what are men like at 36?

[teacup]

just wondering what men go through, think, feel, want, and act like when they are 36.

 

i am 25 years old. i am dating a 36 year old white male. he told me he used to be wild and rebellious in his youth.

 

i am wondering if age has mellowed him. i am wondering what he is going through.

 

why would he want to date a girl so young? can he have real feelings for me? how would he look at me and perceive me as?

 

he told me he's not that mature himself when i told him that i might not be mature enough for him. of course, him telling me this was a turnoff because i want maturity!

 

he lives in an apartment. he doesnt make that much money, i mean he gets by pretty well but i doubt he has a lot of income to save. he has no car because he got a dui about a year ago. i wonder how he meets women - he says he just meets them wherever.

 

can he possibly be looking for something more serious? or just sex and booty? would he look for something serious from me? arent i too young?

 

he told me he dates in the 25-40 year old range. when he said 40 i was shocked. that's so old!!! he said if i had been younger than 25 then he wouldnt want to date me.

 

i wonder about him through.....it just seems like he has lived more, experienced more, had time to do more because he's 36. what are men like at 36? or what should they be like? what are they going through?

 

any 36 year olds can answer this for me?

[Shadows Light]

just wondering what men go through, think, feel, want, and act like when they are 36.

 

 

I am a woman answering this quesiton. So I'll give you my take on it as an OLD OLD woman.. AGE 39... (god forbid.. I think I'll file for social security next year)... just kidding. You just remember yourself when you get here.. and you'll Blush at referring to us as old foggies.

 

OK here goes.. AGE 36. Well.. yeah, a 36 year old should be more settled by this time. And at least have achieved some goals by now. I don't think a 36 year old feels any different form a 25 year old.. you look in the mirror and you get a surprise.. cause you feel 18 still inside. LOL.

 

i am 25 years old. i am dating a 36 year old white male. he told me he used to be wild and rebellious in his youth.

 

By reading through the rest of your post.. he's telling you the truth. He was wild.. and rebellious.. and doesn't sound like he's grown up a lot. LOL.

 

why would he want to date a girl so young? can he have real feelings for me? how would he look at me and perceive me as?

You are 25.. you are NOT so young.. and not so old. What can he see in you. Same as any other man. You are attractive to him. He gets a tingle when he's around you. He feels a chemistry... a pull.. and maybe.. you are on the same mental level playing field as he is. Just becuase he's 36 doesn't give him infiinite wisdom or make him smarter... or more learned. Its just a number.

 

 

he told me he's not that mature himself when i told him that i might not be mature enough for him. of course, him telling me this was a turnoff because i want maturity!

Well.. then... at least he's being honest about the maturity bit. And if you want maturity.. then maybe you need to look else where. Why may I ask are you looking for maturity.. or maybe I should say, what qualities are you looking for when you say you are looking for maturity. What does that mean to you?

 

 

he lives in an apartment. he doesnt make that much money, i mean he gets by pretty well but i doubt he has a lot of income to save. he has no car because he got a dui about a year ago. i wonder how he meets women - he says he just meets them wherever.

 

AHA!!! and here we get to the meat and potato's of it. OK.. so he lives in an appartment.. why? does he NOT want the care of a house and maintenance.. many people choose to live in an appartment for this reason. AT age 36.. if he doesn't own anything... and he doesn't save anything... then... where did it go.. is he a spendthrift?? meaning he blows all his $$$ on drinking and partying. ARE those qualities that appeal to you? If he's not getting paid a lot of $$ for his job.. ok.. what type of job does he have.. does he like it.. and what are his goals.. what else does he do with his life??? and ARE those qualities that are acceptable to you... will it work for you. These are all personal questions really. What appeals to me.. and what appeals to you will be different. I will filter information differently. AT 36... if he hadn't gone to school.. and he doens't own anything.. and he doesn't have goals... and he's never been married and is not paying child support then..... I'd take a LONG LONG LONG look at that.. cause.. quite frankly.. I wouldn't want to be Working for someone else. make sense?????

 

Yikes.. DUI and NO car.. RED FLAG ....RED FLAG... RED FLAG.... RED FLAG...

 

can he possibly be looking for something more serious? or just sex and booty? would he look for something serious from me? arent i too young?

