there is no excuse for abuse.

[teacup]

this is my post. this is my message. im not particularly seeking replies but i want to get what i have to say out.

 

there is no excuse for abuse. period. i dont care how angry you are, or what the reason is, there is no excuse to abuse or hurt another living, breathing spirit, soul, human being. it is not okay, it is not cool. it is horribly disgusting and vile. if you abuse others, you are trash. if you are being abused....please get out, you do not deserve it.

 

if you are an abuser and you say "i cant help it", or "he/she made me so angry", "i didnt meant to". those are excuses and it is WRONG. you know what ur doing, and you make the choices to do it. that is disgustingly bad and evil and needs to be stopped.

 

a year and a half ago i was in an abusive relationship. i was a broken down mess. i couldnt get out of bed, i was depressed all the time, i cried constantly, my soul was shattered, i could barely walk to the restroom without feeling extremely tired, i could barely eat sometimes or i overate, i slept all the time but i never felt any better, i couldnt walk to class, i didnt enjoy going anywhere, i didnt want to talk to people or connect to them. i didnt make any new friends, i couldnt finish any classes, i did stupid illegal things, i had no responsiblity, i made tons of excuses for my behavior, i made stupid crazy choices, i did crazy things, i flirted with guys that were disgusting and really gross. i was a soul that was shattered, broken, lost, confused, in turmoil, naive, innocent and really easy to take advantage of. i was half crazy and out of my mind, i thought sometimes i would end up on the streets homeless or mentally ill because i was so sick. i didnt take care of myself, didnt comb my hair, wore ragged clothes, had no respect or decency for myself anymore, my room was a mess, i lost a really good friend and some not so good friends, i didnt go out, i didnt talk to others, i lost all my dreams, my goals, i lost my identity, i didnt know who i was, i couldnt hold down a job, i had anxiety and panic attacks and severe depression. i was a disgusting selfabsorbed mess. i was pathetic. i had become a total loser.

 

something was wrong with me and i blamed myself. it was all my fault, i was crazy and something was wrong with my head to make me this way. then one day while i was waiting for counseling, i was in the counseling library browsing selfhelp books. i picked up one book about abuse and found a forum that was promoted by the author of the book. on that forum i found my answers.....i found women with stories like mine, i found encouragement and clarity.......i wasnt crazy. i was being severely abused.

 

for years i had been in a relationship, for 5-6 years. this "relationship" was eating away at my soul from the inside. i was broken apart from who i was inside and taken and beat down piece by piece. most of his torture was mental, emotional, psychological, but there was financial, spirtual, sexual and physical as well. i would never have believed that another person would treat another this way. i would never have believed that someone would treat ME that way.

 

i was always a good person, kind, honest, caring, sincere, sweet, considerate, helpful, quiet, mature, intelligent...i wanted to be good to others, i wanted to help this world and to bring happiness and kindness to others. NOT pain and suffering. yet i ended up in a situation where my life became a living hell because of another person. i gave the power of my life to someone who took advantage of that to tear me apart because of his own issues and his own psychological mess.

 

for years and years he had been torturing me. making my life a living hell. isolating me from my family, cutting me off from friends, playing constant mind games everyday, controlling me, blaming me, accusing me, picking on me, cutting me down, name-calling, accusing me of doing things i didnt do, accusing me of cheating, accusing me of lying, accusing me of being a horrible person, using me, borrowing money from me, guilttripping me, pinching me, slamming doors in my face, insulting my appearance, spitting, following me (playing games where he would stalk me down the street), hanging up the phone on me, using me for sex and then throwing me away, saying what i wanted to hear and alternating that with cruelty where he would yell or get irrationally angry about nothing, i had to deal with his moodswings, his irrationality, his lack of common sense, i was always trying to fix his problems, always trying to fix "us", always trying to fix this fake "relationship" because nothing was ever right. he always had something to complain about, something he was angry about, something he wasnt happy with, some new problem to deal with. he was controlling, he had no respect for me, he didnt allow me privacy or he flat out didnt care. he cheated on me, he lied to me constantly, he was shady and made excuses, he used my money and credit cards, he never wanted to help out, he was a negative negative person with a horrible attitude. he was fat, like freaking obese but he would accuse me of being fat. (i am quite cute and trim) he would call me names, call me stupid, say my hair was nappy and ugly, make fun of me and say it was just a joke or teasing, he would make tons of excuses, he would turn me against my family, he was manipulative, he was fake, he never introduced me to anyone, he would tell me that everyone was using me, that nobody liked me, that i had problems, that i was a mess. he would tell me nobody cared about me except "him". he would accuse me of talking to exes, he was ashamed to be seen with me, embarrassed to be seen walking down the street with me, he made me feel like trash, like i was worthless, i wasnt a person, i was a thing, a possession. and he could mistreat me whatever way he wanted. i didnt have an identity.....i was miserable and unhappy and scared and afraid of him, i didnt trust him and i didnt know why.

