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bouldersweden

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  1. bouldersweden
    Sooo... I have a relatively new girlfriend. We've known eachother for a while but we just got serious maybe a month ago. Well, we've started having sex and its been a little rough. We both like eachother a lot and we had a little case of the nerves the first time around. So it didn't really happen, she got tense and I lost my... nerve... we both kind of laughed it off and thought "better luck next time". Well, I've never fallen short before (not without good reason) and the next time wasn't any better. We have had sex since, but last night it happened again. I'm posative that this is mental, but I'm really getting pretty stressed about it, which is making things worse. I really care about my girlfriend, but I'm beginning to fear that she thinks its her and it's absolutely not. This isn't really a physical condition, I just need some confidense back and I don't really know how to get it back in this area. Does anyone have any suggestions here? I could REALLY use some advice. Thanks.
  2. bouldersweden
    Holy cow. I'm really sorry man. There's nothing any of us can say that's going to make this better. I don't know if you're a religious man, but this is something that I have hanging on my wall. Sometimes it's just enough to get me out of bed in the morning. "I know the plans I have for you declairs the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I know it's not much. But this is all I have in the world and I hope, maybe, it can get you out of bed in the morning. Good luck.
  3. bouldersweden
    Hey, I talked with my ex-girlfriend tonight. I told her that I needed time two weeks ago and then, without telling anyone, she went home for a week and wouldn't respond to my e-mail. She just got back and come over. We talked and decided to be friends, but she was trying to make it more than that. I told her that I'm not interested in dating other girls right now, but, in fact, I am. I'm interested in dating a girl that I accidentilly kissed at a bar while I was still dating my ex. I came clean with my ex and she knows who it was. we're broken up now and I would like to keep seeing this other girl. This is the first time I have ever gotten mixed up in relationship weirdness and I'm pretty confused. There's a good chance that she'll find out within a week. Do I just wait for it all to set off OR do I call my ex tomorrow, totally recant my previous statement about not being interested in other girls and then throw salt in the wound by telling her who it is? What's the best evil here?
  4. bouldersweden
    Hey, I'm going out with this girl in a couple of hours. We were going to go to dinner and then to an art gallery and maybe drinks. But there was a blizzard here last night and most things are closed. The resteraunt is but the art gallery is not and bars are a toss up. does anyone have any other suggestions? It's not life or death, but if someone has a last minute replacement for an art gallery I'm listening. Keep in mind that there's two feet of snow outside. Thanks
  5. bouldersweden
    When you try to run away from pain it chases you down and makes you feel bad for trying to run from it. Right now I would turn off the TV, radio and whatever else is on, I would sit up straight in a chair and I would focus on the feelings themselves. That is, not the object of the feelings, but just let yourself feel. Don't think about anything, not your boyfriend, not your life, not his life, not my life, not your cat’s life. Just listen to the silence of the room around you and let yourself feel. This may seem counterintuitive and counterproductive, but it's OK to feel the way you feel and I find that when admit that I feel a certain way I can move on with my life. Don't try to answer the question of why you feel this way, just admit that you do and allow yourself to be OK with it. If you've come to terms with emotion it does not have to control your actions. It can just exist as feeling. Hope this helps. P.S. He cheated on you. You disserve better. And you're 21 so let all this stuff go, live a little, and know that someone more fabulous is just around the corner.
  6. bouldersweden
    Women: Say you've gone out with a guy and think you like him but haven't made it completely evident yet. How long should he wait to make contact again? And one more question: I need a good second date. Probably something that won't freak her out, but will blow date number one (movies and wine at my place) out of the water... casual but memorable... any suggestions? I'm up for just about anything that doesn't involve whips, chains or endangered species.
  7. bouldersweden
    I don't know what you two don't have in common. That is, if you know that you disagree on core values then I wouldn't go for it. If you disagree on which James Bond was the best... I wouldn't worry about it too much (It was Sean Connery by the way, everyone knows that!). However, I can tell you unequivocally that, if you know down in your gut that it wont work, it probably won't. If this is the case, don’t ruin a good friendship. I had to break up with a girl just last Thursday. She started out as a great friend when we had different relationship needs she laid down the ultimatum and said that she didn't think we could be friends after breaking up. The kicker in this is that I knew from the start that it really wouldn't work. I knew because I could see that all of these issues were deal breakers. Just double-check your reasons. You know when something's a deal breaker and when it's not.
  8. bouldersweden
    Pony up my friend. No excuses, there's no time for that. Don't lean on the outcome and don't let all those emotions out at once. That could be a deal breaker. After all, she doesn't know that you have an eternities worth of damned up feeling just waiting to spill over. Just wait till you have a private moment and ask. Make sure you have an excuse to exit after you've finished the conversation too. It makes things much more comfortable for both of you no matter what the outcome. If you get a non-committal answer just keep after it in a casual way. If she looks at you like you're nuts then she's probably got issues and isn't worth your time. After all, why would someone act offended at the proposition of a good night out? If they are in any fit state to function in society they won't do that.