 

 

No... why??? because he's not serious about his own life. How do you NOT have a car, and work, and get around??? well I guess it depends where you live. I live in an area where everyone needs a car to get around. But it sounds as if this guy.. is just irresponsibile. How can he take you out on a proper date without a CAR ... or will you be his chauffeur too????

 

he told me he dates in the 25-40 year old range. when he said 40 i was shocked. that's so old!!! he said if i had been younger than 25 then he wouldnt want to date me.

LOL.. ok.. I've already chided you on the 40 year old comment.. at least has has principles... I'll give him that.

 

i wonder about him through.....it just seems like he has lived more, experienced more, had time to do more because he's 36. what are men like at 36? or what should they be like? what are they going through?

No.. darlin.. he should have it more together as a 36 year old than he does. And maybe my expectations are too high.. or my social strata is on a different level... but as far as I am concerned... he wouldn't get a second glance. Seriously. 36 year old better have some goals in mind. Better have a PLAN he's working.. and he better be working his butt off as hard as I do and keep up with me.

 

Kick it to the curb... get yourself educated.. and if you want maturity and stability.. then educate yourself first. NEVER count on anyone but yourself. RELY on your own maturity, your own hands, your own mind.... a man is only a compliment to YOU.. not the end all to be all. They don't make you. YOU make who you are.

[volution]

Simple Answer:

Physical Age does not = maturity, compatibility, honesty, integrity, etc.

Too, 'older' doesn't necessarily mean 'better'...

 

People should never and can never be judged by their physical age.

I know people in their 50s that behave very immaturely, and conversely I know people in their teens or 20s and they are much much more mature...

 

Age is just an illusion...

[kellbell]

Excellent post Shadow!!! I was waiting for someone to say something about 40 being old! Yikes! I just 29 and I don't feel old at all, I am kid at heart. But I do agree that there are times in your life where you should be established or have some stuff to show for yourself and at 36, yes, I do believe you should have stuff to show for yourself.

 

Teacup, this dude is not for you. If you think he is too old for you, parties too much, after you for a booty call, doesn't have money, lives in an apartment (hey I live in one too), has no car, has a DUI charge, no ambition, then please, for your sake and his, let him go.

[onmyownagain]

Hi,

 

I am a 37 year old man and I live in a flat (but I do own a car). But until recently I was married and do own a property (wife and daughter are living in it).

 

I have just started doing the dating thing again, and I don't think I would be interested in a 25 year old to be honest. I guess you would be nice to look at but I don't think you would have the same outlook as a more mature person.

 

For example, I wouldn't be seen dead in a nightclub now though I would have at 25.

 

I think perhaps my minimum would be 30 perhaps a mature 28. I suppose if I had never had the marriage thing then things may have been different but I have lived my life and gained experience.

[bleeder]

I agree with what Volution mentioned.

 

Do not let the age gap or his age put you off. If you must, judge him for what he is. Personality, maturity and honesty.

 

I have encountered people in their 30's who behave like they are still weened by their mothers milk, and on the contrary, people in their 20's who exhibit more common sense and maturity. Yes, I do believe that true love is possible in relationships with large age gaps. Love, is blind to age, but embraces fidelity as well as faith.

 

All the best.

[teacup]

he works for a video game company. the avg. age of the ppl who work there are in their twenties and the atmosphere is very immature. when i was working there, i felt like my mentality and maturity was being dragged down too. i could feel it.

 

he lives in an apartment. i think he's been renting for a long time. he left a broken home at 19. im like a sheltered baby in comparison.

 

he owns stocks. i think he enjoys selling and buying them. and he likes 80's music. what else......umm.....he sold his car after he got a dui. he drinks too much beer.

 

he says he's only had sex with 2 ppl in the past few years. hmm hmm.

 

he complains about stocks taking a hit. then he says he needs a new job and to get away from the company. that he doesnt take his career seriously. says he has some credit card debt.

 

i dunno......could he still be playing the field? last thing i need is to be played by a 36 yr. old. that would be weird.

[Shadows Light]

OK.. so he works for a Video whatever company and he hates it. Whats the plan whats the goal?? at 36.. people set goals.

 

He lives in an appartment. Nothing wrong with living in an appartment, like I said.. some people like the convenience without the responsibility of having to deal with maintenance of a house. Coming from a broken home.... ohhhh cry me a river. Who hasn't come from some form of dysfunctional family. Its time at 36 to quit laying blame at other peoples feet and take responsibility. His living in an appartment and coming from a broken home are two very separate things.

