R u actively doing something about ur shyness?

[david90]

What r u doing and how is it working out?

 

I'm current using the Desensitization method to get over my fear. u can see it at

link removed

 

Has anyone done it and if so what's ur list of fears look like?

[Blue Skittles]

Hmm... I was always really shy growing up. Now I'm not shy at all. I don't know what I did - well, first of all I just started being myself and talking to people more. Like if i see someone in an elevator and theres that awkward silence going down I say "Hey howz it going?" I just try to be more friendly, smile more, just say hi, sometimes thats all u need to do is smile and say hi and from there the conversation will come. Thats kinda how I go about it. When i got into college i just stopped caring what other people thought about me and just started being myself. It worked great. Good luck! Let me know how your method works.

[registered]

Cool site.

 

I've always tried to do just do whatever I'm not comfortable doing.

Also, I'm trying hard to improve my social skills because these are what I worry about - if I can have better social skills then I will not worry so much about not having them

I've noticed a lot of improvement in doing these two things, and am just trying to move forward more and more.

 

I might give the method on that site ago, it will be fun, I will learn something about myself. Thanks davo!

[ShySoul]

I don't think you need to do anything about shyness. I've always been really shy and I learned to embrace it as part of who I am. In doing so I became more comfortable with myself and see that I am just fine as I am. I'm not the most outgoing person, not the most sociable and comfortable in large groups. But I can get along with people. I'm happy just the way I am. And people seem to like me just fine, girls included.

[david90]

I don't think you need to do anything about shyness. I've always been really shy and I learned to embrace it as part of who I am. In doing so I became more comfortable with myself and see that I am just fine as I am. I'm not the most outgoing person, not the most sociable and comfortable in large groups. But I can get along with people. I'm happy just the way I am. And people seem to like me just fine, girls included.

 

I'm different. I'm shy and i'm not confortable with it. I feel that shyness is not me.

[Markers]

I used to be shy, not anymore. I started just opening, it was slow and sure I ended up into some embarrasments, but right now it doesn't matter. Right now they feel like good laughs and anyway the result, confidence, is definitely worth it. Just start talking, and why not take a talking course or something? Something where you're forced to talk and make speeches, act, fool around and improvise speeches about whatever nonesense that doesn't even exist, in front of public? I did that and it was a lot of fun!

[easyguy]

Though for quite a few people, shyness can be eliminated -- to some extent -- by forcing yourself to talk to people and try to conquer your fears, there are those that have social anxiety disorders.

 

For the longest amount of time, I thought that I had a social anxiety disorder, but then I realized that the more I "practiced", the easier it got. The majority of human beings are shy initially (if not all), however some warm up a lot faster than others. It's nothing to be ashamed of. If you don't like it, try and change it. Part of life is stepping out of your comfort zone to do things that are beneficial to your well-being, yet can be the most uncomfortable experiences at first. Read the quote in my sig, too.

[Belle]

I used to think I had that social anxiety thing too. Pharmaceutical companies like to make nuts out of all of us.

 

I was painfully shy and I really hated it. I couldn't talk to people in social situations without being really uptight, nervous and sometimes defensive if in a group. I practiced a lot, allowed room for embarrassment and awkwardness, but I am extremely happy with the results. I'm pretty confident and can talk to most people and initiate conversations with strangers as well. Smiling and sticking to safe topics (no politics, race or religion) works with most people.

 

I used to really envy those that had that brand of confidence. They may not have been rich, super attractive or have other props but the confidence made them appear pretty special in my eyes and always drew me in.

 

Good luck,

 

Belle

[ShySoul]

I think shyness is everyone actually. Even those people who talk up a storm and are always on the go, they are shy too. They just have to be placed in the right situation and that shyness will come out. Just like a shy person is also outgoing under the right circumstances. Me and my best friend are both shy. But put us together and we can go on for hours.

 

All of us carries both of these traits within us. Its just that some people show more of one then the other. Each has its own advantages and disadvantages. There is nothing wrong with either way. Thing is, by nature the extroverted and outgoing people tend to dominate conversations and events. This is often likely to make the shy or quiet person nervous, scared, or think there is something wrong with him. Truth is, there isn't and they are just fine the way they are. As long as you do not let your fears get the best of you and cause you to panic in situations, you are fine. But thats not really shyness that is the problem, its fear.

[david90]

how about dating problems such as anxiety when approaching women? What r u guys doing to combat the problem?

[Derge]

Good post shysoul, Shyness is not something that is natural to a person but depends on the environment you live in that can develop you into a more confident or shy person. I am not that shy anymore but i still have problem trying to talk to girls that I want o ask out

But somepeople mistake shyness for arrogance, early school life I blame for my lack of confidence I was not to "i say clever" but not willing to jump through hoops then and you got ridiculed if you got something wrong not abusively but theres an aura you know and Im thinking about it now and people who were not regarded as clever back then are now not the confident ones but are and I class myself to be the smartest guy in my year and I am I dont work hard I have a have fun attitude but the information sticks and I get constantly high scores.

just break out of it somehow find a way and stick to it it cant be that hard im a sort of quick learning self help dude. I have no respect for any confident person it was luck that they got to be this confident.

