How can people move on so fast?

[wwj]

Hi everyone. My b/f and I were together for four yrs. He and I had a very bad year. He basically ignored me and treated me like total crap. I couldn't make sense of it. Whenever we would be out in public, I would notice other couples and how the guys would rub the girl's back or put their arms around them, and I would get all teared up. It would bring tears to my eyes. He would see this and still be indifferent to me. Well, he ended things three wks ago, and I have not heard from him since. I have not contacted him either. I wonder if he will ever contact me? I would love some closure. What does everyone think? How can you tell if someone will contact you and how long does it usually take?

[ang3l2004]

Do not call him, Give him time to think about what he did and why he did it and give him time to miss you, He will CALL you trust me mabe not tomorrow mabe not in a week but he will eventually,You will then get the closure you need,It's hard dealing with breakups and wondering why he dont call and what happened but now is the time to start worrying about yourself and doing things you like to do to keep your mind off of him, I wish you the best of luck but trust me on this one do not pick up the phone pm me if u ever want to talk

[teacup]

this guy isnt worth it. like you said, he treated you like crap. i have to tell you, there are men out there that will treat you good.

[arwen]

Like teacup says, the best way is to focus on your own life and MOVE ON!!! This way, you won't be waiting for someone that might never call you again. Do you want the bf back that doesn't cherish you and isn't affectionate with you? WHY? There are lots of men out there, and many will treat you the way you deserve.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[wwj]

Thanks for your responses. I know that a person that would treat me terrible is not worth it. However, I do want closure. I would have loved to have heard, "look, I stopped feeling anything for you, I used you, etc, etc" But, I had nothing--no closure. Somehow I would love to have this. I am trying to move on. I went out on a date with a very nice man. He even bought me roses! I am not used to that. He complimented me profusely and really calls quite a bit. But, in some way, I think knowing why the ex stopped feeling for me may help with relationships in the future. I really want something to bring this thing to an end. All I do is wonder....

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

In my experience, "closure" never really helps you move on, sometimes it can make things worse. Like the other wrote, time to take care of you and focus on yourself. Go and get a massage, pedicure, something to treat yourself with. Take care and hugs to you.

[RayKay]

I don't think he "moved on fast", I think for him it sounds like the relationship was over long before the breakup...the breakup itself was just the result of a long culmination of his feelings/lack of feelings and so forth. That is displayed in the way he treated you the last year.

 

You CERTAINLY did not deserve how he treated you that last year, even if his feelings were changing. You are better off without that kind of treatment, and you will heal, and eventually will find someone whom treats and loves you as you deserve.

 

As for closure, honestly sweetie, closure will come from within in time...you may never get the real reasons from him, but you can look at his actions to see that he did not deserve you anymore, and that for him it was over. That's the start, as for you closure will be a process. Time is pretty amazing though in it's healing abilities.

[heartbroken84]

My ex bf of 2 years...broke up with me in July. We had a bad year as well. We were living with eachother, and at some point in time. He couldn't handle me anymore, so he bacame very indifferent. And it was a huge issue, cause like you said, I would see other boyfriends rubbing their gf and being affectionate in public. I know we're not supposed to compare, but you know when something is wrong, you get that feeling in your stomach. Ya know? I mean it wouldn't be such a problem, but he wasn't being affectionate while we were alone either. It's really hard, the dumper has made his mind up long time ago, what is not fair is that he left you in the dark. He can move on so quickly cause he made up his mind at least a month of two prior and finally had to break up with you officially. It sucks, tell me what to do to get over my ex? It's been nearly 5 months...

[lillady898]

A lot of people tend to agree that closure is something that you find within yourself. I know how hard that is, though. It'd be nice if we could just have exit interviews for relationships. But even then, I still don't think we'd completely understand what went wrong. The other person might not even know what went wrong, even if the majority of the blame for the breakup falls on them. I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone say after a recent break up, "Thank God I talked to him/her! Now I have closure." It takes time. Your mind is completely fogged after a breakup and it hurts. It's hard to see anything clearly. You need to move on from this first, and then you will find all the closure that you need. It seems backwards, but it'll come.

 

He may contact you, but you should prepare yourself to never hear from him again. Don't have any expectation that he will contact you. Unneccesarily high expectations will likely lead to disappointment, which can set you back a lot in the healing process. So, have only the expectation that he won't call. Then if he doesn't call, you'll be better prepared to deal with it. And if he does, then what a surprise (pleasant or not). Allow yourself to be a bit stubborn and not give him the benefit of hearing your voice. It really helps in moving on.

 

Good luck, and make sure to keep busy!

[nataliejulie]

My ex did the same, but sometimes he would do a 180 and be "that sweet guy". I never knew what to expect.

 

I remember HATING to go out with other couples. I would be on the verge of tears through most the night.

 

You know what though? There IS A GUY out there that is willing to hold our hand, show us affection, and give us "that look" (oh you know what I'm talking about!)

[sweetsmile]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. I think he prepared himself for about a year before he finally broke up with me for good, so i guess it was easy for him. I was sure he was going to call me but now it's been 6 weeks and still now contact from him. I think that he will not call ever again. I wish we could talk but i don't think there's anything to talk about and im afraid to contact him since he broke up with me and he might have found a new girlfriend. i dont know

[AC874]

Then let it go.

 

You dont need that crap in your life.

[wwj]

Hi everyone. Thanks for all of your words of wisdom. It's just hard to think that someone would "use" me like this. It's very obvious though, b/c if I mattered at all, I would at least hear from the ex. I read all of these posts on here from people who were dumped--like me--but the ex has contacted them. I just wish I would have at least the same consideration from my ex. If he would just call--I don't even care if it's to call me a b****. At least then I could put more emphasis on the end. All of have now is total silence. And, oh yeah, the phone does ring, from friends and new guys that are interested, but, it's still always a let down that it's not him. I hate him for having such indifference towards me. The funny thing is that in the last year when things were so bad, I used to question him about his indifference--we lived together--and he would just say I was crazy or whatever.....That just irks me even more now that I think back on it

[Hawk]

Trust me - I would rather have no contact from the ex - at least until I am better.