Need help for a young broken heart

[time2moveon]

Yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me after 1-1/2 years of dating. He was my first love and gave me no warning. I am devastated and need to know things I can do to help me get through the grieving process. I am 16, have no appetite and need someone to talk to who has been through this before. I don't know if this is a good forum for someone my age.

[lunatic]

Welcome to Enotalone.

 

You have come to right place to get advice as almost everyone here has been thru a breakup. I have a few things I would like to say that I do and you can try to see if this helps you out.

 

First off the first few months are bad but, you can get thru it you have to be strong. Start No Contact (NC for the rest of time on this forum) ASAP! That means no talking to him no calling, emailing, txting no nothing. Take the control back away from him and use it as a tool to help you heal.

 

First step is to get involved in some extra cirricular activities in school. Maybe volunteer with the local church or hospital helping others sometimes helps. Go out with your friends and family and make sure you are super busy. I find that I pine over a relationship when I am sitting idle and have nothing to keep my mind off the whole situation. No matter what you do you will feel that hole inside and it hurts but, it will get better with time. Come here often and post here when you need support as you will find that this is a very compasionate place and there are some really good hearted people here.

 

Be strong and I know you will be ok if you just keep yourself busy no matter how you feel.

 

Hub

[avman]

Welcome to eNotalone.

 

I second what hubman01 says. No more contact with him. You need to focus only on yourself and on healing from this.

 

Spend time with your friends. Talk to them. Vent. Let it all out and don't bottle it up inside. The hurt you are feeling is normal. We all feel that way when we've lost a relationship. You need to let the grief run it's course. Cry when you feel like it. Get angry if you have to. Whatever it takes, let the emotions come.

 

It will take time, but you will feel better eventually. Hang in there!

[time2moveon]

Thanks a bunch, this is really helping me but still, if anyone elce still has more advice...please please please giv me as much as youve got. Like I said, this is my first love and truly inside i want him back.

[kellbell]

Hi there and welcome aboard!

 

I don't have much to add to the wonderful advice that has been already been given. Unfortuantely, break-ups stink and it is important for you to experience all the emotions in order for you to heal and move on properly. There is not a magic potion or magical words for all the pain and heartache to go away.

 

Just take it one day at a time, go out with friends, get involved in other activities. Give yourself time, time heals all things. I will not lie, the first month or so will be tough but you are not alone in this. There is so much support here. Come here as often as you like to vent, yell, whatever it takes.

 

I am going to send you a few links on the stages of grieving and letting go. It helps a lot and to see others that have been through helps a lot. Take care and hang in there. Big hugs to you.

 

 

 

 

[ginger25]

You don't mention whether or not you discussed it but I think you deserve to get some reasons on why he came to the decision - they may not make much sense to you at the moment & you will probably find it hard to accept them but if you don't really know what went wrong it will make it much harder to move on. However, if you have already gone through all that then definitely try your very best to have NC as soon as possible. I know this may be hard if you go to school together but try and avoid situations where you might bump into eachother, however much you might feel the need to see him.

 

I don't know if this works for everyone but when it happened to me I tried my best to think of all the things that could be negative about the relationship e.g. he was my first real boyfriend - if I was still with him I wouldn't have done half of the things I have now, like gone travelling with my friends.

 

I know at the minute you probably feel like you don't know what to do with yourself. BE KIND to yourself, do what makes you feel good and helps take your mind off things, even if just for a few minutes. Exercise is really good for boosting self esteem and releasing happy hormones - I find any boxing related keep fit class particularly good for this.

 

I wish they could find a cure for a broken heart, meanwhile just take each day at a time and try not to be alone with your own thoughts too much.

 

Take care x

[Dako]

It's hard for young people because they have such huge expectations for the future when they fall in love. Those dreams will still be there for you when you get past this. They may even be bigger, and you'll have a deeper understanding of love. It gets better.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

You came to exactly the right place, and you are very welcome here. I am sorry for your pain. I wish I could take it away from you. We all know how dreadful and lonely a break up makes you feel, so I hope we can be of help to you. You say your bf gave you no warning whatsoever, so the break up must have been very unexpected. Did you notice any differences about him prior to the break up? Was he stand-offish? And what reason did he give to break up?

