Tricky Situation

[anonymous_girl]

Ok this doesn't sound too admirable but its reality. I just found out I'm 2 and a half months pregnant. 2 and a half months ago I had sex with two guys in the same day. One during the day and one I met later when I went out at night. I didn't use a condom with either of them because I we didn't have one. I havn't had sex with anyone else for a 3-week period before and after this day so I'm fairly positive it is one of those two guys. I know one of them slightly more of aquantainces but I havn't talked to him in a while. The other one I know some of his friends so I could contact him even though I don't really know him. I was drunk when this happened so it wasn't exactly meaningful sex. Anyway, I'm getting an abortion point blank since I'm sixteen and I don't want this to mess up my life. I am in general very smart, straight A student, except for this so having a child would be devasting to my future big time. The problem is should I tell these guys what I am doing? How does someone say your probably the father but I did someone else about 6 hours beforehand so maybe not. Is it worth telling them if I'm getting it aborted ASAP? For guys would you want to know?

[annie24]

Hi and welcome to eNotalone.

 

Wow - That's quite a situation! Honestly, I don't think I'd tell either of them. Now, normally, I'm for telling the father before you have an abortion, but, you're not sure even which one the father is! You're right - this is an awkward conversation, "I'm pregnant, you might be the father, but you might also not be the father. But it doesn't matter, because I'm getting an abortion."

 

Yeah, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say a word. And I think from now on, you should use birth control.

 

Good luck

[PavPPZ1]

Get an abortion sweetheart,

 

the alternative is flipping a coin, and there's your father

 

there's no easy answer to this question but sometimes fate decides what happens, and in this case you are the bringer of fate.

 

In your hands, you hold the fate of that unborn child, will he grow up, and be a great person, or shall he/she be cut down before ever whitnessing a ray of light. Or, you decide the fate of an unsuspecting father, who may or may not be.

 

There is no right answer, unfortunateley this choice will have to be about what you want. Good luck

[kellbell]

Wow, that is a tricky situation. Well, according to what you believe in, there are serveral options for you. Like if you wanted to terminate the pregnancy, give the baby up for adoption, or keep it and raise it. I would talk to someone you trust or maybe call like a hotline for help and guidence because I'd honestly don't know what I would do in your situation. I believe the father has the right to know because legally, he is also responsible for this baby. A paternity test will tell you who the father is. But I strongly think you should talk to an adult you trust and call a hotline to better explain your options. You are very young and this a lifechanging event. Take care and good luck in whatever you decide.

[RayKay]

Hmm....definitely a tricky situation.

 

Normally I am all for telling the father that you are pregnant, and deciding together what you are going to do (this conversation is better before you get pregnant to make sure you are on same page!) however in this case you don't even know which it may be...so what are you going to tell them really - it might be yours, but it might not be? But it does not matter as I am getting an abortion, and you really have no say as it might NOT be?

 

And you cannot get a paternity test in utero without serious risks (and I don't think you can get one too early either).

 

I do however thing most men would want to know. But not if they don't have any input in to it either...so again, I am not sure.

 

Have you talked to a doctor yet, because at 2.5 months, you are nearing towards the end of the trimester you CAN get an abortion.

 

I can't tell you what to do - any decision you face is going to be hard to do, search your heart and soul for the answer for you.

[PocoDiablo]

If it were one guy, I would tell him.

 

If it's two guys, you are going to put one guy through unneccesary worrying. They should both have used condoms, obviously, but you also should have required one.

 

I think you've learned your lesson, so just learn from it and move on.

 

And be careful - there are only a small number of abortions you can have safely. Abortion cannot be used as a birth control method. After something like 5-8 you cannot have any more due to scarring. My friend found this out the hard way and was forced to keep her last pregnancy.

 

Advice from my dad:

------------------------------

"Think."

 

"Never screw anyone you wouldn't want to marry."

[RayKay]

And be careful - there are only a small number of abortions you can have safely. Abortion cannot be used as a birth control method. After something like 5-8 you cannot have any more due to scarring. My friend found this out the hard way and was forced to keep her last pregnancy.

 

 

In my opinion, using abortion as a "birth control" method is more then just dangerous due to complications, it is just SICK and careless.

 

Why wouldn't you just get on some birth control - use pills, condoms. Both PREVENTATIVES and safer, more humane, and more responsible.

 

Sorry, I AM pro-choice, but using abortion as a regular form of birth control just sickens me. Sometimes pregnancy occurs even with precautions, sometimes just out of stupidity and so I believe in having choice - but if you are having repeat episodes of stupidity, it's time to reconsider what you are doing.

[Beec]

If I were either guy and if you mind was made up to have the abortion, then I would not want to know.

 

This is a situation where telling them that they might be the father does what for them besides imposes guilt. And you don't know if it is imposed on the one it should be, although something tell me both should have some too. Do you want them both to come hold you hand during the procedure? I'd hope not. If it was one guy, I'd expect him to be there.

[BellaDonna]

I think in this case, what they don't know won't hurt them. Plus, you've already made your decision- so really there is no point in telling, especially when you don't know who the father is.

 

If you plan on getting an abortion- please do so quickly- don't wait until you're past the first trimester.

 

Also, be sure to get on some type of birth control ....so something like this will not happen again. You should also get tested for STD's if you had unprotected sex with 2 different men.

 

 

BellaDonna

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I definitely agree that you should not contact either potential dad. All it would do is complicate things, and you are deadset on an abortion anyway, so if one of them is sensitive about it, this news will really mess them up. Basically, don't open a can of worms.