 

he left me for another girl one day. suddenly, without warning, he went home, slammed the door and never talked to me again. i called him and he yelled "it's over" and hung up on me. and that was it. he had sex with me and left. that was it......no warning, nothing.

 

i was strangely relieved. i didnt want to contact him for some reason. i didnt know why but.....that is how i felt. i felt free.

 

forward a year and a half later. i've been to job interviews, i've worked at a temporary job, i wear cute clothes, i put my hair together very nicely, i get asked out on dates by boys, i attract men naturally, my family loves me, i go out and watch movies and eat and go to places i want to go, i have new interests and hobbies and i've found some old ones, i go to school and i go to class and i finish some of them, i improve myself, im remembering who i am again, i drive a nice car, i exercise, i am no longer tired all the time, i am HAPPY, i am free, i am single, i am young, i am beautiful, i am fun and interesting and a great person. all this i gained without him around.

 

he tried to come back in my life about a few months ago. whenever everything is going very well and beautifully for me, he tries to come back. calling me constantly, emailing me, trying to find a way to contact me through AIM, trying to reach me. i picked up the phone once, he was sorry (even though he couldnt say why), he still loved me (even though he didnt know why), he wanted us to be together (barf), he had never forgotten me (because i was a tool to him). it was a horribly digusting phone call, he was playing mind games even on the phone, he wasnt sorry one bit, he didnt care about me at all, he was just up to his old tricks trying to get me back so he could use me and abuse me. i could sense the violence and the tension that was just under the surface, the blame, the games, he was starting the psychological torture even on the phone. if he had got me back, i know the violence would have been even worse, he could have killed me or eventually i would hate myself so much i would kill myself. after what he had already done to me in the past, apparently it was not enough, he still felt like he had a license to hurt, a extreme right to own me, use me, possess me, rob me of my life and to destroy me. after all that, it still wasnt enough for him. he still sought to abuse. it is absolutely digusting, heartbreaking and pathetic to recognize what a genuine loser, trash and scumbag he is.

 

i told him i would call the police if he ever contacted me again. i will file a restraining order if i have to.

 

this is my painful story, my painful journey......i didnt deserve any of it. i didnt deserve abuse. nobody deserves to be treated like that. every person deserves dignity.

 

for those still in it....find a way to walk out. you dont need to live with it. you dont need to live with a inhuman monster who treats you like that. nobody who loves you would ever EVER abuse you in such a way. at the first sign of it, leave, get out the door, never look back and never regret it.

 

look what i went through....it it humiliating and painful, embarrassing and disturbing to talk about, it hurts too because i blame myself for not seeing it sooner, for not knowing or denying i was being abused, for letting myself be treated like that......but i survived. i made it to the other side and saw how beautiful life is without abuse. i am free now and being free is the best thing that ever happened to me. if someone really loves you, they will not chain your soul, they will not try to shatter you or break you or bend you to your will. they will let you be free but love you anyways. dont ever buy into an abusers lies and stories and deceit.

 

love does not hurt. if it does, it's not love. run away, walk away....do what you can to get away.

