Got a letter from the ex

[Anthony M]

Hello, I've been reading these forums for a while and I decided to post. I started NC almost 2 weeks ago and today I got a letter from my ex. It basically says she still loves me, thinks about me all the time and still needs time to get her life back together before we can get back together. We were together for 2 years.

 

For almost the 2 weeks of NC I didn't answer her texts, emails and phone calls. I must say that after reading the letter it felt good to hear from her. The question now is what do I do? Do I break NC? In the letter she said she know's she's my soulmate and that I would wait for her to get her life back together before we move in and get married. I don't think she's seeing anyone. In the letter she also said I'm the only one she wants to be with and marry and have kids with, but not right now...

 

It's been almost 5 months since we broke up and I started NC almost 2 weeks ago. Before that we would talk, go on a few dates and just have sex. After a month of that I realized she was just using me for sex so I got mad and told her I needed an answer if she wants to be with me or not. We agreed to get back together only to find out 4 days later she wasn't giving me 100%. She would blow me off on the weekends for her friends and leave me hanging. I got fed up and told her I needed to walk away from her and to see what life is without me...and now I got this letter in my mailbox.

[emma34]

The ony real reason I can see to break the NC would be if you wanted to get back together.

[kellbell]

Continue with the NC. She only wrote you the letter and beared her soul to get a reaction out of you because you didn't answer any of her texts, phone calls, emails, this is her last resort. If you feel better off without her and feel good about your decision for NC, then I wouldn't call her. Good luck and take care.

[heloladies21]

Stay in NC. She still doesn't know what she wants yet and unless she knows she wants you back 100% right now, you don't want her in your life. Continue to move on emotionally and start talking to other girls.

[coooolsome]

Yeah, stay NC. She is panicking b/c she thinks she is going to lose you and wants a reaction from you to make sure she still has you on a string. If you continue NC then you shall get your answer on whether she wants to be with you or not.

[Derek]

Stay NC for longer, wait for a second letter even...

 

Didn't sound like you wanted to get back together anyway, but if you weaken and send something to her, make it short and with info about how your life is moving now, nothing about the past, don't fall into arguing about old issues, just keep looking forward. Don't open the relationship can of worms until both of you are over the emotions and can speak with perspective and be rational about it.

[Anthony M]

Thanks for the responses. I do want her back. I've been fighting so hard to get her back for the past 4 1/2 months! But I figured out my problem: I was trying too hard. I was being pushy and needy. One day I think we're fine and the next we're not. She did state in the letter she's afraid of losing me.

 

I will continue NC as long as it takes for her to realize what life is without me.

[Anthony M]

I got a text this morning from her saying "I hope you read my letter I meant every word." It's been 4 days since she dropped off the letter at my house.

 

What makes me mad is in the letter she didn't even give me a hint of us getting back together now. She kept bringing up the past and the future. She said she remembers what we once had and what we will have in the future. She said in the future we will be happy and have a family. The question is how can we be together and happy in the future if we dont' have anything now?

 

I have yet to break NC. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks.

[heloladies21]

how can we be together and happy in the future if we dont' have anything now?

 

You're smart for recognizing, you can't. Stick to NC and keep getting stronger. She's still confused so let her figure things out on her own, but plan on moving on emotionally. Bring some female competition into the picture and it will help your state of mind.

[Anthony M]

Thanks, helo. I got another text this morning saying "Do you not feel the same about anything that was in the letter or do you not care?"

 

Now this makes me mad too. I don't care? I've been jumping thru hoops and loops to get her back for 5 months and she's telling me I don't care? It's been 15 days so for of NC and I will not break it.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

You are doing great, she is acting like this because you have not contacted her about the letter. You said so yourself, you tried everything you could to get her back for almost 5 months and then you realized it's not worth it anymore. Then when you finally decide to move on and do what's right for yourself, she write a letter. I am sure she meant every word but she is writing the letter for the wrong reasons. Notice how she talks about the past and the future but not the present. The present is important. You are doing just fine and continue with NC. Take care and all the best to you.

[Anthony M]

Thanks, Kell. This is the longest I've gone without talking to her in over 5 months so she's dieing for a response and waiting for me to give in.

[Derek]

I am curious what other people think.

 

He does want her back, but in this case, he wants to be sure they start on an even playing field right?

 

When does that line occur?

 

Derek

[heloladies21]

At the very least it will take a phone call. It will take persistance by her and an aloof attitude by him otherwise it won't work out.

[Anthony M]

At the very least it will take a phone call. It will take persistance by her and an aloof attitude by him otherwise it won't work out.

 

But if I'm using NC how will I know she would do that if I'm not answering her calls? A voice mail asking me to call her back maybe? Would should the voice mail say?

 

I got a text from her at 5:45 this morning and it woke me up. She said she had a strange dream about me. First it's the letter(s) now it's dreams?

 

Sunday will be 3 weeks of NC. I haven't broken it still.

[heloladies21]

It should say something like "Give me a call because we really need to talk about us" or something to give you the idea that she's changed her mind and you should still be on guard. It will have to be very clear, but she's still confused and hasn't given you anything concrete yet.

