Fun Nc "test"

[DropToZero]

Oh and your suggestion would be?? To throw myself at them and see if that tactic works? How about I wrap myself in saran wrap ...and while I'm at it, bend over backwards to show them exactly HOW far I'll go to get their attention??

 

Me choosing NOT to call someone is MY choice. It's NOT manipulative. I am protecting MYSELF from getting hurt. If they call they call..if they don't they don;t. Period.

 

One SXXY lady, I understand where you're coming from, but like I said, what mad people mad is that you called it a game, you're doing it on purpose. I'm not mad at you or trying to change your mind, I just hope you don't end losing a good opportunity with one of these guys possibly because of this.

 

I don't suggest you throw yourself at ANY guy for attention or call too often, or too little. The point is to be a self-controlled individual that can function on their own, doesn't become insecure because it's been "a few days and he/she hasn't called back," and to be yourself. Some girls I've dated would argue that I don't call often enough, and that could be quite possible especially in the earlier stages of dating. With your story, you say you've gone N/c with one of the guys because it's been 4 days right? For me, that's nothing, I usually call maybe twice at the most, but usually once a week and nothing more. That's just me tho, I use the phone to set up dates and/or meet, and do my best to not use it for anything else. So by what you think is no contact for 4 days, is just something normal to me. Possibly this guy could be the same way too...just be in control and don't let your "fun" limit you and what could happen out of this. Personally, like someone said before, and I've had it done to be recently(you read), if I found out you were doing this on purpose...you're gone in my book, who's to say you wouldn't pull some sort of game like this later on in something that could be more serious....? You should just be careful, it might just be fun now, but you're being judged based on your actions and personality right now, if these guys think "this" is how you are, you're just goin to make it harder to change their opinions of you if it does turn into anything more.

[RayKay]

I think the issue is...instead of saying "well, these guys are not giving me what I need, so I think I will just forget about them, move on, and date someone else!" she is deciding to do NC for purpose of getting them into a chase (she hopes).

 

She has not even said they were NOT interested anymore, just that they were not OVERLY excited. What does that MEAN exactly? I mean someone can be interested in someone, and not be jumping up and down everytime they see it, they are just starting dating too...the early part of dating is to learn about one another. If you are not giving people a chance to do so by going NC, or, you are putting expectations on or tests they are unaware of, that's a little unfair.

 

If she has decided they are not giving her what she needs, she can opt to just move on, rather then use the terminology of "NC" to see how they react. So what if they do? Then they are responding because they like the chase...so must there be another game to see if they rather have chase, or her? Once you start, it only creates more insecurities.

 

It's about the fact you said yourself you are doing it as a "fun game", not as a way to just move on to other opportunities.

[Day_Walker]

I think one missing component in your process is that you are neglecting which guy you want to have around. Instead what you are doing is simply making yourself more available for the more impulsive person. It does not have to be the case that the guy who is more impulsive likes you more it could be that he has alterior motives. It would make more sense to me that if you are lukewarm about both guys then maybe you arent really interested in either of them. If thats the case then you're just treading water till the next guy comes along.

I agree that the tactic will work one or both of the guys will start contacting you more because they feel that you arent as interested in them so they feel that they need to get you back where you were but that should be pretty much common knowledge by now if you have been on these boards for a while. I would like to see you take a more active role in this, you pick which guy you want or if you dont want any of them then move on. It seems that this is merely a ploy for more attention and whichever guy gives you that attention is the winner but for the time being two guys giving you attention will make you feel pretty good.

[Dogg]

it seems to me a little strange that in your first post you were so proud of yourself for coming up with this little "fun nc "test" and how you said that you were "going to try an experiment with this No Contact concept" and that you said that you are "just interested to see who reacts to your NC first".

Its seems to me again that you were looking to make yourself look good because you have two guys after you, kind of ike you were bragging. from the way that you put things in your frist post, there is no way that you are doing this so that step back and reevaluate the situation. you made a game out of this, you called it an experiment, you even went as far as to make up RULES!!!!!!! Then you get all types of defensive when poeple tell you that what you are doing is wrong. you begin trying to defend yourself by more or less saying the complete opposite things that you originally said. there are two words to describe that, they are HYPOCRITICAL and FAKE. I put in more than my two cents, peace out on this one...

[Lil Punkin]

I could be wrong but the way INTERPRETED her post was that they were NOT interested. I am in no way defending her..just saying I think her post was grossly exxaggerated about her intentions,because to ME it just sounds like she's doing NC as a way to YES allow these guys to pursue her more often. I have to say from experience, always being the one to pursue gets old, FAST!