 

one more thing: it doesnt matter if he was abused or horribly mistreated in the past by his family or ex or somebody or another. this is just an excuse. the truth is many people who are abusive have been mistreated. but think about this, if they were so intouch with their feelings about having been hurt in the past, why would they turn around and do it to yoU?? it makes no sense. it is just an excuse for their behavior.

 

there is NO excuse for abuse. NO reason. that is all.

[registered]

Thanks teacup, for sharing this important message, despite how difficult it has been for you.

 

I like how you called it your (painful) "journey", because you have come a long way and overcome so much and that is very admirable.

[volution]

It is so bad the way so many men carry on - not just physical abuse, but verbal abuse and emotional abuse can be just as destructive.

 

I know someone I care about deeply who is too weak to get away from abuse, there is nothing I can do. I live accross the ocean, and I'd even be prepared to go over and sort this piece of poo out myself, but I might get arrested...

 

No matter what I've said to her, she can't seem to hear the words, and she can't seem to break away.

It is so hard for women to get away; I'll probably never understand totally why until some future lifetime when I experience it; but I feel so helpless when I see women get treated so badly - I cannot understand why they are so trapped...

I try to be the Knight, but I am pushed away, and only the woman can help herself get out of the mess. If she directly asked for my help, then I'd help at the drop of a hat...

 

But I feel I'll have to have moved on to someone else because my sanity and soul will have been too badly damaged if I hold out my hand and heart for much longer...

 

i was always a good person, kind, honest, caring, sincere, sweet, considerate, helpful, quiet, mature, intelligent...i wanted to be good to others, i wanted to help this world and to bring happiness and kindness to others. NOT pain and suffering. yet i ended up in a situation where my life became a living hell because of another person. i gave the power of my life to someone who took advantage of that to tear me apart because of his own issues and his own psychological mess.

- This is so uncannily the same as this woman I care about - she is so gentle and kind, intelligent, and she just wants to help others and the world, yet her light has been so badly extinguished, and I've had to watch as her bright eyes have dimmed into an aching grayness...

All her goodness seems to have been stolen away by Satan's own son who has abused her...

 

She has been moving to a different place, to try and get away from the scumbag, I can only hope and pray that somehow soon she recovers...

[yeawutever]

Thanx for sharing ur story and NO, definitely no excuse for abuse, if you cna't help it or have problems, go get therapy and counseling but no, a person can't blame the other or make excuses for abuse.

[teacup]

Thanx for sharing ur story and NO, definitely no excuse for abuse, if you cna't help it or have problems, go get therapy and counseling but no, a person can't blame the other or make excuses for abuse.

 

yes. there is no excuse to treat another human being that way. but i still see ppl do it all the time and it makes me feel sick. these days, i can pick up on it easily in just the littlest things. i am so used to what the abusive style is like that even from the tiniest actions or words i can tell who is probably abusive and who isnt.

 

once you understand abuse, it is VERY easy to tell. abusers have a systematic pattern of actions, thoughts, choices, and words that they use in their "crazymaking." it might seem random, but there is actually a logic and order in what they do to break down the woman. that is another clue that they know exactly what they are doing.

[teacup]

No matter what I've said to her, she can't seem to hear the words, and she can't seem to break away.

It is so hard for women to get away; I'll probably never understand totally why until some future lifetime when I experience it; but I feel so helpless when I see women get treated so badly - I cannot understand why they are so trapped...

 

- the reason why women remain trapped in abusive relationships is that over time the abuser has purposely broken her down in a way that allows him to maintain strict control and power over her. that is the reason for all the games he plays and all the abuse he heaps, it keeps her weak and shattered, letting him stay in control. that is why he destroys her selfesteem, destroys her selfconfidence, shatters her soul, heaps cruelty on her, but alternates his brutality with periods of "honeymoon" where he is really nice. this is done to keep her feeling confused, off balanced, keep her mind foggy and unable to think clearly, keep her dependent, and make her feel that she cannot live without him and cannot remember life without him. it is a form of mind control and manipulation that destroys who she is, wears her down, and keeps his power and control over her. that is why it's so sick!!!