  9. bouldersweden
    I agree with all above. Consult a nutritionist try to be as active as possible. Simply increasing caloric intake for the sake of increasing mass isn't the best nutritional strategy. But increasing intake of high quality proteins and making sure that you get a muscular workout on some level would be a good idea (3-4 sets of 10 reps or less is generally considered "muscular") . Finally, the most important part of my humble opinion: Don't worry too much about it. When you do start worrying about it, pick up a good book or a hobby and feed your mind a bit as well. That should help the idle insecurities.
  10. bouldersweden
    ummmm... yes. YES would be the answer to your question. You don't get many who are this direct about their likening you so I would take full advantage of the opportunity. However, don't come on too strong, just chill... at a medium pace. about the parental units... well you can't really help that officially. But get creative. Invite her out with a group of friends at first. That way you'll get around the "no boys" part. If she comes to like you enough they'll get used to you being around... unless they're into raising a socially unbalanced daughter... good luck.
  11. bouldersweden
    I went met a girl through some friends at the bar last Thursday. We had a good time and I got her number and MSN address. We caught each other on MSN Sunday and Monday. I asked her if she wanted to get a drink on Wednesday, but I had an emergency at work and had to take a rain check. I asked her for a rain check and told her that I would probably be back at that same bar on Thursday. Well... I had more issues on Thursday and couldn't make it (family). This really has been happenstance but I need to know where to go from here. I didn't say that I would meet her at the bar on Thursday, but I'm guessing that she was casually looking for me. She seems interested, but I don't know where to go from here. Give her a call tonight? maybe try to get together tomorrow? I know I'm running out of time here in terms of catching her interest, but I don't know what to do about that. Any suggestions? I was thinking about drinks or maybe an impromptu bottle of wine and a movie... We're familiar enough with each other that going over to her house or mine wouldn't be odd (we have friends in common and go to the same school). What do you think? what's the next move?
  12. bouldersweden
    Just do what you need to do. If I were you I would wait for her. If someone can't say "I'm sorry" they certainly can't make an effort to change. It seems that there's something else going on here. I'm not a female, but from what I observe they sometimes do things for reasons that totally unrelated to their actions. Was there a reason? If not she's nuts and you shouldn't bother until she comes forward. If there is a reason and you DO need to talk to her about it then I would. But I don't know. Only you do.
  13. bouldersweden
    I don't think this is even an issue. A little devilish, but I like devilish. I think it's great. Don't worry too much about this one. If you decide to switch your gender preference let him know. This... this isn't a big deal.
  14. bouldersweden
    Let's start with CHILL OUT. You're gold right now. If he didn't try anything and it went well and he made you laugh and he didn't cut things short to get you home as fast as humanly possible then he probably like you. I would give him some time to call you or to let you know. But make sure you give him time to follow up. And when he does (if you want to) make sure that you give him a clear signal that you'd like to see him again. I like it when I call a girl and she doesn't beat around the bush about wanting to see me again. Just keep your response casual. You don't want to lose it on him because he'll get spooked. Us guys are kind of like deer. We get caught in the headlights sometimes and we're easily scared off by quick movements. But I think the critical issue here is the chilling out part. that's key. Then... give it 4 days. If nothing, then do what all girls do best: work the girl grapvine to find out what he's up to. Good luck.
  15. bouldersweden
    I once left a girl I cared about to go to Sweden. I thought I was making the most unfortunate mistake of my life. Turned out there was no such think as a "right" or "wrong" answer to my delemma. It just turned out to be another turn in the road of life. I could have stayed home with a supportive girlfriend and community. But I would have missed one of the best times of my life and never would have met some of the best friends I've ever had. It hurt to think about her and I still think about "what if" sometimes. But I would never take back my decision for the world. And it sounds like this girl may be ready for you when you get back? If so you're doing better than me. The girl I left got fed up and nearly burnt all of my stuff (which she was storing) in her front yard. So, just take pride in the decision you made and have a good time in Spain. And if you get the chance to do much traveling I would highly reccomend the night train from Budapest to Prague. It's an adventure every time.
  16. bouldersweden
    Let him go. Even in the world of guys he's an * * *. If he were a real man he would have made it clear what his intentions were with getting back together and would have made sure that those are your intentions as well. But he's not and he didn't so don't give him another thought. If this guy gets a new car and totally forgets about other people he needs a serious gut check. He may find out that he has none. I would drop him. Friends doens't cut it. If one of my frineds ditched me because they got a new car I wouldn't bother with them again, especially if they had a history. So, I say no calls, no replies, no tears. Find a some volinteer work to fill your time, workout, make sure you're going in life where you want to go... whatever relieves the pressure. And try to forget that this guy exists as soon as you can.