[patience]

if someone only 'chases' you when you 'disappear' that's a red flag

 

think about it

[RayKay]

I have to agree with DayWalker here, and what I expounded in my post before...if they do contact you, what exactly are you thinking it will prove, or how will it reassure you they are interested in you for you?

[darkblue]

Exactly as RayKay, and DayWalker said.

 

Manipulation and head games are "Fun"..?

Oh my.

[RayKay]

I could be wrong but the way INTERPRETED her post was that they were NOT interested. I am in no way defending her..just saying I think her post was grossly exxaggerated about her intentions,because to ME it just sounds like she's doing NC as a way to YES allow these guys to pursue her more often. I have to say from experience, always being the one to pursue gets old, FAST!

 

And why does it get old...because you are not getting what you need right in return? You pursue anyway, because you hope it will win them over and they will reciprocate, right?

 

However, if they are not naturally reciprocating without resorting to "fun NC games" it's a big sign....NO THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. So, why the heck do you want a guy whom is NOT interested? Move on. Find someone whom IS interested.

 

If he suddenly pops back in her life, it's not because he suddenly realized he was head over heels for her this soon into dating.

[Lil Punkin]

I thought NC WAS moving on??? Am I missing something here??

[patience]

I think the term 'NC' was not used appropriately here...hence the confusion, frustration, anger, etc.

[keefy1972]

Listen everyone, if she is feeling shunned because neither of the two guys are chasing her, and she elects to use NC as an act of revenge of some sort to make herself feel better about her plight, why can't we be more supportive of it. ONE SEXXY, you do what you have to do to feel better about yourself. I support this "test" or "game" or whatever it is you want to call it. She's not being appreciated by either guy and has every right to do whatever she wants, within reason of course, to make herself feel better. Come on guys, this site is about support and she clearly needs it right now. GOOOOOOOO SEXXXY!!!!!!!!!!

[Dako]

As I've come to understand it, NC is ostensibly moving on and getting over it, while secretly it's a ploy to gain attention from the ex. Many of the NCers vacillate between the two, depending on what their point is in a thread.

Some will arrogantly say they're completely over the ex, then in a later thread reconcile and credit NC with bringing back the ex. If they don't come back, they cling to hope.

 

I dunno, that's just how it looks to me.

YMMV

[patience]

I have to admit, I'm curious as to what will happen. If neither one of them call, will she accept their lack of interest and move on? Maybe she needs to step back for her own sake right now.

[keefy1972]

Guys, you all must remember that No Contact, while certainly a valuable tool for people in desperate need to move on, isn't exactly a religion that needs to be preached and practiced to the letter. I understand everyone's concern about the other two guys. Like she said though, so what? They don't seem too concerned about her by not pursuing her. Everyone is just being a little hard on her.

[Lil Punkin]

Yep Patience..thats exactly what I read the first time I saw her post...hence the reason I didn't understand the big deal...

[Lil Punkin]

Ya gotta give it to Sxxy Lady though..she knows how to get a thread started!!!!! lol

[keefy1972]

people typing their poor little fingers down to the bone replying to this one.

[lunatic]

It is easy to get a lot of emotional responses when you choose the wrong words. I don't condone or disprove of One Sexy Lady's approach. She is a grown woman and has the right to do what she wants. The title is what got this thread going and emotional. Now it would be different if there were more feelings on boths sides and she pulled the no contact as a game.

 

It is surprising how someone who honestly is doing NC for the same reasons as most people that want their ex back. So to say she is wrong or write is not applicable. What we can all agree on is she chose the wrong wording for the title. So don't be so hard on her because after reading her post it is not what it appeared when we first read it on the forum.

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Thanks for those who 'stepped up' for me...I appreciate that, but it's not necessary. I think everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions...without being judged for it. But thats just me.

 

Maybe I should not have implied I was "playing a game"..because thats not my intent. My intent is merely to step back and YES see if they DO in fact intend to pursue further.

 

Sorry if some don't agree with that....although its certainly your choice.

[keefy1972]

GREAT JOB HUBMAN!!! Way to step in.

[moondog627]

I've still got 2 to 1 odds that this thread gets locked by the end of the day.

[lonelyfish]

This thread is a waste of everyone's time

[ONE SXXY LADY]

Then why did you post???

[keefy1972]

Well, I posted because I am here to defend the honor and dignity of the sacred rules of no contact. I will defend it with my last breath! Uh...derrrrrrr