 

 

This is so uncannily the same as this woman I care about - she is so gentle and kind, intelligent, and she just wants to help others and the world, yet her light has been so badly extinguished, and I've had to watch as her bright eyes have dimmed into an aching grayness...

All her goodness seems to have been stolen away by Satan's own son who has abused her...

 

 

- abusers purposely pick women who are kind, sweet, intelligent, honest, caring etc. they know that if they tried to control women who are the opposite, those women wouldnt care and would run out on them real fast, either that or those women would fight back and beat them to a bloody pulp. abusers are smart enough to pick the right targets for their abuse. women who have gentle souls are easier to control, manipulate, mistreat, hurt.....good women also tend to be more forgiving, understanding, loving, and kind. abusers suck up all that attention. they use it to their purpose and advantage. make no mistake - they purposely seek out victims who have good hearts and good minds and twist it to their advantage. it makes me sick that they purposely find good ppl to perpetuate their suffering, deceit and evil upon.

 

abuse isnt just some random thing where the abuser is out of control or has an anger problem like most ppl think. abusers are actually very much in control, they know what they are doing. if you look at the long-term pattern of their seemingly "random" outbursts and "random" violence, you will see that there is a purpose and intent behind their sick actions - to keep the victim sick and trapped and for the abuser to stay in control and in power behind the whole thing.

 

let's say an abuser was emotionally and verbally abusive. calling his victim cruel names and playing mind games. if the victim tried to fight back, the abuser would know and feel he was losing control and power over her. he would "up the ante" so to speak, and he would increase his cruelty in order to win back his control. so mabe next time he may consider hitting her and using physical violence to bring her back to his control. if the emotional and verbal abuse stops working, he will consider his next option. this is why women sometimes get murdered when they leave the relationship, the abuser feels he has lost all control over her, so he goes for the highest thing he can do to regain his power - by killing her.

 

abuse has nothing to do with the victim. the abuser makes the choice and has the responsiblity of brutalizing her, he chooses to do it out of some sick internal need within himself. he chooses to take out his anger and aggression and issues on her because he cant face himself. there is nothing the victim can do to make it better or to placate him - he has severe issues that he is unwilling to face. the only thing any victim can do is to leave.

[seally]

Teacup

I'm very sorry if this seems harsh but I don't think you really understand what goes through the mind when you abuse someone. I am not defending my actions but what you are saying is very very uncalled for. Unless you truly see what people who abuse are feeling please do not judge. I have been both abused and abused other - probably because small minded people bullied me till (and I still do sometimes) dislike the human race.

 

Some people including me, abuse out of fear that has been bullied into the them then anger so I'm sorry I don't think you should be posting judgmental things on here when people who do abuse, myself included, are trying to work through our problems.

Sorry I really don't mean to cause offence or an argument

[teacup]

that's an EXCUSE. i was bullied too by racist ppl, by ppl all through school and by jealous ppl because i was better than them. i have also been in two relationships. one with an selfish, horrible jerk. and one with a crazy abuser. i have been used and kicked around by ppl, stomped on and viciously hurt. i have been gossiped and lied to. i have had horrible horrible things done to me by others.

 

despite this, i have never intentionally and consciously hurt another person. (and any that i have hurt,i have apologized to and i never to hurt again) the older i get, the stronger my moral integrity is. the more i know that i CHOOSE not to harm anyone.

 

so NO. i dont buy your argument. there is NO excuse. i dont use the excuse that i was hurt so i can hurt others. who hasnt been hurt by someone else?

 

you are making up an excuse to hurt and abuse others. especially someone you say you "love". that is disgusting. love does not hurt.

 

and yes i do understand the abusive mentality. all too clearly. no sympathy for you. you are not the victim. you are the abuser. and that is WRONG. do you hear me? it is wrong to hurt another person viciously.

 

NO EXCUSES.