 

Only when you feel strong enough you could let her get through, but very superficial level conversation and cut it short only after a few minutes. She should chase you and it should be like you don't have time for her unless she's serious about getting you back.

[Anthony M]

She sent me a text this morning wanting to know if we can go to the movies this weekend. This isn't exactly what I'm looking for. I'm still in NC. Sunday will be 3 weeks.

[Beaker78]

well its kinda a start, I really dont think that NC is the best option i know she aint came out and said that she wants to get back together now but she does still see a future so at least there is that But be very wary of what she has to say but to be honest in this case it looks like she is looking for some control so what i suggest is that you say YES lets go to the movies but you pick the film and end the night before she does and dont talk about getting back together before she does.....

 

Or dont do nothing and let her stew some more

[Anthony M]

well its kinda a start, I really dont think that NC is the best option i know she aint came out and said that she wants to get back together now but she does still see a future so at least there is that But be very wary of what she has to say but to be honest in this case it looks like she is looking for some control so what i suggest is that you say YES lets go to the movies but you pick the film and end the night before she does and dont talk about getting back together before she does.....

 

Or dont do nothing and let her stew some more

 

Thanks, but going to the movies isn't exactly going to fix everything and it's not the response I'm looking for. I chased her for 5 months and she expects me to give in when she wants to go to the movies? I threw all my cards on the table and told her what I want. Either we're together or we're not. It's black and white. There is no grey in between.

 

I think I'll make her stew some more She has to realize what life is without me. She has to realize I can't run to her everytime she has time for me or whenever it's convenient for her to see me.

[kellbell]

Anthony,

 

You have come sooo far! I am proud of ya! Yes, you are right, you really put yourself out there to get her back for 5 months and then she expects that going to the movies is going to fix things or act like nothing happened. Yes, it's going to take more than that. And even if she does put more out there doesn't necesarrily mean you have to take it into consideration or take her back. If you are ready, I would start talking to others girls.

[Anthony M]

Update:

 

Yesterday was 3 weeks of NC until this morning. I didn't notice my phone ring until I looked at it and it said missed call. I checked and it was her, she called me from her work. She left a voicemail saying she wanted to talk to me. I called her back a half hour later and she sounded surprised over the phone. She was all smiles and giggles and was happy to hear my voice for the first time in over 3 weeks.

 

She asked me how I was and what I've been doing. After about a minute of that I asked her what the real reason was for calling me. We started talking about us and the letter. I told her what she should of done was come to my house, ring my door bell and slap in the face instead because that was what her letter was: a slap in the face. She said she never intdended it to be like that and bla bla bla. I told her that there was nothing new in the letter from what she's been telling me back in June and how all she talked about was the past and the future and not the present. I told her how can we be happy in the future if we don't have anything now? She replied by saying, "what, you're telling me we have nothing now?" Of course not! I asked her if she's happy and she said no. I said how are you supposed to be happy in the future if you're not happy now? She paused..

 

The conversation lasted about 6 mins until I hung up on her. I got so fed up with her bull**it I couldn't take it any more. I told her I wasted 5 months of my life for nothing only for her to tell me to wait for her. She came back with the, "If you were my soulmate you would wait for me, that's what true love is" line. Wrong!! Her going out with her friends to clubs every weekend for the past 5 months while I sit at home and wait for her is true love? Her going out and having the time of her life to get her life together while mine falls apart is true love? At that point I had enough and right before I hung up on her I told her, "I'm done" everytime she tried to talk over me.

 

20 secs later I get a text saying, "For the first time you showed me our love was never true. Sorry I wasted 2 years of your life." I text her back, "Have a nice life." She replied, "Like I said our love was never true." I didn't responde to her.

 

She expected our conversation to go nice and smooth and probably ask me to go out sometime or whatever, but I put my foot down. Does she think going for coffee would fix everything or something? I'm not mad at all for breaking NC, actually I feel pretty good because I had the last word. I basically told her I don't need her in my life any more and I refuse to "wait" any longer. Now I sit back and see how long it takes for it to hit her, the fun part. She did state in her letter that she was afraid of losing me.

 

Any predictions?

[heloladies21]

No way to know how she'll react or how far she'll go to win back your affections if that's what she decides, but your reaction was definitely a good sign as to your healing.

 

What she's askng you to do is completely ridiculous and you should be mad. Really plan on this being over and move on with yours. It would be her job to convince you out of it.

[kellbell]

Way to go Anthony! See how NC has helped you? You went 3 whole weeks without talking to her, almost a full month. During that time, you have gotten your strength back, had time to think, reflect, and bascially get your dignity back. Had you not done 3 weeks of NC, you might have fallen for that jive she told you yesterday.

 

Anthony, you found out the truth, I mean you practically had to twist her arm but you were able to see the situation for what it is, she expected you to wait for her while she feels her oats and then has the gall to define that as true love.

 

Case and point folks, this is a classic example of why NC is very important. There is nothing wrong with putting your foot down, there is nothing wrong with thinking of your feelings and needs first (especially when the other person broke up with you), there is nothing wrong with being assertive about what you want. Take charge of your life. Good job Anthony, I truly wish the best for you.