 

I know you want him back. It's the strongest feeling after a break up. You don't have to ignore that feeling. But you have to be careful about how you act out of that feeling. You should try to take better care of yourself. It's normal to lose appetite and be a bit insomniac (and also the other direction, to eat and sleep more than commonly). When I last suffered a break up, I prepared myself better than the first time, by buying a lot of things that are nutritious but easy to take in (like smoothies with grains, which contain pretty much everything you need), yoghurt and fruitjuice.

 

The effect of eating less is that you will become weaker physically. On the short term, this might actually numb you and make the pain less sharp. However, on the long term it prevents you from healing. So try to eat and be sweet to yourself.

 

Keep in mind that even if it feels differently, EVERY day will be a day further away from the break up and closer to healing. In practice, the road is bumpy and really up and down, but on the long view, it's just UP. You WILL feel better. You are a great person with a lot of capacity, and your ex does not equal all your life is about. In the end, your life is about you. So better take care of her.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[shes2smart]

I've always gone for the "distraction is your friend" route when healing from a break-up, especially for the beginning stages. It's a good time to get into old hobbies or develop new ones. I liked to take classes -- basic auto maintenance, financial planning & investing, sewing, etc. It doesn't make much difference what the classes are....just as long as it's something that interests you.

 

Let your friends help you by listening to you vent or taking you out for some fun...and remember to return the favor when they're at the end of a relationship. If there's one thing you learn after dating for a while it's this: Guys come and go. Your friends -- if treated properly -- were there before the relationship and they will be there afterwards.

 

Do good & healthy things for yourself -- get a manicure or pedicure, massage, new hair cut, start an exercise program, start a journal & write, improve your eating habits. Now's the time to take extra special care of yourself.

 

Even though you feel bad now, have faith that it does get better. Time is a great healer if we're patient and work with it. It might not be better by tomorrow, or next week, but it does get better. Technology's sped up a lot of things, but one thing it cannot speed up is healing of the human heart, so don't push yourself to feel better until you're ready.

[jl301]

Hey,

 

Welcome to the forum and sorry to hear about your situation. Losing your first love is always hard for anyone. I know you are really sad right now, but with time it will get better. I don't want to scare you or anything. You are still very young and that you go through many other break-up's besides this. remember this phrase "What ever doesn't kill you will only make you stronger". It is so true and like what shes2smart says; "Time is a great healer". Try to keep yourself busy and not focusing so much on this loss. I know is easier said than done. But there is no use for you to sit in your room crying over it. It's not going bring him back to you. Hang in there and be strong for yourself.

 

jl301

[Meow18]

Everyone has given really good advice. If only I knew of this website when I suffered from my first heart break.

 

Time is what will get you through this. It might take months, but you will slowly start to feel better. I think it helps to keep yourself busy. Take on a new hobby if you have to. Hang out with friends. Get a job if you don't have one. The more things you have on your mind, the less chance you'll have to think about this guy. And that will help.

 

You need to stay healthy. I know what it's like to lose your appetite over something like this, but the important thing is to try to stay healthy with your diet.

 

It might not work for everyone, but when I had my heart broken, the thing that really helped me get through it was writing about it. I found quotes about lost love, I wrote poems. I wrote my feelings. That really helped me. I think that when you have strong feelings, you need to let it out. I still have the notebook that I wrote it all down in, and sometimes I look at it and it's so weird. I can't believe I ever felt like that.

 

As weird as this advice might seem, cry about it! Don't think that crying is a bad thing when it comes to this stuff. Like I said before, you need to let your feelings out and crying is a healthy way of doing this. Crying can sometimes make you feel better, even if it's just for a little while.

 

You will get through this! Heart breaks suck and you feel like you will never ever get through it. But most of the people on this website can tell you that even though it seems as though you might die from the pain, you will heal with time.

 

Keep talking to us about it too. PM any one of us if you ever need anything!

[sonjam]

Hey Girl,

 

Yes, Maggie has a very valid point there - "CRY ABOUT IT" it's natures own release valve, and every time you cry, you are getting closer to healing.

 

I want to assure you not all males are heartless like that, and it is most unfortunate that this happened with your first love, but you know what, maybe this had to happen so you will be able to meet the man of your dreams, your soulmate, the one.

 

I'm sure you will feel better soon, one more thing you can do to feel better, is post here! Talk to us, we are all very willing to listen, and be a shoulder for you to cry on!