[twinklestar]

teacup, your ordeal sounds a lot like mine. I understand you completely. My ex also tried to get me back this year (over a year later) because now I'm back to being that person I used to be and he can't stand it. He wants me back just to have the control and power again. It took me over a year and a half too to get where I am now, much in the same place as you are. Doesn't it feel terrific? (((hugs)))

 

As much as I can UNDERSTAND a person being abused in their childhood (been there, had it done to me - physical) and having relationships with people that hurt them (like I had - emotional abuse for years), I too, think it is NO EXCUSE for treating someone else like the dogdirt under your shoe. NEVER. I have no sympathy with people like that. They should be fixing their issues before unloading it onto someone else. I tried so damn hard to fix our relationship and fix him. You cannot do it, I actually felt like a failure, I was ashamed to talk about how he treated me and no-one ever knew until the end.

 

As a person, I am kind, giving, caring, honest, thankful, humble etc but also fun-loving and absolutely not the jealous type and I had no clue about where he was coming from with the way he messed around with my mind. I let it happen too but I have forgiven myself now for being such a fool to let myself be treated like that. I am worth so much more! It shatters your self-worth, your sense of who you are, your heart and mind. Bruises to your heart and mind take a lot longer to heal and finding the right path to follow is very difficult in the beginning. But, healing does happen if you let it, if you let yourself roll with your emotions and not suppress what you feel. You are only blocking yourself from further progress if you do. Today, I can say I can be affectionate again, be social again, love again and open my heart again and I know things are only going to get better. I rock and my life rocks. Yeah!

 

teacup, we ROCK!

[seally]

You really don't have a clue do you? I am 19 and seem to have more life experience than you. And yes LOVE DOES HURT!

[avman]

I'm going to remind you all to respect each others opinions even if you disagree. Otherwise we're going to start deleting posts.

[seally]

Teacup one question - Why are you on a site like this if all you want to do is judge people who are generally trying to deal with their problems? I do not require people judging me and my friend. I was hit by my boyfriend and I don't judge or hate him - Maybe I'm a more understanding person.

[teacup]

hey avman, it's alright....things are alright.

 

seal - i know abusive ppl. i know their traits. i know their characteristics. i know how they operate. classic behavior of abusers.

 

1. getting ppl to feel sorry for you even though YOU do the abusing

2. turning the tables on other ppl even when they do nothing wrong, ex: here i am posting up my pain and there you are viciously trying to undermine it and accuse me of stuff

3. ur abusive private message to me

4. twisting of words to imply i said something when i clearly didnt mean it that way

5. denial, rationalization

6. u post ur story to rid urself of ur guilt, not out of any real responsiblity or change

classic - that's why you'll abuse again and again.

 

i am not seeking to flame but i know abuse well. and you.......trying to abuse me in subtle passive-aggressive ways on this site. do not speak or contact me in any way.

 

many people do not understand abuse or abusers. they do not understand it is not an anger problem. they do not understand it is not a medical, mental, emotional, or medicational problem. it is a problem of entitlement. the abuser feels extremely supremely justified in his actions and his abuse of others. deep down inside, he feels the need and the right to do whatever he wants.

 

less than 2% of abusers change. what is even more dangerous about abusers it that they usually put on a really good show for other ppl.

 

- they pretend they've changed, or gained insight, or have seen the light, that they are good now, magically changed over night.

- in front of the abused's friends, familys, acquaintances, they are all smiles and sweetness, sunshine, and honey. the abuser puts up a VERY good image. very convincing. he is sooooo sorry. he'll never do it again. he never meant to. etc.

- despite this abuse returns again and again.

- i have heard many stories where the abuser tries counseling, tries theraphy, takes medicine, goes to anger management, tells everyone that he's all okay now! puts up a good front and acts like the perfect person. and then behind the scenes, they go home and viciously abuse the crap out their partner - sometimes even worse than before.

 

that is why abuse is frightening. that is the true face of abuse.

 

i went through it. i know the pains and classic symptoms all too well.

[seally]

In reply:

1) I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me I want to get help for my problem

2) Erm how do I turn the tables - I undermind you because I feel u are being unjust and a little hypocritial.