[ShySoul]

I have a feeling you won't like my answer, but its something to consider. I don't approach women or worry about how my shyness will come into play. I focus on just living my life and meeting people normally. If I talk to a girl, I'm friendly and nice. We get to know each other and in a few cases, feelings have mutually developed. I openly admit to being shy, and they accept it. Actually, a lot of girls have even liked it and found it cute. Made me more attractive. In not worrying about how I will appear to women and just concentrating on being me, I actually appear more confident and attract more women, despite of and even because of my shyness. You'd be amazed at the number of girls who like their guy on the shy side.

[Derge]

shy soul I respect yo for working around your shyness and acctually doing alright for it. Making friends and all has always been easy for me its just the next step. What time is it where you are shysoul? At one time I could not speak up in a conversation or go up to a group of people I marginly knew and my dad said something to me not anything related but someone had died quite young near our house and my dad said something along the lines of "You should try and enjoy everysingle day because it may be your last" these words arnt exactly what he saud but whatever he said inspired me and I knew I could not be happy withous saying what I felt needed to be said and I think Im making good progress and people seem to like me better now exept my close friends who like me the same. cause I was always able to be myself with them.

[melrich]

Derge, like some other posters have said, shyness is not a problem unless, like anything else, it is impacting your enjoyment of life.

 

Your profile says you are 16? It is great that you are actively trying to address something you see as a problem. Try not to get too hung up on it. I don't want to sound patronising (although I will) but shyness is particularly common in teenagers and it is something that you may gradually just grow out of or learn through experience how to manage it much better.

 

There are many degrees and manifestations of shyness, for me, unless you feel you are chronically shy, I would advise you not to stress about this too much. Continue looking at ways to expose yourself to situations that may make you slightly uncomfortable but recognise that as you get older it is likely you will also naturally become more confident and comfortable about yourself.

[ShySoul]

Derge,

 

I still tend not to speak much if I don't really know the person. I talk more if I've gotten to know them, but still keep a lot of things private. I only really open up when I really feel like I can trust someone. It's gotten a little easier, but I know I'm never going to be that outgoing. And I'm ok with it. As long as I'm me, then thats good.

 

Life each day as if its your last. In other words, enjoy what you have today, because tomorrow it may all be gone. It's easier said then done. Look on the positive side, the bright side of things. See the glass as half full, not half empty. There are a lot of days I wish I could be more like that. I'm not always as positive as I appear. But I know to keep hope. And I know that even on the darkest days, there can still be light. You just have to believe and keep thinking positive.

 

PS. It's about 8pm. If you want to talk, I'm here.

[Derge]

I just asked what time it was cause ive left it late again in the uk its 4:45 am in the morning talking to my friends on msn. I only asked because where generally on about the same time. Thanks you have been a help and an inspiration shyness is part of your character like mine but with the kind of shyness I had and have still got to some extent it makes me out to be arragant and im not. Ive got time of from school so I like to stay up late and have some thinking time.

[Giant]

Anxiety while approaching women... thats a real huge problem for me. I wish all of this "shyness" business I have just disappears... got any suggestions for that?

 

When I am just in the proximity of a female friend, I end up getting nervous... yet, I do not know why? Could someone give me a rough idea and a suggestion on how to combat that problem?

[registered]

Does this occur only around women you are interested in? is it any woman? Is is only extremely pretty women? Is it only women who are older then you?

 

If you can identify specically what causes the anxiety then you can address it.

 

My "rough" suggestion is to simply approach women without expectations. Simply approach them to talk, don't put pressure on yourself to do this or that.

You must try and gain a state of mind where you don't care if you do something to embarrass yourself or to "waste" a chance, because really nothing needs to embarrass us or make us feel bad in any way and there will always be other opportunities.

Just remember to be that great person you are, don't worry what other people think of you, take note of it, but don't let it play on your mind.

[ShySoul]

Nice advice registered.

 

Don't look at it as approaching women. You've got it in your mind that women are different creatures that you need to be nervous around because they are so special or for some other reason. Truth is, women are just like men (well, besides the obvious differences). They aren't things to be afraid of or nervous around. They even tend to be easier to talk to. You just need to stay calm and relax. Concentrate on the conversation and just having a good time.

[Mr Right]

I am now an old man. I grew up painfully shy, I couldn't ask questions in school. I never stood up for myself, I never asked girls out on dates. When it's that serious, something should be done. My parents did nothing, I did nothing, just rotted in my bedroom. You are here where you are reaching out, that's a great first step. Just don't end up like me.

 

I am not really shy anymore, but I certainly do not have an outgoing life at 40. Few friends, no girlfriend. I go out, but I've no one to share this with. I travel alone. I live alone. I just wish something had been done when I was young. You are going in the right direction to do something about it.