exes and history

[Caterina]

Is it normal for a guy to talk a lot about his ex? A friend of mine told me that its normal because its a part of the person's history, and you can't erase that.

[RayKay]

Is it normal for a guy to talk a lot about his ex? A friend of mine told me that its normal because its a part of the person's history, and you can't erase that.

 

I don't think its normal or HEALTHY to talk a lot about them. I think it would be equally odd if they NEVER said anything about them - some basics like how long they dated, why they ended - is usually shared but to go into excessive detail or to always refer or talk about them signals to me they are not really moved on yet and are still keeping that relationship "alive" in some way. It takes away from the development of a new relationship.

 

I have had some long term relationships, and of course they are part of my past, and not one I can, or want to, erase, but they are not details I talk about with my partner obsessively. I think that would only cause insecurities, and make him and MYSELF question if I was really moved on.

[Caterina]

So how much is too much? This one guy talks about his ex at least once in every conversation I've had with him, albeit, he hasn't had a lot of conversations with me. And he does compliment me a lot.

[RayKay]

So how much is too much? This one guy talks about his ex at least once in every conversation I've had with him, albeit, he hasn't had a lot of conversations with me. And he does compliment me a lot.

 

I guess that would depend too on the content, and how much time he references her. If it's often, it may signal some residual feelings. If it's just in passing like you tell him you are a teacher, and he says oh, interesting, my ex was a teacher too, and that is that, then it's not as big a deal.

[Caterina]

Like, he'll tell me little stories. "Her brother used to like looking in the water for colored fish" or "her favorite thing to do was throw noodles at people" or criticisms like, "she never listened to me, but it was also partially my fault because I wouldn't lower my voice." Those are examples.

[RayKay]

Like, he'll tell me little stories. "Her brother used to like looking in the water for colored fish" or "her favorite thing to do was throw noodles at people" or criticisms like, "she never listened to me, but it was also partially my fault because I wouldn't lower my voice." Those are examples.

 

Hmmm, it's hard to say off the bat, like I said sometimes those things are normal,something triggers your memory and you make a reference. When it gets to be very personal though (she threw noodles at people) or their problems, I think it's getting into some more borderline territory.

 

How do you feel about it? Not what your friend does, but how do you feel?

[Day_Walker]

Typically if a person talks about their ex "a lot" then thats an indication that they arent over them or they have some kind of emotional connection with them still, which could be positive or negative.

[kellbell]

Too much talking about the ex depends on you...some people have a high threshold for things like that and some people don't want to hear a peep.

 

If he talks about his ex in that matter...then I would have to say he is not over her because those are little private details about their relationship. It would be one thing if he mentioned "oh my ex was a teacher"...etc basic details such as that...then that's normal. But when you mention like what your favorite food is or your favorite color is and he says, oh my ex's favorite thing was...you get my drift...then that gets a little too much for me.

 

Just take it slow and when it gets too much for your comfort level then it may mean he is not over her. You don't want to be with someone who is not traveling light.

[Dako]

This subject has been on my mind.

I had lunch with a divorced lady last week. We both talked about our exes quite a lot. I felt so awkward doing it, I decided to avoid talking to women in 2006.

[annie24]

Like the others said, it depends on the context. It can be quite normal to talk a lot about the ex with a sympathetic friend. But, it may be a sign that they are not ready to move on yet.

 

On a date, anything more than something in passing about the ex is too much, IMO. Like the others said, anything other than, "yeah, my ex was on a soccer team also." is too much. then when you've been dating for a while longer, maybe knowing why they broke up is important....

 

this guy that you're speaking of may not be emotionally healed.

 

think about it - you don't talk a lot about some guy you liked 10 years ago, but liked some other girl, right? Maybe you talked a lot about it at the time, but not now. That's cause you're over it.

[Mun]

I started dating this one guy and at one point he said " you talk alot about your ex". I had not realized I was doing that and stopped.

 

How recent is his break up from this person? Some people are just so used to their lives being connected to this other person they haven't lost that link yet. Hopefully he doesn't do this maliciously.

 

I think a smart thing to do is just casually change the subject each and every time. You could even say " I would like for us not to talk about our exes, that's so deppressing right? "

 

Best wishes

[OceanEyes]

I don't particularly care if my boyfriend talks about his ex-girlfriends. I mean, we've been together for 2.5 years, shouldn't that be enough assurance that he's not still into them? He doesn't see them or speak to them, so him mentioning an ex girlfriend from time to time doesn't bother me at all.

 

I think you can actually learn a lot about your partner by how they refer to their ex-boyfriends/ girlfriends.

[Caterina]

This subject has been on my mind.

I had lunch with a divorced lady last week. We both talked about our exes quite a lot. I felt so awkward doing it, I decided to avoid talking to women in 2006.

 

Well, at least you know sarcasm.

[Caterina]

Good point.

[Dako]

Well, at least you know sarcasm.

 

No, that was my NY resolution. I really don't want to talk privately with a woman until I can get over some things. Wouldn't be fair, since anyone my age has baggage of her own and doesn't need more.

 

I am a bit sarcastic though.

[here2understand2]

i found that I talked about my ex to every girl I dated by the 3rd date and even after that she(my ex) came up more than once in a while..i ofcourse wasnt healed..so if the guy is doing the same then it means that he's not emotionally stable and ready to move on..he could be dating to forget her and move on..but he's still in the process..whenever that happens make sure you hear him out but then also question yourself if you want to be with him through this healing process..this no doubt will bring you closer to him but it does get difficult hearing about some other girl all the time..so think about that..good luck and take the right decision for YOU! dont be charitable but yhou can be nice..

[Caterina]

I've done that before...its odd, sometimes dating someone else is a good way to get over someone, though.