3) There was not abuse in your message simply stating you are not better than anyone - People are equal.

4) Write clearer

5) Never any denial of any of this

6) Posted my story WITH my boyfriend so we can both work through our issues and seek help not abuse.

 

I'm sorry to say and maybe I'm wrong you don't seem to have any real idea about 'abusers' At least you don't about me. There was no violence in me till 2 months ago so whether i'll abuse 'again and again' is debatable. I'm sure with support I won't.

 

If you are so disgusted with me and other people who are trying to deal with there problem please do not visit this forum. It is obviously a sensitive subject that you cannot deal with without being over-upset. I understand you are not over what your ex's did to you but please do not tar us all with the same brush as I am sure you would not like me to do to you.

 

As for me being a abuser yes I fully admit I abused my boyfriend several times in the past but he was understanding and now we are seeking help together. Please understand the person - it may be wrong but its not disgusting like you state. I only wish I had been mature enough to support my ex.

 

I would also like you to note that I didn't want an argument or offence to be caused by my first post. I was just stating my opinion which you should accept. I didn't say you have to like it.

 

I would also thank you not to address me as you clearly can not help people like me through this difficult time in our lives. Thank you and thank you also for your opinion

[Mongoose542]

Teacup I think ur being way too harsh, b/c by ur post, u mean that abusers can't change and that there never is a cause, but there is, if u read my post. Yes I myself would beat up my b/f, he would took up with it, and yes I would use the same mean words my dad would say to both me and my mom back when I was just a kid. Yes I did also defended mom at several occasions as a kid, was like 10 and dad broke my nose three times, Im telling u he was real mean and cruel, the only difference is he never apologize, I on the other hand did when I realize how I have hurt by b/f. You don't understand wut went on in my mind, yes I know there is no excuse, I know, I started counseling yesterday and anger management. Yes I'm trying to win back my b/f, and I'll, he say the only way is if I prove it. So yes I'll change but ur just saying abusers are bad people who won't change, so according to u, then I'm bad? And no, whenever I would both verbally and physcially abuse my b/f, I never meant to do it, it was out of frustration, yes I was sorry afterwards. And yes, I'll also stop drinking, I would also hit him when drunk. I know there is no excuse, thats why I did seek help and I'm getting it. And when he comes back, I'll be different, I won't hurt him again.

[FoxLocke]

Thank you so much Teacup for sharing that VERY important message.

 

As I've stated before I was physically and mentally abused by my older brother when I was a kid.

 

For so many years I thought it was MY fault. The victim of abuse often blames his or herself for what is going on..."Oh, he or she hit me because I said something I wasn't supposed to..." or, "Maybe if I had done it this way then they would not have done such and such..."

 

Well that is all bull. The abuser makes the decision to violate another person and make them feel worthless.

 

I harbored ALOT of anger towards myself because I felt powerless in the situation...but by placing the blame where it is due(on the abuser) that is the first step to healing...

 

Again, that was a wonderful post Teacup...

[teacup]

you're welcome. i had to get it out of me. the people who try to defend themselves or who try to argue with me.....i think they are just trying to find justification to abuse. it's sad that they would even think or want to do that.

 

when i was in the abusive relationship, i tried to jump through hoops to please him! i was always trying to placate him, trying to please him, trying to make him happy, trying to satisfy him, trying to do what he wanted and make him glad to be with me. i was always trying to help him, serve him, make sure his needs was met. everything was about him him him! it was never about me. i was completely exhausted giving and giving and giving and never receiving anything in return.

 

the worst part was, all my efforts were never returned or even appreciated. whatever i gave was never enough. whatever hoop i jumped through, there would be a new hoop to jump through.

 

he would complain that i wouldnt dress up nice for him. so when i would, he would say that i didnt have to do that, and make me go back inside and change into something ragged again. no matter what i did, the rules he set were constantly changing. there was NO pleasing him no matter what. everything wasnt good enough for him, what i did wasnt good enough, if i did something - then there was some way i should have done it differently or better or something. it always kept me offguard.