 

he owns stocks. i think he enjoys selling and buying them.

Great... so is he teaching you about the stock market??? get any good tips for us that you can share???

 

Likes 80's music.. well.. lol.. everyone has different taste in music. I'm nostalgic for my hay day era music..but well over it. Am enjoying todays music living in the present.

 

he says he's only had sex with 2 ppl in the past few years. hmm hmm.

Ok.. so he's got discriminating tastes or he doesn't date to often.. hmmmm??? WHY?? ever been married????

 

 

he complains about stocks taking a hit. then he says he needs a new job and to get away from the company. that he doesnt take his career seriously. says he has some credit card debt.

yes yes.. lets all cry in our spilt milk cause the market took a dive. Life goes on. or is he using the stock market hit as an excuse as to why he's broke???? hmmmmm... BEWARE of some credit card debt. Some credit card debt equates to... those puppies are so hot they are melting.

 

i dunno......could he still be playing the field? last thing i need is to be played by a 36 yr. old. that would be weird

. Good rule of thumb and great advice to you.... listen to that teeny tiny voice inside. If it says that something is not right. Then something is NOT right.

 

Yes... you have tonz of time.. and by all means go and play the field. Get your life together. Set your goals and live your dreams. My grandmothers advice: If it smells like a dog, looks like a dog.. its pretty much likely its a dog. So, play with it at your own risk...and don't come crying to me when you get FLEA's

[teacup]

this is just stuff i know about him. dont condemn him for it. he didnt do anything wrong or disrespect me in any way.

 

i just want to know what a man's mentality might be like at 36. so i have a better understanding of him and where he's coming from. it's important to me to understand because i really like him.

 

well like he mentioned he sent out resumes to get a new job. i wonder if i have something to do with this because lately all i have been talking about is how badly i want a career of my own. and then i pass by like children's clothing store windows and i talk about how one day (not right now) i will dress my kids up.

 

it's weird because i thought cuz he was older that i could gain some motivation or learn something from him. but it's almost like he's picking it up from me when i talk about kids and career and goals. i mean......how strange. it's backwards. (or am i giving myself too much credit?)

[melrich]

Not everyone has the same ambitions. I actually think some of the posters have been a bit harsh on this guy.

 

It really does not matter if the guy has never been married, is in a dead end job and/or is meandering in life. That might be just how he likes it.

 

As for him being 36. Well there are plenty of 36 year old guys who still think they are 21.

 

All that really matters is if you like him. And that does not mean you have to be looking at him as marriage material, just do you like him and are you happy to spend some time with him...no commitment yet to the rest of your life for God's sake.

 

And who knows. Maybe he has just been waiting for someone like you to come along, to make him see other possibilities in his life. Or maybe he will just keep cruising as he is. But you can make decisions about how deep you want to go with this guys as you go. Not all relationships need to be mapped out from day 1 and I think you need some distractions in your life right now.

[teacup]

it's a good thing he's never been married. i could not deal with a divorced guy. no way.

 

i guess i dont care about the job or meandering because i feel like im stuck and wandering all over the place too. and i already kick myself for doing so. im 25 and need to get my act together. im so ashamed of myself.

 

yeah, i need some distractions. i doubt i could marry him. he's white. im asian. that would be weird. i've never liked a white guy in my life and i never thought i could either...ive always been crazy about asian guys. so this is really weird for me because i really like him.

 

i also think he's a tiny bit wrinkly. it's weird, i cannot explain this attraction at all.

 

our first time spending time together i told him no way, i said ur too old and too white. but it is like......magic, we just click.

[Themis]

I agree that age is just a number. I think it matters far more for your partner to be on your wavelength, want the same things out of life, etc.

 

 

That said, the DUI is a huge red flag. Drinking issues ruin lives. Don't trust him with yours!

[teacup]

sigh........any more advice?

[teacup]

Kick it to the curb... get yourself educated.. and if you want maturity and stability.. then educate yourself first. NEVER count on anyone but yourself. RELY on your own maturity, your own hands, your own mind.... a man is only a compliment to YOU.. not the end all to be all. They don't make you. YOU make who you are.

 

- love this. this was awesome.