  17. bouldersweden
    I think relaxing is the only solution here. Nothing is fun when you're stressed and if he's all wound up he won't exactly be hitting home runs either. I don't know if your boyfriend is really into foreplay, but maybe he should try to get into it. If he can get you into the mood early on in the game he might start to relax about the whole thing as well. If he’s not traditionally into that sort of thing, try introducing him. If I’m stumped about a girls needs and I don’t seem to be getting anywhere it’s a real relief when she can show and/or tell me what she wants. I don’t know your boyfriend obviously, but if he’s all stressed out about it he should be up for some friendly direction. Hope this helps.
  18. bouldersweden
    OK, this question is about breaking up... That is, it's about the best way to do it. Now, before I'm branded as a scoundrel, here me out. I'm at home right now, on break from school. I go back to school in a week or so and I need to break up with a girl there. This is my last semester of university and I have a job offer that's going to take me to another country. It's not fair to pretend this is going to last and it's silly to pretend. Furthermore, my grades were dismal last semester and if I want to graduate (and get a job) I need to get them up. School is my priority and I can't pretend that I'll have time to be a proper boyfriend. The question is this: I like this girl and I'm wondering what the most ideal way to do this is when I get back? Does anyone have any pointers that make a breakup a little smoother? Do you have any experiences that turned out ok? Just let me know. Thanks.
  19. bouldersweden
    I totally agree with the first respondant. You are mature for your age and much more mature than your friends (from the sound of it). The same thing happened to me in high school as well. One day my group of friends was all laughs and good times, then something changed and they all became miserable and back stabbing towards each other. At the time I didn't really know how to react so I just did what made me feel good and let the rest of them do whatever. There was a group of people that I new from another school accross town and I started spending more time with them. I also got busy doing sports and my school work began taking priority. After a while my friends drauma wasn't as much of an issue and I had a great girlfriend from another school who was a generally interesting and happy person. Again, you are pretty mature for your age. I would suggest that you get busy doing the things that you want to do and talking to the girls that you want to talk to. I know that this is all much easier said than done, but just keep yourself busy with what interests you and you'll be fine. Hey, consider yourself lucky. You'll probably make it out of high school with the knowledge that this part of your life was just preparation for something better. Much better. Hope that hlps man. Good luck.
  20. bouldersweden
    This guy sounds like he's developing some emotional control issues. For example: he calls and wants you to come over. You don't really want to so you decline and he maybe over reacts to the situation, you get caught off guard and go over there because he made you feel like a big jerk. It's probably not malicious on his part, but it's not something that you have to deal with. Set some ground rules by showing him what you will and won't accept from him. Above all NEVER FEEL GUILTY. It's the most worthless and unnecessarry emotion around and it generally makes you do things you never wanted to do in the first place. I hope this helps.
  21. bouldersweden
    OK, so here's the story: I was home for the holiday season and was calling around to friends. I tried to contact one of my oldest frieds but she didn't return that calls. No problem with that, I didn't know if she was in town or not so I just left a couple of messages and figured she would gt back to me. She finally did e-mail me back telling me that she'd been dignosed with bi-polar disorder. She has dropped out of school and spends the entire day in bed. I want to do something to help her, but I don't know what to do. I'm away at school, but there should be somthing that I can contribute. Does anyone have any any suggestions? Thanks
  22. bouldersweden
    OK, I don't know what Mike's deal is, but I would tell him to make a decision here. It seems that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. By that I mean that he wishes to remain your boyfriend, to have that privilege, yet at the same time wants to show interest in this other girl. I don't know Mike, but I do know guys and this one sounds like he's trying to keep his options open. I would SOFTLY remind Mike that your attention and affection is a privilege. I'm not saying you should give him an ultimatum, just ask him how he feels about you hanging out with one of your ex's. If he gives you the "I don't care" act, try it out and see how he reacts. If he doesn't have a problem with that then I would dump him because a boyfriend should have a problem with that. I'm also going to add a disclaimer to this: I DON'T KNOW MIKE OR YOU SO IF THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE GOOD ADVICE DON'T TAKE IT. I'm just looking at this from an outsider's perspective. Hope this helps.
  23. bouldersweden
    I just whent through a rough breakup with a girl that I had been seeing for about a year. I'm having a VERY hard time getting through this. I feel guilty in some sense because she was very committed and I couldn't support that commitment. I miss her and at the same time I'm angry at her for making this break up messier than it had to be. To top it off, I'm really frustrated because I don't seem to be able to let her go and move on... oh, and she has a new boyfriend, which is never fun to think about. Finally, I'm moving to Sweden tomorrow to study abroad for a semester and I don't know what things will be like when I see her next. Does anyone have suggestions about how to move on here? I'm generally pretty rational and have never had such trouble moving on from relationships. I'm at my whits end.
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