 

abusive people are impossible, IMPOSSIBLE to please or satisfy. they always have a new reason or excuse why what you did wasnt good enough. and then they make a new way that you have to do or achieve before they'll care about you.

 

it was just crap. it hurt and hurt. i bled and bled and now im just too tired of bleeding like that inside. it hurts too much.

 

no excuses for abuse ever. that includes anyone who tries to defend their violation of another person. that's just disgusting for me to hear. and completely utterly wrong.

[seally]

In reply to the post from mongoose.

 

I know there is no excuse, thats why I did seek help and I'm getting it. And when he comes back, I'll be different, I won't hurt him again.

 

Wow, I'm really glad you are getting help and in regards to the quote above I believe you. I too have to prove myself to my boyfriend. Although we are still together I have to gain his trust and respect again. Seeing him flinch if I move too quickly and see his face get upset if we play fight and he can't tell whether I'm playing or not DOES hurt like hell. Though I have only hit him a few times and in a short space of time it was enough.

 

Thank you for posting, it is nice to know a fellow troubled soul and working things out as I am.

[Itsok]

Personally I'm of the opinion that people who abuse never change, period. You can change someone's actions but you can't change who they are inside. If someone abuses others, it's because there's something not right inside of them.

 

It's not about being kind or more understanding, it's about that there's something wrong within each person. The abuser has something wrong, the person being abused has something wrong that they would allow someone to abuse them.

[BellaDonna]

Teacup,

 

Thank you for posting your story. I agree with your views, especially about the excuses.

 

You've clearly been through a lot and learned a lot. I am glad that you will not tolerate excuses from people in your life justifying "why" they've hurt you, anymore.

 

 

 

 

BellaDonna

[teacup]

Personally I'm of the opinion that people who abuse never change, period. You can change someone's actions but you can't change who they are inside. If someone abuses others, it's because there's something not right inside of them.

 

It's not about being kind or more understanding, it's about that there's something wrong within each person. The abuser has something wrong, the person being abused has something wrong that they would allow someone to abuse them.

 

- i agree. there is something internally wrong inside the minds of the abusers. it's not a momentary thing. it is more like a personality characteristic of who they are. it has been ingrained over years and years. it takes a lot of abnormality to be able to abuse another human being like that, dont you think?

 

i constantly marvel how mere strangers on the internet whom i have never met, have offered me more kind words, compassion, support, sympathy, and empathy in a single moment than he has ever over the course of 6+ years. that is really really sad and pathetic to think of. abusers are not capable of connecting with others on a deep meaningful level. they are incapable of genuineness, incapable of facing themselves, incapable of real genuine deep emotion, incapable of real sympathy or feeling for other ppl though they know how to mimic it.

 

the bottom line is that abuse is NOT love. if you abuse another person, you DO NOT love them. if someone abuses you, they DO NOT love you, they DO NOT respect you, and they DO NOT care about you. sure their mouths might talk, but talk is cheap and free. remember, abusers hold no responsiblity or accountability for the words they say out of their mouths.

 

love is NEVER abuse. love DOES NOT hurt. abuse in the name of "love" is one of the sickest things i can think of for one human being to do to another. (abusers use the "i love but i abuse excuse" which is a lie) that is really really low. NO EXCUSES.

 

btw, thanks to all the good ppl for your kindness and understanding. =)

[seally]

Personally I believe judging people just because you have an experience from a similar person is wrong - Its prejudice. Just the same as other forms of prejudice.

 

I also believe some people can change and people on this website are NOT justifying thier actions just getting thier feelings out to seek help. Please get over your problem/bitterness about this. Even if you happen to experience it, do not say we're all the same - we're not period.

[teacup]

you are using an emotionally abusive technique in your post to a stranger. when you say "please get over your problem/bitterness"......this is called "labelling". this is putting a label on my concerns and feelings and trivializing them and putting them down. you are putting my story down.

[avman]

This thread now locked since both of you ignored my warnings about respect