[Shadows Light]

You're welcome Teacup. Good-luck to you...

[teacup]

another thing.......i like him because he knows who he is and what he likes. and this is attractive to me because i dont remember who i am and im not sure what i like or dont like.

 

however, i also wonder if he's a little stagnant. because he seems to like the same things that he liked years and years ago........i am wonder, do people keep changing as they grow older? or do some ppl just stay the same? i mean is it really possible to just stay the same?

 

he seems to like the same things he liked years ago. i dont know if he's added anything new since.

[SnookDaddy]

As a 40yo looking around for my pacemaker ;>P...no really, the original post reply says it all...

 

DUI, No significant career plan, says he's immature (basically)....all leads to...

 

RED FLAG BABY!

 

Don't settle for someone just because...

 

At 36, he is unlikely to change much or evolve...grow up...etc.

 

Don't think you will change him...

 

It is easy to "talk" about stocks...it doesn't mean squat!

 

"Some CC debt" is how much?

 

Find someone you love and are drawn too, you've got these "feelings" these "questions" already, trust your gut...get out....

 

You don't need to adopt a 36 yo child...life and relationships are hard enough without only ONE of you being responsible.

 

There, I've said it...that's what I think...

[teacup]

i love being with him. im not looking to get married right now. i still have to get a good job and finish school and i think i will change a lot in doing so.

 

but i wonder if spending time with him right now....if that will harm me or benefit me in anyway?

 

i asked him again today what his goals are......he said:

 

1. get his license back and get his car back.

2. change jobs

3. move to a different place

 

he said these are 3 significant changes already. i asked him what career he would want to change to. he said he might have to go back to school for a bit.

 

sighhhhhhh.................there is no future with this guy. but is there a present?

[annie24]

What doesn't make sense to me is why he is playing the stock market if he has credit card debt? Anyone who is good with money knows that it's more important to pay off the credit card debt before you start investing your money. Many credit card companies have intrest rates of 15-20%. So, unless your stocks are constantly making more than 15-20% gains, it's too risky.

 

That's my red flag right there.

[Shadows Light]

Annie.. talking about the stock market and actually investing or having cash invested in it are two different things. lol. Talking about the stock market may make him sound... knowledgeable, successful, intelligent, important.

 

And yes.. "some CC debt" uggghhhh. what does that mean?

 

Teacup.. people do change, everyone is different, some people get stuck in a rut for years and never get out of it. Some people get to a comfortable spot and just drop roots. And then others are movers and shakers.. and then we have the wanderers... looking for something constantly and never stopping long enough to leave and impression. Everyone is different Teacup.

 

Look. Spend time with him... if you like. Because it sounds like you are going to anyway. But as I said before.. never put all your eggs into one basket... don't count on anyone else to give you a life.. make your own life. Be mistress of your own domain.

[justlookin]

Most Men I know at 36 are hitting thier responsibilities and careers hard,we seem to get into a work mode of getting ahead and thinking about retirement.For me it was between 27 and 43.Of course there are many factors that keep certain individuals from trying to excell.

[sparticuss]

 

AHA!!! and here we get to the meat and potato's of it. OK.. . AT 36... if he hadn't gone to school.. and he doens't own anything.. and he doesn't have goals... and he's never been married and is not paying child support then..... I'd take a LONG LONG LONG look at that.. cause.. quite frankly.. I wouldn't want to be Working for someone else. make sense?????

.

 

Shadow. Take a long hard look at your insensitive attitude to men.

 

What makes you think he isn't paying child support?

What makes you think he hasn't already paid of a house that he lost to an ex during the divorce?

 

An awful lot of 36 year olds, in highly paid jobs, are in this exact situation.

 

But many onf them are living on as little as fifty bucks a week by the time the tax man, and the family law courts have helped themselves to their pay packets.

 

 

Gender reverse this! If you were talking about a 36 year old woman, still single, still living with mum, you wouldn't take the same attitude.

[sparticuss]

Red flag? You people are so paronoid that you even see gold cards as red flags.

 

I've been through this "perfect man" symdrome in numerous other posts. Theres no such thing as the perfect man. Get over it.

 

Ok then Teacup. Lets get in to your post shall we?

 

 

 

And yes teacup. I am male and I am in the age range.

