SeaBisquit Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 hi, i know i have posted here often. but i really am having alot of problems with my relationship. I found out recently that my bf had cheated on me in the past. he is finally admitting to cheating but says that i'm the one to blame for his actions. how can i honestly be to blame here? i'm not the one that cheated. he told me that i'm not loyal and deserving of him and that he has found a girl that is. Link to comment
lady00 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 And you're still with him? He blames you for his cheating and says that he has found someone better...this guy is not worth your time. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 hi, i know i have posted here often. but i really am having alot of problems with my relationship. I found out recently that my bf had cheated on me in the past. he is finally admitting to cheating but says that i'm the one to blame for his actions. how can i honestly be to blame here? i'm not the one that cheated. he told me that i'm not loyal and deserving of him and that he has found a girl that is. There is never an excuse to cheat. He is blaming you because he's trying to absolve himself of any responsibility and guilt. If he was that unhappy with you, he could of broken it off and "found someone else". By not doing so, he became pretty unloyal and undeserving of you. The irony is bitter. Yes, often when someone cheats they are unhappy with something in the relationship, but that is no excuse. That's why there are things called "breakups". Why the heck are you with him if he cheated and tells you he found someone better? And even blames you for it? Ick. Link to comment
kellbell Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Is this the same guy whom went to the strip club the other night and got a lapdance? It's not your fault that cheated...there is such a thing as free will and choose on his own to disrespect you. Why are staying with a guy openly admits he cheated on you then has the nerve to blame you for it? Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Its easy to blame other people for things, but there could be many different reasons why he cheated but they all come down to that he wanted to do it. It sounds like your bf feels that you arent compatible enough to proceed with the relationship. I dont know what actions you have taken in the relationship so I dont know why he feels that you caused him to cheat. Link to comment
SeaBisquit Posted January 13, 2006 Author Share Posted January 13, 2006 now that things are all out in the open, i think he's increasingly becoming more of a jerk. i don't understand why he hasn't completely left me for this other girl. he's been seeing her for quite sometime now. now he's says since were no longer an item he can do as he pleases. Link to comment
lunatic Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Well now you have a reason to kick this loser to the curb. You are not at fault for his infidelity because he is an adult. Thats a horrible thing to say to someone that they are the direct reason why they went looking outside the relationship. What nerve. This guy has a big set of balls to even think he can get away with that line. Sweetie go find someone who does not need strip clubs and is going to be faithful to you because he is out there somewhere. =-) Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Its easy to blame other people for things, but there could be many different reasons why he cheated but they all come down to that he wanted to do it BINGO. Exactly. He wanted to cheat on you. He's an autonomous adult with free will. He chose to cheat. No one forced him into it. now that things are all out in the open, i think he's increasingly becoming more of a jerk. i don't understand why he hasn't completely left me for this other girl. he's been seeing her for quite sometime now. now he's says since were no longer an item he can do as he pleases. You need to get this poor excuse for a man out of your life. He has not left you completely because he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You're a safety net he can use in case things don't work out with the person he's cheating with. Don't feel honored that he has not "left you yet" because he is slime. If he had half of a spine , he would have been honest with you instead of lying and putting you on the back burner and cheating. Keep in mind that not only is it emotionally traumatic for you to be with someone who cheats, but is also a physical health risk. He can bring a sexually transmitted disease home to you any day, and he clearly doesn't care. You need to get rid of him. He is bad for you on all levels. I hope you realize that you do not deserve this kind of treatment- and I hope you'll find the strength to get out, BellaDonna Link to comment
starfish Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Don't let him get away with saying that you are the reason for his only weaknesses. I agree with the others on this page. Get out of the relationship now even if it hurts. You will be stronger for doing it. My ex cheated on his ex before me, but never told me about it in the 2+ years that we were together. When he did tell me, I lost all respect for him. He had several opportunities during the time we were together to tell me, and I believe we discussed it on several occasions, but he never once said that he had cheated. Not only did he cover up for his lame * * *, but would get defensive if I asked him about other girls that he flirted with. Yup - that should have been a red flag. So get out now - you shouldn't have to put up with someone else's stupidity. Link to comment