 

The cavalier attitude toward abortion is disturbing. An abortion might be a solution to the 'problem' growing within you right now, but it's not going to fix everything. What's even more disturbing is that you were drunk and having unprotected sex with 2 guys in one day at 16 years old. Well, not a little disturbing...it's very disturbing. You're a smart girl, so I wonder why you would participate in such high-risk behaviors. Have you been to counselling? Is your family life ok?

 

I just hope that you're ok and that you've learned something from this. And I hope you've seriously considered the gravity of having this abortion...remember that adoption is also a viable option. Make sure you've considered all options before you terminate this pregnancy...you don't want to do something you'll regret later.

 

Good luck,

Phreckles

[Day_Walker]

If you have already made up your mind about getting your pregnancy terminated then I dont see the point in telling them. The guys arent closely associated with you. The easiest thing would be to not tell them, I cant see any benefit they would bring to the situation.

[lillady898]

I agree with phrecklesrsexy 100%.

 

I really hope you've considered other options other than abortion. Please be more safe in the future, whether by use of birth control or (even better) by abstaining.

[Dako]

Wouldn't it be useful for a young man to know his casual sex caused a pregnancy? It may cause him to consider birth control next time.

[BellaDonna]

Wouldn't it be useful for a young man to know his casual sex caused a pregnancy? It may cause him to consider birth control next time.

 

She doesn't know whose child it is, and if she has an abortion- there's no way to tell. She'll have to tell both guys then. So while I see your point- One of these 2 guys will inevitably be stressed about it when it's not even his kid.

 

 

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

I agree that they shouldn't be told.

 

Both guys were acting irresponsibly.

Fatherhood was potentially launched by both.

She'll probably learn from this crisis, but sadly, they won't.

[Beec]

I also see Dako's point in that it could be either one of these guys kids. So while it may not be his, maybe he should still learn the lesson.

 

However, I would also be worried about another aspect of this for the orginal poster. I would not like to endure the consequences to her reputation of saying what she did. She might not be known as the girl who had sex with two guys one the same day. Telling the guys the story makes that more likely.

[BellaDonna]

However, I would also be worried about another aspect of this for the orginal poster. I would not like to endure the consequences to her reputation of saying what she did. She might not be known as the girl who had sex with two guys one the same day. Telling the guys the story makes that more likely

 

Very true. Also abortion is not something you want attached to your reputation either.

 

I think she should take this as a hard lesson learned and be very cautious in the future. For her own well being- I don't think she should feel obliged to tell them, despite whatever lesson they may learn. Ultimately she needs to look out for herself, especially if neither guy meant anything to her, and she's already dead set in her decision.

 

 

BellaDonna

[anonymous_girl]

Thanks for your replies. I've decided I'm not going to tell either of the guys and I'm scheduling an abortion for next week.

 

I also think it would better because I would prefer if nobody found out. Except for my close friends almost everyone thinks I'm a "good girl". lillady898 I can't even consider adoption because my parent can't find out under any circumstances. Besides I'm in grade 12 so I can't let this mess up my grades. I was only worried before that it might be some horrible sin if I did this without the father knowing but it apears most guys would just get messed up by it and wouldn't want to know.

 

Also those who say I shouldn't be using abortion as a form of birth control I'm not. This is the first time I have been pregnant and I have been sexually active for 2 years regularily so I have almost always used birth control but we were both drunk and didn't have a condom and sometimes its hard to pull the plug once your already started.

[kellbell]

Well, hugs and prayers to you. I know this couldn't have been an easy decision for you. Maybe this is for the best. Good luck to you.

[Maria1980]

I would tell them, its not fair for the one that is the father, that he donest know that he made a girl pregnant.. but itsyour choice

[lillady898]

lillady898 I can't even consider adoption because my parent can't find out under any circumstances.

 

Your parents don't know?...

[HElovesyou]

HI, I was in your shoes when I was 15. I know it is scary and seems like a dream.

 

I know that it is not the poplular vote, and I am not some fanatic, but I am speaking from experiance.

 

Your a smart girl and realise that this pregnancy is part of another person too......I know it sucks that you dont know who, but you are right to want to have someone else involved in this.

 

I wish I could talk to you in person so that you would know what I went through too. I was also an A student. The golden child. But knowledge is nothing if not applied to life

 

Most people, regardless of age don't take into consideration what causes us to make the desicions we do. It makes sense that you slept with 2 guys because your hormones were telling your body it was fertilty time...giddy up!

 

There are all sorts of things like hormones and chemicals that cause physical reactions. You need to really think clearly, think about the future.

 

This is going to change your life one way or the other. If you have an abortion you will always wonder who the father is and what if...i promise you that. If you have the baby you will have a year of distraction from who you are in school etc. But, any phyciatrist in the world will tell you that there is a whole scope of things that will happen to you after an abortion. This will not just go away.

 

Just think for a moment. There are a thousand people out there that would do anything for a baby. That same sick feeling you have when you realise that you are in this situation is what these women feel every month realising they will never carry a child, and can never give their husbands a lineage. I am not being romantic here. THere is alot of human experiance beyond youth that will leave you wondering what may have been.

 

Life is not about searching the easiest route, it is about becoming a wise, fullfilled person by seeing that we can survive pain and hardship.

 

I hope that i made some kind of sense to you. I have been in your shoes. There are hundereds of adoption facility available, find one that loves you, and they will, and allow yourself to touch someones life so deeply, so intimately that you will never be the same.

 

When the babe is born you will be able to see in his/her face who the father is, and you will have that closure.

 

Or have an abortion, and never know what really happened, what could have happened.

 

I have lived this my self. The abortion providers are not going to be there for you when the pain hits....and it will find you at sometime in your life. An adoption family would give thier life to love you right now.

 

Trust me I know.