl, was jarred. I was tempted to ask him about it, but I pretended I didn't know. He told me himself. I didn't really show much reaction... but I'm very stuck...

[whatif]

We all dumpees know how it feels... No matter what they do, we want to forgive them and accept them back into our life. But guess what, when you are so forgiving, he is going to find more ways to make you exercise your forgiveness. He knows you will be there no matter what he does. So why don't he go have some fun. I bet most married men wouldn't mind to go and have a relationship with another girl if the wife would forgive him and accept him back into her life without any consequences. its time to put your foot down and override your emotions. If you even want to keep the slight chance of getting him back for good, you must be assertive and strong about your behavior. DO NOT let him walk all over you like a 'door mat'. Remember, you are not a damn door mat. It might seems impossible right now, but you will be able to move on and find somebody better in the future. Good luck.