[Shadows Light]

AHA!!! and here we get to the meat and potato's of it

. OK.. so he lives in an appartment.. why? does he NOT want the care of a house and maintenance.. many people choose to live in an appartment for this reason.

 

I think that this is a very logical question to ask ourselves.. of a male or female.. however, teacup asked a question that was PERSONAL to her.. and indicated she was talking about a MALE.

 

 

AT age 36.. if he doesn't own anything... and he doesn't save anything... then... where did it go.. is he a spendthrift?? meaning he blows all his $$$ on drinking and partying.

Another Very logical question... MY FILTER..but I think a mentioned that further down in my answer. And the role could be reversed.. if the subject we were discussing were a FEMALE.

 

 

ARE those qualities that appeal to you? If he's not getting paid a lot of $$ for his job.. ok.. what type of job does he have.. does he like it.. and what are his goals.. what else does he do with his life??? and ARE those qualities that are acceptable to you... will it work for you.

 

OK.. so what are his/her goals.. maybe they work at local gas station. Which is ok.. I did beg the question further down "ARE THESE QUALITIES ACCEPTABLE TO YOU".... meaning if she/he is educated will they have enough in common to hold it together. Does the person have goals for their future???? maybe they are happy where they are at... AGAIN.. I beg the question.. is this acceptable to the poster.

 

These are all personal questions really. What appeals to me.. and what appeals to you will be different.

 

EXACTLY my point. Me?? Personally...I look for persons I have something in common with as far as goal setting and growth. The train has left the station here, hun.. and I don't need any DRAG. Lifes to hard as it is without an anchor. MY FILTER.. MY OPIONION. BUT food for thought.. to the poster.

 

AT 36... if he hadn't gone to school

OK.. what did he or she do with their life. This is a DATE question. Did you go to college?? Did you want to go to college??? No.. OK thats fine.. it doesn't make the person LESS than.. just shows where and how they spent their time...

 

 

.. and he doens't own anything.. and he doesn't have goals ... and he's never been married and is not paying child support

Bling bling bling bling... we have a winner!!! If He's NEVER Been married, If he's NOT PAYING CHILD SUPPORT. ... YEP.. I think I was sensitive to the fact that the man may have recently been stripped bare.. and that he just may be paying for child support .. and THIS would explain.... a lot of things.

 

then..... I'd take a LONG LONG LONG look at that.. cause.. quite frankly.. I wouldn't want to be Working for someone else. make sense?????

 

Taking a long hard look at key questions should NOT be an issue.

 

I understand.... where you are coming from SPARTICUS...I hear you.

 

THE AVERAGE 36 YEAR OLD IS CROCHETING??? LOL.. OHH.. THATS RICH... Hardly... not to many women know how to these days.. its a dying artform. And yes...a mortgage "CAN" be paid off by one income.. and it can be done by a "Woman"....lol..

all depends on what your priorities are, what you did for yourself, how lucky you were in the job market, which part of the country you live in... and YES.. it can be done without hunting down, marrying and divorcing a man. And NO.. at 39... I'll be darned if I'd pay off someone elses debts and support someone.. they'd better well be able to feed themselves... (but thats for another post).

 

(YIKES... Sorry about that last statement.. what I mean is that I want a partner... not an anchor...

a PARTNERSHIP is the ideal.)

 

I'm sorry I sounded insensitive SPARTICUS.... my applogies. But I'd advise my daughter the same way... I'd tell her to educate herself and pave her own way. And yes... I do know of a FEW ladies & gentlemen, who while they are the "sweetest" people in the whole world... they are "IN THAT AGE GROUP" and partying till they drop, spending their disposable income recklessly without a thought or care to the future. Should the bottom fall out.. they are the first ones crying "whoa" is me. Insensitive?? Nope... just cautious.

[teacup]

he lives in an apartment. he plays the stock market and likes to talk about stocks. he has legos and video games in his room and reminds me of a sulky little boy but one who is also a man. he has boundaries and selfcontrol and i like that. his friends seem sterile and womenless - i mean none of them seem to be dating or attracting women. he seems stable but does not have any worthy longterm goals and that annoys me. except that im still in a transition stage in my life right now so i dont care too much about that. he went to college and got his degree but is working in a totally unrelated field. he was engaged to be married but his fiancee cheated on him i think a couple years ago. (this part makes me nervous because i've never had to deal with that) he has no kids that i know of and is looking for a new job.