How long until the dumper calls?

[wwj]

My ex dumped me after living together for two yrs. He hasn't contacted me and I have not contacted him. I just keep waiting for him to call--write, email, anything, but he hasn't

 

Does anyone know how long it takes for the dumper to usually contact us? I know some dumpers never do, but, we really went through a lot together.

 

I would just love to hear of when your ex contacted you or similar stories

[AC874]

Dont count on it

 

Seriously, the thought alone will drive you nuts.

[melrich]

Yeah I think you have to get out of that rut of waiting for contact somehow. I am sure he will contact you because most people don't just walk away from 2 years of living with someone never to see them again but as to when? Who would ever know.

[moondog627]

Yeah, assume they won't ever come back. My current ex still hasn't contacted me and it's been 4 months since the breakup (with NC). And I don't think she ever will contact me again. The ex before her though contacted me a few months ago after 5 years NC and we've just recently started to become really good friends again.

[shorty20]

mine called after six months... we'd dated for 3.5 years... we're great friends now... I would move on with your life and not think about it. If he happens to call later on down the road, you can address it then, but don't stress over him not calling.

[chai714]

It took over a month and we were coming out of 5 years being together.

 

Each person and situation is unique, so nobody can tell you when you'll talk to your ex again. If you can contain your emotions and not ask for anything from your ex, then it's fine to call. Otherwise, avoid contact until you can contain your emotions. Hang in there.

[RayKay]

I too think you need to break yourself out of the cycle of waiting for him to call...it is true, some NEVER do. Those that do, well it often does not change anything and holds you back even longer by giving you hope or bringing up bad memories.

 

It's best not to think about it really....I know it's easier said then done, but what I mean it is better to assume they won't and go from that.

[Mizzy]

I agree don't wait for your ex to call. If they do their response may not be what you expect and this can cause you even more pain and emotional upset. No matter how hard it is hang on in there. There is a saying 'if you love them let them go, if it's meant to be they'll come back'. Grieve and move on.

 

Take care x

[polaris]

Mine recently contacted me again after three months of NC. Happily, it mostly served to remind me of how much better off I am without her, though I wish her the best with her future life.

 

There a variety of factors that affect the length of time it takes, including the personalities involved, the length of the relationship, how amicable the breakup was, whether your ex has got a new partner, how much they've enjoyed their life since etc.. Some dumpers contact again almost straight away, others never do. I guess a few months is the most common, but it varies widely.

 

It's very easy for beneficial no contact initially, to develop into problematic no contact after a while, where the lack of contact becomes an issue that occupies your thoughts a lot of the time. It's difficult because you clearly lack control over the situation; you can force someone to remain in touch with you, and it's foolish to try. What you need is another way of resolving the lack of contact in your mind, so that it's no longer something which bothers you, but simply a normal part of your life. This is essential to finally being able to move on and leave the past where it is.

[wwj]

Thanks for all of your responses everyone. The thing is, we have broken up before-he left one other time. And I was sooooooooo hurt. I wouldn't call him, but I had friends call him about certain things having to do with the house. We got back together after one month. But, this time, I will not call him---he left me again!!!!!

I just keep hoping he will call.....I know this is foolish and counterproductive, but, I can't deny the way that I feel. And I feel sad, lonely, and yearn for him to call---to say he misses me, to say he was wrong--and then I can make him grovel and we can fix this. Sorry I laid my fantasy out for you all, but that's the way I feel...

 

Any input?

[redandblack]

Hey,

 

It's hard, but during my period of NC, I rediscovered my hobbies and made a bunch of new ones. Getting involved in new things really helps. I've been broken up for a little over a month and I can say that I have almost completely lost the romantic feelings toward my ex.

 

Think of times before you were in the relationship and what you used to do. Go out with old friends and make new ones!

 

It's really best to assume that your relationship will never come back together. It helps make the NC a lot easier compared to doing it to get your ex back.

 

I know there are a ton of posts on this forum about NC and how you can get over your emotions. You can do it if you set your mind to it!

 

Take care

[alonebutnotlonely]

I know what you are feeling. I heard this lady say the other day that "I don't have to like the situation, I just need to like myself in it." That means if I am doing something stupid like trying to control the outcome then I am only hurting myself in the long run. I will drive myself crazy trying to figure it all out. I am going through the same thing and it Sucks. This helps- writing it down- you know, it's like writing them a letter and letting it all out without ever having to send it. Detachment works!!!!! Physically, mentally, and emotionally- sounds crazy but it seems like the more we go on with life the better we are and the better we are going to get.

[sweetsmile]

I know how you feel. My ex also broke up with me before and he always returned back to me after 1-4 weeks, so this time I kept waiting for him to contact me but obviously he made up his mind and never contacts me again. It has been almost 2 months now, and I must say that the first 5 weeks were the most horrible. Then I realised it will probbly never happen...that i must move on. Now i'm dating someone new and i'm so thankful that my ex didn't call. i know i would get back to him if he did and i would feel bad again. the way it is now, it still hurts sometimes and i wonder how he's doing after 3,5 years together, if he's seeing someone else....but i decided to move on. i feel alot better for the moment and i think that if he contacted me today i would not want him back. i have feelings for another guy.

[Da5id]

It's okay to want him to call... it's okay to feel sad and lonely... you are going through a breakup.

 

If you can stick to your side of things and not initiate contact, then the feelings of sadness and loneliness will pass with time... soon you will not even want to hear from him because you will have moved on.

 

If you break down and call him (btw, no one here will think any less of you) you will go back to square one and have to start the healing process all over again... if you're lucky.

 

For me, she called after 3.5 months and I gave it another go... only to have my heart ripped out 90 days later.

 

Double breakups, back to back.

 

Not fun.

[Hawk]

Don't think I could do the double break-up - think I shall keep that at the top of mind for weak moments.

[capricorn85]

dont wait for him to call. when my ex dumped me he continuously called and wrote emails, but that just slowed down my process of getting over him. if he does call you what is there to really say to him. Work on yourself right now, dont worry about him.

[supradynbunny]

dont wait for hi to call. when my ex dumped me he continuously called and wrote emails, but that just slowed down my process of getting over him. if he does call you what is there to really say to him. Work on yourself right now, dont worry about him.

 

my ex dumped me after 6 1/2 years and still contacts me once in a while. You're so right. It does slow down the process of getting over him. I used to constantly watch my phone, but now, I keep myself busy with work and surround myself with friends and leave my phone in my bag. If he rings, he rings. I'm at that stage now, where I can speak to him on the phone and I won't get upset or anything.