shorty20 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 ok, it's time to find a guy that is "loyal and deserving" of you. This guy's a creep, and I'm sure if you read back over your thread you'll figure it out... what you wrote is absoutley insane. Each person is responsible for their own actions. Did you cheat on him? If not, that statement makes no sense. Even if you did cheat on him, it still dosen't excuse his actions. I've actually learned this little trick that some guys like to use. All of my ex-boyfriends tried this. When they do something wrong and get caught, instead of being apologetic and sorry, they get angry because they're caught. They try to turn it around on you, anyway they can, which is what he's doing. Dump this guy, and find a real man. That's my only advice... and YOU aren't to blame. Good Luck. Link to comment
steff Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 oh my god... my chin is still on the ground.... how dare he say that your the one to blame, your not that one that went out and did something wrong... get rid of him, and never bother about thinking of him again, because he totally isnt worth your time in thought.... oh my god i cant believe he said that.... leave him, and dont care what he says about it. Link to comment
xvee Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 Oh dear, just leave him. Blaming you is pathetic. Move on and im sure you will find someone even better. Also, i know this is off topic but kellbell i love your avatar...always makes me hungy Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 hi, i know i have posted here often. but i really am having alot of problems with my relationship. I found out recently that my bf had cheated on me in the past. he is finally admitting to cheating but says that i'm the one to blame for his actions. how can i honestly be to blame here? i'm not the one that cheated. he told me that i'm not loyal and deserving of him and that he has found a girl that is. You are never to blame for another person's actions. He is being quite the wuss in not being a man and taking responsibility for his own actions. Are you still with him? I hope not because you need to find someone who is "loyal and deserving" of you. Have you cheated on him or something for him to say that you are not loyal? This guy has some real balls to think that he can say something like this to you and you will just sit there and take it. You do not deserve this kind of treatment especially if you have done nothing wrong. Do not let him walk all over you because people only respect those who respect themselves. Kick him to the curb girl and get yourself a good man...he's waiting! Link to comment
theantibarbie23 Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 now that things are all out in the open, i think he's increasingly becoming more of a jerk. I don't think he's actually becoming MORE of a jerk, you are just starting to see him for whom he truly is now that you aren't completely blinded by love. I think he's sticking around to see just how far he can take this. If he can have his cake and eat it too, he will. Any man that would treat you like this has no respect for you. There are so many GOOD men out there, you don't need to put up with one that is this much of a low life. No one held a gun to his head and told him to see another woman and lie to you both for over two years and not fess up when asked. He is the one who's not worthy of YOU not the other way around. Boot his lying, cheating, butt OUT. Show him you won't tolerate his behavior. He can try and turn things around and make you feel guilty but the truth is he and he alone is to blame for the actions he decided to take. Link to comment
krissbrown Posted January 13, 2006 Share Posted January 13, 2006 reminds me of my ex. My ex admitted after we broke up he cheated me with his ex-girlfriend. And he said it was only with her cause she really cares about him and everyone likes her and they all hate me and think im mean and ugly. Link to comment
fishrrshortae Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 HE IS AN A-HOLE! sorry but he is. I can't BELIEVE that he would not only admit to cheating on you, but 1). Blame you, and 2). Rub the new girl in your face Count yourself lucky that he finally admitted it to you AND let you know (all in one shot!!) what a piece of crap he is. Let the other idiot have him, get STD testing done on yourself, and head for the hills as fast as you can!!! P.S. I've been cheated on a lot, by almost all my boyfriends in fact, but I can honestly say not one of them every tried to blame me for it nor did they rub it in my face. no remorse = nonhuman. Link to comment
coollady1957 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 NO , no way is it your fault that he cheated. These cheaters have a weird sense of right and wrong. IF he felt that you were not giving him what he needed, he should have parted with you and THEN moved on. I dont think there is ever an acceptable reason to cheat. Break ups are hard on just parting and going your separate ways, but i think could have dealt better with that, then with having him cheat and lie behind my back. Lies, cheating and deceptions can cause many scars in our hearts that we will always carry with us when people do this to us. Link to comment
skyblue1 Posted January 15, 2006 Share Posted January 15, 2006 Oh no you poor girl. No it isn't your fault at all. His disrespecting you sorry to say. His got the problem not you. I've been cheated before and i decided to end the relationship. You shouln't be treated like that. I would let he go. Good luck darling!!! x Link to comment
darkblue Posted January 16, 2006 Share Posted January 16, 2006 Get rid of them, then get yourself checked for anything he could brung into bed. You are not to blame. You did not cheat. You were loyal and understand what it is to be in a 'relationship'. Link to comment
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